Waking up was a stepwise process. The first thing Rodney became aware of were sounds, indistinct and muffled. They penetrated the white haze he was comfortably floating in. Rodney tried to ignore them. He liked the white, warm dream. It reminded him of Antarctica, in a way. The noises grew louder, more persistent. They started to separate. Rhythmical beeping, voices, humming.
"I think he is coming 'round." A voice said. It sounded familiar.
"Dr. McKay? Can you wake up?" Another voice, female this time asked. She sounded worried.
The voices made Rodney's head ache, but they wouldn't go away.
"Do you think we should get Dr. Beckett?" More chatter.
"Yes. He seems to be in great pain." The woman spoke again.
There were footsteps and then another voice joined them.
"Rodney? It's me, Carson. Can you open your eyes for a little bit?" There was a hand on his wrist.
Maybe they'd shut up, if he'd give them what they wanted. Rodney opened his eyes. When all he could see where blurred shadows, panic welled up inside him. Now he remembered, a console had blown up in his face.
"My eyes!" Rodney croaked, the sound of his voice surprising him.
The beeping started to increase wildly.
"Calm down, Rodney. Relax. Your sight will get better. This is only temporary. Do you understand?" Carson would tell him later about the infection in his left eye. For now, Rodney needed to rest and heal.
Rodney nodded. "Yes. Water?"
The shadow moved to the side, and then something touched his lips.
"Here you go. Small sips." Carson offered him water. "How is the pain?"
"Face, hands and chest." Rodney whispered.
"Yeah, I thought as much. You were burned in the blast."
Images of burn victims with horrible scars flashed through Rodney's mind. The shock must have shown on his face, because Carson put a hand on Rodney's shoulder and went to reassure him.
"The burns were only first and second degree. You were lucky. Your skin will heal fine." Telling Rodney about the scarring on his face could wait until the scientist was better. Right now Rodney's face looked terrible, raw and red, littered with blistered and cuts.
When Teyla and Ford had come to see Rodney shortly after he'd been brought in, Ford had shrunk back when he'd first seen him. But both had stayed ever since, watching silently over their team mates. Carson had had to chase them in the evening, otherwise they wouldn't have rested. Ford was still in the infirmary, he wasn't bouncing back as quickly as Teyla had and a slight infection had set in. The infection had forced them to halt their efforts at physical therapy as they had barely begun. For now, the Lieutenant had to make do with a wheelchair. Fortunately for him, his many visitors didn't mind taking him for the occasional trip around the City. Carson knew it was hard for the young man to be stuck in the infirmary for such a long time only with prospects of a long and hard recovery in his future.
Teyla had really been a help at keeping Aiden's spirits up, busying him with conversations, games and even Athosian folk tales. Carson was wondering whether helping Aiden through this wasn't part of what made Teyla seem so at peace with her sudden disability. Carson and Elizabeth had suggested Teyla go see Dr. Heigthtmeyer, but the Athosian had declined politely, but firmly. Since she was adjusting well to her new situation, Carson had not brought up the subject again. He wasn't sure Kate would be of much help in Teyla's case. Teyla's people lived in the shadow of the Wraith and had done so for thousands of years. They had remained on the hunter-gather level, being constantly on the run from the Wraith. The Wraith were a force of nature in the Pegasus Galaxy. The Athosians knew about the fragility of life and the reality of loss.
On Earth, the humans had considered themselves invincible. Until the Stargate had first been opened, no one had known that there were civilisations much more powerful out there. They still hadn't fully realized how small they really were.
oOo
When Rodney woke for the second time, Teyla and Aiden were still sitting at his bedside. The familiar voices drew him to consciousness as the blackness slowly faded.
"Your move." Aiden's voice sounded.
Rodney's senses started clearing. He became aware of numb pain across his upper body and realized that he was on pain medication. There were beeping sounds farther away in the distance. No more heart monitor for him.
"Three to the left and one up. I will cover three of your stones, I believe." Teyla said somewhere above Rodney.
"You're right. I think you are winning again." Ford complained, but his tone was light.
Rodney worked to open his eyes and the ceiling came into view. It was still blurred, but clearer than it had been the last time he'd been awake. Maybe Carson had been right after all and this was temporary. Rodney turned his head to get a better look at his team mates. The movement had been a bad idea, searing pain shot through his neck. He yelped in pain, his hand shooting up to his neck.
"Dr. McKay?" Teyla called his name. A hand caught his and forced it away from his neck.
"I think you should leave that for now." Ford said and released his hand. Rodney tried to breathe while waiting for the pain to diminish.
He didn't notice Carson approach. When he saw a new face appear above him, he was confused at first.
"Good to see you awake again, Rodney." Carson said. "Can you tell me how you are doing?"
"Hurts." Rodney said simply.
"All right. We cut back on your meds earlier today for you to wake up. I can give you something if the pain is too bad. How is your vision?"
"Better, but still blurry." Rodney replied.
"That's good. You have some swelling to your corneas. Until that goes down, you won't see too well."
Rodney nodded. He didn't care, as long as he'd see again eventually. He was getting tired again. But there was one more thing he needed to know.
"John?"
"Still unconscious. But I'm confident he'll wake up soon. Dr. Biro ran an MRI earlier today and it came back clear. The EEG is looking good, too."
"Tell when he wakes up." Rodney pleaded. He needed to be there, no matter what happened.
"I will. Now you need to rest." Carson said and rearranged the blanket around Rodney. Rodney closed his eyes and immediately drifted off to sleep. Carson watched Rodney for a while longer before turning to the opposite row of beds.
Ford and Teyla looked up from there game when they heard him approach.
"Dr. Beckett, how is he doing?" Teyla asked, concerned lining her voice.
"He's making progress. At the moment, he's still hurting pretty bad, but he's going to get better." Carson assured her. "Now, I have some news for the both of you. We ran every blood test we could and didn't find anything indicating the presence of a virus or toxin of any kind. You were lucky; the dog creatures that attacked you on the planet could easily transmitted disease."
"That's good. I guess." Aiden said quietly.
"Aye, it's good all right. But I was hoping to find a clue as to why Teyla's vision hasn't returned yet. There are a number of viral infections and toxins that can cause blindness, but so far nothing. I'm sorry, Teyla."
Teyla tilted her head. "You did what you could, doctor. Thank you for your efforts."
"I just wish I had better news for you. Still, I'd like you to repeat some tests with Dr. Kang. There are some possibilities we haven't covered yet. The chances are pretty slim, but I'd feel better if we made sure that there is nothing we have overlooked." Carson proposed.
Teyla hesitated. "I do not wish to take up your time and resources. You have other patients that need your attention more than I do. Do not blame yourself for not finding an answer this time." Teyla replied softly.
Carson nodded and left. He would not push the Athosian further.
oOo
Dr. Jamison looked up to the two waiting marines.
"I think we are ready. The replacement crystals we brought from Atlantis should do the trick. Once we access the central computer, we should get some idea what we are dealing with here." She announced.
"Are you sure it's save, doctor? When Dr. McKay powered up the system, he got blown up pretty badly. Wouldn't want that to happen again." Sergeant Stackhouse said.
"No. Dr. McKay connected an external power array to bridge the crystals. The array wasn't intended to handle the kind of power that runs through the crystals, causing it to overload. The crystals are stable enough, it's perfectly save." She declared.
"Go ahead then." Stackhouse tapped his radio. "Attention everyone. We are getting ready to reactivate the systems. Back up from any computer systems."
"Okay." Dr. Jamison reactivated the central computer. The big screen looming overhead sprang to life and displays filled with Ancient characters. Dr. Jamison tapped a few keys and the display changed to an outline of the compound.
"That looks pretty vast." Stackhouse commented.
"You are right, Sergeant. It's about a quarter the size of Atlantis and completely underground."
She tapped more keys and white dots appeared on the display of the outpost.
"Our people are the only life signs registering."
"How about the ZPM, we could really use one." Stackhouse asked.
"Let me see. About three quarters powered, but it's drawing a lot of power at the moment and I don't know why. We are not exactly using a lot of systems." Dr. Jamison frowned.
"A malfunction?" Stackhouse suggested.
"Possibly. For some reason, one of the control crystal of the central computer was removed, shutting down the whole compound."
"Sabotage?" Stackhouse asked.
"Or the Wraith." Dr. Jamison said darkly.
"They'd leave behind bodies, wouldn't they?" Stackhouse asked, not sounding too convinced.
oOo
Elizabeth knew she was in trouble as soon as she saw Carson heading towards her office. She sighed. She had totally forgotten to check in with him in the afternoon. Checking her watch, she realized that it was already two hours past dinner time. She hadn't even noticed how time had passed. It had been afternoon by the time the team around Dr. Kavanaugh had finally been ready to power down the Gate. Elizabeth hoped that the logistical effort would pay off since they couldn't use their own Gate, the ten man team plus equipment had travelled to the Alpha site. Dr. Kavanaugh had run some last checks, then they'd powered down the Gate. That had been six hours ago. Eighteen more hours before they'd power the Gate up again. Although the only one off-world at the moment was Radek, Elizabeth felt unsettled with the Gate disconnected.
"Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth looked up. She'd been lost in thought and hadn't even noticed Carson coming in.
"Carson. I'm sorry. I wanted to come by, but I forgot. There is always just one more thing I have to take care of. This Ancient outpost you found could really be the key to defeating the Wraith..."
"Elizabeth!" Carson cut her off. "When was the last time you ate?"
Elizabeth startled. She had never heard the normally friendly doctor use this tone before.
"Breakfast, I think."
"You're coming with me. I thought as leader of this expedition you were smart enough to take care of yourself, but obviously you aren't." Carson said harshly.
Elizabeth got up, shoulders slumped in defeat. She did feel tired, but she could hardly recall the last time she hadn't felt the strain of exhaustion. It had started soon after Kolya. Dreams, sleepless nights, and then working nights. It had become a habit.
Elizabeth followed Carson along to corridors, expecting that they were going to the infirmary. When Carson led them to the cafeteria, she was positively surprised.
It was after dinner time and aside from two scientists at a far table, the cafeteria was deserted. Private Deroche waved to them from behind the counter when they came in.
"Anything left from dinner?" Carson asked the young man.
Deroche shook his head. "I'm afraid not. But I got some soup boiling for the night shift. Tava beans and soomi roots. Think sweet potatoes and beans."
When Caron winced, Deroche went on.
"It tastes better than it looks. Unfortunatly we don't have much variety in food supplies right now." Deroche looked apologetic. "We should get some meat in by the end of the week."
"As long as we have something on the table, I guess we should be glad." Carson considered. "Give us two bowls. Any bread left?"
Deroche filled two metal bowls with the thick greenish soup. "We don't have bread, but there are still a few crates of ration crackers left. I can get you a box."
"That'd be great." Carson replied.
Five minutes later, he and Elizabeth were seated at a table, a bowl a soup, crackers and tea in front of each of them. Elizabeth was gnawing at a single cracker, leaving the soup untouched.
"What's on your mind?" Carson asked, breaking the silence.
"It's nothing." Elizabeth said distractedly. "I'm just doing my job."
"Elizabeth, you're running yourself into the ground. You won't talk to Kate. Who are you going to talk to?" Carson asked, hoping to get through to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth put down the cracker. She didn't feel like eating anymore. "I don't think talking will help. You can't solve every problem by talking about it."
"Aye, that's true. And there are some problems we can't solve, no matter what we do." Carson said softly.
"You are talking about Radek?" Elizabeth looked at Carson.
"In medicine we don't always find the answers we are looking for. I haven't given up yet, but it doesn't look like we'll be able to remove the implant from Radek's brain. Not without causing irreparable damage. Even with the help of Ancient technology, we can't solve every problem."
"I know, I mean...I understand that. But we can't leave him out there for the Wraith to find." Elizabeth said, burying her face in her hands.
"Have you been worrying about him?" Carson asked.
"I don't know how I can sleep at night knowing that we left one of our own on an alien planet for the Wraith to find. We might just have killed Radek ourselves."
"That's not true. You didn't have a choice." Carson insisted.
"That doesn't make it any easier. How big is the risk if you remove the implant?"
"There isn't just a risk. There will definitely permanent damage if we remove the implant using conventional methods. I believe that the results with the Ancient equipment will be substantially better, but I don't feel confident using that technology on a patient." Carson admitted.
"There might be no alternative. It's better than letting him being culled by the Wraith. The nearest ship is about two days away from the pirate planet. We don't have much time. As soon as we have the Gate back in operation, I want you to present Radek with his options." Elizabeth replied.
"I will run some more tests; hopefully I will have more facts to give him. But you should really eat your soup before it goes completely cold." Carson said.
"Is it edible?" Elizabeth said jokingly.
"If you are hungry enough, it's not bad." Carson replied honestly. Without contact to Earth and a way to restock their supplies, they would have to get used to the native foods.
oOo
Rodney was picking at his food. He wasn't really hungry. With his hands wrapped in gauze, his movements were clumsy and painful. Listlessly, he dropped the spoon. He really didn't like red jell-o. If it had been blue, he might just have eaten it. Carson hadn't allowed coffee just had, even though the substitute had hardly any caffeine. The Athosian tea was really disgusting. Rodney pushed his tray away. He laid back and closed his eyes, willing himself back to sleep. He didn't want to be awake. When he was awake, he was in pain, he had to think about Sheppard who was unconscious two beds away, he had to think about Radek who was alone on an alien planet and he had to think about how he had spectacularly failed them both.
"Hey doc, want to swap jell-o? I got blue." The cheerful voice for Ford interrupted Rodney's attempt at sleeping. He opened his eyes and saw Ford wheeling towards him.
"I'm not hungry." Rodney mumbled. He didn't feel like talking.
"You really need to eat. You are starting to look like the major." Ford joked.
"Listen Aiden, I appreciate the effort, but I'm trying to sleep." Rodney snapped.
Ford wasn't to be deterred. "I'm not leaving. Now eat the jell-o." He thrust the bowl into Rodney's hands and handed him a spoon.
Rodney grimaced, but started eating. His hands were shaking by the time he finished the bowl, but he only spilled a few spoons. Embarrassed, he looked down his front. He hated showing weakness in front of the lieutenant. Ford didn't comment, but smiled.
"Teyla is coming by later. We have been playing Yraje; it's an Athosian board game. She beats me every time. Now she wants to learn how to play chess. I told her you could teach her. Don't make a liar out of me, doc." Ford said.
"I think you'll have to find another teacher." Rodney groaned. "I'm sure Carson knows how to play."
"I bet you'd win the Atlantis Chess Tournament, doc. All you need to do as tell me where to put the pieces. You don't need your hands for that."
"There is not getting away from you, is there?" Rodney groused. He might just humour Ford. It'd beat staring at the ceiling all day.
"I knew you'd say yes." Aiden grinned wildly.
"Say yes to what? Rodney needs rest. In bed." Carson approached them from behind.
"You have a busy day ahead of you, Lieutenant." Carson turned to Aiden. "If your white blood cell count continues to normalize, you can start with your physical therapy again. It's time to get you walking again."
"Yeah, I'm getting tired of my wheels here." Aiden agreed.
"Now off to your bed, I need to check over Rodney." Carson shooed away Aiden.
Carson turned to Rodney.
"How are you this morning?"
"Everything hurts pretty badly and I can hardly use my hands. But my vision a lot better."
"Your hands are going to heal, along with the rest of your burns; it's just going to take some time. I need to take a look at your eyes."
Carson examined Rodney's right eye, then removed the bandage from his left eye.
"There is some pretty bad swelling, but so far, it looks like the infection is at least not getting any worse. I might have to make some adjustment to your antibiotics."
Rodney recalled a vague memory of Carson leaning over him, saying something about swelling and that his vision was going to be all right.
"Infection? I don't recall you telling me about this before." Rodney asked, starting to have that sinking feeling in his stomach.
"You were still pretty sedated when you first woke up...I didn't want to stress you any more than necessary after what you'd been through."
"You are starting to scare me there. Carson. How serious is this infection?" Rodney asked, feeling the first inklings of panic.
"At the moment, the infection is under control. But it could be serious if we can't find a way to deal with it. Your optic nerve could be damaged, causing total or partial blindness on your left eye. If the infection gets out of control, it could reach other systems and lead to sepsis, but that possibility is remote at the moment." Carson honestly replied.
"What exactly are those chances?" Rodney wanted to know.
"I can't give you the numbers. I don't think you are headed for septic shock." Carson said.
Rodney closed his eyes. He could live with this. Being blind on one eye wasn't the end. He could still work in the lab, but he wouldn't be able to go on missions again. But there wasn't a team left anyways. Teyla was blind, Sheppard was still unconscious and Ford would be out of commission for months to come. Still, he'd miss going to other planets.
TBC