Unreachable

A/N: Ok so I have been away for a while, I guess this one shot is marking my comeback... The point is that even though you won't be lost at the end I recommend you read Truth Hurts as well, this is the sequel which has 1200 words and I spent over a year writing... and well... just read while I bury myself ...

It's been three years since Draco walked out on her. She doesn't care anymore, or at least, she acts like she doesn't. As much as she tries, I know she cares. The last words he told her left a mark on her heart. I can't even remember how many times she tried to take her life. How many nights she cried herself to sleep. It's all a blur now… mostly for her. I've taken care of her as much as I can. I've tried believing she loves me as much as she says she does but I know it's not true. She never loved me… it was a fling… just a fling. I don't love her that way either…. Or do I? I love her with all my heart, though I sometimes find it amusing how I try to fool myself into believing I don't love her.

How can I not love her? She's the most amazing person that has ever come into my life. She's the only person who took the time to know me, to tease me, make me laugh. She even tried to make me go out on dates. But I only wanted her. My sweet Hermione…

I'll never regret she got pregnant with my baby. But I'll always punish myself because I only got her by my side because she didn't have anywhere to go or someone to go home to. I'm guilty of her pain… as much as she is guilty of mine. I sometimes feel like she should love me and nobody else. I feel like she needs to get a grip on herself and stop thinking about Draco. He left her. He didn't care the reasons she cheated on him with me. He didn't take the time to listen. But I… I took the time to listen to her problems when she was still with him. I helped her drown her pains in passion. I helped her recover her soul.

I don't know what to do to make Hermione smile every time that cold November night comes by every year and she just secludes herself from every one and everything. How she screams and fights me off when I try to calm her… how she blames me for Draco leaving her.

I ignore it. I'm not to blame. I was there for her. Nothing else. I loved her at the time, yes. But she didn't know. I didn't tell her until our daughter was a year old. I'll never forget the day I told her. She had been holding a cup of coffee in her hand and it crashed to the floor. Her lips parted as though she was going to say something, but she didn't. She just picked up the broken cup and walked out of the kitchen. I felt as though the walls were caving in on me. It was very clear to me at that moment… She would never love me.

I still get the sane feeling of dread every time that night is approaching. I feel I was there listening to them yell at each other. Listen to Hermione crying, begging for forgiveness.

I still think I should've been the other way around. Hermione should've left him. Draco should've cheated on her. Draco should've been the one impregnating another woman. Draco should be the bad guy in this life. It should all be Draco's fault.

Lots of life's were destroyed for one little mistake. I guess, not all mistakes are good. I don't even understand why we do things that will eventually come to light. But we all do. I've done it. It's all part of that vicious circle of life everybody in this world is fed up of. Everything that goes up must come down. Everything that is done in the dark comes to light. Karma. Got to love it. Got to hate it. It's so good when it bites somebody you hate in the ass but it hurts so much when it bites you. Damn karma. Damn life.

Life without love is not life at all… whoever said that should be a genius. We've got living proof of it everywhere. Curse whoever thought of making love in the world. In the end, nobody deserves it. Not even me. It's that cursed vicious circle again. The circle of life. Damn it.

I knew the moment I heard the sound of the doorbell that Karma had come to bite me. To punish me. I was going to hell for forcing a woman to be on my side by getting her pregnant. I was going to hell because she was leaving me.

I opened the door and there he stood cocky as ever. Draco Fucking Malfoy and the stupid sneer on his face. I looked at him for a second before nodding and stepping aside to let him in.

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs asleep, I packed her bags," I said walking up the stairs and heard him follow. "She still doesn't know."

"Good," he said. I pointed in the direction of her room and he entered.

Whatever happened in there I'll never know… but I heard Hermione crying and yelling at Malfoy, then he was yelling. And I heard glass crashing against the walls and our daughter's wails. Then Silence. Silence.

The silence was palpable. It was nauseating. Excruciating. And then he came back out, holding the little girl in his arms and looking flustered, teary eyed, and angry as ever. I understood why. For three years he had been deceived. Hermione had been deceived. I had been deceived. By myself.

"She took it well," he said sardonically. My baby girl was still crying but I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at Malfoy. "Where's her stuff?"

I pointed at the little bag next to the top of the stairs and looked back over my shoulder at Hermione. Her face was tear stained, her hair was a mess, and it looked as though she had just dropped twenty pounds.

"How could you?" she whispered, shattering my heart into a million pieces.

"He deserved to know the truth," I answered quietly. I noticed Draco was already making his way down the stairs and felt a sudden dread. She was leaving me too.

I went into Hermione's room and saw her packing. She was still crying and I held back my own tears. The two girls of my life left me on the same day.

"Draco agreed to joint custody of Adela," said Hermione still not looking at me. "But he doesn't want to have anything to do with me or you. But I guess that part is already arranged."

"Did you ever really love me?" I asked her. She didn't stop her packing or her crying. In fact she didn't even acknowledge the question.

"You know," she started. "I told him she was your daughter because I really thought she was... I admitted I cheated because I needed to. I moved in with you because Adela needed a family… I thought you really did love me. But you don't. You don't and never did so don't tell me you did, Sirius. Don't tell me you did."

She slammed the door behind her.