AUTHOR'S NOTE Hehehe…poor Frank! Not really. I'm not all that fond of him. Oh, and I'd like to respond to a note from a few chapters ago about how Frank wouldn't be in Slytherin – I don't think so either, but he wouldn't be in Gryffindor (he's the biggest coward there), wouldn't be in Ravenclaw (not so bright, that one), and sure as hell wouldn't be in Hufflepuff (loyalty isn't in his vocabulary). That leaves Slytherin. In all likelihood, he wouldn't have even made it into Hogwarts, lol.

DISCLAIMER Surprisingly, I still don't own any of them. Imagine that.

…

"I'm not sure we should do this," Fred said. The doctors had gone on duty, as a small number of wounded had arrived. The twins kept glancing nervously at the operating room.

"Do what?" George asked.

"Play all these tricks on Frank."

George gaped. "Why not?" he asked, aghast.

"Because nothing will advertise our presence faster than bewitching Muggle things! And I don't fancy ending up somewhere like Azkaban."

George started laughing. "Fred, even if some Ministry caught us here, we don't exist, remember! They'd never suspect that we got an unlicensed Time Turner and turned it into an equally unlicensed portkey and ended up here."

Fred started smiling. "So since we don't exist, they can't do anything to us, in theory."

"Now you've got it!"

A few hours later, Hawkeye and Trapper returned, tired and bloody from surgery, to find two very excited wizards in their midst.

"What's gotten into you two?" Trapper asked.

Fred and George grinned at each other. "We're ready."

…

Trapper burst into the Mess Tent. Running over to where the twins sat, he whispered breathlessly, "Frank's just one on Post-Op duty!"

Fred and George grinned at each other, grabbed their wands from the table, and followed Trapper toward the Swamp. They found Hawkeye already there, hovering over Frank's belongings mischievously.

"Excellent," he said when he saw the twins' wands out. "But we have a problem. Everything interesting of Frank's is locked in his footlocker."

Fred grinned. "Not a problem." He knelt down at the footlocker, pointed his wand at the lock and muttered, "Alohomora!" The lock glowed softly, then clicked open.

Hawkeye laughed gleefully. "That's amazing!"

"I forgot that one," George remarked.

Fred grinned. "Hermione Granger. Bet she'd have a heart attack if she knew what we used her spell for."

George laughed. "Honestly, what does she think an unlocking spell is for?"

Fred threw open the trunk. "Now," he said. "What to bewitch first?"

Trapper and Hawkeye set to rummaging around the footlocker. "What would bother Frank the most?" Hawkeye asked.

"Could we bewitch Hot Lips?" Trapper asked.

Fred and George snickered, but shook their heads. "Imperius is the only curse I know of to make a person act differently like that, but it's an Unforgivable," George said. "It's illegal."

Hawkeye's eyes were gleaming as he pulled something out of the footlocker. "We don't need Hot Lips," he said triumphantly.

Trapper, Fred, and George looked at what Hawkeye had in his hand and each slowly grinned.

…

Later that afternoon, Frank returned from Post-Op duty as usual. "Hello Frank!" Hawkeye said.

"I heard that!" Fred and George snickered. Frank turned on them. "I don't want to hear another word from you two! You aren't even supposed to be here!"

Fred and George gave Frank mock salutes and smirked. Frank glared and threw open his footlocker. "Well this is just the straw that broke the camel's back!" he shouted.

Hawkeye turned to Trapper. "Do we need a new camel?"

"You've been going through my footlocker!" Frank sputtered.

"How could we go through your footlocker, Frank?" Trapper asked. "It was locked."

"Believe us, we've tried," Hawkeye added.

"Oh…you take the cake!" Frank growled.

"Do you want it back?"

At this, Fred and George finally started snickering. Frank stopped talking, grabbed a few things, and flounced out of the tent.

"Wait for it," Hawkeye said.

Sure enough, five minutes later, screams rang through the compound. The twins, Hawkeye, and Trapper fell to the floor laughing. They tried to speak, but none of the four men could stop their hysterics.

Frank came tearing through the camp, barely holding his towel around his waist. He burst into the Swamp, spraying water drops from his hair. He collapsed onto his cot and glanced around wildly.

"What happened, Frank?" Trapper asked.

"Yeah, Major," George added. "What's wrong?"

"My soap bit me!"

Fred and George had to bite their lips very hard to keep from laughing.

"Your soap bit you, Frank?" Hawkeye asked innocently.

Frank nodded vehemently. "And my shower cap started pulling my hair!"

"Why that's crazy, Major," Fred said. "No offense of course."

The panic drained out of Frank's eyes and he stared at the young wizard. "Of course it is!" he snapped. "I was just testing your ability to deal with stress in a combat zone."

"Of course!" Hawkeye said. "Wonderful job, Frank!"

Frank just stood up with one hand on his towel and stalked back to the showers with as much dignity as he could muster. Hawkeye grinned at his tentmates. "The 4077th will never be the same!"