Where is My Mind? by FiveFootAngel, a fullmetal alchemist fanfic

Ooooooh
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself

Where is my mind?

It was raining...again...it always rained on his birthday it could be a perfectly sunny morning but come hell or high water it would rain on his birthday, and this year was no different. He was lost not literally..."I'm 18 today..." He sighed.

'I hate you...I hate you so much...' He thought bitterly staring at the gravestone. He sat down next to the gravestone and leaned his head against it feeling the cold stone against his skin.

"You just had to go didn't you..." He murmured, "What did I do make you go? Please tell me, why did you leave what could I have possibly of done to make you leave us like that?" He traced the letters with his automail hand. "Al doesn't remember you...hell I don't remember you...well not really...what do I remember about you? I remember your eyes...I remember Mom always saying I looked like you," He laughed bitterly. "And the most hilarious thing was although I pretended to hate you i couldn't...I...I can't hate you...WHY CAN'T I HATE YOU?" He moaned.

Where is my mind?

"I don't know what I'm doing here anymore...well I'm here to get Al's body back I guess...but after that, if achieve that goal what's left for me? I'm only 18 and I'm living the life of a 35 year old." He paused, and looked up at the grey sky. "But I don't know what I'm doing after that if I do it that is...it's a dream isn't it? But dreams are only dreams a fantasy so what do I do when it's over then it's reality and there's nothing else...what do I have to live for except Al? What is my life?" He smiled and bit his lip. "Where is my mind I'm talking to a fcking grave for Christ's sake! I really am losing it!" He shivered and wrapped his coat around him.

Way out in the water

See it swimmin' ?
I was swimmin' in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rocks
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin' to talk to me to me to me

"I don't hate you...you bastard...as much as I try I can't...I used to stay up all night waiting for you to come home...bet you didn't know that! I used to sit in the cold night waiting for you...Mom used to always say how proud you'd be of me when you came home..." He paused. "But you never came home did you? And you were never proud of me...disappointed I seem to recall...ashamed of me because I killed my mother an may as well have killed Alphonse...yeah ashamed pretty much covers how I feel too." His clothes were sticking to him now, his hair even more dishevelled than usual. " I'm not a very likable guy...nobody said 'happy birthday Edward' or 'Wow you're 18!' not even a smile...I want to die...I want to be with you and Mom I don't want to live here anymore...nobody wants me here anymore what do I have to live for...there's no friends no girl who loves me...I can't remember what love is it's been so goddamn long..." He sniffed it was hard to tell if he was crying water was flowing rapidly from his face already but Ed could taste the salty tears. "Look at me! Crying like an infant...I'm too old for this I'm an adult...

Where is my mind?

"I miss you...I miss you so damn much...and then you came back...you came back and you didn't even have a chance to be with me and Al to be the dad I always wanted...I just wanted a dad...someone to look after me when nobody else could...I had to look after Mom and Al because you weren't there!" He laughed again except it came out like a loud sob "I'm losing my mind I'm going insane...I want to die because I can't die...I understand what Wrath said if he became human would he want to die? Do humans want to die? If I died tomorrow the world wouldn't end life would go on...I'm insignificant we all are...All is one and one is all..." The figure from behind the trees studied the wet teen with a frown, he had no idea what was going on in this boy's life...he thought he did but it turns out he was drastically wrong in his perception of the boy's life. Edward Elric was gone...there was no confident glint to his eyes, no cheerful grin no snappy comeback; he was just a frightened boy talking to someone who would listen.

Ooooh
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Ooooh
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Ooooh
Ooooh

" Edward?" The boy turned around shocked that someone else had been there.

"Oh it's just you what do you want?" Edward said curtly he froze. "How long have you been here?" He said warily.

"Long enough Fullmetal..." He knelt down to face the younger boy.

"Don't you have anything better to do than listen to me?" He said surly trying to ignore the older man's worried expression.

"I can't have a subordinate depressed can I?" He said smoothly. Edward stood up angrily.

"SO THAT'S IT THEN?" The older man looked taken aback by this sudden outburst.

"I-"

"YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME! JUST SOME STUPID PROMOTION!" Edward began to walk off angrily, followed by the older man.

"Edward I-"

"Don't call me Edward! All I am to you is FULLMETAL... so call me that!" The older man grabbed Edward by the sleeve.

"No you're not just Fullmetal..." He said, before pulling the younger boy into a hug. "You're my Edward Elric...you're unique, amazing you inspire people, I wish you could see how incredible you are Edward." Ed blushed.

"I didn't know you..." He trailed off.

"Didn't know I cared?" The older man said raising an eyebrow, Edward looked at the floor flushing.

"Erm well I dunno I never really thought about it..."He shifted from side to side uncomfortable, he looked up at the older man. "Roy..." He mumbled, "Will you take me home?" Roy smiled and kissed the young alchemist.

"I thought you'd never ask..."

Where is my mind?