Chapter 11: Confidence

"What?" I'm trying not to sound mean, but what can you say to a guy who tried to drown you in paint?

"I… uh…" Yeah, yeah, you dork. Lose your confidence. I feel so mean, but I know that Zack had this coming for him all along.

I mean, what kind of kid tries to drown his brother in paint? What kind of kid is so weak that he can't stand up for his own twin? What kind of kid lies about it too? If he wanted to hurt somebody—he could at least admit it.

"Yeah?" I say disinterestedly, glancing somewhere else. Zack tries to catch my gaze, but I'm not going to let him.

"Uh…"

"Would you just say it already?" I snap. I mean, Zack Martin has finally lost his confidence, and I'm glad about it. "Get on with it!"

"I'm sorry, ok?" he bursts out. "I'm sorry! I was a complete idiot! I shouldn't have done any of those things to you—or to Cody. I've already made it up to Cody—he's forgiven me—but now I need to have your forgiveness too!"

"Why?" All this time Zack Martin has never cared about me. Why should he start now?

"I need it," he pushes his tongue around in his mouth like he doesn't know what to say. "I need you to forgive me because I messed up bad, Tapeworm. I messed up, and I need to start over. But I can't start over until I'm forgiven. I mean, Cody's forgiven me, Mom's grounded me, but I'm forgiven too—and all I need is for you to forgive me so I can go on. Or else I'm just stuck on the same page again, and I can't change, Tapeworm. I can't. So please, please give that to me."

I don't answer his pleas. Instead, I go on a completely different topic. "So, how did I get here?"

Zack looks distressed, but he doesn't say anything. He just decides to answer my question. "Well, you didn't come to school, so I got worried. I told Cody what I knew—he didn't believe me—why should he have believed anything I said after what I did to him? He didn't believe me, but I started crying—yes, Zack Martin started crying—and he got scared and thought I had to be telling the truth. So then he called your house, but no one picked up. So I called the police, they found you—your dad had taken off somewhere—and they brought you out here. About two hours later, they found your dad, and your mom was called. You've been out for about two days—your mom works fast when she's mad. I mean, she just got the divorce papers and everything, and the divorce is almost final. Your dad's going to jail for awhile… and well, that's basically how you got here. I called the police."

There's silence for awhile. I know he has to be telling the truth, but part of me doesn't want to believe him. Why? Because if I believe him, then I'll forgive him, and Cody was right all along. That's not really the problem. The problem is that if I do believe him, I'll think he's ok, and then, knowing Zack, he's going to mess up again and make it all worse than it already was. Cody can't deal with that. I can't deal with that.

See, Cody forgives too easily. And Tapeworm used to forgive easily too. But over these last couple of days with all this drama and all these events, Tapeworm's disappeared. The Tapeworm that I am disappeared. The Tapeworm that I used to be is gone, and has been replaced with some sort of stranger—some stranger currently without a name.

Zack stands there, his hands in his pockets, kicking the ground nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Zack…" I say, breaking off. "Zack… I want to forgive you. I want to more than anything. I'm just afraid that you're going to turn around and hurt us all again, and I can't deal with that, Zack. I really can't. The Tapeworm that you knew would forgive you. But I'm not Tapeworm anymore, Zack. I'm not Tapeworm. I don't even know what I am anymore. I don't know who I am, because Tapeworm's gone and in his place is this stranger that's not me. This stranger that wants less than anything in the world to move on and let go and forgive you. I can't do it. I can't do anything until I find myself first."

"Tapeworm," Zack protests, grabbing onto my hand. Usually I'd jerk away from him, but he's squeezing it so I can't really pull away. And these tears are spilling out of his eyes and he's gasping. I really don't want to see Zack Martin break. That would be a little too strange for me.

"Tapeworm, you haven't changed. You're still the same person. You're still Tapeworm," his voice cracks. "You're still Tapeworm, can't you see? I was the one that changed, I was the one who messed up really bad. And I need a second chance, Tape. I need a second chance to change who I've become to who I used to be. And only you can give that to me."

He breaks past my protest, and continues, "You're still the same. You're still the same Tapeworm who looks after Cody and is best friends with my brother. You're still the same crazy kid with all his weird stories and OCD attacks. You're still the same kid who wants to protect Cody more than anything in the world, and that's why you can't forgive me. Because I hurt Cody, and that's what you've been trying to stop all along. Please, Tapeworm."

His eyes are begging me, and that's when I notice that Cody and Zack have the exact same puppy dog eyes. "Just look inside, because you're still Tapeworm. I know it, Cody knows it, your mom knows it. Even your dad knows it, and that's why he's mad because he hasn't been able to change you or break you. You're still the strong-willed talkative kid that you've always been, so please Tapeworm, find it in you. You're still there."

There's a silence after he finishes. I think really hard. Is Zack Martin right? I mean, what he says is logical. If I'd changed that much, Cody wouldn't be hanging out with me anymore. My dad wouldn't still hate me. I wouldn't be thinking all these crazy thoughts in my head.

As Zack sits there bawling with those tears streaming down his face, I look hard at him and realize he's right. He's right.

Zack Martin's right.

"I forgive you," I manage to say, noticing that my voice cracks. Yeah, I'm still Tapeworm. Even my voice has the same quality of rising and falling, since it hasn't broken yet.

"Thanks, buddy," Zack says. All the sudden, I realize how much Zack's like Cody. They're both willing to forgive, willing to admit their mistakes, willing to start over. That's how they're related. Not because they're twins, identical, or brothers, it's because they have the same kindness and confidence.

They helped me find my confidence. That's strange. The two most insecure kids in the freshmen grade helped the kid with the most secure self-esteem find himself again.

The world works in weird ways.

The End

Gasp. I'm done? YES, YES, YES! I've completed a story! That's such an accomplishment! Well, review, and keep your eyes open for a sequel. Sort of a corny ending, but I thought it worked.