If I didn't know better, I'd think you were still around, a glee fanfic

Summary: "How's the book coming along? Any progress?" Rachel pecked her once more and then, she rounded the bench to take a seat beside her.

"I wrote a couple of chapters after you left, but then my muse left me." Quinn dropped the book she was reading aside and lifted her arm over the back of the bench, curling it behind her shoulders to pull her girlfriend closer. "Hi muse."

A/N: Joining the "Faberry Month" challenge, this is my take for the Prompt #7 "Central Park". Flashbacks will be in italics

A/N 2: The fic for this prompt #7 took an angsty turn and even if there are no real trigger warnings, it deals with a touchy subject that hopefully won't offend anyone.

I didn't know better, I'd think you were still around

"Good morning." She took a seat on the familiar bench, under the tall oak tree that provided enough repair from the scorching July sun.

"Good morning." The woman smiled at her with a sincere smile and offered her one of the plastic cups that she had bought. "Ice Lemon tea, I thought you'd need one."

"That's my favorite." The shorter woman scooted closer and took the offered drink, taking a long sip. It was refreshing.

"Lucky guess." Looking above their heads, the woman furrowed her brows at the branches hovering them. The tree needed a serious trim.

"Do you know when those initials were carved in there?" The brunette woman pointed to the four letters marking the tree. She didn't really like that, but she was curious about how and when those had been done.

"Ironically, I do." She chuckled. "It is my own doing, but I am not proud of it."

"Why did you do it, then?" The brunette took another sip.

"When you're young and in love, you do things that you wouldn't normally do." She shook her head.

"Tell me about it?" She turned to face her on the bench and leaned her head against her hand, propped against the back of the bench.

(Flashback)

"You know, we shouldn't venture alone in a park so late at night. Don't you read the headlines? You never watched Law and Order SVU?" The brunette held onto her hand with both of hers, scared they would be jumped anytime and anywhere by some psycho.

"Nothing's going to happen, okay? I know how to protect us and look, I've got this." The blonde got a Swiss knife from the inside pocket of her jacket.

"Quinn! You can't carry that with you!" She tried to reach for it, but the blonde pulled it away from her grasp and used that momentum to pin the brunette to the tree, standing in front of her.

"I borrowed it from Mike, okay? I am not going to use it unless I'll have to." She braced herself against the tree and leaned down to nuzzle her nose with Rachel's. "Stop worrying so much and live the moment. Don't you find this romantic?"

"I do, but…" Rachel gripped the fabric of her summer dress and tugged her closer, until they were a breath apart. "Dinner was amazing, you didn't have to cook for me."

"I wanted to cook for you." She smiled at her. "I promise we'll be leaving soon." Quinn cupped the side of her face with her hand. She brushed her thumb over her cheekbone and down to her jawline, when their mouths brushed for the very first time.

"You just wanted an excuse to kiss me in front of Alice in Wonderland." Rachel grinned and leaned in, closing the gap between their lips. She brushed her mouth over Quinn so gently, that the blonde had to dig her nails into the wood.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming." Quinn nuzzled their noses together and leaned down for another kiss. And another one. She placed soft pecks on those smiling lips.

"You're not dreaming." Rachel's hands trailed down her sides to grip her by the waist. She held her tightly and leaned on her tiptoes to kiss her more.

"I've wanted to kiss you since…" Quinn was at a loss of words. She just pressed the brunette back against the tree, while their mouths moved slowly. It was the perfect first kiss.

"Since?" Rachel pulled back to nuzzle along her jawline. She retraced it slowly with her lips, making the girl's knees go weak.

"High school. I have wanted to kiss you since then." Quinn tilted her head back to look into her eyes. "But we weren't ready for this."

"What makes you think we're ready for this? What if we do something wrong to ruin it?" She buried her face against the side of her neck and held onto her, with both arms.

"You're over Finn and I'm no longer scared of being myself." Quinn nuzzled her temple slowly. "We are free to make mistakes and try again. We can give ourselves the chance of being happy together."

"You sound pretty sure about how long this is going to last." Rachel chuckled. "You'd bet on it?"

"I would." Quinn looked at her. "You know what? I feel so sure that I would write our names down, for our future selves or whomever will come after us."

"Write our names down where?" Rachel shook her head.

"What about this tree?" Quinn patted the thick bark behind her head. "I could do it here."

"It's public property, Quinn. You cannot go around Central Park damaging trees just because you want to prove a point." Rachel shook her head.

"I'm not just trying to prove a point, Rach." Quinn grabbed the knife from her jacket and switched it open.

"Quinn, no…" Rachel tried to push the blonde back, even if a part of her found it extremely romantic. Having her name carved on a tree in Central park was something she had seen in movies but to experience it? That was another thing.

"Well, that sounds like a romantic story despite the public property damage." The brunette woman chuckled. "I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Oh thank you. My wife never fails to remind me of my rebellious act of vandalism." The blonde laughed behind her hand. "But she secretly loves that part of me."

"Wife huh? You're still going strong after all these years." The brunette finished her tea and placed it beside her, turning to give her the full attention.

"Oh yes, we've been married for the past 20 years and it still feels like the day I proposed to her." The blonde smiled with fondness. "It was right here, on this bench."

(Flashback)

"Why did I have a feeling you would be here?" Rachel slipped her arms around her neck from behind, kissing her cheek softly.

"You know me too well, Berry." Quinn tilted her head backwards and Rachel leaned down to kiss her upside down. She pecked her again, caressing the skin above her heart with her palm, through the sweater she wore.

"How's the book coming along? Any progress?" Rachel pecked her once more and then, she rounded the bench to take a seat beside her.

"Very funny, Quinn." Rachel rolled her eyes at her and angled herself to nuzzle her face against the side of her neck. It was her favorite spot to snuggle into. It was safe. It was hers.

"You're my muse." Quinn reached for the hand in her lap and she covered it with her own palm. "My first novel is about you and so will this one. Do you think I could leave you out of it?"

"Of course not." Rachel kissed her pulse. "It's such a honor to inspire you."

"There's no one else I could ever want to write about." Quinn whispered against her temple. "It's always been you."

"You wrote about me before? I mean…" Rachel tilted her head to look at the blonde. "Before your first novel?"

"Yes. When I was in Yale, I wrote a short story about a girl finding herself by wishing upon a golden star." Quinn leaned down to kiss her. "Do you think metaphors don't matter to me?"

"You never let me read it." Rachel whispered against her lips. "It's unfair, Quinn."

"What, sweetheart?" Quinn's fingers slipped through hers, fitting with them like two pieces of a beautiful puzzle.

"I can't compete with the idea you have of me." Rachel pushed her forehead against her chin. "I feel like I am going to fail you and you'll wake up, one day, and you'll realize that you're not really in love with me, rather with an idea that you built in your mind."

"That's not possible." Quinn shook her head softly. "I spent years thinking of what could have been, because I didn't believe I could ever have a real chance with you and you know what?" She kisses her forehead. "Being with you is more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for."

"Quinn…" Rachel slipped both arms around her waist and pushed herself into the circle of her arms, burrowing her so close that she would melt into Quinn if she could.

"I wake up every morning feeling like the luckiest person in the world, Rach." Quinn cupped each side of her neck and tilted her head backwards, to rest their foreheads together.

"I feel the same, Quinn." Rachel nodded softly.

"I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to that feeling, Rachel." Quinn reached for her purse and grabbed a small velvet box out of it. "Rachel Barbra Berry…"

"Oh God…" Rachel brought her hands to her mouth, clasping them over her trembling lips. She watched Quinn slip on the green grass, on one knee and she felt like in a movie. Like one of those romantic movies she always got Quinn to watch, after a long day at the theater.

"I loved you even before I could really fully understand what it really was." She opened the box to reveal the ring she had picked from Cartier since she was a teen and fantasized over her future significant other proposing to her. "We kissed here for the first time, two years ago, and I knew that I would marry you when I carved our names on that tree." She lifted the ring out of the box. "I looked up at the sky and made a wish. Now, Rachel Berry, will you make my wish come true and do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes. God, ten thousand times yes." She let Quinn slip the ring on her finger and once she did, she tackled her on the ground, to kiss her properly.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." The blonde reached out to brush the lone tear away, with her thumb.

"I am a sap for happy endings." The brunette sniffed and leaned into her touch. Even briefly, she leaned into it.

"So is my wife. She makes me watch all those sap movies with big romantic gestures that just give me a lot of pressure. How can you keep up with some of those?" The blonde woman ran her fingers through her hair. The blonde was slowly fading into gray, but it was still fun to try and hide it.

"I am sure she doesn't do it to put any pressure on you." The brunette smiled softly. "From what you told me so far, you've got nothing to be envious for and she is a lucky woman."

"I am the lucky one." The blonde grinned. "Or I guess we are both lucky." She grabbed her wallet from her purse. "Life has been good to us."

"You have kids together? With your genes, they must be beautiful." The brunette leaned over to take a look at the picture.

"We've been blessed with two amazing kids." She pointed to the family picture, taken right there. "This is Olivia and that guy over there is Charles."

"They look like you." The brunette took the picture to get a better look at it. "She is like your twin."

"You think huh? You're not the first person saying that. My wife was scared she would go cheerleading, but there could be worse, no?" She chuckled to herself.

(Flashback)

"She is doing it again, Quinn. She is going to break her neck and get herself stuck in a wheelchair for a stupid cheerleading tryout." Rachel covered her eyes, not wanting to see it happen before her eyes.

"Don't be so dramatic, sweetheart." Quinn dropped her book aside and scooted closer to her wife, who leaned into her as soon as she was close enough. "Liv is fully capable of doing cartwheels without injuring herself. I taught her all she needed to know."

"And that doesn't help at all. Do you remember who trained you, Quinn? What Sue did to you would be against the law in 90% of our States. She was lucky she had friends in Ohio who closed both eyes on her unorthodox methods." She gripped her shirt a little tighter, when their daughter fell on her face. "She'll break her nose!"

"No, she won't." Quinn rubbed the small of her back.

"Yes, she'll break the beautiful nose that she took from you and she'll be stuck being called names because she will look a little more like me and-" Her rants were shut by a mouth pressing against hers. Her hand unclenched from around the fabric of her shirt to slide around the back of Quinn's neck.

"Your nose is beautiful, just like the rest of you." Quinn pulled back enough to kiss the tip of her nose. "I love everything about you."

"You're biased, 'cause you married me." Rachel leaned in to kiss her again.

"I married you because I love you." Quinn whispered against her lips. "I love you because you are perfect the way you are."

"Stop making me blush, Quinn Fabray." She slapped her chest and rested her head against her shoulder.

"It's the truth." Quinn leaned her head against hers and followed their daughter's movements. She was now chasing a ball with a couple of other girls her age.

"Mommy! Mama!" The sound came from their left and they had barely time to part, before they got their hands full with a brunette terror jumping on their laps.

"I am getting too old for this." Sam chased after him, carrying a bag full of soccer balls.

"Charlie, how was practice?" Quinn lifted him enough to sit her properly on her knees, facing Rachel on the bench. He was getting too old to sit on their laps, but it was not the moment to break it onto him.

"It was awesome! I scored three goals!" He held his hand up to show them and turned to the blonde guy, who had dropped on the grass at their feet. "Uncle Sam, can we play more? I want to practice for the game on Sunday."

"Give me 10 minutes, bestie." He smiled thankfully when he was handed a juice box and a chocolate chip cookie. It was what he needed.

"Why don't you go play with Liv and her friends? They're just passing the ball." Rachel ruffled his hair and he grinned, showing the missing front teeth.

"Stay where we can see you, okay?" Quinn kissed his forehead and let him down. It took him less than a second to run across the park where his big sister was.

"I am envious of their energy." Sam dropped on the grass, arms displayed at his side like when he tried to snow angels (and failed).

"You're lucky you have just one." Quinn stretched her arms over her head until she heard a familiar pop, in her lower back. It took her that sound to alert Rachel, who rubbed it slowly.

"You should stop letting Charlie climb over you like that." Rachel leaned in to kiss her cheek. "He is getting too big for you."

"He will never be too big for me. He is my baby boy." Quinn looked over at her kids playing a few feet from them.

"I know he is, but you're not getting any younger." Rachel smirked at the pout on her face. "Even if you're still the prettiest girl I've ever met."

"Nice try, Berry, but it won't get you out of the doghouse." Quinn huffed in protest, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And what will?" Rachel nuzzled the skin behind her ear, while her hand slipped under the hem of her open shirt to stroke along her side slowly.

"Do I need to bring the kids over to my house so you can sort this out?" Sam kicked Quinn's shin lightly and dodged the kick back out.

"You know what? I'll show them how to get it done, despite my age." Quinn jumped to her feet and jogged over to where the kids were passing the ball or dribbling each other.

"Should we even try to stop her?" Sam took her spot on the bench, beside Rachel.

"She is still the unstoppable force that I fell in love with and I love everything about it." Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder, enjoying the sight before her eyes.

"It looks like this bench belongs to you more than to anyone else in New York." The brunette patted it with a smile.

"I guess so." The blonde nodded in acknowledgement.

"Your kids must be all grown up, aren't they?" She nodded to the pictures.

"Liv got into John Hopkins for her neurosurgery residency program." She nodded with a proud smile. "Charlie just got into Yale."

"It looks like you and your wife did very well with them, they sound like great kids." The brunette took another look at the picture.

"We tried our best but we were the lucky ones." She slipped the picture back in her wallet. "I couldn't ask for better kids. I am proud of what they've become."

"I am sure you are." She squeezed her fingers.

"I would really love to stay and chat more, but my wife is coming home from her show in less than an hour and-"

"Of course. I don't really want to keep you." The brunette took her hand back. "How time flies when you're having fun, huh?"

"Oh indeed." The blonde gathered the empty cups and slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder."I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll be here." The brunette nodded with a soft smile. She waved once more and watched the blonde woman walk slowly away from her.

When Rachel entered the familiar apartment, she found her asleep on the couch, with a book open on her chest and her hair all over the place. Quinn was still as breathtaking as the first moment she had laid eyes on her, even if many years had gone by and things had taken a different but beautiful turn between them, since then.

Placing her shoes by the door, she padded to where the woman laid asleep and took the book away, folding the top corner of the page just the way Quinn liked. She had learnt also the small things and they came as natural as breathing or singing.

"Rachel? You're home." Quinn's voice had become even raspier when she just woke up. It was lower and weaker, but it never failed to make Rachel's heart flutter in her chest. "How was the show?"

"I was just out running errands, hun." Rachel brushed her hair away from her forehead so she could kiss it gently. "Had a good nap?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." Quinn closed her eyes at the tender gesture. "I wanted to lie down for a bit because I got a migraine and…"

"It's okay. Did you take your medicine?" She looked at the pill case on the coffee table and the empty glass. Yes, she had taken them.

"Yes, but they make me sleepy." She opened her eyes to look at her. "I wanted to make you dinner."

"We can have take-out and watch a movie, what do you say? It's your turn to choose the movie." Rachel leaned down to kiss her lips gently. "Nothing too scary that will give me nightmares."

"I'll keep you safe." Quinn grinned against her lips and pulled her closer.

"I know you will." Rachel stroked the side of her face and looked at her. She looked at her like she did for their whole life together.

"What kind of food are you in the mood for? We could have pizza?" Quinn kissed her palm.

"Sounds good to me." Rachel smiled and leaned down to kiss her again. "Why don't you go ahead and call them? I'll go grab a quick shower. It is too hot today."

"Tell me about it, I had to grab one when I came back from the park." Quinn nodded.

"Did you have a good time? Was your friend there?" Rachel brushed her thumb over the side of her face, right below her ear.

"Yes, we had a long talk." The blonde smiled and held onto her wrist. "You know, maybe I should write another book."

"Do you want to write another book?" Rachel blinked back the tears. "What brought that up?"

"Telling her our story brought so many memories back, that I feel like I could put them down in words." She kissed her wife's palm. "I won't use our names, but I could get inspired by our life. What do you say?"

"I think you should go for it." Rachel leaned down to kiss her softly. "I definitely missed reading your beautiful words."

"You don't have to wait for my novel for that, sweetheart." Quinn grinned. "Tell me where and when and I'll write you whatever you want me to."

"I love you, Quinn." Rachel pressed her lips against the blonde's, who just held her when she surged forward for the harder kiss.

"I love you too." Quinn muttered against her lips.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Rachel pecked her once more and then raised herself to her feet, walking upstairs to where the bedroom zone was.

"Hey, it's me." She took a seat on the edge of the mattress, still wearing the same clothes she had come home into. "Is it a bad moment or you can talk?"

"I am on my break, is everything alright?" The voice on the other side is calm, but not as much as it should be.

"She wants to write another book." Rachel looked over to the pictures strewn all over the bedroom walls.

"She told you that? What brought that up?"

"Talking to her friend did. She is bringing back old memories and it inspired her, I guess," She sighed softly.

"Mom…"

"Don't, Liv." Rachel shook her head softly. 'I know we talked about this, but she needs it ok? She needs to do this and she is getting better. One day at a time, right?'

"One day at a time." Olivia sighed on the other side of her phone. "How was it today?"

"It was good. She remembers things and when she speaks, it's like she is there you know? She talks about you and Charlie and…"

"She remembers you but she doesn't know you're right there, sitting on that bench hearing the story of your life together." She sighed again. She had seen it before. She kept seeing it and there was nothing she could do to cure them. To cure her own mother.

"But then she comes back to me and she is the woman I fell in love with." Rachel wiped her tears away, not even knowing she was crying until she felt the wet trail over her skin. "She is still there somewhere."

"I know, Mom." Olivia sniffed on the other side too. To think Quinn was the one to have pushed her into Neurosurgery sounded even more bittersweet now. To think it was because of her own Mother that she could work on finding a cure for what was taking her away from them.

"I won't keep you any longer. Are you still coming next week?" Rachel wiped her own tears.

"Yes, I have a whole week off. Is Charlie coming over this weekend?"

"Yes, he is supposed to be here tomorrow night." Rachel was thankful for her children. Her beautiful children were so much like Quinn. They loved her like Quinn did.

"Good." Olivia nodded in the phone. "I gotta go, but I'll call you later ok?"

"Love you honey." Rachel nodded as well.

"Love you, Mom." Olivia closed the call and Rachel dropped back on the bed. She brought Quinn's pillow to her face and just cried into it.

When she walked downstairs, after a quick shower that managed to clean the sweat off her but not to hide her puffy eyes, she found Quinn standing by the kitchen counter, going through their photo album.

"Hey, is pizza on the way?" Rachel grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

"Yes, they should be here in 30 minutes more or less." Quinn looked at her over her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, of course." Rachel drank it and filled it once again. She wasn't even that thirsty. She just needed the comfort of a gesture that she used to do when she was a kid.

"You're sad." Quinn closed the photo album and leaned with her back against the counter. "Why are you sad, Rach?"

"Why do you think I am sad? It's hot and I am thirsty." She washed the glass and put it back on the shelf.

"I know you well enough to tell when you're sad and you're trying to mask it, very poorly." Quinn pushed herself off the counter to stand in front of her.

"Not so well." Rachel muttered to herself but she regretted it as soon as she had said it.

"What's that supposed to mean? Did I do or say something wrong?" Quinn furrowed her brows in puzzlement.

"Nothing. It didn't mean anything at all." Rachel walked past her but Quinn grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into her arms. "Let me go."

"No. I am not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong." Quinn kept their arms at their sides and looked at her. "What did I do?"

"It's nothing, drop it." Rachel looked away.

"Did I forget some key date? Or is it about the book? I don't have to write it if you don't agree with that." Quinn pushed her forehead against hers. "Or is it something else? Are you jealous?"

"Of what or whom?" Rachel scoffed. She unclenched her fists to lace their fingers together.

"I don't know, you tell me." She nudged her forehead with hers and kept on doing it, until Rachel caved in and leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss her.

"I missed you, that's all." Rachel's arms sneaked around her neck, cradling her head with her forearms.

"I missed you too." Her own arms held her around the waist. She stroked along the small of her back with her fingertips.

"Do you remember our wedding vows?" Rachel whispered against her lips and kissed her gently.

"Of course I do." Quinn nodded with a smile.

"Do you still feel the same about me?" Rachel's palm stroked along her cheek softly. "Or has something changed?"

"We'll take care of each other even when we're old and wrinkly and tired." Quinn recited them slowly. "We'll love each other until our last breath."

"Yes. Exactly." Rachel nodded against her lips.

"I promised you I would be yours and I am going to hold onto that." Quinn pulled her in a strong hug. She held onto Rachel, who hugged her even tighter, as if their lives depended on it.

Rachel had recited those words in her head, while Quinn had said them out loud. She hadn't missed a word. She hadn't forgotten anything about them, but if she ever did Rachel had promised herself and to them to do it for Quinn.

If Quinn couldn't remember, then it was up to her to remind Quinn of who they were and what they had built together.

If Quinn couldn't remember everything, then Rachel would do it for the two of them.

The end

A/N 3: It's the first time I probably write about something like mental diseases and I hope that my work - a pure work of fiction - won't hurt or upset anyone.

I am not a neurologist or a doctor and what I know is purely from what I read or saw, so please forgive me if something is not too accurate.

Any comment is more than welcome, also to fill in the gaps and give this topic enough relevance and justice.

Thank you