i can't make it go away by making you a villain / i guess it's the price i paid for seven years in heaven / and i pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now i get fake niceties / no one teaches what to do when a good man hurts you / and you know you hurt him too

- happiness, taylor swift (evermore)

he tried. god knows sasuke tried.

waking up that morning 2 months ago felt just like yesterday. sasuke remembered closing his eyes after knowing that the body occupying the left side of his queen-size bed had left him, and remembered fighting the stinging pain of the truth that he was the reason why she left in the first place.

it was easy for sasuke to point fingers and blame someone when he wanted to. he's aware it was a toxic trait and that it was unhealthy for him and for anyone involved. however, he is not sasuke uchiha if not prideful. that same pride made it effortless to make sakura the villain in his eyes for the demise of their relationship.

if only she had been honest to him in the beginning about what she truly feels about them.

if only she had not been too demanding for his time when she knew from the start what she was getting herself into.

if only she had been patient with him longer; endured harder.

hearing his thoughts sometimes made him sick to his stomach.

how could i ever wish for you to love me less?

he tried his best to move on and focus on other things that seemed more important than losing the only woman he had ever thought of being with. he made himself work three times harder and longer so that when he gets home, he could just pass out from the exhaustion and not notice the cold side of his bed. he avoided all the spots he could possibly see her and told himself it's not worth it anymore since she was the one who ended it. he tried to convince himself that sakura left and he was fine with it.

sasuke knows himself and knows that he is a hard person to love. loving him comes with all the extra baggage he had and the heavy weight of it along with a couple other more responsibilities as an uchiha. if you ask him, he actually didn't think sakura would stay that long in his life.

he always believed that nothing is ever permanent in this world, and that includes love or whatever that word means. it meant people in your life would eventually leave— maybe today, tomorrow, next year, in 10 or 20 years. and sakura pretty much did leave; only sooner.

but tonight as he accidentally found a small hair clip on his dresser two months after their breakup, everything just came back in full force, taking the air out of his lungs.

it has been two months of pretending he doesn't miss her.

and that's why he was here standing outside her apartment door with his fist raised to knock on her life again, and just unmoving on the spot. sasuke just realized how stupid this must look and his trademark pride reared its ugly head to mock him.

she'd never take you back, asshole. after all the shit you gave her, you think she'd just open the door and let you in? forgive you as if you didn't make her feel so small for the last few years you've been together?

sasuke was scared. it's a feeling he wasn't used to because what could he ever fear of? he's one of the most successful man in the continent; the most powerful clan in the country. one snap of a finger and he could get what he wants.

just not this one.

with that thought, sasuke slowly lowered his hand and sighed deeply as he stared at her plain white door, wondering if behind it was her wishing she could come back to him. it's too absurd to think about when she easily slipped out of their shared home for the past five years. if she wanted to come back, she would've called him by now.

"sasuke?"

he whipped his head towards the hallway and there she was, sakura haruno, in her beautiful glory. she still looked soft in the shitty lighting of the building, green eyes wide and questioning, and her pretty mouth opened in surprise. one thing he also noticed was—

"you cut your hair," sasuke murmured.

whatever she was about to say, she didn't say it for she closed her lips and let out an exasperated but fond sigh. "good to see you, too."

he blinked, "n-no, i just… that's the first thing i noticed."

sakura walked slowly towards him as she fished out her keys from her pocket, "you like it?"

his heart thundered weakly inside his chest and he nods, "aa, it's nice."

"thanks," she answered then opened her door. she went inside and he could see the small space she's been living in for the past two months. placing her purse on the table and opening her fridge, sasuke didn't know if he should leave or not. he just paused by the door.

she noticed him stupidly standing there by the doorframe and raised an eyebrow, "aren't you coming in?"

"huh?"

nothing was working normally inside sasuke's head. everything right now was a jumbled set of words he just spits out even more randomly, and he couldn't help but feel annoyed. only sakura could make him feel like a mess.

"are you okay?" she asked him, concern evident on her lovely voice he's missed so much. she walked closely to him and was about to touch his forehead when he grabbed her wrist.

both of them were startled with the action. on her slender neck, sasuke could faintly see her throbbing pulse. he was sure if he placed her hand on his chest, she could also feel the hammering of his heart.

this was the closest they've been since they broke up inside his car after that wretched party. she was the one who touched him that time, and tonight was his turn.

sasuke looked through her eyes the same time his grip softened its hold on her. he softly said, "i came here to talk to you."

a slight panic came across her face for a split second before she spoke, equally soft. "about what?"

his hand slowly traveled from his wrist upwards until his fingers lightly touched her palm. sasuke continued his way up, still keeping his eyes on hers, as he finally filled the spaces between her fingers and lowered their now-joined hands against his chest.

"us," sasuke finally said.

sakura took a deep breath as she longingly looked at their linked hands. when she exhaled, her gaze turned to him again and nodded silently. he exhaled a sigh of relief as well at that.

together, they walked the small distance from her door to her sofa. when they sat down, sakura immediately spoke, "before you say anything else, i'd like to say i'm sorry."

sasuke was confused, "for what?"

"for the way i spoke that night. i- i know i hurt you… with the way you looked at that moment… i-"

"you don't have to," he softly said, his thumb going back and forth on her skin. "it was my fault anyway, not y-"

"i wanted to hurt you," she confessed, her grip on him loosened completely until she let go. she stood up to walk away from him as he sat there and listened.

sakura continued, "i wanted to see if you could also feel what i felt that time. that feeling of hopelessness and just plain hurt… it was selfish of me, i know. i'm so sorry…" she turned around to look at him again and he could see the tears that were absent when she broke up with him forming in her eyes.

"you're a good man, sasuke-kun… i hope you know that…"

his heart skipped several beats, "you're calling me that, again…"

her face morphed into something incredulous, "y-you… that's all you have to say after what i said? didn't you hear it or you only heard your name?"

in the course of their relationship, even at the latter part when he started to unconsciously neglect her, she never failed to remind him of that— you're a good man. she said it so often that he believed in it now.

"i am a good man."

he said it with his eyes focused on her and she knew he meant it. she gave him a small yet proud smile. his heart ached.

"just not a good boyfriend, i must say…" sasuke added. he nodded solemnly before giving her a sad smile, "you wouldn't have left if i was."

her tears finally fell down and his heart clenched painfully even more. until now, all he could do was to make her cry and suffer.

"i'm sorry, too," he said softly.

"sasuke-kun, i-"

"i need to say it, sakura. and you deserve this; i owe you this."

sakura remained standing across from him as he sat with his back straight, eyes locked on her form. he wanted to pull her body close, but he's afraid that if he did she'd run away like she did when she left him. so he stayed where he was and let it all out.

"you've been in my life for seven years now and you've endured just as long. these past few years have been difficult for me, with the family obligations and extreme pressure, and i made it through because every night i came home to you. i came home to a house that doesn't feel like it's a mere place to sleep in but to a house that feels like i could build a family in."

he saw sakura gasp at that because they have never talked about marriage or having kids and settling down. she thought it's still early for them despite being together for five years but hearing sasuke's thoughts about it made sakura's heart flutter.

"and when you left, it didn't take me too long to push that thought aside and just became angry instead. with you, with everyone… with myself." sasuke saw her move, her feet carefully approaching him as if he's a cornered animal, and he continued to speak.

"but then i remembered the time when i still didn't know you and how bland that life had been… i was living for the mere sake of it until you came into my life and flipped my world upside down…"

she's standing in front of him now, close enough that he could smell detergent on her shirt since his face is at the level just beneath her ribs. sasuke looked up at her, his voice finally cracking from emotions running through him.

"a-and then i came here because i realized that i don't want to live that life again… because i can't be without you anymore."

her arms finally wound around his head and tugged him closer to her. with the warm press of her body against his, sasuke gripped her hips hard before looping his arms against her entire form and burying his face against her stomach.

"please, come back to me," he pleaded. "give me another chance…"

there was no need for an answer because sakura just dipped her face towards the top of his head and nodded against it as she cried silently. sasuke mumbled a soft thank you against her shirt and pulled her down so she could sit on his lap. once she was situated, sasuke switched them so she could lay on her back and he could rest his face against her neck while he was on top of her.

so much physical affection had been absent for them for the latter part of their years together as a couple. but now that they're starting anew, sasuke was determined to be consistent about telling her and showing her that he loves her.

because for sasuke, there would only be sakura.

and with sakura, his happiness was set for life.

a/n: sequel for the last prompt, the way i loved you :)