Chapter 5:

"CAN'T YOU GO TO SCHOOL ONE DAY WITHOUT MESSING EVERYTHING UP?"

I flinch. My dad's yelling at me. See, I told you.

I look down at my Algebra II homework, pretending to concentrate so I can ignore the burning feeling I have in my ears. I can feel my face flaming. I'm really starting to wish I had finished this at school, because now I have so much homework and I'm still not getting it done.

Stupid augmented matrices.

I did this last year in eighth grade, but I sort of forgot. I had to restart it when I went to high school.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE FREAK?"

My face is really hot now, and I can feel my ears turning red. I feel like crying, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he hurt me.

"IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO DO A DISSECTION WITHOUT MESSING UP? WHY CAN EVERYBODY ELSE DO IT?"

I don't want to listen to him. I don't want to hear it.

You don't mean anything to me, I try to say to myself, but who am I kidding? I'm know it hurts, you know it hurts. I don't have to listen to this. I'm normal. I'm not a freak. I'm not messed up.

I wish that ears could close. Then I wouldn't have to listen to all the stuff he was saying about me. I could close them and not hear anything—just do my work by myself. And then when I wanted to listen again, I could open them. They would just close and open—and when I say closed, I mean closed—like those walnut shells.

"WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR HOTDOG? YOUR MOTHER ALREADY WASTES ENOUGH MONEY SO YOU CAN HAVE TWO OF EACH THING! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?" He's over me and spitting everywhere.

I can see the spit fleck on my homework. I'm trying to keep my anger in and not say something I'll regret.

"HOW MUCH MORE MONEY CAN WE WASTE ON YOU? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD?"

My mom's not here. He would never do this if my mom was here. But my mom is out with her friends shopping, and I'm stuck at home with my dad. I get scared when I'm at home alone with my dad.

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK INTO MY EYES! YOU STUPID WASTE OF LIFE!"

5x, I start writing, pressing down the pencil so hard that the tip breaks.

Shoot.

"SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE LISTENING SEAN JASON AXLE! I'M YOUR FATHER AND I EXPECT FOR YOU TO LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!"

I'm seeing red and all the sudden I can't hold it in anymore.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DO NOTHING FOR ME! YOU NEVER HELP ME! ALL YOU DO IS PUT ME DOWN AND SCREAM AT ME!" I howl at him, jumping out of my chair. My chair falls over, and I almost trip over it, but I'm so mad now that I don't really care. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE OCD! DO YOU THINK I ASKED FOR IT? DO YOU THINK I'M HAPPY LIKE THOSE STUPID KIDS IN THOSE CLOTHING ADS? DO YOU THINK I LIKE IT WHEN I START BAWLING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT NOBODY ELSE IS BOTHERED BY? DO YOU THINK I LIKE NOT BEING NORMAL? DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY I WANT TO SWITCH LIVES WITH SOMEBODY ELSE LIKE ZACK OR CODY? WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE IT'S ALL MY FAULT? IT'S NOT, OK? IT WAS YOUR DAD THAT HAD OCD AND PASSED IT ON TO ME! IT WAS IN THE GENES, OK?"

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?" I continue. I'm so mad I have to get it all out. "HOW CAN YOU LIKE DISSECTING THINGS LIKE THAT? IT WAS AN EYE, DAD! IT WAS AN EYE! IT LOOKED LIKE A PERSON'S EYE! I COULD HAVE BEEN DISSECTING YOUR EYE! I COULD HAVE BEEN DISSECTING CODY'S EYE! HOW CAN YOU NOT BE SICK IF YOUR MIND WORKS LIKE THAT?"

My dad is staring at me in shock as I finally manage to cool down and stop shouting. I've never gotten so angry in my life. I've never talked to him like that either.

There's an awkward silence.

My dad is shaking with rage. Oh God.

He's going to kill me.

"How dare you speak to me in that tone of voice?" he hisses in a narrow whisper. "You know how hard it is to raise you? I have to work like a dog to put you through school and take you to counseling. Don't you dare talk to me like that ever again, you hear me?"

I don't trust myself enough to answer him.

I'm still pretty mad too. I bet if you poured water on me, steam would come off.

Don't say anything, I say to myself, trying not to let it go. But I can't help it.

"You know what?" I say angrily back. "I think I'm over listening to you."

My dad's face turns all red and he suddenly reaches out a hand and slaps me as hard as he can—so hard in fact, that I fall on the ground. Then he just turns and leaves the room, leaving me there to think about what I've done.

xxx

I couldn't finish my homework last night. I actually cried myself to sleep.

Miss Evans is going to be ticked.

Mom came home really late, and I was asleep by then, so she didn't know what he did. She didn't know what her monster of a husband did to me.

She didn't notice anything in the morning either, so when I left on the bus, she still hadn't said anything.

And now I'm sitting next to Cody only he notices there's a huge red mark on my face, which I tell him that I got from falling down the stairs.

He doesn't believe me, of course. But he doesn't press either, so it's good.

Anyway, it looks like there's something wrong with Cody himself. He looks really sad and he's been quiet for almost this entire bus ride.

"What's wrong Cody?" I ask him.

He looks at me with this look that says, You tell me what's wrong with you first.

But I shake my head, and he gets it.

"It's just…" he breaks off. "Zack made the basketball team and I didn't."

Big deal. It's not that big of a surprise, but Cody tends to get hurt like that. He's really sort of super-sensitive, so I have to be careful of what I say to him.

You see—well, in Middle School, Zack and Cody always both made the team. I guess the coaches just felt bad about cutting one twin while the other twin got on the team. Well, this is high school. There are a whole lot of other better players than Cody (and maybe even Zack), and I guess the coaches just can't keep Cody anymore, even though he's their star player's twin. I mean, well… they need the best players they can get. (Even I didn't bother to try out. I have a whole lot of other things to worry about—like finishing Miss Evans's homework for one).

"It's… it's ok, Cody," I try to tell him, but it's really not ok. Well, it's not ok for Cody. He's used to having his twin everywhere. He loves Zack more than anybody in the world.

I don't know if I'm being selfish, but I can't help sort of being angry at Cody. Why is he making such a big deal out of something so little and worthless? I'm the one who has real problems at home.

Cody looks at me with such a sad look in his eyes that I completely forgot about my angry feelings towards him.

"I just feel… I just feel like Zack's always the better twin, the cooler twin. I'm always the good and nice twin. I'm tired of it Tape. I'm tired of it."

"Don't be," I try to make him see that I like the way he's the nice twin. "You know the reason I like you so much better than Zack is because you're not the cooler twin, but you do what you know is right. You're a leader—Zack's a follower. That's what makes the difference."

"But I miss him," Cody gives me this even sadder look. My golly, those brown eyes could make even my dad cry. They have this pathetic puppy look and I hate them. Wait, I take that back. "I miss Zack. He and I used to do everything together. What's happening to that, Tape?"

I don't know what to say. I really don't.

Even I, Tapeworm Axle, the most outspoken and talkative boy in our grade, don't know what to say. I don't know how to help him.

It seems as if their bond's broken.

And it's never going to mend. Even I can't glue it back together.

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