Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.

Chapter Four

The entire month of December she trained Ashley. Ashley was much better at balancing the books at the store than he had been at the mills. It seemed that running a store was more of Ashley's purview. She watched him with the customers. He would talk. He would tell them the pros and cons of the items. If they would ask his opinion on which item to buy between two choices, he would tell the customer which one and why. Most times it was the more expensive one but sometimes it wasn't. Ashley was honest and the customers knew it. He never seemed to be in a hurry to make a sale. Running the store would have been a better choice for him.

Ashley was not an aggressive salesman which was what was needed at the sawmills. A salesman for a sawmill needed to make people buy from him. Ashley was a passive salesman. He found out what the person was thinking about buying then showed them what he had for sell. He would then take the person's money if they wanted to purchase it. He couldn't force anyone to do anything these days. Ashley had all day to talk and visit with the person before they bought the item. She could tell that a lot of people like that relaxed approach. When she heard him call one of the customers by name and ask about her son Tommy, she knew this was a better fit for Ashley.

She smiled when she looked at Ashley and thought of something Rhett had said about Ashley that last lecture Rhett had given her on the night Melly had died. - 'Mr. Wilkes was born to one type of life and could not adjust to the life he was living in.' - Or something like that. She had not really been listening. She had been blathering on about her loving him. She hadn't seen that it was over. She hadn't seen the broken man that was Rhett.

It was taking Ashley longer to adjust than others. He had been a square peg in a round hole working at the sawmill which actually made him feel like a failure. Her constantly berating him about being a bad businessman made him feel like a duck out of water. Her forgiving him all his mistakes was not a kindness to him. It had probably made him feel like an incompetent loser who had to be taken care of and forgiven because he was a failure. He had already felt like a man out of his element and his not faring well in the world made him feel that even more intensely.

Scarlett finally understood what he had meant that day in her mother's office when she had tricked him into working for her instead of going to New York. He had said, 'No, Scarlett. This is my last chance. I'll go North. If I go to Atlanta and work for you. I'm lost forever.' In New York he would have had to stand on his own two feet. His male pride would not let him do anything else. She had emasculated him with all her help.

On December 23rd she had declared Ashley trained. She noticed that Ashley rarely drank these days. He had told Scarlett, "Getting drunk doesn't do any good. Melly is still dead when I sober up."

Scarlett had said, "I'm glad you have stopped drinking. You must stay sober to take care of Beau. Melly would want you to raise him not me." She knew Ashley was going to be alright. She knew he didn't need her. In fact, he was better off without her. If she wasn't here, he would have to stand on his own two feet. That was one of the true things Rhett had said about her and Ashley. She had always been rescuing Ashley.

That afternoon she had dropped Beau off with his Aunt India. It was time. It was time for Ashley to accept all the responsibilities of life. Scarlett loved Beau but she knew now that the more obligations put upon Ashley the stronger, he would get.

Before they left to go to Tara Scarlett had gone to the cemetery and she had knelt in front of Bonnie's grave. She liked the headstone and that thought made Scarlett cry. What mother should like her baby's headstone. Great big heartbreaking sobs. It was the first time she had really cried for her daughter. She said, "Oh baby. I'm so sorry that I never even tried to fight for you. Your Daddy had me so convinced that I was such a bad mother I didn't even deserve to have any kind of a relationship with you." Scarlett knelt there and cried for a long time. Then she said, "As you know your Daddy no longer wants to live with me. Maybe it is for the best. I don't want him if I can't have you. Wade, Ella, and I are going away. We are going to Tara. I know you never got to go there. I'm sorry. I should have just taken you. I won't be here for your birthday or that other day, but I have you in my heart. I don't think I will ever come back to Atlanta. I know I will never live here again. I plan to spend the rest of my life at Tara. I have the rag doll and I will keep it with me always."

Scarlett got up and walked to Melanie's grave. She knelt on top of it. She said, "I love you. I never appreciated you while you were living. You were always on my side. I have done the best I can for Ashley, but I need to leave now. I have hurt him with my help. I have prevented him from ever trying to be independent. I know I did it so he would never be able to manage without me thus he would always keep me in his life. He will take Beau and raise him right. I won't be back for a long time if at all. I will carry you with me always."

She got up and brushed the dirt off her skirt and made her way back to the hotel.

Scarlett had thought about taking Wade and Ella to visit Bonnie and Melanie's graves and had decided that it was best not to take them. The children had already said goodbye once. They didn't need to repeat the process. If they wanted to visit one day when they were older, they could.

That night in the dining room at the National Hotel over supper, Scarlett said to her children, "We are returning to Tara tomorrow. We will never live in Atlanta again. Beau will come and visit with us from time to time but for now he is going to live with his father."

Wade and Ella nodded their heads. Wade said, "Is Mr. Jackson returning to Tara with us?"

"Yes. Do you like him?"

"Yes. He is a great teacher. When I don't understand something, he never acts like I am stupid."

"Do you like him, Ella?"

"Yes, he is really nice. Maybe he could be our stepfather now that Uncle Rhett has left."

Scarlett burst out laughing. The first real laugh she had laughed in an awfully long time. She knew everyone was looking at her with censure, but she didn't care. She had loved her daughter and she had loved Melanie Wilkes and neither one of those people would want her to be sad the rest of her life.

Scarlett replied, "That's not the way it works but who knows. Maybe." Scarlett thought, 'I've done worse.'

The conversation for the rest of the meal was lively and full of laughter. Right then Scarlett O'Hara decided to be happy again. She hadn't been happy in a very long time. She didn't think she had been happy since the day she found out that Ashley was going to marry Melanie. She knew she had not been happy since they left Atlanta the day Beau was born. Except maybe on those rides with Rhett when he had ridden back from the sawmill to protect her. She stopped her thoughts. She couldn't think about that now or ever.

The next day Scarlett, her children, and Mr. Jackson took the train to Tara. She went to her childhood room and laid on the bed and was glad that Rhett and Bonnie had never been to Tara. There were no memories she had to suffer through. That alone told her that he had never loved her. This was the thing she loved more than anything else on the planet and he could not be bothered to visit it even once.

She knew she had never loved the real Ashley. She knew he was just something she had made up in her mind. She knew Rhett had never loved her. She was just something he couldn't have. She wished she could have her daughter back but if she couldn't have her daughter then she was glad Rhett was gone too.

She could love Rhett. The Rhett that had been on her honeymoon. The Rhett that had visited with her and Frank. The Rhett that rode back with her from the sawmills to protect her. The Rhett that had bid one hundred and fifty dollars so she could dance. The Rhett that had saved Ashley Wilkes life. The Rhett that had kept coming back to Atlanta to be with her. But not the Rhett that she had been married to. Not the Rhett that had taken her child from her. Not the Rhett that had forced himself on her then run away because he was ashamed then blamed her for not welcoming him back. Sadly, it didn't really matter she couldn't have any of the Rhetts.

That night after supper she laid in her childhood room. Ella was in the nursery with Susie and Solange. Those little girls had been so happy to see Ella. It had made Scarlett so happy how excited they were that Ella was back. Wade was in the guest room. Scarlett smiled at how happy Will had been to see Wade. Will had even smiled. Will and Wade needed each other. Wade needed a father and Will needed a son. Their love of Tara would bond them. Mr. Jackson was down in the overseer's cabin. It wasn't that grand, but it was clean.

She thought herself blessed. She was rich. She was healthy. She had two living children. She knew she would find love again, but she would never marry again. The first three times had cured her of ever wanting to be married again. She smiled when she thought about Ella suggestion of Mr. Jackson becoming her stepfather. Life certainly was simple for a seven-year-old.

She woke up the next day to Ella waking her up for breakfast. Instead of getting up Scarlett scooped the child up and drug her into the bed with her. Scarlett showered the child with kisses. Ella giggled and hugged her mother.

They celebrated Christmas. The family had a nice meal that Dilcey fixed. Scarlett gave everyone a small present of some kind and she gave her children three presents. She gave Mr. Jackson the copy of the Odysseus that Rhett had left at the mansion. Scarlett had to get rid of that book. It would always remind her of Rhett. She had brought their entire library with her to Tara. Rhett had spent some money on a lot of books. There was no point in not saving them for Wade and hopefully Ella to read in the future.

After the first of the year, the classes started up again. With Mr. Jackson teaching in the morning and taking them for nature walks on warm days in the afternoon. She allowed Mr. Jackson to teach Susie and Solange also.

During their time at Tara, Scarlett walked all over Tara. She spent time with her children during the day. She spent time with Mammy although even Scarlett could see she was getting weaker and weaker. They didn't talk about serious subjects. They talked about Scarlett's mother and Scarlett's childhood. They never talked about anything that had happened after the end of the war.

One day, Scarlett, Wade, and Ella had walked to Twelve Oaks. Scarlett had enjoyed telling them about how grand the home had been. She had enjoyed telling them about how wonderful the furnishings and the décor had been.

They were walking back to Tara, and they were crossing a stream when Wade started to push Ella in the water. Scarlett grabbed Ella and prevented her from falling. She turned on Wade and he got that terrified look in his eyes she hadn't seen since September. Scarlett took a deep breath and made herself act like Melly. She said, "Wade, you are a boy and boys like to push and shove other children. I don't mind if you like to tussle around with your friends. I don't mind if you push and shove with other boys. But you will treat Ella like the little lady she is. Do you understand me?"

Wade nodded his head and they continued walking back to Tara. Scarlett saw Wade running ahead and smiled. 'What a happy boy,' she thought. Ella walked with her and slipped her hand into her mothers. Everyone was happy at Tara.