When Obito gets Rin to sneak him into the maternity ward, he's obviously not planning for some grand entrance. He's on a mission to see Sensei and Bakashi's baby, so he can't compromise his secrecy. He's a shinobi, damn it! And that means absolute secrecy.
Rin pauses before the door to toss a narrow look at him. "Try to ignore what Kashi-chan's wearing," she whispers, then glances up and down the hallway.
"—Wait, what?"
The first thing he sees is Sensei, perched in the edge of a hospital bed. His jōnin vest is flung over a nearby chair and his shirt looks rumpled like he slept in it. He probably had, since Kakashi came to the hospital yesterday evening. He waves a hello to his former teacher and cranes to look around Sensei to find the reason he came in the first place.
And he realizes what Rin meant. That sardonic face is, as always, covered—this time with a hospital-issued mask. But Rin's words make sense, since Hatake Kakashi is wearing nothing but a sheet drawn modestly over her chest, leaving ivory skin patterned with silver scars and the red ANBU tattoo on her right shoulder.
Unsure of what to say, Obito settles on a familiar greeting. "You look like shit."
Kakashi's flat look is comforting. She's obviously on the road to recovery.
Something behind him jabs into his kidney. "Play nice," Rin hisses. Obito doesn't really want to find out if she's actually holding him at kunai-point. He'd like to remain oblivious for a little longer.
Kakashi doesn't rise to the bait. Instead, Sensei watches him with raised eyebrows. "The Hokage let you out early? Or did you bail on your paperwork?"
Master of distraction, Obito grins and takes the opportunity for one of his never ending excuses. He's been getting better with them over the years. "She understands the necessity of family time, and she knew Bakashi was due any day now."
Minato's arms cross over his chest, and Obito suddenly has visceral flashbacks to when he was thirteen and his sensei had found him toying with experimental jutsu. "So you kawarimi'd with the nearest warm body and left Nawaki with the bulk of you job."
"Nawaki has been very helpful with maintaining organization in the Hokage's office," Obito says sagely. The older Senju has been irreplaceable as a fellow workhorse on which to dump paperwork.
"Which doesn't answer the—"
A small peeping sound makes every head whip down. Kakashi is awkwardly rocking a heavy-looking bundle of cloth.
The squirming bundle in her arms turns out to be a baby. He doesn't cry, only makes that curious chirping noise, like a little bird. Red-skinned and wrinkly, the little boy looks like he'd gone through the wash one time too many. There are some thick tufts of hair on his head, an indeterminate shade between silver and blonde.
"He looks like a little prune," Obito notes idly.
Kakashi hums in contentment. It seems she agrees. But he's her little prune.
It's odd seeing his teammate being all . . . maternal. The thought makes Obito's brain hurt. She'd been ANBU commander for years, only retiring shortly before she married Sensei. But her place in the BINGO books has long been cemented and Konoha's Kage no Inu is still regarded as one of the most deadly shinobi in the Elemental Nations. And now she's rocking a baby and humming some kind of lullaby. Something's more than a little twisted here.
Obito plants himself at her elbow, leaning over to examine the baby closer. "I get to name him, right? Since I'm his godfather and all."
Kakashi and Minato speak at the same time.
"There's no way in hell I'm making you his godfa—"
"That's a great idea, Obito!"
Everyone's voices come to a screeching halt and they stare at each other in baffled confusion. Rin grabs his arm and hauls him back out into the hallway. "Question," she says heatedly. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I thought we agreed," Kakashi hisses to Minato in the background.
Two muffled, heated arguments take place, one in the hospital room, one in the hallway. And even though Rin keeps glancing around them in case of nearby hospital staff kicking them out, she still manages to pound a few thoughts into Obito's skull.
.*.
"We've come to an agreement," Kakashi says loftily when they finally reconvene in the room, door securely closed behind them. The baby has been shifted into Minato's arms, and Kakashi is leaning against several pillows, now dressed in a hospital gown. She's plucking distastefully at the cotton and Obito knows she's already plotting ways to escape the hospital as soon as is humanly possible.
Obito obligingly indicates she can go first.
"You can have babysitting rights," Kakashi says shortly, "if both Minato and I are both on missions. Training time when he's older."
"You know it'd be easy to 'accidentally forget' and find someone else to babysit," he snaps back. "Don't tell me that's exactly what you'd do. I'm gonna be present in his life whether you want it or not. Might as well put a title to it. Godfather and naming rights."
"He's our baby. Not yours. You can't name him. Babysitting and limited training time."
Obito crosses his arms pompously. "All I see is a cheap shot at my dignity. I'll just hang around to make sure he's not ruined too badly. He won't mind a nickname, I'm sure. That way I'll get around your evil little loopholes."
Kakashi's eye narrows dangerously at the threat. "Fine. You get to be godfather, but we get to name him. No babysitting. Final offer."
"I can't believe you're haggling over a baby," Rin mutters from behind him.
Obito adopts a contemplative look, uncovered eye examining the baby. He's still a shriveled pink little prune, but he's out cold now, wrapped tight and snuggled in Sensei's arms. And in time he might show promise, if he's not tainted too badly by Bakashi's particular brand of insanity. No babysitting doesn't mean he won't be spending time with the little blonde prune. So that point's moot. "It's a deal."
Kakashi nods shortly, though she looks ready to drop into an exhausted sleep at any moment. "Deal."
Sensei makes a noise like an exasperated cat and gets up from where he'd been sitting on the bed beside his wife, careful not to jostle the little bundle in his arms. "We're here to celebrate the birth of a child," he says with a laugh, "not auctioning for a building contract."
Rin snorts. "Between all the screaming and the finger-pointing, I don't see the difference."
"I did not scream." Kakashi glares at them. "And if anything, it'd be Obito making more noise than anyone—"
No one hears the door being opened. Not until it's too late.
In that strange whisper that's still loud enough to make everyone jump, a voice carries into the room.
"Greetings, rival. Salutations on this most joyous occasion!" The room is suddenly filled with a massive froth of flowers, petals shaking onto the bed and the floor. There is a pair of green-clad legs sticking out from beneath the mass of flowers. A face bearing a wide, sparkling grin peeks through for a moment before the bouquet is shoved off the side and they can see Gai in all his green glory. "Glad I am to see you in your Springtime of Youthful Beauty! Such wonder that you have brought forth new life—and to nourish and guide the fruits of your labors!"
Kakashi looks a little green, but that could also just be the reflection of sunlight off Gai's jumpsuit. Rin is starting to look nervous, knowing full well that one unpermitted visitor is one thing, but two—and the second as loud and obvious as Gai . . .
The door slams all the way open, banging into the wall with a sound like the crack of doom. Everyone freezes, heads turned and eyes wide like deer caught unawares. A flower plops out of Gai's bouquet.
"Get out!" Dr. Nagumo shrieks. "I told you all, no visitors for now!" Killing intent rolls off the doctor's diminutive figure in heavy waves. Obito finds himself reaching for a kunai before remembering where he is.
Minato chuckles awkwardly. "Maa, Nagumo-san, we just—"
She seems to swell to twice her size and even the feared jōnin commander unconsciously recoils. "I don't care, Namikaze-san! I said you and only you! I don't care if the Hokage herself comes and tells me they have her permission, they do not have mine. Out!"
They can do nothing but bow before Dr. Nagumo's sheer vehemence, Gai professing his apologies with every step. But as he's being herded out of the room, Obito looks over his shoulder and nails Kakashi with a pointed glare. Godfather and training, he mouths. Don't forget.
.
.*.
AN: This is part of a larger universe that I plan on expanding-starting from Madara STAYING dead, and a slight ripple effect along those lines (up to and including fem!Orochi as Hokage, Nawaki Lives, Uzushio still existing, etc.) It is my world, after all...
Hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think!