a/n: hey all, I'm back. Schoolies was interesting…had random guy stalking me all week, slept in a double bed with three other people (and woke up on the floor) and had a spray on fake tan fight with another girl (now I have streaky arms…). I'm sorry it's so late, I've been sick. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: JK owns Harry & Co. I have new shoes though. Not quite the same thing is it?

CHAPTER 9 – What the fuck is he doing here?

"Ok seriously, I have had enough. We are sitting right here and it's not like we can't hear you whispering about us. You two really need to get a life if all you have to talk about is the two of us when we don't even know your names, and the only reason you know ours is because we've done something with our lives already instead of just settling into the mediocrity of being gossiping nobodies."

Hermione turned and faced the front of the carriage again while Draco smirked at the two Ravenclaw girls behind them before leaning over and kissing Hermione's cheek. The two girls sat in a sulky silence the rest of the way to Hogsmeade. As soon as the carriage stopped they hurried out, encouraged by Hermione's glare. One of the girls stumbled on the stairs down in her hast to escape the wrath of Hermione, not realising that the glare was the face Hermione made when she was trying to hold in laughter. As soon as they had picked themselves up and run off, both Hermione and Draco burst into laughter.

"That was amazing! Did you see the looks on their faces. One looked as though she were about to cry and the other looked as though she would curse you if she weren't scared shitless of you."

"Well it gets a little irritating being talked about constantly. Did you hear them? Apparently he can go for hours. She said so herself. I guess your stamina comment has gotten around."

Draco just grinned in reply and started laughing again, before leaning over and lightly kissing Hermione on the mouth.

"What was that for?"

"Well it was really for yelling at those girls and making me laugh but do I really need a reason to kiss my darling wife?"

"I would say yes, since I'm a fake wife AND this is only our first date. At least wait until you drop me off at my door."

"I hate to point it out, but we've done more that kiss before and it's my door too." Hermione blushed and looked down. Until now she had been able to avoid any conversation about 'that night'. She glanced at Draco's face and saw that he was smiling at her again. He took advantage of the fact that Hermione was actually looking at him and kissed her again. This time he didn't just stop at a light peck. Instead he slid his tongue into her mouth and was rewarded by Hermione moaning slightly before returning the kiss. After standing and kissing half-in, half-out of the carriage, for about five minutes, Hermione suddenly pulled away and smiled at Draco.

"Ok we really need to go now. We will have to turn around and go home soon and all we'll have done is hook up in the carriage."

"Fine with me…ok ok…I have a surprise for you anyway."

He ignored Hermione's questions and led her to the field over near the Shrieking Shack. He stood with her under a tree and covered her eyes with his hand. Using his wand, he conjured up a picnic rug and basket, then uncovered her eyes and smiled nervously.

"Not too lame and cheesy right?"

Secretly Hermione was delighted, but she just said,

"Not too lame and cheesy…but it was a close call." She laughed and sat down on the rug. She leaned back on her elbows and shielded her eyes from the sun.

"Again with the hovering. Sit down and stop towering over me." Draco complied and sat across the blanket from her. He reached over to the basket and pulled out cold chicken, salad, drinks, general picnic food.

"I was going to do something really impressive involving champagne, strawberries and whipped cream, but I decided that you probably weren't an 'eat whipped cream off my stomach in the middle of Hogsmeade' kind of girl. I hope I was right, otherwise we could be having a much better time then this…" Draco smiled at the look of outrage on Hermione's face, but also didn't fail to catch sight of the expression of interest which flittered across her face momentarily.

"I'm going to ignore you said that and eat some salad." Hermione tried to look stern as she said this, but was grateful that Draco was busying himself getting drinks and was hence looking the other way.

The rest of the picnic passed relatively peacefully and by 1:00 Hermione was happily stretched out on the rug while Draco used his wand to clear away everything, refusing her offers to help. Soon everything was gone except the rug. Draco lay next to Hermione and put his arm around her, pulling her close towards him.

"You know…we could spend the rest of the day here," Draco began to kiss Hermione's cheek, working slowly towards her mouth, "I certainly have no objections."

"Hmmm…No. We have to go. Come on I need to…" Hermione was cut off when Draco finally reached her mouth. She submitted under 'protest' (a weak push to Draco's shoulders before putting her arms around his neck) to being kissed for about a minute before she pulled away and stood up. Draco tugged on her jeans, trying to make her lie down again when Hermione took out her wand and jabbed it at the picnic rug, causing it to disappear. Draco found himself lying on grass and rocks which until that moment had been covered and cushioned by the magical rug.

"Ow. Fine fine let's go. You can be really irritating you know."

"It's part of my charm. Now get up Malfoy."

"I'm hurt! What did I do to warrant a Malfoy?"

"Yes, I'm curious as well," a familiar voice came from behind the tree. "What did my darling boy do to warrant a Malfoy? Surely you would address your daaaaarling husband by his first name?"

Shit shit shit shit shit. Hermione looked over at Draco and could see the same thing was going through his head.

"What are you doing here? Draco asked, fear evident on his face.

Pansy Parkinson came out from behind the tree.

"Just checking to see what you two love birds were up to," she said with a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. "I'll see you around." She smiled again and skipped off towards the village. Hermione and Draco exchanged looks of confusion.

"What was that all about?" Hermione asked.

"I wouldn't have a clue but it makes a nice change from being threatened and attacked with forks."

"You and that fork incident…it was probably an accident anyway."

Draco looked at her in disbelief. "An accident! An accident! I still have bruising! She punctured the skin for fuck's sake! It looks like I have been bitten by some weird four fanged snake!"

"Ok ok calm down. You can have your injury, we can say a seventeen year old girl made an attempt on your life with a fork."

"Fine, don't be sympathetic. I don't care." Draco sniffed loudly and turned away from Hermione.

"Oh grow up. I'll buy you a lollypop if you stop sulking." At the word lollypop, Draco's ears pricked up and the expression on his face turned from a 'wounded puppy' look to that of an excited little boy.

"A red one."

"Ok a red one. To Honeydukes we go." They walked slowly to the main street together and Hermione waved at Harry and Ginny who were sitting on a bench together.

"Are they together again then?" Draco asked.

"Yup. Well actually, they were never really apart. They told everyone, including Ron and me that they had broken up to protect Ginny from Voldemort. Ginny explained it all to me yesterday."

"They must have been pretty good at hiding it then. It would have been hard to get around you. Ron, not so much. He was never the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Hey! That is one of my best friends you are talking about."

"Hey yourself! I thought your husband was supposed to be your best friend." Hermione avoided answering and instead occupied herself with the complex business of opening the sweet shop door. Once inside she picked out two bars of dark chocolate for herself, some chocolate mints for the dinner party and a red lollypop for Draco. He grinned and began eating it while Hermione paid for everything. As they walked out of the shop together, Draco offered Hermione a 'go' of his lollypop.

"No thanks it's quite alright."

"Come on its soooo good. Just try a bit." With that he pressed the lollypop into Hermione's lips which remained firmly closed.

"Look you're getting red goop all over my nose.." Draco took the chance while Hermione was talking and stuck the lollypop into her mouth.

"Good huh?" Draco ignored the angry look on Hermione's face and left the lolly in her mouth. Hermione pulled it out from where it was stuck to her teeth and gave Draco a withering look.

"I'll have you know that lollypops are just tooth decay on a stick, hence why I don't eat them." With that she shoved the lolly back into Draco's hand and stood glaring pointedly at him then at the garbage bin.

"What? You bought it for me and now you want me to throw it away?"

"You had a little, that's all you need really."

"No way. It's a complete waste of good lollypop. Just deal with it." Hermione rolled her eyes and shrugged in defeat.

"Ok ok is there anything else you need to do here?"

"No. The carriages don't leave for another hour. Want to go and hang out near the shrieking shack again? The Three Broomsticks is way too crowded." Hermione nodded in reply and they began walking back up the street. When they reached the picnic spot again Hermione insisted on conjuring up another picnic rug.

"Can't we just sit on the grass?"

"No way. Not in a million years. It's itchy and there are ants."

"Are you seriously worried about a few ants? The great Hermione Granger who helped to defeat Voldemort is worried about ants." Draco smirked and jabbed his wand towards the ground, where a huge blanket appeared.

"Thank you. Though I could have done without the teasing." Hermione turned her back to Draco and sat facing the tree. Draco looked alarmed, evidently he hadn't realised that Hermione wasn't really angry. He was about to tap her on the shoulder when he caught sight of someone sneaking up to the couple under the tree.

"What the fuck is he doing here? Quick Hermione get up now."

"Why? Who is it?" Hermione asked, scrambling to her feet.

"Father". With that one word, Hermione's eyes went wide. She immediately vanished the rug and the two were about to apparate to the carriages when a voice shouted the anti-apparition jinx.

"Oh fuck." Draco glanced around the tree where his father had abandoned all stealth and was storming towards the two of them.

"We could just hex him and run." Hermione took aim with her wand and prepared to perform the full body bind when both hers and Draco's wands flew out of their hands and were caught by Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh fuck," Hermione and Draco said in unison.

"Hello son. This must be my new daughter-in-law. I was ever so hurt that I wasn't invited to the wedding you know. To meet my daughter-in-law so long after the wedding took place is a real tragedy."

"What do you want father? You know you can't do anything." Draco shouted at him. In a whisper he added to Hermione, "I want to know three things. One, how did he know that this was a Hogsmeade weekend? Two, how did he know where we were? And Three, how did he get this far without being caught?"

"I can answer all those very easily. Oh don't look so surprised, eavesdropping charms aren't at all difficult. Your third question was the easiest. I just apparated directly to where you are. There was no one to catch me between you and behind that tree over there. The first to queries you had have exactly the same answer. The delightful Miss Pansy Parkinson."

"Jesus Christ I think she's taken this being in love with Draco thing a little too far."

"Actually I sought her out. After you two got married I did spend about a week either drunk or insanely hung over but I soon realised that it probably wasn't the most dignified way to go about things."

"Why exactly are you telling us this, and what the hell have you done to our feet?" Hermione shouted.

"I used a handy little charm I know which 'glues' them to the floor. And I am telling you this because I want to. I'll be frank. I want to kill you both. You know it, I know it, and doesn't everyone feel better now that it's out in the open. Anyway I needed find out if you two were actually in love or just pretending to be. I enlisted the help of Miss Parkinson who was actually quite useless but she was able to tell me about half an hour ago that you two were here and that you, my dear boy, had been addressed as Malfoy. It was a pretty weak thing to hang my hopes on but I thought I would come, see if I couldn't torture the truth out of you. After all, I can't risk my life by trying to kill you. Cru…"

"Stupefy!" Two voices shouted at once. Twin beams of red light hit Lucius in the chest and he flew into the air, hit his head on a tree branch and was knocked unconscious.

"Hermione are you ok?" Harry shouted as he and Ginny ran towards them.

"Yeah I'm fine. Draco's fine as well."

"Thank god. We were coming to find you guys and the next thing we heard Lucius Malfoy trying to use the Cruciatus curse on you. What the hell is going on?"

"Lucius didn't take too kindly to our wedding. I'm not exactly the ideal bride for Draco am I? I'm a muggle born who helped kill Voldemort."

"Tie him up and we'll go get Kingsly Shacklebolt. I saw him in the Three Brooksticks."

Thin ropes shot out of Harry's wand and wound around Lucius' ankles and wrists. Hermione bent down and retrieved both hers and Draco's wands. She threw Draco's wand to him as Harry called out,

"Got his wand?"

"Yes," Hermione answered. The four went quickly to the Three Broomsticks where Kinggsley Shacklebolt was sitting with a group of ministry workers.

"Hi Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and uh, you're Malfoy's boy aren't you."

"Yes I'm Draco Malfoy. Could you come with us please? We've caught my father and he's tied up under a tree near the Shrieking Shack."

"You four have caught Lucius Malfoy? You're not serious!" The teenagers nodded in unison and Shacklebolt rose from the table with a start. He began to walk towards the exit of the pub, asking questions as he went.

"You're sure its Lucius Malfoy?"

"I think I would know my own father."

"Of course. Now, what in God's name would entice Lucius Malfoy to come to Hogsmeade? And on a Hogwarts weekend too."

"Might as well tell him. He was attacking Draco and me. He is not really ecstatic about our wedding," Hermione answered.

"Your wedding. Right." Shacklebolt looked as though he was having a hard time comprehending that fact.

"He's just up ahead," Ginny put in, trying to skip over the awkwardness. However when they reached the tree where they had left Lucius, there was nothing there save for a patch of scuffed up dirt.

"How the hell did he get out of those ropes when Hermione has his wand?" Harry asked.

"Hermione has what now? I don't have his wand!" Hermione looked shocked.

"You said you did."

"No I said I had Draco's wand."

"Fucking hell. We left him here with his wand?" Draco asked.

"Ok ok," Shacklebolt interrupted, "he's obviously gone. The best thing to do now would be to tell Dumbledore about this."

"The carriages to the school leave in five minutes anyway." Ginny took Harry's hand and they walked off towards the carriages, followed closely by Hermione and Draco. Shacklebolt stayed behind to inspect the site.

The four climbed into a carriage together and turned the seats so that they were facing each other.

"I just don't understand. Lucius was that angry about the wedding that he risked coming here to attack you?" Harry looked puzzled.

Oh crap. These questions can only get harder to answer. Hermione glanced at Draco before replying,

"Yeah I guess. I am a muggle born after all. Hey where's Ron?"

Nice subject change Hermione, Draco thought, giving her a quick smile.

"He's off somewhere with Neville. He needed help with something or other. It was all a bit secretive, I thought."

"Ok oh. Right." Hermione looked nervously over at Draco, and he returned her glance. Subject change successful, possible uncomfortable conversation averted.

"So Hermione, what time should we come tonight?"

"What do you think Draco, seven? Tell the others would you Harry."

They four made small talk all the way back to the school where they split up. Harry and Ginny went off…alone…some where… And Draco and Hermione headed straight for Dumbledore's office. They arrived at the Gargoyle, but before they could say the password Dumbledore walked out and almost bumped into them.

"Mr Malfoy, Ms Granger. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We need to talk to you Sir. It's about Draco's father."

"Of course, please go on up. I am required in the Great Hall momentarily however I will rejoin you in a few minutes."

"Thank you Sir." Hermione and Draco made their way up the staircase and entered Dumbledore's office at the top.

Hermione sat on one of the armchairs while Draco paced incessantly.

"Draco would you stop pacing. It's really annoying. Just sit down."

"I'm just thinking ok. What if Potter and Weasley hadn't turned up? The whole situation could have been a total disaster."

"Ok Harry and Ginny, who, by the way, you have to address by their first names tonight, might not have turned up. We could be insane right now from the Cruciatus curse and your father could be happy that even if he couldn't kill me, he could permanently incapacitate me and give me a life-long stay in St Mungos. But that didn't happen. We'll have to be more careful in the future, but that doesn't mean we should worry about the 'what ifs' of the situation."

"I couldn't have said it better myself Ms. Granger. Am I to take it that you two had an encounter with Lucius?"

"Father came to Hogsmeade today. He disarmed us, and stuck us to the ground with some random spell so we couldn't move our feet. He was about to torture us with the Cruciatus curse to discover whether or not we were actually in love, when Pott-, I mean when Harry and Ginny turned up. They stunned him and we tied him up. But then there was confusion about his wand and he ended up escaping before we came back with , um, Shacklebolt I think his name was." Draco looked at Hermione for confirmation.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was in the Three Broomsticks. That's about it. You should talk to Shacklebolt, he was inspecting the place that Lucius escaped from after we left. Oh one more thing. Lucius has been corresponding with Pansy Parkinson. She told him that it was a Hogsmeade weekend and where we were in Hogsmeade."

"Thank you Ms. Granger. I will deal with Miss Parkinson and although I don't think there could be any extra security put on your apartments here, I will ensure that the security on the school is in top condition. We will have to rethink the Hogsmeade visits. You two will probably need extra protective spells if you decide to go again.

"Thank you sir. We need to go now and prepare for the, uh, guests Hermione invited over," Draco said, seeing that Hermione made no move to say anything.

After they left the office, Draco turned to Hermione and asked,

"What's wrong? You haven't spoken in about two minutes."

"I'm just thinking. You know. All these extra enchantments and spells. Is this what the rest of my, or our, life is going to be like? I mean, unless we catch your father, we'll have to stay married forever. We'll have to get a special house to protect us. We'll need protective spells on everything. Oh my god, wherever I work will have to be protected as well and…"

"Calm down." Draco interrupted, seeing as Hermione was getting herself into a frenzy. He rubbed her back and whispered soothing nonsense about dealing with the future as it came and how he was sure they would catch his father. Hermione put her head on his shoulder and smiled.

"Thanks. I was getting kind of worked up."

"No problem." Draco kissed her cheek (he couldn't reach her mouth at that angle) and the two returned to their apartment to prepare for the dinner party.

a/n: hey all. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and once again I'm sorry for the lateness but I'm sick and hence I feel like crap. Fun huh! One thing, someone mentioned in a review that I should be calling Hermione Mrs Malfoy, however she actually said to Snape that she wasn't changing her name and wanted to be addressed at Ms. Granger. Please review!