AN: As always, thank you for your reviews and patience. Enjoy.

I'm surprised when Ames comes to get me immediately after my shower, chaining me up to escort me to my therapy appointment. With as sick as Tris was yesterday, I was sure our appointment today would be cancelled, but now I'm making the familiar walk down the hall. I'm silently hoping she didn't drag herself here sick again, and I'm fully prepared to ask her to send someone else if she did.

Once we walk into the room, I know today is going to be different.

"Hello Eric."

"Johanna." I reply.

"As you know, Tris is ill and won't be able to conduct your sessions until she's cleared to work again. I'd like to continue working with you, if that's okay with you." She says with a smile.

I can hear Ames taking a deep breath behind me, "Coulter, are you staying or going?" He asks.

"Staying." I reply and I reach my arms out so he can easily unchain me.

"I'll be right outside the door." Ames says before closing it behind him.

"Is she okay?" I ask from my seat across from Johanna.

"She gave me permission to share with you that she has the flu. She's at home resting, Miles is with us and so far he's not showing any signs of being sick. Pedro and I will each go and check on her to make sure she has food and plenty of water." She replies.

"Her breathing sounded awful." I sigh.

"She's very sick, but she's on medication, and Pedro and I are available, and Jack is always on standby if we can't be there." She replies.

"Of course Jack is."

Johanna quirks one eyebrow at me and I realize I left myself open.

"Does her friendship with Jack bother you Eric?" She asks.

"Straight to the point, huh?" I smirk.

"Eric, I've observed all of your sessions with Tris, and I think she has done wonderful work with you. However, I believe it's harder for you to broach some topics with her because of your feelings for her." Johanna replies.

Damn. Tris is good, but Johanna just may be better.

"And by feelings, you mean the fact that I am in love with her?" I ask bluntly. To her credit, she doesn't even flinch.

"Yes, I believe the fact that you are in love with her sometimes keeps you guarded in your sessions with her." She retorts without missing a beat.

"Does this mean she can't be my therapist any longer?" I press and she shakes her head.

"No, it just means if Tris finds herself reciprocating those feelings she will need to remove herself. I trust Tris, I know that if she feels she's unable to continue with your therapy that she will tell me." Johanna replies, "Eric, when did you realize you were in love with her?"

I sit back in the chair and try to pull my hair up.

"Oh, Tris said I needed to bring this to each session. I see why now." She slides a black elastic over to me and I smile as I put my hair up. Even while sick, Tris thinks of everything.

"Thanks." I reply.

"Back to my question, when did you realize that you were in love with her?" She asks.

She's pushy. I need to do this though, for my son, and for Tris.

"Recently." I reply carefully.

"If we were to start at the beginning of your interactions with Tris, was there ever a time when you were younger that you questioned your feelings for her?" She asks.

"I know you know about it. You've observed the sessions, you know about my childhood, so can we have these conversations without me talking about that specifically?" I ask.

Johanna leans forward on the table, "Eric, you don't have to talk to me about topics that you have already discussed with Tris, unless you want to. Since I have been one of the observers, I am privy to your previous conversations. If you want to discuss those, we can."

"Fair enough," I nod, "So, back in Dauntless I was a little confused by my attraction and pull to her. I'd had a previous girlfriend for months, one that I couldn't initiate contact with. Sky initiated all of our kisses, she held my hand, she's even the one who encouraged us to get naked and try to have sex. I couldn't do anything with her. After Sky and I broke up, I didn't date. I just did my job and left everyone alone. When Tris showed up, I definitely was not looking for anything with her. Being attracted to a woman has never been an issue for me, but initiating contact has been. I didn't have that issue with Tris when we were in Dauntless, I kissed her and I definitely liked it."

"I can imagine that having that type of interaction with her made you question what was different between your relationship with Sky and your relationship with Tris." Johanna replies.

"Yeah, for sure. I was confused, and with everything that happened in Erudite I was even more conflicted with how I felt for her." I admit.

"I see," She makes notes and doesn't really show her hand as to what she's thinking.

"Is that bad?" I ask.

"Not at all. Before incarceration, were you interested in pursuing a relationship with Tris?" She asks.

"Yes." I admit freely.

"How did you find out she had gotten married?" She asks.

"Harrison, and Jeanine too. They realized she was my weakness, and they used anything they learned about her after I was arrested to their advantage. They told me that Tris had gotten married the day after she made it to Amity, that she remained married when we were both in Candor. They made it sound like she was just happy go lucky, and didn't give two fucks about me almost dying or being locked up in Candor. When she didn't show up to see me at all, I believed them."

"You refused to see her when you were first here in Chicago. Was that because of her marriage to Tobias?" She asks.

"Yes."

She writes something else down in her notebook, and I decide to keep going.

"Miles asked me recently if I had a chance to do it all over if I would have made different decisions," I begin and she trails her dark brown eyes to mine, "I told him I would have. I hate what I did to him, denying Tris meant I denied him too. I missed the first nine years of his life because I was pissed at his mother."

"Have you ever considered that the issues that caused you to feel safer in prison were based on reality?" She asks.

"What, the target on my back?" I ask.

"Yes. You've mentioned in several ways that part of the reason you sent yourself to prison, and even remained in prison was because you felt like you were going to be a target of Jeanine's followers. That your life was in jeopardy." She states.

"Yeah, I definitely spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder." I agree.

"Had you made it to me in Amity, I couldn't have protected you if they came for you. Eric, you know the way our faction was ran. After the war, Jeanine's people ravaged my faction. It took years to rebuild our city, years to get people who supported Jeanine weeded out of our society. Many of her sympathizers ended up leaving the city, but there are a handful here and there who remain. I do understand why you felt safer being behind bars than living out in the open in a city that had ill feelings towards you." Johanna explains. "Especially when those ill feelings were so fresh and raw for the city."

"I wish Tris understood." I sigh.

"She does, Eric. She knows exactly why you were in that dark place, and she wants to make sure you never go back," She picks up her notebook and circles something before training her eyes on me again, "Now, will you tell me if Jack's place in Tris and Miles life bothers you?"

"You don't even bother trying to soften the blow, huh?"

"I have the advantage of wanting to see you succeed, but not having a personal involvement with you. It makes it a bit easier." She smiles.

"You're my son's grandmother." I challenge.

"Yes, indeed I am." She agrees.

"You might be my mother in law one day." I add.

"That's quite presumptuous, isn't it Eric?" She asks.

"A guy can hope, right?"

"Hope is always a good thing. This also means you see a life outside of prison." She states.

"I want to be a father for my son, I hope that Tris will want me by her side as well."

"Outside of Sky and Tris, have you had any other relationships?" She asks.

"I had a friend named Lauren that I reconnected with when I was out in Indy. We tried, and it had potential, but what kind of boyfriend could I be while locked up in places like this? She deserved better." I shrug.

"Did your intimacy issues recur while you were seeing Lauren?" She asks.

I nod my head, "Yeah."

"You didn't talk to her about your past?" She asks and I shake my head, "Were there trust issues there?"

"I don't think so. I was pretty open with Lauren about most things, but before this therapy I never told anyone."

"Do you think it's possible that your feelings for Tris are more due to the lack of intimacy issues between you?" Johanna asks.

"No. I'll admit that the lack of issues when being with her is definitely in the forefront of my thoughts, but she's more than just that to me. I trust her. She's the most selfless person I've ever met. She's an amazing mother. She's strong, beautiful, caring, and she shows me how much she cares for me in every interaction. She's it for me. I want a future with her that goes beyond co-parenting our son."

"And if she doesn't?"

I bring my hand to my mouth and chew on my thumbnail, while regarding the woman sitting across from me. I hate the thought of Tris not feeling the same way I feel, but this is so much bigger than the two of us now. We have Miles to think about.

"Then I continue to be the best father I can be for Miles, and I respect the boundaries she sets in the relationship." I reply.

The slow smile that travels across Johanna's face while she takes notes tells me that I have at least one person who believes my feelings for Tris are genuine.

Johanna and I spend the next two days together, talking much like we did the first day. She did manage to make me feel comfortable enough to openly discuss the abuse I suffered, and how it's impacted different aspects of my adult life. She also got me to understand something Tris had been working with me on as well, Jeanine's neglect and emotional abuse.

For me, abuse meant someone physically hurting someone else. I never could wrap my head around how abuse could be mental, emotional or anything else. Tris has been trying to get me to understand that Jeanine's neglect, and disinterest in parenting me was a form of abuse. Her manipulation in my later childhood and into adulthood was mental and emotional abuse.

By day three, Johanna has decided she won't let me avoid talking about Jack Kang any longer. Today she brought coffee, and those damn cheese danishes, so I know Tris has let her know that I have a weakness for both.

Once my hair is up, my coffee is in hand and I have one of the danishes down I finally answer about Jack.

"I respect him for being there for Miles. He has always known that Miles was my son, but he didn't let that tarnish his view of him. I appreciate him for what he did, and continues to do for Miles and Tris." I reply.

"There's a but." Johanna replies.

"He was capable then, and even now of giving them the life I should have given them." I reply.

"Jack has never once tried to take your place in Miles' life, Eric. He's been by Tris's side, explaining to that boy that his father isn't a bad man. He's helped to answer questions about you, and to always keep you in his life. I think if you were to meet Jack, with Miles, you would see that for yourself."

"I'm sure once I'm out of here that he and I will have that sit down, but for now I'll just have to take your word for it." I reply before taking a sip of my coffee.

"Or, you could allow him to bring Miles on Sunday for your visit."

I begin to cough, choking on the coffee I had been trying to swallow when she made that preposterous suggestion. She hands me a napkin and I wipe my mouth, calming down the coughing and taking a couple of deep breaths.

"You have to be shitting me, Jo." I reply finally.

"No, definitely not shitting you, Eric. I would come too, I can be here as a buffer in the event that things do not go well, and if at any time you are uncomfortable we can have Jack leave and I will remain here for the rest of your visit." Johanna explains.

"I don't think I can do that, and I'm sure Jack has better things to do than spend four hours in a prison with me." I scoff.

"I've already spoken with Jack, he is very excited about the prospect."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." She returns, "You can call him today if you'd like. He's provided his cell phone, which I have added to your approved calling list."

"You can just add people to my list like that?"

"I can, and I can also remove anyone who is detrimental to your progress." She replies.

"What does Tris think?" I ask.

"You would need to talk to her about that yourself. I don't discuss things about our sessions that are directly related to her with her." She replies.

"Is she able to talk?" I ask and she nods, "Okay I can call her today."

"Jack too?" She asks.

"Yeah, fine, him too."

She smiles at me and writes something down in her notebook. I mentally chastise myself, what the hell have I gotten myself into?