A/N: Due to the fact that I'm going away for a few days and I have this chapter finished anyway, I'll post this one. I have to give out one warning though; it's completely and utterly unbeta'd! I usually get at least one person to read it through, but right now we're on a deadline here! So please, don't comment on the errors that I know are in there, all this baby has seen is the spell-check from my lovely Microsoft Word. Hugs to all of you, Cleo

She had no clue what she was doing, sitting in a small restaurant at a table for two. She hadn't allowed him to pick her up, she didn't want him to assume she was his, just yet. His admission had certainly caught her off-guard and when she had gone home later that night she hadn't been sure whether to be happy, angry or just extremely sad.

They had lost six years between them, and her leaving had been the only thing to get him to finally admit his feelings to her face, and those of the rest of the team.

She knew it had been an effort to him, being the private person that he was, and that his declaration of love, in public, was in fact a huge deal. But she couldn't help wondering how sincere it all was, after all, why would he have let her suffer for all this time if he really did love her? Was this just another sorry attempt to keep her within his reach, to control her, like he had done on so many occasions in the past.

Never in their time had he given her up. Every time they had had a fight and things had been on the brink of being enough for her, he had done something to make her stay and this time was no different.

Or maybe it was, because never before had he told her he loved her, so blatantly, hopelessly and passionately.

She turned to look at the door when she heard the familiar tingle of the small bells for at least the sixth time since she was here. Scared as she was for being stood up, she felt a flood of relief to see that it was, in fact, Grissom walking in, looking more handsome than she remembered ever seeing him.

It wasn't the way he was dressed, which was pretty much something he could wear to work. It was the calm satisfied way in which he carried himself, a man who had finally made peace with the world, and above all, himself.

He was led to her table by the small blonde woman who had served her a white wine spritzer not too long ago.

"Hey," she said, not being able to resist the urge to stand up to greet him.

He smiled at her and leaned in for a soft kiss on her cheek before they both sat down, leaving her cheek burning and his eyes sparkling.

The relaxed way in which he regarded her, handled her was confusing. She had never seen him behave like this and it was like a completely new person had taken his place. At this point, she wasn't even sure she liked it.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Good, been busy job hunting. How is the lab?"

He looked down at his hands, then met her eyes. "Quiet."

She knew it would be far too easy if she'd let him off the hook like this. After six years of running around in circles the least she was allowed to expect was some form of apology, or an explanation at least.

The waitress came and handed them the menu, giving her time to contemplate, to breathe.

Sitting in a small restaurant with Grissom, a comforting silence, like the world and life had never been any different, had been a dream of her since the day she fell in love with him. Here they were now, but things didn't feel as relaxed as they had felt in her dreams and fantasies. There was an unspoken barrier between them, waiting to be knocked down on their path to eternal happiness.

But after several years of knocking down stuff, playing the game, she was now too tired to break any more barriers. She didn't feel like fighting anymore, for fighting is what she had done for many years.

If this barrier was going to be broken down it would have to be done by him, or at least be a joint effort in which he carried the tools and took out the first few bricks to weaken the wall between them.

She didn't expect him to see the wall, let alone break it, so maybe this, after all they'd been through, was the end, in stead of a new beginning.

"I know I haven't made things easy for you, for us, in the past," he said after they had both ordered.

"That's the understatement of the year."

He closed his eyes for a second and then looked back up at her. "You have every right to be angry, and I can't begin to describe how sorry I am for being… me."

Sara bit her bottom lip to keep from replying straight away, giving him a chance to finish.

"I am not sure why I've kept you at arms length for so long," he continued, "you have always meant so much to me, but I've never had that before and the unknown scared the hell out of me. I wasn't ready to leap, even if it was with you. I was afraid of the fall, afraid to get hurt and hurt you."

She just looked at him, a mingle of pain, understanding, regret, sorrow, and love evident in her eyes.

Grissom sighed. "I guess that's pretty much all I can say about it, I can't explain or rectify my behavior."

"What made you change your mind?"

It had ultimately been the question he was waiting for, as he was not ready to land upon the truth himself. He was glad she asked that question because he wanted to tell her, he wanted nothing more in the world than to tell her and by asking him that question she had put the door ajar and ready for him to come in.

"You walked out of my office, and I knew I'd never see you again if I didn't do something. I couldn't bear the thought of never hearing you laugh again, never putting my hand to the small of your back again or hold hands with you when you needed comfort. The thought of never having your scent filling my nostrils again would be way too much for any man to handle."

Sara drew a shaky breath as he continued.

"And in that moment, and the night that followed, I realized that nothing in this whole world scared me more than the thought of losing you forever. Never have I admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else, but I love you, I really do, and I think I have since that night on the Golden Gate Bridge."

Sara smiled shyly.

"I don't know why it took so long to realize it."

"You've always been slow on the uptake."

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I know this, talk, doesn't make everything okay, and I know we have a very long way to go, but I hope you can forgive me."

"I wouldn't be here if I believed that I couldn't."

They ate their dinner in silent peace, stealing occasional glances at each other and talking about anything and everything.

When the night wound to an end, and Grissom wrapped her coat around her before guiding her out of the restaurant, there seemed to be something bothering him.

"What is it?" Sara asked, trying to get him to look her in the eye.

He shook his head slightly and stared into space while continuing their walk to the parking lot.

"We weren't going to do this anymore, remember?" she said angrily.

Grissom eventually looked at her and she could see the moisture building in his eyes, stopping her dead in her track. She instinctively grabbed his hand, like he had grabbed hers so very often over the pas years.

"What is it?" she repeated at a whisper.

He pulled her into his arms, his hot breath warming the back of her neck when he buried his nose in her hair. She could feel him sob, breaking apart on her shoulder, grabbing her even tighter. She wrapped her arms around his back, feeling his muscles contract under her grip.

"Gris, tell me what's wrong."

For a while all she could hear were his heaving breaths, then suddenly she heard his voice, distant and small. "I am so, so sorry," he cried, "I'm so sorry that I assumed that you would want children and I'm so sorry for what happened to you."

Her own tears now spilt richly over her cheeks. "You couldn't know."

He took his face out of the crook of her neck and said, "I love you, I loved you and I didn't even notice there was something going on. I should've known there was some deeper secret, a heavier burden you were carrying."

She closed her eyes and pressed her wet cheek against his. His hands roamed her back before coming up and gently stroking her hair.

"It's okay," she whispered, "it's okay."

He cupped her face with his right hand, softly wiping her tears away with his thumb, and she copied his motion.

"I love you," were the last words she heard before his lips landed on hers.