AN: I apologize for missing our last update, we had family in town and things got hectic. Thank you for the reviews, I love reading them! I appreciate the follows and the continued love for this story. See you all again on Thursday.

Last night's conversation was good. She is definitely getting me, and making the effort to understand my thought process even when I haven't been able to understand it myself. It's Friday, and tomorrow was supposed to be my first family visit with my son, and it's all in jeopardy because of some bullshit a couple of guards made up.

I had talked to Hector about the situation, and even he and I had to be careful with our interactions because of this investigation. Hec said that the two guards, Drewery and Montgomery, were two "old heads" as he called them, people who didn't like the fact that I was in Jeanine's inner circle, but didn't get the death penalty like others had.

Here we are almost ten years later, and I've still got the target on my back. I worry about leaving prison, what happens when I'm out there with my son and someone decides they want revenge?

Tris keeps telling me that I'm being ridiculous, and that she's never hidden who Miles is from anyone, nor has she denied her previous involvement with me. She's convinced that the city I am trying to return to will welcome me back in. I'm not so sure.

I also think about my conversation with Tyson, and I realize that if I am to somehow get out of prison, I've got some work to do in securing a place to live and some sort of work. I'll need to sign up for the classes the prison offers to learn about life after prison.

Life after prison.

It sounds like such a farfetched concept.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the sound of keys, and my cell door is unlocked. Cuffee walks in, and he's never been overly friendly with me as a rule, but ever since the two assholes lied to the supervisor about me the guards have been a lot more brutal than usual. Except for Mike and Hector, I'm now back on the shit list of everyone who works here.

"On your feet, Coulter." He barks and I stand up.

He chains me up and I notice that Perry is standing outside my cell door as well. Once Cuffee leads me out, Perry takes my other side and they roughly lead me down the corridor.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"If we wanted you to know, we would have told you. Shut up and keep it moving." Perry growls and I bite my tongue.

I follow them to the conference room area, and I wonder if this is another appointment with my appellate team. When they open the door, I see her sitting and she smiles at me.

The guards push me into the chair, and then Tris speaks, "Please remove his chains."

The assholes sigh, but do as she asked, and then push me back into the chair roughly before letting the door slam behind them. She slips the elastic off of her wrist and hands it to me.

"Would you believe me if I told you I missed seeing you?" She asks and I smile at her.

"I missed you too." I admit and am rewarded with a grin.

"Hungry?" She asks.

"Fucking starving. Pizza?" I ask and she nods as she opens the box.

Deep dish, with pepperoni, sausage and banana peppers. She paid attention. I look up at her and she's smirking at me. I shake my head and she turns towards the sink area and grabs paper towels from the dispenser. I take a few minutes to appreciate the view, she's wearing tight leggings that hug her curvy hips just perfectly, and the long sleeved t-shirt she's wearing creeps up ever so slightly and exposes her creamy skin.

I want to touch her. I have never wanted another woman the way I want her.

Back in Indianapolis when I had an abscessed tooth, Lauren was the dentist in training who drew the unlucky assignment of earning her credit hours working on prisoners. I was surprised to see her, as was she, but she held it together pretty well as she worked on my tooth. I had to have several follow up appointments to ensure the infection was cleared before she could repair the damaged tooth, and by then she had managed to break through my shell and convince me that she had no ill will towards me. She became the first friend I let back in.

She started visiting me regularly, and we enjoyed each other's company. I had always liked Lauren, but in getting to know the woman she was becoming I definitely started feeling something more. She felt the same, and we had danced around the topic of having a more than friendly relationship.

I couldn't even kiss her.

Indianapolis allowed for contact during visits, as long as prison rules were followed, and Lauren had to initiate the first kiss we shared. It was good, and Lauren is an absolutely beautiful woman with her dark brown hair, bright blue eyes and tall and willowy figure. She's a knockout, and everyone in Indy with me talked about how hot my woman was, but I still couldn't get into it.

I was physically attracted to her, I enjoyed her company and I even desperately wanted to fuck her, but I couldn't no matter what Lauren would try, or how beautiful and sexy she was, I just couldn't get into her.

She wanted a physical relationship, and she pushed me for conjugal visits, but I refused. My body didn't react to her the way it did with Tris. Kissing her didn't ignite the fire in me that kissing Tris had, and I definitely couldn't get hard thinking about Lauren like I did about Tris.

Believe me, I tried.

Self-stimulation was never a problem for me, but the first time I tried to think about Lauren when jerking off my dick wouldn't cooperate. I was horny as fuck, had just left a visit with Lauren where she had kissed me, had discretely run her hand over my clothed dick, and had whispered all of the things she wanted to do with me once we were alone.

I couldn't get into it, until I thought of Tris. Fuck, I need to clear my head, because the things I am thinking of right now aren't appropriate at all for today's visit.

"How is Miles?" I ask.

"He's good, completely recovered from the surgery like nothing ever happened. Pedro is getting him from the bus stop today, and knowing Miles he will refuse to come home when I leave here tonight." She smiles as she turns towards me, and places paper towels on the table.

"Does he like staying over there?"

"Oh yeah, he has his own room, all of the toys and video game systems you could ever need, and a Grampy who loves playing those video games as much as Miles does. I'm not cool enough when it comes to that." She shrugs.

"Just wait until I'm out of here, I bet I can give him a run for his money," I reply before taking a bite of pizza, "Fuck, this is good Tris," I say.

I glance up at her and she's just standing there staring at me, "Aren't you going to eat?" I ask, and I pull a piece of pizza from the box and put it on a paper towel for her.

"Eric, that's the first time you've said anything about being out of here." She says.

She's right, and I can't believe it just slipped out without thought, "I suppose it is."

"Why is that?" She asks.

"Sit with me?" I ask and she slides onto the bench next to me, "I've been thinking about being out of here a lot more, and being able to just talk to you on the phone when you couldn't be here helped me so much. I'm doing this because for the first time in my entire life I finally feel like someone gives a shit about me, I have a kid who actually loves me, I have a purpose outside of these walls."

"He does, Eric. He's so excited to spend time with you. I'm glad you've found your reason, our son is absolutely amazing." She replies.

"You're one of those reasons too, Tris. You can sit there and lie to me and to yourself and say you come here just because it's your job, and I'll call bullshit every time. You come here because you actually believe in me too, and it's not just because I'm the father of your son. I know you actually care about me Tris, more than just this case, just like I said on the phone last night."

"You're right, I do care about you." She agrees.

"I keep asking you what would have happened if we made it to Amity for a reason, Tris." I press.

"What's that reason?"

"Because while you're getting me to open up about my feelings, I think you should do the same. You always tell me I'm holding back, but so are you."

"You are holding back." She argues.

"Then ask me something that you are ready to hear an answer to." I counter.

"Eric, why did you refuse to testify during your trial?" She asks.

"Initially I was pissed at you when I heard you married him. I thought maybe there was something there between us, and maybe I'd have something to come home to. So yeah, I can admit I was being an asshole when they first put me on trial."

"Eric, I know you, there's no way you would have allowed yourself to be sent here, and remained here for almost ten years over a hypothetical relationship for us," She challenges me, and her fiery hazel eyes meet mine, "Please just let me in."

"This is another one of those doors we can't close once it's opened." I reply.

"It's ok, Eric, I don't want you to close it. Let me in."

We are staring at each other, and she doesn't make any effort to look away. I want to kiss her, but instead I put my hand on her thigh, and she places her hand on top of mine. I thread our fingers together before I speak.

"My own mother had been using me and lying to me. Her whole purpose of even having me was to groom someone to be just like her. When she saw the opportunity for power, she changed her angle and then groomed me to help her get that power. She wanted nothing less than full cooperation from me, and when I started to balk she killed Lainie in front of me. You see, Jeanine found out I was divergent too, during her quest to get that fucking box opened, and it made her hate me. I couldn't be controlled Tris, and when I started to disagree with her to her it proved what she had believed all along, that people like us had no place in this city, because we'd never just fall in line. She ostracized me, and treated me like I was a piece of garbage, but surprisingly she let me live, but I didn't understand why until much later. When the shit hit the fan, Jeanine suddenly had a need for her divergent son. She wanted me to lie under the truth serum, because she knew that I could. She let me live because she wanted me to save her ass and sacrifice myself if a need was ever there. She wanted me to lie under the serum, clearing her name, but I refused to do it. I could have lied for her but I didn't, I just refused to answer questions. That way, she wouldn't win."

"But you could have saved yourself, Eric..."

"I didn't want to." I reply.

"Did you want to die?" She asks softly.

I nod, "I expected to get the death penalty, just like everyone else did. I thought that dying by Dauntless execution would be easier than being afraid to walk out of Candor that day, because by refusing to save Jeanine I had signed my own death certificate. I wouldn't have had the guts to off myself, so it would have either been someone taking me out, or me finding another way to end it all. It was the cowards way out, but the death penalty seemed quicker, and it wouldn't have allowed me to change my mind. I was just tired back then, Tris."

"Why did you want to die?" She presses.

"I just told you." I snap, instantly regretting my tone.

"There's more there, Eric, please let me in." She says gently.

I pull our entwined hands to my thigh, keeping them hidden below the table to not alert the guards, "I should have done something to try to stop Jeanine. Tris, she was so fucking awful to me my entire life, and as an adult I finally had my chance to walk away from her and I couldn't. I should have tried to organize against her once I started putting the pieces together. I gave people the mind control serum without really questioning her when she said it was just a tracker, I should have pushed back. People died because of me helping her, even if I didn't know exactly what she had planned at first. My hands were dirty, even if I didn't know why. Tris, ten years ago the best thing that could have happened was for me to disappear without a trace."

"What about now, Eric? When you walk out of those doors a free man, how will you feel?"

I look at her, "Like I'm wanted, like my life matters to someone. I've got a nine year old son who wants me home for his birthday, and I've got you, at least I hope I do. I want to be out of here, Tris. I want to be a better father for our son, and I want to be a better man for you. I feel like I have so much to live for now. I was so angry, for so long, and I'm sorry that I refused to see you. I could have had so much more time with you both."

"You are not your mother, and you shouldn't have to carry the weight of her mistakes on your shoulders. You were just a child when most of this happened. You were barely eighteen when you were arrested. The things she did to you were abuse, Eric, emotional and mental abuse. As your mother, she was supposed to love and protect you and she did neither. You never had a chance to unlearn the very behavior you were taught, but by continuing to talk to me about her, and about how you feel, you are healing."

"I want to make sure I don't repeat this shit with Miles, Tris. I wouldn't have been able to be a good father back then, but I think I'm ready to be one now." I reply softly.

"I think you will be an amazing father, Eric, you are working so hard to heal. Miles is very lucky to have you in his life."

"What about your life, Tris?" I ask, "Is the person I am working towards someone you will want in your life?"

"I am not allowed to think like that," She shakes her head.

"I know you feel it too. This isn't me reading it wrong, I know you feel something for me." I press.

She keeps eye contact with me, but doesn't say a word.

"I want to talk about it." I continue.

She gestures towards the camera on the wall and to the digital recorder she brings to every session.

"We can't." She replies firmly, and her eyes seem to say so much more.

We are cut off by the guard shouting from outside and we hear the keys in the door.

"Tell Miles I can't wait to see him tomorrow." I say to her with a smile. "You're going to be there too, right?"

"Absolutely. He's going to talk your ear off, be prepared." She smiles.

"I can't wait," I grin back.

Cuffee steps away and nods towards Tris. I shuffle closer and Tris pulls the elastic from my hair and tucks my wild curls behind my ears, "You forgot to give this back," She says quietly.

I smile at her again, and watch her for as long as I can before they lead me from the room.