Give a man one gun and he's Superman. Give him two, and he's God.
Please!
The boat had stopped off at Altamira.
"Alright, so I've decided to live here" Kratos said as the team docked.
"I'm finally getting married!" Yuan blurted as he hopped around.
"Well, at least he's wearing pants" Raine commented.
"What good news!" Colette commented.
After unpacking into their things into the hotel the team stopped at the beach. Lloyd and Genis were making sand castles, Colette and Presea were swimming, Sheena was stopping Zelos was being a pervert, Raine and Kratos were reading, and Regal was no where in sight.
I Just Wanna Live
I need an
alarm system in my house
So I know when people are
Creepin about
These people are
Freakin me out
(these days)
It's getting hectic everywhere that I go
They won't leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know
I'm paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see?
I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
I rock a
Law suit
When I'm going to court
A white suit
When I'm getting divorced
A black suit
at the funeral home
and my birthday suit
When I'm home alone
Talking on the phone
Got an interview
With the Rolling Stone
They're sayin
"Now your rich and
Now your famous"
Fake ass girls all know your name and
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Your first hit are you ashamed
Of the life
Of the life
Of the life your living?
I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live
Stop your messing around boy
Better think of your future
"Better make some good plans boy" Said every one of my teachers
Look out
You better play it safe
You never know what hard times will come your way
We say
Where we're coming from
We've already seen the worst that this life can bring
Now we expect it everywhere that we go
All the things that they say
Yeah we already know
I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
I just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
I just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Just wanna live
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live
Silver Blitz
Two days after leaving S.S. Cruxis the TOS gang went to the Hot Springs.
The Hot Springs
Later that day our heroes settled into going to the hot springs. The girls sat in the pool of relaxingly hot water while the guys sat around (fully clothed) playing video games.
"Damn it, Kratos!" Zelos blurted.
"Give up! Princess Peach can never beat Mario!" Kratos said.
"But my Fruit Named hunny is so pretty" Zelos whined.
Zelos was defeated. A woman came over and told the guys that the girls were almost done so the guys left to get ready. While in the spring the girls were talking and one again (like in the game) Zelos hid behind one of the wooden…stalls? And peeked on the girls.
"Ah, my little nymphs" Zelos muttered.
"What are you doing" Kratos whispered.
"00! Kratos, -', I was just checking up on the girls to see if they were done" Zelos said.
"Quit with the crap, we are going now" Kratos whispered. Kratos grabbed Zelos' arm.
"No!" Zelos whined.
"OO!" was Kratos' reaction.
"O.O!" was Zelos' reaction.
"You have just killed us" Kratos whispered.
Soon enough the girls came around to find the two angels.
"What are you doing!" Sheena exclaimed.
"clears throat You can do this, stay calm" Kratos thought, "ZELOS WAS PEEKING SO I WAS DRAGGING HIM OFF!"
" " was Sheena's reply.
"We can always believe Kratos, he's definitely not a pervert" Raine said.
Lloyd came over.
"There you guys are…AAAH!" Lloyd blurted.
"AAAH!" the girls said.
"See! Now you know that I wasn't lying!" Lloyd blurted.
"Alright then" Sheena said.
Lloyd no longer has the title "Peeping Tom"
"Yay!" Lloyd blurted.
"You know what, there is this totally cool dance club. We should go" Zelos said.
"Do we have to?" Kratos asked.
"Well, only us adults and Sheena anyway" Zelos said.
"I don't want to come" Regal said.
"I don't want to go either" Kratos said.
"It's called Silver Blitz" Zelos rambled.
"Anyway, we're going" Sheena muttered.
"Why can't I come!" Lloyd blurted.
"No beer" Kratos quickly replied.
"Please?" Lloyd asked.
"No" Kratos said.
Zelos put his arm around Kratos. Kratos looked irritated and drew back but Zelos held on.
"This is why we're going. Raine's kinda stuck up, and you're like a freaking pistachio" Zelos said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Raine exclaimed.
"Well Raine, your snobbish and patronizing. You reading all those books, you outta know what they mean" Zelos said.
"Zelos! That was mean!" Colette said.
"She wanted me to explain" Zelos said as he shrugged.
"Can't beat that logic" Lloyd commented.
"Now Kratos is like a pistachio because they're--" Zelos started.
"SO ING HARD TO OPEN! ARGGGH!" Yuan blurted.
Everyone looked over to Yuan who was about to use a hammer to smash open the small nut.
"What Yuan said" Zelos said cheerfully.
Silver Blitz
At the club they wore:
Kratos: Black dress shirt, dark blue jeans, black shoes
Raine: Metallic light blue off-shoulder top, black skirt, tall black boots
Yuan: Dark blue jersey, light blue jeans, white sneakers
Martel: White shirt, dark blue jeans, matching denim jacket, white sneakers
Zelos: White dress shirt, black jacket, black jeans, white sneakers
Sheena: Black turtleneck top, long denim skirt, black boots
"I hate you VERY much" Kratos muttered.
"You'll thank me later" Zelos said.
So our adult heroes split up amongst the club. Zelos with women, Martel and Sheena dancing around, Yuan finding out about the technology used in the DJ booth, Raine and Kratos at the bar.
"I'll take a Long Island Ice Tea" Kratos said.
"What is in those things?" Raine asked.
"Vodka, gin, light rum, tequila, lemon juice, superfine sugar, and cola" Kratos replied.
"I want one too!" Raine said.
"Raine, have you ever drank before?" Kratos asked.
"Nope" Raine replied cheerfully.
"Uh" Kratos started.
By the time Kratos was going to start, Raine was given her drink and she drank away.
Inferno
As our heroes arrived at home Zelos' eyes widened to see that his house was on fire.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! MY MANSION! AAAAAHHHHHH!" was Zelos' reaction.
Yuan slapped Zelos across the face and Zelos fainted. After everyone was out and the fire was destroyed the story was told.
"I was kinda sleepy and I was microwaving fries, I dunno what happened" Lloyd said.
"Was there a fork in the microwave?" Sheena asked.
"Yeah, why?" Lloyd replied.
Zelos suddenly awoke and started choking Lloyd.
"YOU NEVER PUT A FORK IN A MICROWAVE! ESPECIALLY IN MY MANSION" Zelos blurted.
"You can stay at my house" Lloyd said.
"NO!" Kratos suddenly blurted, "clears throat I mean, try a bigger place"
"How about Derris-Kharlan?" Genis asked, who was suddenly choked by Yuan.
"Are you insane!" Yuan yelled.
"Why doesn't anyone like having me in their house?" Zelos asked.
"Not mine because you're a pervert. No females in the household" Sheena said.
"Lloyd's place it is" Zelos said.
Abundance of Smack Downs
The next morning started off with doilies. They were everywhere! Under every lamp, plant, cup. It was freaking Kratos.
"What the hell is with the doilies?" Kratos asked.
"This place looks so…cozy" Zelos said.
"Uh-huh" Kratos said.
"I never would've thought to put the dining room and the kitchen in the same room, it's fantastic!" Zelos said.
"Right" Kratos said.
"You poor people are so creative!" Zelos said.
"He called us what!" Lloyd's voice blurted.
"What?" Zelos asked.
Zelos shrugged and walked off, only to be jumped by Lloyd and beaten up.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 1
"Help! He's foaming!" Zelos blurted.
"It's just toothpaste" Kratos said, "I'm going to brush my teeth"
Upon leaving the bathroom Kratos looked for his Cruxis or at least his Mercenary uniform only to find suits.
"What the hell!" Kratos blurted.
"I hid your clothes so that you'll get used to something stylish" Zelos said. Kratos beat him up.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 2
As soon as the guys entered the kitchen-dining room there was Dirk wearing a suit and a pink apron. Lloyd twitched.
"Uh, Dirk…what's with the outfit?" Lloyd asked.
"You're friend made me wear it" Dirk said.
"Doesn't he look adorable!" Zelos blurted.
"Why is he dressed like that?" Lloyd asked.
"Well the way he dresses makes him look… filthy. But now he looks snazzy" Zelos blurted.
"Queer Eye for the Dwarf Guy" Kratos whispered.
Everyone sat down for breakfast which consisted of the average two eggs and bacon looking like a smile.
"Dad, my breakfast is looking at me" Lloyd complained.
"Cut it or something, get rid of it" Kratos said.
"Drink something" Zelos said.
"AAAHH! What the hell is this?" Lloyd asked.
"Tea" Zelos replied calmly, "Adults get coffee"
"I am an adult" Lloyd said.
"Who still can't multiply 2 times 3?" Zelos replied calmly.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 3
"Never mind, I need to get to school" Lloyd said.
Lloyd practically devoured his breakfast and left.
"No manners, that boy" Zelos said.
"Well, Raine made me help out at the school. I better get going" Kratos said
Kratos left with Lloyd, leaving Dirk with Zelos.
At school Lloyd banged his head against his desk.
"You shouldn't do that, I heard you'll loose your mind…MUHAHAHAHA!" Colette said.
"Oo?" was Genis' reply.
"OO?" was Lloyd's reply.
"So what happened with Zelos?" Genis asked.
"Its Queer Eye for Us Guys" Lloyd said miserably.
Raine walked in. As soon as she set her books down Zelos came through.
"Raine! Good thing I found you! Here's some gifts!" Zelos blurted.
Raine looked in one bag which consisted of detangling products and a pair of pjs for Genis. The second bag consisted of a pair of pjs which were more… on the provocative side. Raine became flustered and closed the bag. Her embarrassment soon turned into anger.
"Are you trying to humiliate me?" Raine blurted.
"You wanna ditch this place and hang with me?" Zelos asked.
"It's through one ear and out the other" Raine thought.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 4
Zelos had just left the nurse's office and put ice over his aching eye.
When the guys came home…
"This place looks so clean" Kratos commented.
"It looks like Snow White broke in here with Mr. Clean!" Lloyd blurted.
"Isn't it just lovely, you should see your room" Zelos said.
Lloyd walked in to see that his room was clean. Lloyd thought it was kinda creepy. He checked into this closet and screamed.
"WHERE'D MY PORNOGRAPHY GO!" Lloyd yelled.
"Oh, so you can pronounce pornography but not buttermilk" Kratos commented.
"I threw that smut away…or kept it, I can't remember" Zelos said absentmindedly.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 5
Smack Downs for Zelos: 6
Smack Downs for Zelos: 7
Smack Downs for Zelos: 8
"T-T My porn" Lloyd cried.
"You're pathetic" Kratos said as he held his head.
"You had pornography!" Dirk asked.
Smack Downs for Lloyd: 1
"I bet he did your laundry" Kratos commented.
"Zelos is gone, there's a note" Dirk said, "It's says: Out to Super Cool Gorgeous Beauty"
"That bastard" Kratos said.
Kratos rushed upstairs and changed into his finally found Cruxis uniform and then stormed off to Raine's house. There he found Zelos purring (literally) while hugging Raine.
"(anime vein)" was Kratos' reaction.
"(anime vein and blushing)" was Raine's reaction.
"(purring loudly) :3 :3 :3" was Zelos' reaction.
Smack Downs for Zelos: 9
Smack Downs for Zelos: 10
Smack Downs for Zelos: 11
Smack Downs for Zelos: 12
"- I'm in such deep pain" Zelos said.
With all that, Zelos passed out.
Chillaxin At Last
After a week, 38 Smack Downs for Zelos, and two packs of pain killers our heroes survived…barely. Zelos and his hunnies got Zelos a new house which was better than before. It even had a kitchen-dining room.
"My house looks even more fancier! Oops, a doily is missing" Zelos said.
Zelos pulled out a doily from his pocket and put it under the small vase. Everyone gave him the WTF look.
"You have gotta be kidding me?" Genis asked.
"Why?" Zelos asked.
"Never mind" Genis replied.
"I shall distribute gifts!" Zelos blurted.
Kratos: a new outfit
Raine: more provocative clothing. Smack Downs for Zelos: 39
Sheena: very provocative clothing. Smack Downs for Zelos: 40
Lloyd: Pornography. Smack Downs for Lloyd: 2
Colette: A stuffed bunny
Genis: A new Kendama
Presea: A dress
Regal: A journal
Yuan: A baggie of hair ties
"Don't you love them?" Zelos asked.
"If I wasn't being held back by Kratos, I'd hit you again" Raine said.
Change
Two days later Dirk was taking Noishe out on his walk/jog/run, leaving Kratos and Lloyd at breakfast.
"Lloyd, we need to talk" Kratos said.
"Girls are people too, I'm not allowed to have sex until I'm 25, I know where babies come from, I'm not gay" Lloyd said.
"That's all I need to say" Kratos said.
"Oh…alrighty then" Lloyd said.
"I just realized that Raine CAN'T cook"
"She is not a bad cook, she is microwave compatible." Kratos said.
"I get it now" Lloyd replied.
Da Mall
Our heroes went into the Renegade Mall and split up amongst themselves doing nothing but shop. What a spree. After hours spent on buying stuff…
"The store will be closing in 5 minutes" Yuan blurted.
"We better go" Kratos said.
As our heroes were just about to leave they realized that Colette was gone.
"She's either in the clothing, jewelry, or pet shop" Lloyd said.
The group split up and by the time that they had collected Colette and came back…the mall was closed.
"We're stuck in a mall!" Lloyd blurted.
"YAY! WE'RE STUCK IN A MALL!" Zelos cheered.
"I'm sorry, this is my fault" Colette said.
"Don't worry Colette, we don't blame you" Sheena said.
"Then…why are you…choking me?" Colette asked.
"Never mind why" Sheena said.
After Sheena was forced to let go our team became worried.
"What are we going to do for food!" Lloyd panicked. Genis slapped him.
"This is worse than the Thoda Dock!" Raine panicked. Sheena slapped her.
(Flashback of the Thoda Dock)
Our Heroes arrived at the Thoda Dock.
"It's a washtub" Lloyd commented.
"A washtub…hm" was Kratos' remark.
"This looks like fun! Lets go in" Colette blurted.
"You go on without me" Raine blurted.
Lloyd turned to Raine.
"Professor, are you afraid of water or something?" Lloyd asked.
"No, I'm just not going in there" Raine said crossly.
"Come on Raine, it'll be fine!" Genis said as he grabbed Raine's arm.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Raine screamed (very girlishly)
"O.O!" was Genis' reply.
"OO" was Colette's reply.
"OO!" was Kratos' reply.
"0.0" was Lloyd's reply.
"00!" was Sheena's reply.
"Ah?" Lloyd asked.
"I was just saying 'Ah, this'll be fun'" Raine said.
Raine walked past everyone and got into the boat. Kratos scoffed.
(Flashback over)
"I don't think so" Kratos said.
"So what do we do now?" Presea asked.
"I think that we should find a store where we can sleep" Regal said.
"Uh aren't all the stores locked?" Zelos asked.
"Not if we break into them" Kratos said.
"I can cover all the security cameras with Shadow's power" Sheena said.
Sheena walked off to start her summoning. After everything was done, the gang broke into a future shop to take walkie-talkies, batteries and went to some other store for flashlights.
The team set up 'camp' in Sears where the beds were kept and headed off to find food. Luckily in this mall, there was a Fortinos.
"Where'd Zelos go?" Colette asked.
There was a noise coming from the farthest section where the ice cream was kept. Our heroes ran over to find Zelos covered in strawberry ice cream.
"That poor stupid Chosen" Sheena commented.
"My stomach" Zelos whined.
"Where'd Kratos go?" Presea asked.
"And Lloyd" Genis blurted.
The sounds of loud crunching was heard. Everyone ran into the chip section where the Aurion family was munching on chips.
"What the hell are you guys doing!" Raine blurted.
"Come on, it's a grocery store. Eat whatever" Kratos said.
"Pudding!" Raine blurted.
"Cookies!" Colette blurted.
"Cheese!" Genis blurted.
"Candy!" Sheena blurted.
"CANDY!" was everyone's reply.
Everyone rushed to that place where you can pick out candy and started eating whatever. So they went on a Snack Attack, eating their favourite Just-open-the-box-and-shut-up foods.
"Stolen Pop-Tarts have never tasted so good" Colette said.
"Hey…where did Sheena go?" Lloyd asked.
"Oh, she was by the coffee…why?" Colette asked.
"Omfg!" was Zelos' reaction.
Zelos got up and ran. Sheena popped out of nowhere and hugged Zelos.
"Bumpkin" Sheena blurted.
"I am not a hillbilly!" Zelos blurted.
"So that's what bumpkin means" Lloyd said.
"Of course that's what it means" Genis said crudely.
That comment earned Genis a bump on the head.
"This is odd. Zelos running away from a girl" Raine said.
"I guess he's only used to having them be at a certain distance" Regal said.
"And possibly them used to being sane" Kratos added.
Everyone nodded at the same time. There was a long period of silence.
"Daddy…what is Sheena doing to Zelos?" Lloyd asked.
"Avert your eyes children" Raine said.
Yup, Sheena was giving Zelos a wedgie. After that awkward moment she hugged him.
"Help" Zelos whispered.
Kratos pulled out a bamboo stick thing, put a needle in it, and shot a tranquilizer dart in Sheena's neck. Sheena fell over.
"Alright, everyone grab one last snack and let's go to bed" Kratos said.
"What about brushing teeth?" Genis asked.
"Steal mouthwash or something" Kratos replied.
"What about showers?" Zelos panicked.
"Use deodorant, like I do" Lloyd replied, "I haven't taken a shower in two weeks and no one has noticed yet, losers"
Everyone took a step back from Lloyd.
Cling
The gang was waltzing through the hygiene aisle. Lloyd came upon a bottle of Axe Body Spray and since he was still Shower Hiatus, he used some. Before going to bed Lloyd was suddenly jumped on by Colette followed by Presea.
"Lloyd! What did you do!" Genis blurted angrily.
"I dunno" Lloyd panicked.
"He did what I did. He didn't pay attention to the commercials" Kratos said.
Kratos apparently was jumped on by Raine and Sheena.
"And all of you, quit getting jealous. If this stuff works, who knows what other product does" Kratos said.
"It's going to be awkward to potty" Lloyd commented.
"It'll be hard to sleep" Kratos replied.
Home Sweet Home
The next day the mall doors were opened.
"Alright, we'll go through the air vents to the vent closest to the door, then we'll run" Raine said.
"Can we steal stuff on our way?" Zelos asked.
"Only light objects or it'll slow you down" Presea said.
Everyone stole a laptop, a backpack to hold the laptop, clothing, jewelry, and a bunch of candy. They stuffed all their merchandise in their newly stolen backpacks and they escaped.
"I guess we went overboard" Lloyd commented.
"No kidding" Zelos said as he stuffed his mouth with candy.
As soon as our heroes arrived at home they laid around and did nothing.
"We should get locked inside a mall more often" Lloyd said.
"Damn straight" was everyone's reply.
The End