AN: Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, Poptarts, and other brand name stuffs.
Crash
Our heroes were at Zelos' mansion chillin' out, maxin', relaxin all cool and were deciding on a movie. They at first decided on The Matrix.
READY STEADY GO
By Fullmetal Alchemist
READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO
fukitonde yuku fukei korugaru you ni mae e
kurushi magure demo hyouteki wa mou minogasanai
ate ni naranai chizu yakute shimaeba ii sa
uzumoreta shinjitsu kono tenohira de tsukami torou
muchuu de (hayaku) kake nukete kita
urusai kurai ni harisake sou na kodou no takanari
hibite (yonde) iru kimi no koe
koko de tachidomaru you na jikan wa nai sa
READY STEADY GO
kazoe kirenai kizu kakae konde ite mo
chotto yasotto ja tamashi made wa ubawasenai
ano oka no mukou de kimi ni deaeta nara
nani kara hana sou sonna koto bakari omou yo
muchuu de (hayaku) kake nukete kita
urusai kurai ni harisake sou na kodou no takanari
hibite (yonde) iru kimi no koe
koko de tachidomaru you na jikan wa nai sa
READY STEADY GO
READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO
kokoro wa (hashiru) ano sora no shita
karamawari suru kimochi ga sakebi dasu no o tomerarenai
kimi made (todoke) kitto ato sukoshi
atsuku hizashi ga terasu kono michi no mukou
READY STEADY GO
PLEASE. TRUST ME.
Onward
"Are you sure you guys don't wanna watch a romance" Zelos asked.
At that moment Kratos had walking in, feeling a lot better since the hit in the head with the flying vase.
"I greatly doubt it" Kratos said.
"Translation?" Lloyd asked.
"No" Genis replied.
"You're just dying to get close to Ra--" Yuan whispered.
Kratos glared. He grabbed Yuan's arm and flipped him over his shoulder. He then lifted him and slammed him into the wall.
"You should keep your mouth shut" Kratos said as he walked away calmly.
Raine walked in, not knowing what just went on and holding a bowl of popcorn.
"What happened to you?" Raine asked.
"Well I was teasing Kratos about how he really likes--" Yuan started.
Yuan was cut short since Kratos chucked a rock at him out of nowhere and Yuan fell to the floor. Raine pulled out a stick from nowhere and started poking him.
"Wow, he's unconscious" Raine said.
"Now for the movie" Kratos said.
A Mission
While the others were watching Kratos took this moment to crawl away. Even though watching some movie wasn't a really social thing he still didn't like being surrounded, besides this was the only time he could be alone. Lloyd and anyone younger than him plus Presea sat on the carpet while everyone else watched the movie. While no one was paying attention Kratos played Mission Impossible and slowly left the couch. He army crawled past the couch and out of the living room.
"They'll hear the door" Kratos thought.
Kratos slowly crawled up the stairs and paused whenever moved. He finally made it to Raines room where he went over to a desk and placed a scroll on it. He opened the window to find a gutter pipe leading down. Kratos shimmied down the pipe and landed on his feet.
"Why didn't I just fly?" Kratos said to himself, "Whatever"
Kratos sprung out his wings and flew off.
After the movie…
"Omg! Dad evaporated!" Lloyd exclaimed.
"He didn't evaporate, stupid! He left!" Genis blurted.
"I knew that" Lloyd said slightly blushing.
"I'm tired, I'm going upstairs" Raine said.
Raine went into her room and found the scroll. She unraveled it.
Dear Raine,
As you can see, I have left. Don't worry, I have not gone to Derris-Kharlan again. My whereabouts, which no one else should know, is at the Symphonia Tree. Meet me there.
Love Yours truly, Kratos
P.S.
Bring money
"Wow" Raine commented.
Raine changed into her Glamorous Beauty outfit and she snuck out a Rheaird. She eventually found the Symphonia Tree. She hopped off the Rheaird and walked over to the humongous tree. Fireflies appeared in the sky and it was a very beautiful night. Kratos walked over.
"You made it" Kratos said.
"I had too, If I hadn't I never would've saw this" Raine said.
"I know this is out of character but I really love you" Kratos said.
"Wow, that was the quickest confession of love I have ever heard!" Raine exclaimed.
"What?" Kratos asked.
"I mean like with all the stuttering and interruptions a normal confession would take forever! Yours was quick! I love you too" Raine said giving Kratos a hug, "I even bet this is still disturbing for you"
"It is, trust me" Kratos said plainly.
Meanwhile up in a tree…
"I told you that she was going to hug him, pay up" Yuan whispered.
"Yes, sir" Random Renegade Number 24 said (RR24).
"Sweet, I get 1,000 gald" Yuan said clutching his money.
Back to Kratos and Raine…
Raine let go of Kratos and Kratos leaned over and kissed Raine.
"What's that? Yeah, she's Frenchin' him! Pay up" Yuan whispered.
Kratos and Raine broke the kiss and were leaving when a ninja attacked (you know, those black wearing ones with the masks). The ninja took out a sword.
"Give me your woman, she'll make an excellent housewife" Ninja said.
"You wanna piece of me?" Kratos asked as he unsheathed his sword.
The ninja didn't respond and he attacked. After whooping his ass the ninja lay on the ground unconscious.
"He won't be able to have you sa his wife since I want you to be mine" Kratos said.
Kratos pulled out a box with a ring on it.
"Omg! Of course!" Raine said.
"Can I get up now?" Ninja asked.
"Sure" Kratos replied.
Ninja got up and took off his mask to reveal Yuan.
"Kratos, you're the sweetest retard ever" Raine said as she gave Kratos a hug.
Yuan walked over and held out his hand.
"Uh…did you bring the money?" Kratos asked.
"I only brought 1,500 gald" Raine said.
"I can break it" Yuan said as he snatched the money, "I am on a roll!"
"I'm hungry" Kratos said.
The three went back to Zelos' mansion.
Yuan and Kratos
Kratos and Yuan were hanging at Yuan's headquarters.
"Just do it, Kratos" Yuan ordered.
"You stupid jerk" Kratos muttered.
"Do it, or I won't let you leave!" Yuan blurted.
"sigh" Kratos replied.
"WONDER TWIN POWER, ACTIVATE!" the two Seraphim said.
"Form of…a cloud" Yuan blurted.
nothing happens
"Yuan, we got these out of a box of Meltoki O's" Kratos said crossly.
"I know, now back to business" Yuan said as he sat down, "Sit!"
"Fine, whatever" Kratos said as he sat.
"Seeing as my wedding to Martel is only in two days I want you to do me a favour" Yuan said.
"What?" Kratos asked.
"Buy me a plasma television" Yuan said.
"Fine" Kratos said.
"You and your monosyllable replies. RR24 pay up, he said yes" Yuan hollered.
RR24 walked in and handed Yuan a bunch of gald.
"You have a gambling problem" Kratos said.
"RR25, I told you he was going to have a negative response. You guys think I don't know Kratos Aurion. We've known each other for 4023 years" Yuan said.
"Right, we've known each other since kindergarten" Kratos said.
"That's why you're the best man, Kratos" Yuan said.
"Anything else?" Kratos asked.
"Yeah, announce your proposal at the wedding" Yuan said.
"Its your wedding, I don't want to take away your thunder" Kratos said.
"Yeah, but if you don't I'll talk about your Bed Wetting Escapades" Yuan said.
"Fine, I'll do it" Kratos said crossly.
Yuan's Wedding
FF to the reception.
Everyone was dancing with someone.
"P-P-Presea?" Genis stuttered.
"Yes, Genis?" Presea responded.
"W-w-would you like to d-d-d-d-d-dance with m-me?" Genis asked.
"Of course" Presea said with a smile. Genis turned pink.
"Luscious hunny" Zelos sang.
"What is it Zelos?" Sheena asked crossly.
"How about a dance with your favourite red-head" Zelos said.
"Don't I have any other options?" Sheena asked.
"Nope, Lloyd's been taken by Colette and I doubt you wanna dance with Regal" Zelos said calmly.
"Maybe I do" Sheena said.
"No you don't" Zelos replied.
"Yeah, you're right. Let's go dance" Sheena said.
Yuan and Martel were starting to dance. Kratos was about to sneak off to avoid dancing when Yuan caught him.
"You better start dancing or I stick a two-way communicator one way up your ass" Yuan threatened. Kratos gulped.
"What's going on?" Raine asked.
"You wanna dance, Raine?" Kratos asked.
"Sure" Raine said.
Eventually people were eating and Yuan kicked Kratos.
"What?" Kratos whispered.
"Bathroom" Yuan said.
"No" Kratos said.
Yuan forced Kratos to get up and started shoving Kratos. When the two got to the bathroom Yuan started fixing his hair.
"You know what you have to do" Yuan said.
"Forget it! I can't do it at a wedding" Kratos said.
"You've been in more embarrassing situations" Yuan said.
"No" Kratos said.
"You know what I say: Do it or I'll castrate you with a light saber" Yuan said calmly.
"Alright, I do it" Kratos said.
"You're my best friend' Yuan said.
"Whatever" Kratos said.
"Great, and don't forget my plasma screen TV" Yuan said.
"I didn't" Kratos said.
Announcement
Kratos and Yuan came back and the bouquet event was about to start.
"I don't know why I'm here" Raine muttered.
The bouquet was thrown. It hit Raine on the head and rebounded and landed in her arms. Raine's eyes glittered. Kratos got up and took the microphone.
"sigh Ladies and gentlemen, I know that this is Yuan's wedding but he asked me a favour" Kratos said.
"What is he doing?" Raine asked.
"As you see, Raine caught the bouquet meaning she gets married next. Thing is, we're engaged" Kratos said.
Raine got up and went over to Kratos and took the Mike.
"Lloyd, this means that Genis will be your uncle not your brother" Raine said.
"I KNEW THAT! I JUST FORGOT A LITTLE!" Lloyd hollered.
Fairy Tale
That night when everyone went home Kratos and Raine lay on a bed and stared into the ceiling.
"I'm going to go change" Raine said she got up.
"I'll go later, my feet hurt" Kratos said.
"DAD!" Lloyd hollered.
Kratos walked into Lloyd's room.
"Read me a bedtime story. I've always wanted my real father to read me a story" Lloyd said with chibi eyes.
"Believe me, I've read to you before" Kratos said.
"I wanna story!" Lloyd cried.
"Fine! Once upon a time there was a princess being bugged by a pimp, so her knight in shining armour kicked his sorry ass. The end" Kratos said.
"Wow….snoring" was Lloyd's reply.
"Aw, that so cute. He drools" Raine said.
"Yeah, but what about him?" Kratos asked.
Kratos pointed behind him to show Zelos beaten and out cold. Raine shrugged so Kratos dumped him at Presea's house.
Kratos returned to his room and after changing he went to sleep.
Camp
It was Saturday and Zelos jumped on Raine's bed.
"LET'S GO CAMPING! LET'S GO CAMPING!" Zelos yelled.
Kratos sat up and pushed Zelos off the bed. Zelos recovered and got up. He did the old "Kiss-and-run-for-your-freakin-life". Kratos immediately got up and ran after Zelos through the house. Genis came out of the bathroom and ended up having Zelos fall over and Kratos trip and fall down the stairs.
"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED KRATOS!" Raine shrieked.
"YOU BASTARDS!" Lloyd hollered.
Kratos moaning in pain
Kratos passes out
"Well then, forget the camping trip" Zelos said.
Zelos went downstairs and jumped out of the nearest window.
The Maid
A day later our heroes (including the now-awake Kratos) decided to stay at the Altamira hotel since the kids wanted to go to the amusement park and the adults wanted to go to the casino (some of then anyway).
It was early morning Saturday. Kratos was on his bed reading a book while Raine was putting together her purse to go shopping.
"So you're leaving" Kratos commented not looking up from his book.
"Yeah, why?" Raine asked.
"If you stumble upon a bookstore, can you get me the next series of this manga comic?" Kratos asked.
"Sure" Raine said.
"Why do I have to stay behind?" Kratos asked.
"Because you need to relax and I bought room service" Raine said.
Kratos shrugged and went back to reading. Raine took her stuff and left the hotel room. Only seconds after leaving the room did she see the Maid. She had long, beautiful, dark purple hair, nice body, and wore the maid outfit with grace.
"Excuse me but will you do me a favour?" Raine asked.
"Sure" the maid replied.
"Don't mess with me" Raine said.
The maid slowly walked in the room as Raine glared. Raine turned and went over to the Customer Service Phone.
"Hello?" a voice replied.
"Who did you send to clean room 104?" Raine asked.
"Her name is Isabelle" the voice replied.
"Even her name sounds pretty" Raine thought, "Is there anyone uglier?"
"Yes" the voice replied.
"Replace Isabelle" Raine ordered.
"Of course Ma'am" the voice said.
"By the way, have you had this problem before?" Raine asked.
"Absolutely" the voice said.
"Bye" Raine said.
Raine hung up and smiled at herself.
Kratos sat around continuing his reading. Suddenly another maid walked in.
"Hello, I am Joy" the maid said.
Joy went over to Isabelle and they started arguing in French.
"o0?" was Kratos' reply.
"Anyway, here is your food" Joy said.
Once the two were gone, Kratos found a card that said:
You have received your food
You and that maid in the same room is tabooed
So I made her go away
Now eat your food, gourmet
I'll be home soon.
-Love, Raine
"Wow, Raine getting jealous" Kratos commented.
Internet
Twin Swordz: N-E 1 here?
Pimp MasterZ: Hi BUMPKIN!
Twin Swordz: Don't call me that
Angel Puppy: Howdy!
Twin Swordz: Hi Colette
Pimp MasterZ: Hi Angel Muffin
Kendama Masta: Hi Lloyd! Hi Colette! Hello…Zelos
Pimp MasterZ: Can we stop da intros?
Twin Swordz: Sure
Pimp MasterZ: NEway, Lloyd, how do yu feel known' that Raine's gonna be ur mom?
Twin Swordz: It'll B interesting.
Pimp MasterZ: U know how I like 2g2 da beach N da hot springs?
Twin Swordz: Yup
Pimp MasterZ: Well we're goin' agen
Kendama Masta: In dat order?
Pimp MasterZ: Of course! Freeze N Fun den Warmth N Relaxation
Angel Puppy: I think itza good I-D-ah…he-he, I almost spelt Idaho.
Pimp MasterZ: Den itz settled. We're goin'
Kendama Masta: Yu shudn't make such decisions lik dis
Pimp MasterZ: But I do NEway
Conversation Over…
"We're doing what?" Kratos exclaimed.
"Yup, beach and hot springs!" Lloyd said cheerfully.
"As always" Genis said.
"What a crappy birthday" Kratos muttered.
"It's your birthday? IT'S KRATOS' BIRTHDAY!" Lloyd yelled.
Lloyd ran out of the house yelling "IT'S KRATOS' BIRTHDAY'. He even hopped on his Rheaird and flew around with a banner (which for some reason he had) through the cities of his best friends.
"So it's the old geezer's b-day" Zelos commented, in Meltokio.
"Wow, Kratos is another year older" Sheena commented, in Mizuho.
"Calculations say that he is exactly 4031 years, 9 months, 235 days old" Presea said, in Altamira.
"Wow, he's old" Regal commented, also in Altamira and staring into the sky.
"Yay! Kratos' birthday! Party!" Colette said.
"Lloyd Michael Aurion…" Kratos started.
"…is a completely…" Raine continued.
"…dumbass teenager" Genis finished.
"That means that……" Kratos said.
"IT'S GONNA BE MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!" Yuan blurted.
"I was hoping that he wouldn't be in this house" Kratos muttered.
"It's always nice to keep tabs on your birthday when you know someone who has theirs before yours" Yuan said.
"So you're both Pisces" Raine commented, "I'm a Taurus!"
"This gives Zelos a bigger reason to go swimming and to the hot springs. I bet he's gonna add in some more stuff too" Lloyd said.
"This is why I hate birthdays" Kratos said.
"You're just miserable because you getting old. I am too remember? Besides at least we look good" Yuan said with a wide smile.
"Get your arm off me" Kratos said.
"Suck it up" Yuan said, keeping the smile.
Kratos' Teachings
Weeks later after Raine and Kratos were finally wed, Kratos ended up having to fill in for Raine because (insert reason here). Unfortunately…he had nothing to teach.
"I know! Today's subject will be about Whatever-ness-icity" Kratos said.
"We were talking about Pyramids" a girl said.
"Not now. First of all, Matrix Reloaded sucked. I mean I am so happy Will Smith who originally was supposed to be Neo, refused the role." Kratos said.
"Damn right!" a boy blurted.
"Beyblade. First season, tall fat kids travel around the world and defeat the evil computer-reliant Russians. Second season, short skinny kids stay in regroup after almost being assassinated by some crazy ass punks to take things into their own hands. For once, Kai stays in the team…sadly, some chick follows them around. Third season, everyone breaks up, everyone gets emotional, chick wears nothing but short-shorts, and Kai gets all broody and goes insane" Kratos said.
"It all went down since season three" Lloyd commented.
"Since Sailor Moon is over, things like Mew Mew Power, Winx Club and W.I.T.C.H. have tried to replace it. No such luck" Kratos said.
"I like those" Genis muttered.
"Kids shows have nothing to do with heroes anymore. Just average people to like Dora whose parents allow her to go alone in a forest with a monkey and a thieving fox who listens to whatever she says and suddenly flees when told 'No' three times." Kratos said.
"No! Sniper!" Colette said…followed by a giggle.
After class ended Kratos sighed in relief.
"Nice" Kratos muttered.
The End