AN: Sorry for missing yesterday's update. I'll be posting chapters 20 and 21 to make up for it, and there will be no update tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating it tomorrow.
The visit with Pedro and Miles yesterday went extremely well, it's obvious that the two of them have an incredible relationship. It also helped me to begin to develop a relationship with him as well. I've known Johanna for years, but I hadn't met her husband until he came for his first personal visit. I learned that Pedro is retired, and he decided to do so in order to be a full time caregiver for my son when Tris is unable to.
Pedro was a farmer when the faction system was still in place. He grew all types of vegetables, raised livestock and also ran a small dairy that distributed their products to the Amity faction. The vegetables and meat that his farm produced fed all of the factions for many years, and he was happiest when he had dirt under his nails and a sheen of sweat on his brow from a long day in the fields.
After the war, the faction system was abolished and Chicago became an integrated part of the United States. The country itself had been ravaged during the Great War many years prior, but there were many cities thriving outside of the walls that were built around our city. There were other independent cities operating much like we were, but slowly they were all integrated into the larger federal government. Except Chicago, which I later learned was due to the fear-mongering of our own city leaders.
My mother included, she was the ring leader when it came to refusing to integrate into the federal system.
When Johanna came home one day and told him she's received a phone call from a tearful Tris Eaton, she peaked his interest. Johanna had explained that Tris was pregnant, had been kicked out of her home by her young husband, and that the baby wasn't his. He knew that he and Jo needed to help her, if it were for nothing more than giving her a safe place to stay while she figured out her next steps.
Through Pedro, I learned about Tris' pregnancy. The night she arrived, she was terrified. Here was a seventeen year old, who had lost both of her parents and her brother in various ways during the war, who now had the added responsibility of a pregnancy. Johanna began talking to Tris, using her background in psychiatry to help bring the young woman out of the deep PTSD she was suffering from.
Pedro remembers the day he found out that I was the father of Tris' unborn child, and he openly admitted to me that it shook him to his core. He, like many others in the city knew I was innocent of the crimes I had ultimately been convicted of, but because of my notoriety he was deeply concerned for Tris' health and safety. I was a hated man, and if people knew that Tris was carrying my child it could become incredibly dangerous for her.
So, they hid her. They knew that, at minimum, Tobias Eaton was aware of who the father of Tris' baby was, and Johanna herself had placed a phone call to him asking him for one favor when it came to Tris. She asked him to keep the father's identity to himself, and asked that anyone in his circle who already knew about the pregnancy not discuss who the baby's father was. Surprisingly, he agreed, because he knew in the current climate of the city if someone were to find out that Tris was carrying my child it would move that target straight onto her back.
Tris spent her entire pregnancy working for Johanna doing clerical work. Pedro and Johanna provided her with a safe place to live, the therapy she needed, and love that she had been missing ever since she lost her family.
I found out that Tris didn't immediately file for a birth certificate when she had Miles. She was adamant that she would give him my last name, so she waited as long as possible to file the official paperwork that would list me as the father of her child. Once she did, there were a few murmurs when she had to do things like register him for school, but at that point enough time had passed for people to leave them alone.
Today, I am once again in the family room, waiting for my son to arrive. When he comes barreling into the room, he heads straight for me as always and I pick him up in a bear hug. I watch warily as Jack and Johanna hang their own jackets up, and once I set Miles back down he shrugs his own jacket off and hangs it on the back of a chair.
"Jack, come meet my dad!" He says excitedly as he grabs Jack's hand and drags him to me, "This is my dad, his name is Eric James Coulter. Dad, this is my friend, his name is Jackson Lawrence Kang, but he goes by Jack."
"Nice to see you again, Eric." Jack says with a smile as he offers his hand to me. I shake it and nod towards him.
"Likewise."
"Here Dad," Miles hands me an elastic from his own wrist and I put my hair up in a bun, "Mom said you would need it."
"Your mom is a pretty smart lady." I agree.
"Nana, come see this…" Miles says as he drags Johanna over to the TV area.
"He has a new game here, he started it yesterday." I saw awkwardly to Jack.
"Ah. You want a cup of coffee? We brought some…" He gestures back to the table and I nod my head.
Jack and I take a seat at the table, and I watch as Miles shows Jo his new game.
"Thanks for allowing me to come here today." Jack says.
"I was surprised you were willing to, honestly." I reply.
"Why wouldn't I? I have no ill will towards you, Eric. It's quite the opposite, I'm actually very happy to see the progress that's been made with you and Miles."
"He's a great kid." I say as my eyes travel back over to my son.
"Tris has done an outstanding job with him." Jack agrees.
"You have too." I add and I can see the surprise on his face, "You've helped raise him."
"I love Miles, as you said he is a great kid. It's been a privilege to be a part of his life." He replies.
We sit in silence, drinking coffee and watching Miles across the room. For the most part, the visit goes well, even though I'm continuing to feel uneasy about my place in Miles and Tris' life. Jack is great with Miles, and he fits in easily with Johanna. I know that he's successful, and I can see that he's handsome and kind, he could really give Tris and Miles so much more than I can.
I'm a convict, who may or may not even get out of jail before his sentence is over, who may or may not even be able to get myself a job or a place to live after this is all over.
When we say our goodbyes, it's business as usual, and I hold on to my son for as long as he lets me. I share a hug with Johanna, and a handshake with Jack and then they're out the door.
The next week passes slowly, and although I have daily therapy with Jo, and nightly phone calls with Miles and Tris, I'm starting to feel that numbness inside that was present before Tris came back into my life.
My weekend with Miles is fresh in my mind this morning as I wait for my therapy appointment. We had a great weekend, with Pedro, Jo and even Jack bringing Miles for his time with me. Hector escorts me down to the conference room, and when we enter I smile.
She's back.
"It's real good to see you back, Tris. You gave this one here quite a scare," He gestures towards me while he removes my cuffs and chains, "I'll be right outside if you need me."
"Thanks Hector, good to see you as well," Tris replies.
As soon as Hec leaves the room I sit next to Tris and pull her into my arms. She relaxes as soon as she notices we're once again in the room without cameras, and we just sit there, for several seconds, breathing each other in.
"Johanna said I've been moved to step down sessions," I say quietly.
"Yes, I have a new case, so Johanna and I will both be spending time with you. We will only be with you twice a week for one hour sessions moving forward. It's not unusual at all, especially when there has been as much positive progress as you've shown."
"We still have our family weekend's right?" I feel her nod against me, "Can you come for personal visits too?"
"I'm not sure if I can while I'm still professionally involved with you, I heard that Sunday went well," Tris replies, changing the subject.
"From Jo or from Jack?" I lean away so I can look at her. She passes me an elastic and I pull my hair up in a bun.
"Both. Now I'd like to hear about it from you."
I close my eyes and sigh before answering, "It was weird, I think if I could get out of my own head and just stop viewing him as my girlfriend's ex it would help a lot. It's also hard to look at someone like him, who can give you and Miles the world, and wonder where my place in all of this is."
"Your place is that you are Miles' father, Eric. Jack's presence in his life doesn't diminish that. Miles has never viewed Jack as a replacement for you," She argues.
"What if you had of married him, Tris?"
"There is no what if, I didn't." She replies.
"What if you had of, or what if Four hadn't of left?" I press.
"Neither of those hypothetical situations have any bearing on your place in Miles' life. You are his father, you are the only one who will ever have that place in his life or in his heart, Eric. All of the Jack Kang's or Tobias Eaton's of the world will never be what you are to us. Do you think your place in Miles' life is dependent on your place in my life?" She asks.
"The thought has crossed my mind."
"We need to agree that those are two separate entities, because no matter who you or I are with, we co-parent our son. Don't you think I worry about these things too, Eric? What happens if we were to pursue other relationships and a new potential step-parent is introduced into our lives?" She argues.
Is she fucking kidding me right now? I don't want anyone but her.
"I hadn't thought of it that way, I guess I get tunnel vision sometimes." I lock eyes with her, and can't tell exactly what she's feeling.
"Everything is a possibility. We have to have a strong co-parenting relationship in order to make sure this works for Miles. If you and I are to get together, and it works out, that's obviously a perfect scenario. If we don't get together, we continue to co-parent our son. If we both find someone else, we put Miles' needs up front and we make decisions that include him."
"Our places, first and foremost in each other's life is co-parents to our son, that's always the top level of everything we do from here out."
"That's it. We are a family, in our own chosen way. You and Jack spending time together with Miles was huge, he hasn't stopped talking about it. He loved having you both there, but what he loved the most was showing off his dad to his friend," She replies.
"Johanna has helped me level set a lot of this stuff too. I'm not the best when it comes to these things, but I am trying."
"I think you are doing an amazing job," She reaches for my hand and squeezes.
"Do you ever think about having another one?"
She shakes her head, "It was a subject that came up when Jack and I were together, but I wasn't ready then, he was, and that rather large difference of opinion was the beginning of the end of my relationship with him. Do you think of having more?"
"I have thought of it, but I don't know that it would be fair to Miles. I don't want him to watch us bring another life into the world that we're both able to be there for, when for almost ten years he only had you," I say quietly.
"Eric, I think you should consider more than just what is front of you right now," She says.
If she wants to put on a show for this fucking recording, I can too.