Chapter 3: Rules, Roses, and Role Models
"What?" Everyone, including Malfoy, said in complete shock.
"I'm sorry Ginny," She repeated, actually looking a little sorry.
I couldn't believe it. My own mother, the woman who brought me into this world, who cherished and loved me, who carefully tended every scrape and bruise, wouldn't respect my wishes and wanted to just kick me out. How could she be so cruel? So heartless? So un-motherly?
"Why?" I finally choked out.
"Because he's right, Ginny. It's time." Mum closed her eyes, and her face scrunched up in pain. I refused to feel sorry for her. "You can't keep living this way. You're just a shadow of yourself, and I can't watch any longer."
"But-but—" Harry stuttered. "I thought we agreed, Ginny could choose where she wanted to live."
"She can." Mum opened her eyes and pierced me with an honest stare. "You can live anywhere you want London, bath, you could even go to America if you wanted! Just not here." Her reasoning became clear. She really thought this would be best for me; she agreed with Malfoy.
He put his hand on my arm and gently extracted me from my families embrace. "I can help you," He whispered. Where else could I go? The bum suggested earlier didn't sound pleasant, but would Malfoy Manor be better? "I can teach you how to cope with your loss."
There was no choice in the end, nothing else I could do but accept. "Thank you, Malfoy."
"It's not a problem." Malfoy didn't smirk at his victory, but neither did he frown in irritation. It was actually a bland expression of nothing. "I'll wait while you pack."
What had I just agreed to? "You want me to leave tonight? Right now?" He couldn't possibly expect me to pack up everything and leave straight away.
"I'm here now, so if you come with me now, I won't have to make another trip." Malfoy said slowly as if I might not understand.
Well, if he could be detached about all this, then so could I. "Just give me a moment to collect my belongings," I sounded painfully pleasant.
"Just one pair of clothes and something to sleep in, Miss Weasley. We'll go shopping tomorrow for some more suitable items."
"Right." I nodded, trying not to feel insulted. Could this night get any worse?
Up in my room, I found only one small bag to pack in, but then I didn't care all that much for most of my things. A few muggle books and my doll, Lucy, along with the clothes were all I really wanted. The bag weighed practically nothing, and I wished I could truly live with that little baggage. But then the idea of actually living out on my own frightened me, and I took the wish back.
Before I left, I took one last look around my room, at all the toys, clothes, and books from my past. For three years it had been my sanctuary from the outside world. A tear slipped from my eye at the same moment that I saw it, a small bit of white hidden behind my jewelry box.
It was the last gift He had ever given me, a white rose dipped in an everlasting potion. A hand offering the gift was also the only memory I had of that damned year. Why it persisted when all other memories disappeared, I didn't know, but I'd always kept the rose. At the last minute I shoved it in the bag next to Lucy.
Ironic that it should be white, a symbol of purity. Maybe I should have dyed it black. But as many times as that though had occurred to me in the last three years, I'd never acted on it. Maybe that's why the rose sat in the corner, collecting dust far out of my sight. If I didn't see it, then maybe I wouldn't remember it either.
"Alright," I said with confidence as I looked everyone over, daring them to challenge me. "I'm ready."
Mum and Dad nodded with grim resolution, but didn't say anything. Spencer had his hands clasped tightly on Harry's shoulders, the only thing keeping Harry from dragging me back up to my room. Poor Harry, he took the whole thing a little too hard.
"You come and visit anytime." Harry said, and Spencer's knuckles turned a little whiter. "I mean it, anytime."
He looked kind of cute like that, all riled up and upset, just like Ron.
"Come on, Ginny, it's time to go." Malfoy held out his hand, and I took it in one smooth motion.
His hand closed carefully over mine, as if trying to protect something without looking obvious. Long pale fingers worked their way until they comfortably separated mine. And the unfamiliar warmth of being held seeped easily into me. Such kind hands.
That was the last thing I remember from the Burrow, not my Mum and Dad holding each other tearfully or Spencer's acceptance or Harry's longing eyes. No, I remembered Malfoy's hands and how they protected and held onto me.
A loud crack and we arrived at Malfoy Manor. "Don't try to apparate here without me. The wards are keyed to my magical identity so you wouldn't be able to get through. In the morning we can talk about the rules of the house and such."
I did listen as he continued on, but I was a little distracted by his totally huge house. With white stone walls, wide glass windows, and at least three stories, the house looked as if he'd conjured it out of one of my books. It looked like a fairytale.
And the garden! Versailles couldn't have been anything compared to the tiniest bit I could see, glowing in the moonlight. One of the flowers that we passed by was on the verge of blooming, but still not quite sure if it wanted to join the world. A mix of red and purple, it was truly one of a kind, that flower.
"Ginny?" Malfoy gently jerked me towards the house. "We have a big day tomorrow, and you'll need to be well rested for it."
Without a second glace back, I followed him into the house. It didn't matter if I stayed outside or went in, I wasn't going to sleep well anyway.
All the lights were off in the house, except for a few candles lining the foyer. The flickering light cast long shadows through the already dark room. To anyone else it would have looked cold and uninviting; to me it looked wonderful.
"I usually tell the elves not to bother me after midnight." He waved his hand at the emptiness. "Let me show you to one of the guest rooms." With a certain grace that only came with practice and inbreeding, Malfoy ascended the marble staircase in from of us. "Well, come on, you don't want to get lost."
I scurried clumsily up after him. "I never imagined Malfoy Manor to be so-so—" I trailed off in search of the right word.
"Luxurious? Big? Clean? Dark? He suggested, sounding mildly amused.
"No, comfortable. I don't think even my own room felt as safe as here."
"No one has ever said that, not even my father's closest friends... He preferred to strike awe and fear into those who stayed here. Even I have only just recently begun to think of this place as home." The shadows hid his face.
For a little while longer we continued down the hall with only a single candle for light. The shadows moved and whispered to one another as we passed by, as if wondering just why their master had brought such a person into their domain. But I did not feel alienated as some many others must have. Instead it was like a rather strange homecoming, perhaps because in the darkness, I didn't have to face my fears.
Malfoy paused in front of a set of double doors. "You may stay here. Just to the left of the doors is a pull cord if you require any assistance. Good night, Miss Weasley, pleasant dreams."
Someone must have designed the room specifically with me in mind. It had white walls and furniture, just like in all the classic mansions, but everything else was either a deep purple or black—my favorite colors. A canopy bed stood in its own little alcove surrounded by black gauzy drapes that parted as I approached. Silky purple pillow cases and sheets, a comforter made with goose feathers and tiny black flowers embroidered on it, I couldn't ask for a better sanctuary.
"I have a surprise for you." He whispered in my ear and wrapped his hands over my eyes. "I hope you don't mind, but as you've spent so much time here—"
"Silly!" I laughed, and the wind caught the noise, carrying it all over the garden. "Of course I won't mind. I never do!"
The wind blew through the trees, teasing new buds and pulling my hair out of the braids I'd spent so much time on. It had just finished raining; the dirt smelled so clean. An overwhelming scent of roses reached my nose, just blossoming roses.
"I read that if we tend them with love, a white one just might bloom."
"That's only a myth!" I laughed again.
He removed his hands.
A thousand roses climbed through the garden, one thousand generous red and pink roses. They covered everything in the small grove, the trees, the grass, everything.
"Oh my," I gasped. "It's—it's wonderful!"
"I—I hoped you'd like them." He whispered once again in my ear.
"This is exactly what I needed." I sighed happily and leaned against him. "You are the bestest friend ever."
His hands tightened around my waist.
"Miss! Miss! Oh please be waking up Miss!" a squeaky little voice chimed from outside the black gauze. "Miss! Oh! Master is not being very happy now."
The little house elf danced back and forth between her two very short legs and wrung her hands impatiently. It looked very curious tinted black from the gauze. And for a moment I considered letting her dance some more, but that seemed too cruel.
"You don't need to fret too much; I'm awake now." I pushed back the blankets and stepped out into the room. "See?"
"Oh no!" She became even more distressed. "Miss should have wakened Lilla, then Lilla could have found Miss something proper for sleeping. Oh, Lilla is very bad, lazy, stup—"
I clamped my hands across her mouth. "Lilla, I'm like Malfoy in that I don't like to be bothered after midnight either." I stretched and padded across the room in search of my bag. "Oh yea, call me Ginny, not Miss. Where did I leave that bag?"
"This one, Miss?" Lilla asked, holding it up as if it were a priceless gem."
"Oh…yea…"
Lilla quickly opened it and pulled out my scruffy jeans and raggedy tee-shirt. "Miss mustn't wear this! Master is not liking clothes like this! Let Lilla find better!"
"No!" I said harshly and snatched them from her grasp. "I like my clothes." I probably said the words with more force then necessary, but they had the desired affect.
"Of course, Miss," She said meekly with her head bowed down.
"Umm, Lilla? Could you, uh, perhaps—"
"Miss must be very modest," Lilla said with a little giggle. "I will go over there, if you likes, Miss." And then she marched over there, still giggling as I pulled the rough fabric over my head. "Master waits for you in the Breakfast Room."
"Thank you, Lilla." I shimmied into the jeans. "Uh, where is the Breakfast room?"
She smiled at my lack of knowledge and took my hand, sort of like the people who felt sorry for me, but not quite. Lilla just grinned up at me, happy to be useful. "Come with me, Miss. I is going to the Breakfast Room too."
Surprisingly, Malfoy was not seated at the head of the very large, obviously expensive, antique dinning table. But then, neither did I expect him to lounge in his chair, the muggle funnies spread across his lap and a half eaten bowl of Fruit Loops in front of him. It all looked so out of place in the classically decorated room, not to mention with Malfoy's reputation. Who would have thought the Great Malfoy ate children's cereal and read comics?
"Miss Ginny is arrived, Master Draco." Lilla gestured to the chair across from him."
But being the ornery person I am, I chose the power seat, the chair at the head of the table. "Good morning," I said cheerfully as the elves stared, horrified.
Malfoy dropped his spoon in his lap. "Miss Weasley, you startled me," he said slowly while carefully looking me over. "An interesting choice of seats, I thought you might be more comfortable more towards the middle as you don't seem to care for attention. Clearly I was mistaken."
"Clearly." I sipped carefully from the orange juice, only vaguely aware of Malfoy's scrutiny.
"Let's go over the itinerary for the day, shall we, Miss Weasley?" He asked politely enough to put me on guard.
"Of course." Just what was he up to?
"First we must visit my tailor; I have a special order for him. Then off to Madam Milkins for a few every day things," He rambled on a bit, and I zoned out, more interested in the toast then his schedule. "And my hairstylist. Then we'll break shortly for lunch before an appointment at the beautician's. Afterwards, we will return to the Manor for a private meal, and the rest of the evening will be yours to do with as you like." How could he look so damned royal while eating Fruit Loops? "We'll leave immediately after breakfast."
We? Who said anything about a we? He just assumed I would want to follow him around all day! I jumped out of my seat, outraged at his impertinence. "You've got to be kidding! I took off work to follow you around while you have your hair done? I refuse to do it; I have more important things to do!"
"Sit down, Miss Weasley," He commanded. "You will not be following me around as you have stated. These are appointments for you, and I expect you to be civil during them as well."
The chair squeaked as I fell into it. "What? You made appointments for me? Why? I'm not your own little—little dress up doll! I won't do it." I crossed my arms and glared at him. How could he do such a thing? How could he know if I even wanted to do such things? If I did, that is, which I didn't.
He calmly wiped the milk off his upper lip with a cloth napkin. "I'm afraid, Miss Weasley, you don't understand the conditions you must abide by if you wish to stay in my home. You don't have a choice. As long as you live under my roof, you will obey my rules, of which you have already broken many. I was willing to look passed those transgressions, but I will not tolerate rudeness."
Anger fumed inside. How could he make such rules without telling me and then tell me it's my fault I broke rules I didn't even know existed? "I'm leaving." I pushed the chair back.
"You are, of course, free to do so, but if you leave my house Miss Weasley, you will have to make your own way in the world, by yourself." Malfoy stood genteelly as if this was not an argument but a rather enjoyable exchange of pleasantries. "The choice is yours Miss Weasley, so choose carefully." And he smugly left.
So what was I to do? Malfoy wanted me to take on the world, one way or another, by myself or with him pushing me onward. Not much incentive on either side. What would it be like, to live on my own, with no one else to rely on, unable to hide away? What would it be like to have my every breath watched and carefully scrutinized?
'It's time to stop running,' a voice said inside me. 'It's time to see what we can really do.'
But what if the world just chewed me up and spat me back out? What then?
'Would Malfoy really be so heartless as to make you face it alone? It's time to face the world.'
"Miss Weasley, if you is staying, you is going with Master now, to the Leaky Cauldron," Lilla squeaked and pointed towards the door.
Damn that inner voice of mine.
With a deep breath, I walked out into the foyer where Malfoy stood waiting. "Tell me the rules, please."
He grinned and motioned towards the door. "Well be taking the carriage; apparating is a bit too much of a bother. The rules can all be summed up by the first one, which is simply that you are now a Malfoy goddess and should behave accordingly." The happy face disappeared, replaced by something far more serious. "There will be no more childish outbursts like the one you just had. None. Do you understand me?"
For a moment I considered spitting out a one word answer, but that was not what he wanted. If I wanted to survive this day, it would only be by turning my future over to him. "Malfoy, despite my earlier behavior I am quite capable of behaving like an adult, and today is obviously all about me being one." There, it was a promise to be mature and open today. Of course, tomorrow was a whole other day.
"I suppose that will have to do." Malfoy helped me to my seat and then quickly sat down. "Now, the next rule."
During the trip to Diagon Alley, Malfoy regaled me with the other five hundred and eighty-two rules, all of which could indeed be summed up by his goddess lecture. The whole list was rather tedious, involving things like proper decorum and appropriate dress.
But the whole conversation wasn't completely useless; there was one section that caught my attention. Under the 'Conduct with Others' category, I was allowed to be as mean and nasty as possible as long as it was said in a courteous manner. After all, there is no greater insult then one that isn't understood.
The carriage stopped before a tiny pink building that looked as if it had been decorated in spun sugar, lots of sugar.
"Before we go in," Malfoy said slowly as if still trying to pick the right words. "I have to ask you not to say anything about Reggie's masculinity."
We stepped out of the carriage the same time Reggie stepped out of the pink cake masquerading as a house. It was entirely possible that he had more muscles then two men times two! If he had put a shirt on it probably would have exploded the first time he twitched.
"Oh my god!" Reggie squealed in a very deep voice. "She's so—so—"
I winced in anticipation of his insult, for it could only be an insult. Ugly, dirty, gross, or worse, Reggie just might have said beautiful. If he dared to say beautiful, I would get in the carriage and refuse to come out. Liars were the worst kind of people.
But I got off lucky.
"Well, it doesn't matter much what she is now, soon she's going to be To Die For!" Reggie grabbed my arm and pranced into the house with Malfoy laughing as he trailed behind. "Now, prepare yourself to be Reg-ified!"
The house should have exploded; it was just physically impossible to fit that much fabric into such a small place. Cotton, silk, polyester, jean, more fabrics then I could ever name covered everything in the house. It looked like somebody had spilled an awful lot of paint on all the furniture and the carpet, and the paint hadn't fried yet.
"Stand here!" Reggie commanded picking me up and dropping me on a rotating disk. "I'm thinking crimson, mauve, midnight, royal, and pink."
Malfoy nodded, paying careful attention to everything Reggie said while still sorting through the fabrics. "I was hoping you would create something she could wear to one of my balls. It's a week from Saturday, and several very influential friends are planning on attending."
"I'm booked up for months." Reggie said crossly. "I could never do it."
"I said influential, wealthy, but I think I forgot to mention French." Malfoy continued picking through the floor.
"The French?" He sounded excited, and I started to worry. "Do you think I could finally break onto that market?"
"Of course." Malfoy looked up. "But she'll have to have it a week from Saturday."
This sounded like I was about to become Reggie's personal Barbie to be paraded before a bunch of judges!
"And I suppose you already have something in mind for her, don't you?" Reggie grinned knowingly.
"Of course," Malfoy's smile spelled disaster for mer. "Beneath those bags, Miss Weasley does actually have a body, one that is very—well, you'll see when you take her measurements."
And without further ado, Reggie removed everything but my underclothes. "Great, could this day get any more embarrassing? I thought it might be okay, but no, you had to go and remove all my clothes!" I grumbled a little loudly and very unhappily.
"Got a bit of attitude on her too." Reggie grinned.
Malfoy sniggered and then looked me over. "Not all of them, he did leave a few items behind." Malfoy gestured towards my bra and panties. "Although, you probably know that they really don't hide all that much."
I crossed my arms and glared at him. How dare he insult me in this state! I considered putting him in an equally embarrassing situation by removing a certain piece of his anatomy and then displaying it in the Leaky Cauldron. But I wasn't given the chance.
Reggie had measuring tapes covering every inch of me from the distance between my eyes to my waist line to the length of my smallest toe. Off to the side a quill recorded every number in neat precise rows.
"I do hope you're going to feed her." Reggie said, glancing down the increasing line of numbers. "She's a bit on the anorexic side. Put some weight on this girl!"
I was suddenly struck with a series of images involving chocolate, strawberries, whipped cream, and an awful lot of Malfoy. And based on the look on Malfoy's face, he was having many of the same thoughts.
"Not like that! Ewww! Too much hetero sexual tension! Get your minds out of the gutter!" The poor tailor shuddered in disgust. "I just meant she could use a few more pounds on her." And then he shuddered again.
"You're just jealous because I'm getting some and you aren't." Malfoy smirked. "You could try a girl and pretend it was a guy." He suggested mildly.
It didn't seem possible, but Reggie's eyes grew twice as wide, and his mouth became a pencil thin line. "I would never resort to such measures." With an angry flourish, he held up a drawing for me to see. "What do you think, Miss Weasley?"
A headless figurine paraded back and forth across the paper showing off the master piece Reggie had just created. "It's just a quick sketch of course," he said nervously.
The dress had one strap over the left shoulder and a crooked hem at the bottom. The hem flared out around the left knee before trailing down to do the same around the right ankle. Reggie had also designed a pair of shoes; the right was a plain red slipper. The left, although the same around the foot, laced up the leg in that same scandalous red.
"Oh! I couldn't possibly wear something so—so—" My fingers caressed the beautiful creation, oddly aching to feel the real material instead of the coarse paper. "My family would never allow me to wear it."
"No matter how much you want to?" Malfoy asked peering closely at my face. "You do like it, don't you?"
"It's amazing, simply divine, but what would people think if they saw me in this?" He wouldn't really ask me to do something so outside my reputation, would he?
"Ginny, Ginny, Ginny, a goddess doesn't care what others think. If Lilth (1) cared what others though of her looks, don't you think she would have changed her demonic form? Or what about the Valkyrie(2)? She appears as a raven. No, a goddess does not worry about the trivialities of what others think." I expected the lecture to come from Malfoy, but it was Reggie who rebuked me.
"Lilth takes the dark and from it makes beauty. The Valkyrie is an example of how crucial darkness is to growth. You need to be like Amphitrite(3) and calm your inner storms, or mold yourself after Hel(4) and see the truth." Reggie cupped my face in his hands.
"I don't remember what the truth is anymore." I admitted honestly.
"That's why you need to calm your storms or find your center, harmonize your chi, whatever you want to call it, so that you can know the truth. No one can tell it to you, you have to know it."
"Persephone(5)," I smiled. I always liked her the best, the goddess of the soul. "If only I understood my—" I closed my eyes and thought of all those dreams that felt so real. Could they be the truth I was seeking? If only I could remember him, could figure out why he appeared so often in my dreams.
"Come on," Malfoy put his hand on my arm. "If we linger any longer, we won't have time to eat lunch."
"Right," I said, vaguely aware of things like the fact that my clothes were back on or that Malfoy was oddly silent.
He would have loved the whole scene with Reggie; He loved it when unexpected people did unexpected things.
Notes: (1) Lilth is a Middle Eastern goddess of abundance, fertility, and fecundity. She is associated with the owl, a figure of darkness and deep wisdom, for she is also the goddess of death and transformation. She is sometimes represented as a demonic figure, for her dark wisdom and her sexual energy can be very threatening. She is known to appear as a frightening figure in dreams. Lilith is associated with the lotus, and the symbolism of that flower tells us much about her. The lotus, an exquisite flower that grows out of dark, rank, decaying earth, represents spiritual unfolding and the blossoming of the heart of wisdom. Like the lotus, Lilith challenges us to look upon our dark side and incorporate it into our wholeness so that our great beauty can blossom forth.
(2) The Valkyrie, a northern European goddess, is a representation of this goddess as death wielder. The name means "chooser of the slain" and represents that part of us that is unafraid of the dark places; she can lead us into and through them. She reminds us that seeds germinate in the darkness, that some times we need darkness in order to grow.
(3) Amphitrite is the ancient Greek Triple Goddess in her guise as ruler of the sea. Just as Amphitrite can moderate the winds and the sea, we can learn to calm the waves of our inner storms.
(4) Hel is the Norse queen of the underworld and an embodiment of the divine mystery, a challenge to look behind the mask of appearances to see things as they really are.
(5) Persephone is the goddess of the soul, for it is in the darkness of the underworld that the soul is formed. In the Orphic mysteries, Persephone granted wisdom to the initiate, for she is the goddess if a dark, uncomfortable wisdom, a goddess of dark and frightening power. Persephone represents the ability to rule over the aspects of ourselves that are terrifying in the extreme.
Just thought you all might want to know why I picked those goddesses and what they all are in charge of. I took the information straight off ofthe Goddesses Knowledge Cards and the text were written by Michael Babcock. If you disagree, you disagree with him not me. These definitions justhappened to work with my story.
Unfortunately I am now a poor college student suffering from homesickness. The lack of friends and family around to support me in my endevers has proved to be detramental to my mental capacities. Now, I must go looking for a computer on which to type, as I have none of my own anymore. Not only that but my finanical stability is also of great concern. There's nothing else but to admit the truth, your loyal, faithful fanfic writer has recently become depressed. And as we all know, depression can lead to major problems in a fanfic writer, the biggest being writer's block. Only you, my wonderful readers can cure this problem. Hearing from you has always lifted my spirits and spurned me on to greater and more lengthy endevers; I do so hope that you shall continue to review (with greater fervor) so that I may continue to write.