AN: The bomb drops. Enjoy.
This morning's session is super early, so I showered last night and now I'm just pacing back and forth in my cell. I'm nervous, which is unusual for me, and I hate the anxiety I feel building. Today it's Hector and Perry who are escorting me to my appointment, and I'm careful to cooperate so we can get down to the room faster.
I want to see her.
Once they've left me in the room, she slips a black elastic off of her wrist and hands it to me. I pull my messier than usual hair up and stare at her across the table.
"You came back." I state.
"As did you." She replies, "Coffee?"
I accept the cup she offers and take a sip, "Thanks." I glance over at a black box and quirk an eyebrow at her, "What's in the box?"
"Muffins, donuts, danish," She says and pushes the box over to me.
"Dauntless?" I ask. This looks so much like the baked goods we had for breakfast every morning, and my mouth is already watering in anticipation.
"No, close though. "She says and I look up at her, "Help yourself. I get them from the bakery that's in the lobby of my apartment building. Definitely not fully Daunltess, but still really good."
"You didn't want to return to Dauntless once everything was over?" I ask. I grab a chocolate chip muffin and take a bite.
Damn, this is good, and it reminds me of home. Internally, I scoff, what exactly is 'home' for me anyway?
"No," She shakes her head, "Like I said yesterday, I currently live and work in Candor, but I lived in Amity briefly after the war."
"Interesting. Is number boy in Dauntless?" I ask.
"Would you have returned to Dauntless had things been different?" She asks.
Interesting, she didn't want to answer anything about Four.
"I doubt it." I shrug, "Probably Amity." I look up and see her smiling at me, "Something funny, Tris?"
"Just imagining you in Amity, strumming a guitar and being stoned on peace serum."
"The peace serum actually isn't that bad, we get it here in low doses. It helps." I reply. I don't like the stuff much, but every once in a while it helps me go to sleep when my anxiety sets in.
"Why Amity?" She asks.
"Johanna and her people wouldn't have turned me away. I wouldn't have been a pariah there. Maybe we could have gotten a little house or something."
I catch the way she shifts in her chair, "We?"
"We were headed there together, weren't we?" She nods along, "Were you just going to drop me off once we got there, Tris?" She shakes her head. Nice, that's at least a little bit of information that she's willing to share, "This is actually good." I nod towards the muffin.
"Some of the people who work in the bakery used to run the cafeteria in Dauntless. They're definitely my favorite place to satisfy a sweet tooth," She agrees. Her body language seems more relaxed.
"Do they make the chocolate cake there?" I ask.
"Oh yeah, they don't have it in the mornings usually, but I can grab some this evening for tomorrow, if you'd like," She offers.
"This means you're coming back tomorrow?" I ask and she nods.
"I'll be here every day, it's going to be up to you whether you sit down with me or walk right back out the door."
"You're the one who left yesterday," I retort.
"I did. I let my emotions get the best of me, this case is a little different for me since we personally knew each other before," She replies.
"I apologize for being crude," I finally say quietly.
"I can accept that apology, thank you for that," She replies.
"Do you ever think about that day?" I ask. I'm afraid of the answer, but I need to know.
She shifts again in her seat, "I do, yes," She replies carefully.
That's not what I expected to hear, and I'm not exactly sure how to feel about it yet. I open my mouth and snap it shut.
"Say what's on your mind," She prods, and then bites into her pastry.
"Is there an issue with that? Like will it hurt my case that we've had, um, intimate relations before?" I ask.
"I've been up front about our sexual encounter, there is no conflict since we have not established any type of relationship afterward. There are enough entries on your visitor log of you refusing to see me to back that up as well," She replies.
I narrow my eyes at her, "Why did you keep coming to see me?"
"Why did you refuse to see me?" She counters.
"You keep asking me that," I challenge.
"And you keep giving me half-assed answers. Give me a satisfactory answer and maybe I'll drop it." She replies.
"Feisty," I murmur, "Are you asking for me to satisfy you again, Miss Prior?" I smirk at her.
"Satisfaction via conversation, yes. I could take a good, long, hard conversation from you all night." She smirks right back at me, and I swear I can feel my dick harden.
"There's the smart ass mouth I remember. I've missed you," I smile at her. This feels more like the Tris I used to know.
"Maybe I've missed you a little too, you always were my favorite verbal sparring partner. So can you answer my question this time?" She asks.
"I refused everyone. When I was moved out to Indianapolis, Lauren was actually out there. She was one of the dentists who would come on site to do exams. I had a tooth abscess, and she fixed me up. We talked for a while, she would visit and such," I shrug.
"Was it nice to have someone you had known before the war reestablish a friendship?"
"I guess. Lauren is good people, she didn't judge me at all."
"Did you think that I would?" She asks.
I look down at her napkin, "What the fuck is that?" I make a face.
"Cheese danish," She says as she pushes it towards me.
"Cheese?" I ask.
"Yes, cream cheese, try it," I crinkle my brow at her, "Trust me, it's good," She says.
I smell it, then take a bite "Jesus Christ," I say around a mouth full.
She smiles at me, "You can have the rest, I'll be sure to grab more than one the next time."
"Yeah like at least three, just for me," I finish her danish then rummage around the box to see if she brought more.
"Do you and Lauren still keep in touch?" She asks.
I nod, "Here and there. Back then she wanted to progress things, like have an actual relationship, or at least fuck. I couldn't, I mean what kind of boyfriend would I be locked up in shit holes like these, especially the way they kept moving me? I can have all the conjugal visits I want, and she was willing, but what happens after that? Meaningless. We're friends though. She's married now, to Lynn, do you remember her?"
She nods, "I had wondered what happened to her after the war."
"Thought you two were friends."
"Lost touch, so it was just Lauren who visited?" She says quickly. She's avoiding something again, but I'll let it slide.
"Lynn came too, once her and Lauren were together. I was surprised to see her, but she had explained that she pretty much ghosted Chicago and everyone there after the Marlene incident, so I guess she was desperate enough for friends to talk to me," I shrug.
She furrows her brow at me, "The Marlene incident?"
She catches me off guard with her response, "How do you not know? Lynn told Marlene how she felt, after Marlene and her had their own intimate encounter. Marlene ghosted her, and high tailed it back to Uriah. Lynn was pretty broken up over it, and she left Chicago and that bullshit behind to visit Lauren. She never left, she and Lauren ended up falling for each other, now they're married. Seem familiar, Tris?"
"I hadn't heard," She replies weakly.
"Interesting situation though, wouldn't you say? Two people sharing an intimate encounter based on a long term mutual attraction, or maybe they were finally giving in to something more? Then one person not knowing how to handle it, just runs back to their original lovers arms? Just going back to what was comfortable, instead of actually talking through their feelings. Marlene going back to Uriah after sleeping with Lynn was pretty fucking cold hearted, don't you think?"
I'm making her uncomfortable and I don't even care. She fucked me and married someone else. She deserves to squirm. She looks down at the folder, and flips through it aimlessly.
"You're not gonna find answers to my questions in that folder, sweetheart." I drawl.
"Lynn was very courageous to have admitted to her feelings. While Marlene may have reacted immaturely, at least she had a chance to know how Lynn actually felt. Besides, it seems to have worked out better in the long run for Lynn, she's happily married now." She finally meets my eyes.
She's staring at me now, those hazel eyes framed with dark lashes are boring into my own. That wasn't the answer I had hoped for, but her reaction tells me a completely different story.
"So no other visitors?" She asks.
"Besides them, no one else ever tried to visit me, except you. I noticed you didn't try again once I was moved back here." I press.
"No, I didn't. You had previously refused me for months, I got the hint," She replies.
"Why did you keep trying? Why would you have wanted to see me?"
"You saved my life, Eric, and then I watched you purposely refuse to cooperate to save your own at your trial. Maybe I wanted answers," She replies.
"I already told you, I followed your lead. I'd heard about your testimony, how you'd managed to omit anything about what happened between me and you to protect your precious Four," I spit, "If you could beat that fucking serum, so could I, it's not like I had a damn thing to live for."
"You felt alone?" She asks.
"Felt?" I scoff, "I was alone. My own mother didn't give a shit. I have no clue who my father is, he was one of my mom's perfect reproductive partners. That's what she cared about in Erudite… my sixteen year old mother got knocked up with me when she was purposely trying to get pregnant by someone with just as high of an IQ as her. Romantic stuff, right? I had no real friends, just the people milling around Erudite licking my mother's boots so she'd toss them a crumb of power. Jeanine killed the only person who was ever like a mother to me. It's not like anyone would have missed me had I been executed with the rest of them."
I've said too much, and I can tell by her expression that she's about to pounce.
"She killed someone close to you?" She asks.
"I don't want to talk about it," I growl.
"Ok, we don't have to, not today," She agrees.
"We don't ever have to talk about it, get it? I decide what I want to fucking talk about, not you, not anyone else in this fucking place. Got it?" I yell.
"I'm fine with that, Eric," Tris waves at the window and I see Perry move away from it, "These sessions are for you. I want to make sure you have every opportunity that's afforded to you to get out of here."
"I don't WANT to be out of here!" I stand.
"Coulter!" Perry shouts as he barrels into the room.
Tris stands between Perry and me, so close that I can smell the lavender and vanilla scented lotion she uses, "its fine, we are fine, please. I pushed him a little too far, we are fine," She assures Perry.
"This is your only warning, Coulter," Perry replies sternly.
I sit back down at the table, crossing my arms and taking deep breaths to try to calm myself down.
"Eric, please tell me why you don't want to leave prison."
"Maybe you should tell me why you want me out so bad, Tris." I reply evenly. I stare at her and dare her to look away, "None of that we think you can be rehabilitated shit either."
"Because you shouldn't have ever been here to start with," She replies nervously.
I'm getting to her.
I lean forward and put my hands on the table, close to hers, and I graze my fingertips across hers. She moves back, crossing her arms across her chest. I mirror her posture, and gaze at her.
"You actually care, Tris, you have feelings for me, you just can't seem to figure them out." I finally say. I stare at her, trailing my eyes down her body and she shifts slightly, but doesn't break eye contact.
"That makes two of us then, Eric." She replies.
I damn sure didn't expect that answer.
"It appears we have finally found something we can agree on," I reply carefully. She's thrown me, and for a moment I don't have words for what I'm feeling.
"Why do you stay here?" She asks.
I lean forward on the table, "I'm someone inside these walls. I get respect," I point my finger at the table as I emphasize each point, "Outside, it's not the same. I'm just a reminder of what Jeanine did. Everyone fucking knows that I'm her kid. I can imagine you even look at me and blame me for losing your parents," I say, screwing my eyes shut briefly.
"You're afraid of being hated," She says in almost a whisper.
"Tris," I growl.
"Eric, I don't hate you. I don't look at you and blame you for what happened to my parents..." She begins.
"I don't know why I'm even talking to you. You're just here because you're being made to be. I'm just another fucking file on your desk. Do you get a prize for me? Am I worth a set of steak knives at least?" I ask angrily.
"I would imagine that throwing knives would be more appropriate, in case you'd like to order someone to throw them at me again. Just not Four this time, I'm pretty sure he'd actually hit me at this juncture in our lives," She quips.
I laugh, throwing my head back and shutting my eyes, and I can hear Tris laughing with me. When I open my eyes to look at her, we crack up again. This feels good, it's the first time I've truly laughed in so long. The door creaking open interrupts us, and we both compose ourselves when Perry walks in.
"Sorry for the interruption Miss Prior, we have someone on the phone for you, line six," He announces.
"Can you please take a message?" Tris asks, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin.
"It's an emergency about your son," Perry states and Tris jumps up to grab the phone on the wall.
Son? She has a kid? Four left his kid? What the fuck?
"Hello, this is Tris Prior," I hear her breathe into the phone. She pauses to listen to whoever is calling.
"Miles Andrew Coulter, I'm his mother," I hear her reply.
Coulter?
I stare at her back, but whatever she's saying on the phone sounds like she's speaking underwater. My face gets hot and my hands clench into fists. Her voice sounds so far away.
She said Coulter.
She finally gets off the phone and turns towards the table, "Miles Andrew Coulter," I seethe, "Tris you have exactly two seconds to tell me what the fuck that was on the phone."
"I have to go, there's an emergency," She just continues packing her messenger bag.
I grab her arm and yank her towards me, "You said son, Tris, is that my kid?" Hector and Perry rush in and pull me away from her, "Tris, is that my kid? Answer me!" I yell.
"I have to go," She hurries past me.
"Is he mine? Tris!" I'm struggling against Hector and Perry, and they're doing their best to drag me down the hall, "Fucking tell me, is he mine?" I scream. I plant my feet against the floor hard and turn my head so I am looking straight at her. She's crying hard, and she nods her head at me as they drag me around the corner.
I have a kid.
"Take me back," I beg, "That's my kid, you heard her, something happened to my son!" I scream. Hector's dark brown eyes meet mine.
"Eric, you've got to calm down," He says.
"I need to go back!" I scream.
They wrestle me to the ground. I can hear Perry calling for assistance on his radio, but I don't care. She said that is my kid. I have a son.
"Hector I have a son." I say and he nods his head, "You knew…" I watch as members of the infirmary staff round the corner and I see the needles, "No, don't give me peace serum, Hector please."
"I'm sorry man, I'll make sure I'm there when you wake up." Hector says before my eyes close.