"Is there anything I can do?" Connor's voice was gentle...patient, trying his best to be supportive towards Dawn, wanting to reach her to somehow restore the smile to her face that she had since lost to complete despair.

"No, thanks." Dawn told him, with a small smile in his direction. She knew how desperately he wanted to help, to make her feel better and given his lack of knowledge of human interaction in an Earthly dimension he was doing fairly well under the circumstances. She wished she could tell him what he could do to help her feel better, but she herself didn't know and that was almost harder than losing her sister to a hell dimension had been.

She had been sitting in the lobby of the hotel since she had sent Buffy in there, staring at the last spot that her sister had been in. Wesley was still there, concerned about her emotional welfare as it had been he who had initially refused to throw the portal at Buffy.

The others, uncomfortable both in Wesley's presence and in hers had vacated in an effort to give her some space. Connor had stubbornly refused to go anywhere and secretly Dawn was grateful for that.

"What happens now then?" Wesley asked the two of them quietly. "With you I mean Dawn. Are you...going back to Sunnydale?"

"What?" She looked up at Wesley, confused as to what he was getting at. Why would she go back to Sunnydale? What if her sister needed her help getting back?

"You can only stay here for so long Dawn." Wesley said reasonably. "Surely you know that. Waiting for your sister to return is all fine and well, but if she doesn't you'll need to get on with your life. Do you have someone in Sunnydale to care for you?"

"I....I...don't...I can't think about this." She turned away, unable to allow her mind to comprehend the idea that Buffy might not ever return and that she was now, for all intents and purposes without any family, essentially without a home. Oh sure, she could eventually go back to Sunnydale and Willow and the others would do their best to care for her. They would live in her house and carry on fighting demons like they always did, feeling the loss keenly but they wouldn't know how it was for her. They couldn't. They would do their best to be the family she had lost, but it would always be a created family to Dawn, and she was tired of creations. Buffy was the only real thing she had known in her life. Even she wasn't real. Her mother, her friends, her memories, everything except for her sister weren't real, had never been real...a creation. How could she live her life having lost the only real part of herself?

"It's unpleasant Dawn, but you have to think about it." Wesley continued, oblivious to the depth of Dawn's distress. "Now I'm sure that Fred, Gunn and the others would be more than happy to care for you here, but it would probably be in your best interests to return to Sunnydale and you need to start thinking about that."

"I can take care of her." Connor said softly. "I promised Buffy I would. You can stay here Dawn. You'll be safe here."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Wesley asked Connor. The two of them had never really interacted, but Connor knew who the man was and why the others were all so uncomfortable around him. Interestingly enough, Connor felt no anger towards Wesley for the actions he had taken with him when he was a child. From what Holtz had told him of Wesley he was an honorable man and what he had done had been done with legitimately honorable intentions even if, as Holtz had said, they were misguidedly in league with the vampire. Upon meeting Wesley, Connor knew that what Holtz had said about him had been true. He was an honorable, if lost, man and Connor respected that. He wouldn't tolerate Wesley dictating Dawn's future however. It was neither Wesley's nor his decision to make, although if she decided to go to Sunnydale, Connor had already decided he would follow.

"Buffy asked me to keep her safe." Connor told Wesley. "I can do that. If there's anything in this world that I'm good at...."

"I don't want to hear this." Dawn whispered, inwardly pleading for the two of them to cease this train of thought all together. "Buffy will..."

"Buffy is in one of the most dangerous hell dimensions there is," Wesley told her gently. "And there is a great chance she might not come back. She knew that going in...we all did. Now if she asked Connor to take care of you..."

"I'm not a child!" Dawn cried out angrily. "I can make my own decisions and contrary to what you all think I'm not stupid. I know that she's in a bad place, but I also know my sister. She isn't going to just sit in that place forever twiddling her thumbs and enjoying the torture! She's going to fight. She's going to find a way back and I'm going to wait for her. I have to wait for her."

"What happens if the wait becomes too long?" Wesley asked gently. "What happens when you can't just sit in the hotel anymore? The world isn't going to stop turning now that she's gone and you have to...."

"I know what I have to do." She said angrily. "Who the hell are you to lecture me? You're not in charge of me...none of you are!"

"Dawn..." Connor protested.

"And you!" She whirled angrily on him. "You think you're all noble now because Buffy asked you to 'care' for me? That you're somehow wiser? You can fight off demons Connor, but you cannot run my life. Nobody can anymore but me. I don't belong to you, you got that?"

"I didn't...." Connor looked at Wesley, helpless. "I didn't mean to....."

"Just leave me alone."

Turning away from the both of them, Dawn headed up the stairs to the room that she and Buffy had been sharing and she now had all to herself. She sat down on what had been Buffy's bed and willed the tears to come, wanting nothing more than to have a good cry and release some of the pain. But the tears wouldn't come. She felt numb inside, as if someone had put a cork into her ability to release her emotions and now she was stuck.

Sighing, she shifted slightly and found a white envelope left just beside her. It was unmarked, but Dawn instantly knew it was a letter from Buffy.

"She must have written it before she went to get Wesley," she murmured to herself. Tearing the envelope open, she began to read in her mind, attempting to picture her sister's voice speaking as she did so.

Dawn,

I know you're probably very angry with me by now. I wish I could say that everything will work out OK this time, but I'm not sure of that and lying to you wouldn't even be convincing on paper. Obviously I have left already and what has become of me...well I don't even know that. I do know that I'm sorry for leaving you here all by yourself. I wish I could have saved Angel some other way, but I honestly believe in my heart that it wasn't possible. You know me, always following my heart rather than my head. Come to think of that, I believe you inherited that trait from me...it can be really annoying actually.

I only bring that up because I realize that right now you may be harbouring illusions of going in after me, to try to save me. Please don't. I don't want you here, wherever it is I am. If I never get out...if I end up spending eternity in pain and torture, the only consolation that I have is in knowing that you are safe and you are with friends. I love you Dawn more than anything in the world and I know that my leaving is hard for you to accept, but if you care about me at all you won't come in after me. Stay here, live your life, enjoy it. You were right when you said I was jealous. You really can have everything that Angel and I couldn't. You can have a normal life Dawn and you can have it with Connor if he is the one you want. You are not restricted by duty, destiny or anything else that has been my life. Enjoy that. Be happy, make Connor happy. I honestly don't dislike him. How can I? He's part of Angel, and if the two of you are together than part of both of us will survive.

As for what you will do if I don't come back...that's entirely up to you. I asked Connor to keep you safe, only because he is physically strong and cares for you emotionally enough to do so. Don't think that means you have to stay in LA though. If you don't want to, then you can return to Sunnydale and I am sure the gang will care for you there. You don't 'belong' to anyone, OK?

As for the gang, wait a couple of weeks before you tell them what I've done. Realistically there is a good chance that I'm stuck in this dimension forever, but idyllically I would like to think I'll be back as soon as possible. Wait before you make them think they won't ever see me again. Believe that I will make it out with Angel with me. Only when you yourself are absolutely sure that I'm gone, then you can tell them the circumstances of it. It's your call Dawn. I trust you to make the right decision. I do have something I want you to do for me though. Please tell them why I had to do this. Help them understand why I couldn't say good bye. I only realized after I made the decision to do what I've done that I couldn't call them and tell them my intentions...they would never have let me do it. They mean well, but...

Tell Giles: I'm sorry. I know he expected better of me. Slayers don't just give up, or jump into stupidly lethal situations with no plans and no backup...at least, good slayers don't. I've never really fit into the traditional slayer mode and a lot of the time that has been to my benefit, but not here I think. Tell him that I didn't want to do it, that I should be over Angel enough to let him stay in this place, but...well, it's Angel and I am weak. Tell him I'm sorry. He trained me to be the strongest physical fighter I could be, but he could never get rid of my emotional weaknesses. Tell him that's not his fault. Don't let him think otherwise. Give him my love.

Tell Willow: Don't try to do any spells to get me out. This time I really am in a hell dimension, but I consciously chose to be here and I am asking her to leave me. I know it's a lot to ask of her, especially after she pulled me from heaven only to have me end up here, but...unless she can get both Angel and I out successfully I wish to remain. I wish to suffer. Tell her that she is my best friend and that I don't blame her for removing me from heaven. She loved me and I can't fault that. Tell her I never will.

Tell Xander: I love him. I can't really think of any fancy words or things to say for Xander other than that. He's never really cared for Angel and he may not understand why I've done this. He may even be angry with me. Tell him that's OK. Tell him I am perfectly cool with him hating me if he chooses to do so. But tell him that won't keep me from loving him and missing him. Life without his humour and wit is hell in and of itself, never mind the dimension. Make sure he knows that.

Tell Anya: Take care of Xander. I know you guys aren't still together and I know you're angry at him for what he did to you and I'm not asking you to forgive him for that. All I'm asking is that you watch out for him. Don't let him do anything human and stupid. I trust you know more about human stupidity and how to avoid it than anybody else does and that's why I'm asking it of you.

I guess that's it Dawn. I wish I had the time to write more, to say more to everyone, but I don't. I wish I had more time to spend with you before I go, but I can't leave Angel there like that. I know you understand that, even if you don't think you do.

I love you Dawn, always and forever. Never forget that. I'm so proud of you and I know that whatever you do, it will be something heroic. Don't forget to be my hero. I'm counting on you Dawn.
-Your sister,

Buffy.

Setting the letter down, Dawn finally found she had the tears. Placing her head in her hands, she allowed herself to weep, and allowed herself to face the idea of a future with Buffy not in it. It was heartbreaking surely, but it was no longer frightening. Buffy believed in her and that was all she needed for now.