She was gone. And it seemed odd that he should miss her presence. Odd that for only five nights she had shared the seemingly far too narrow single bed with him and yet the lack of her presence now was so completely alien.
John leaned back a little to feel the coolness of the mattress and sheets behind him and wondered how long she had been gone. And wondered when his singular, secluded world had suddenly melted into a union of dependence and companionship. Something he was sure he never wanted and yet now could not imagine being without.
Climbing from the bed, he pulled on jogging pants and a T-shirt and padded out into the hall.
The house seemed still and quiet but as he wandered into the lounge he could hear the faint murmur of chatter. Looking up above the lounge to the upper level and office beyond, dull lights flickered out of the open door. John waited for a moment, listening to the familiar mumblings of Five's constantly scanning channels and the comm. traffic from all over the world.
Scott was up there. He had volunteered the night shift again, insisting that they may as well all take turns while they could and no one really querying the fact that he obviously wanted something to do in the hours when he couldn't sleep.
But the question of if and when John was returning to Five had briefly arisen. And the uncertainty of their collective response was unsettling.
Laughter then caught John's attention and he turned to peer out into the low glow of the partially lit pool area.
Penny.
Stepping outside and coughing gently to alert her to his presence, John watched Penny turn to him in interest.
"Hey you." Penny smiled, "Come to join the meeting?"
John frowned.
Penny laughed gently and put her hand to her chest to convey amused sincerity, "My name is Penny and I am an insomniac."
A splash from the pool and a mischievous chuckle and John had found whom he had been searching for.
Alex grinned up at him. "Nothing like a midnight swim."
"At three in the morning." Penny added.
Alex glided over to the side of the pool and placed her arms on the lipped edge. She rested there for a moment, sighing loudly. "I guess it's jet lag or something."
Penny giggled merrily, "I would go with the 'or something'!"
"Indeed." Alex grinned and reached out to grab the bottle of Vodka that had been partially hidden beneath the foot end of Penny's couch.
John looked between the two of them and then smiled in amusement. "Who raided the old man's stockpile?"
Penny raised her hand timidly. "Do you think he will be mad?"
"I think he'll be more concerned at the idea of you swimming while under the influence."
"Oh, I've not been in." Penny amended quickly and then nodded towards the pool. "And Alex is not really swimming."
Alex laughed in agreement, "I'm floundering with style."
John stepped further from the house to perch on the bench opposite Penny. He frowned as he then recognised the very un-pink baseball shirt her neat frame was positively swamped in and the smile on her face as she saw his thought processes told enough of a story.
"Why don't you climb in?" Alex asked after a moment, peering up at him in interest.
John looked from Penny to Alex and suddenly felt uncomfortable. There was something between them and he had a suspicion that his name might have been played about with during however long the two women had been talking together.
"No, thanks." John shrugged slightly and then smiled at Alex. "Where did you find swimwear, anyhow?"
"Who says I did?" Alex grinned and pushed back from the edge of the pool, the rippling illusion of the water surface allowing a brief glimpse of her dark lacy briefs. And that was all she was wearing.
John held his breath, feeling his cheeks flush and all too aware that Penny was looking at him.
Penny stood slowly from her chair and headed towards the house, patting John's shoulder as she passed him. "I would dive in, if I were you." She offered gently, "You never know when you will get another chance."
John glanced up at the sight of the usually so prim and proper Penny with her tangled hair hanging about her flushed face and curling around the collar of his father's shirt. He filed the image securely under 'never to be repeated' and smiled up at her.
"G'night." Penny waved towards them both and headed inside.
"I like her." Alex offered happily after a moment and then grinned cheekily. "Evidently, not as much as your Dad does."
John was about to protest when he was then splashed playfully with an armful of cool water.
"Oh, hush!" Alex groaned, "I can keep a secret."
John laughed and patted himself dry. "I should hope so. Or you are so in the wrong house!" He stood and wandered closer to the edge.
"It's amazing how the water stays so warm." Alex mumbled, glancing down at the rippling surface around her shoulders. "I mean, I can't imagine that your Dad has it heated all night – what a waste of money!"
John shrugged slightly, "You never know." He began to recall the all too frequent early hours of the morning returns to base and how Gordon would dive into the pool to calm down before sleep.
"Wait!" Alex pushed back from the edge, treading water as she peered down at the bottom of the pool. "There's something under here, isn't there?"
John laughed gently, "No," he nodded towards the adjoining pool. "It's the other one."
"Oh." Alex turned, trying to look over the edge. "But what happens if it slides back? What if someone's swimming and the rocket takes off?"
John laughed again. "Don't worry! There's a very loud alarm." He grinned down at her, "You sound so English when you're drunk!"
"Well, d'uh!" Alex giggled and then suddenly frowned up at him, "Hey! I'm not drunk!"
"Whatever." John edged a little closer. "Why don't you come out now?"
"Why don't you come in?" Alex countered merrily.
"Come on, Al." He crouched down and held out his hand. "Let's go inside."
Alex sighed and reached up to take his hand. With a quick jerk on his arm, he toppled easily and was soon in the pool beside her. She laughed in delight and watched in amusement as he broke the surface, gasping.
John pulled himself across to the side of the pool, fighting for breath but smiling nonetheless.
"Sorry." Alex swam up to him, "That was just too bloody tempting!"
John wiped his face and turned to grin at her. He then winced and reached one arm under the water to support his ribs.
Alex's smile fell away. "Oh crap! Are you okay?"
John nodded, laughing. "I'm fine. I'm a bloody fool but I'm fine."
Alex giggled and moved closer to him. "Well, seeing as you're here …"
"Oh no," John edged away from her. "No way! With my whole family back there!"
"Yeah!" She enthused.
"Nope. Not gonna happen."
"Oh." Alex stuck out her bottom lip sulkily.
"Yeah, like that's really gonna help your cause!" John smiled, trying to stay clear-headed despite the obvious effect of her all but naked proximity to him. And in the family swimming pool, no less. It was all too much like an adolescent fantasy. And it was somewhat disappointing to find it could still cause the same reaction.
Alex watched him in interest and his pause was all the opportunity she needed. She swam in even closer and laughed cheekily. "They can't see us."
"That's so not the point."
"Oh, go on." She pleaded, reaching out under the water and sliding her hand up his thigh.
No thought entered his mind. No warning that this might happen. He simply felt her touch and reacted. And he hit her hard.
The force slung her backwards, dazed and under the water.
And it took a few seconds for him to realise what had happened. With a gasp, he lurched forward and hooked his arm under her neck, lifting her face clear of the water surface.
Alex coughed and spluttered and pressed her hand against her already reddening cheek. She stared at John in horror and made no protest as he guided her across to the steps.
John clambered from the pool and grabbed the dressing down that she had borrowed from him. He held it out and wrapped it around her trembling form as she perched uneasily on one of the chairs.
"Everything okay?"
John spun at the voice and saw Scott heading out towards them.
"Alex?" Scott quickened his pace and frowned as he saw her nursing her cheek.
"I slipped." Alex offered quickly, avoiding eye contact with John.
Scott crouched down before her and gently pulled her hand back from her face. "Ooh, nasty." He then noticed John supporting his side and breathing shallowly, in obvious pain.
"He jumped in." Alex added.
"Oh, man." Scott groaned, "Why didn't you call out? You shouldn't be - "
"I'm fine!" John retorted angrily.
Scott watched him in concern for a moment. "If you say so." He turned his attention back to Alex and smiled thinly. "Once a rescuer, always a rescuer, I guess!" He stood slowly. "I'll go get you some ice."
John watched his brother smiling down at Alex and suddenly adrenaline was rushing through him. If it hadn't been for the slight problem of not being able to take a painless breath, he'd have challenged him.
"What the fuck was that?" Alex whispered suddenly.
John turned to her and slowly shook his head. He really didn't know.
"Here." Scott hurried back out and held out the ice pack, helping her gently press it onto her cheek and completely unaware of the daggers his brother was shooting him. "Odd time for a swim, anyhow."
Alex smiled sheepishly. "It was Penny's idea."
"Penny?" Scott looked around them in confusion.
"She's gone back to bed. We were out here chatting."
"Ah, you see! I've always been wary of you women teaming up together!" Scott laughed and turned to John, to meet the full force of his angry glare.
"Good to know nothing gets by you while you're on watch." John grated.
Scott frowned and his face was full of hurt as he stood from them. "I … I guess I'll leave you guys alone."
"That'd be good, yeah." John mumbled.
Alex watched Scott leave and let the ice pack fall away as she turned to John. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She sighed and stood quickly, firmly tying the dressing down around her and heading inside.
John sat in stunned silence on the bench, staring at nothing. Where had that come from? His heart was racing as the past few minutes replayed in slow motion. But still there was a blank space where motive should have been. He was happy and she was teasing. And then she was under the water and his throbbing knuckles told the awful truth.
It was just like –
The breath left him like he'd been punched in the stomach. John sagged forward and groaned as the ground neared.
Blood sprayed out from the bullet wound, coating the walls and the floor and him in its sticky warmth. He watched the man's eyes roll back up into his head and his body slump heavily onto the floor. John then looked down at the smoking gun in his trembling fist and stared in disbelief ...
And then the world faded to black.
When he came to, he had no idea how long he had been laying awkwardly on the poolside. Looking around in disorientation, it seemed that nothing much had changed in his surroundings and he pushed himself slowly upright. Climbing gingerly to his feet, John headed inside and made his way through to his bedroom.
John sighed in dismay as he stepped into the dark room and could just make out her curled form in the bed. Either she was upset and feigning sleep. Or he'd been passed out beside the pool for longer than he cared to imagine.
Climbing carefully in beside her and biting his lip against the agony of relaxing back into the mattress, John reached out a timid hand and nudged her shoulder.
"I'm sorry."
Silence. But had the rhythm of her breathing changed?
"Alex, I'm really sorry. I would never - " No. That sounded wrong. Because he had hurt her. "I love you."
And those were apparently the magic words. Alex rolled over quickly, erupting into quiet sobs and wrapping her arm around his waist.
And god that hurt. John closed his eyes and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest as she moved closer to him, deciding that it was the least he deserved for what he had done.
Alex buried her face into the hollow of his neck and cried softly. When she then slowly calmed, she lifted her head to wipe the tears from her face and his skin and was then aware of him watching her in the almost blackness.
"We were hiding out in the med lab." John husked quietly, "And then she heard a sound and went to look. And it was him. The leader. The one who …"
Alex's heart slammed into her chest and she instinctively pulled him closer. His words did not make complete sense but that didn't matter. He needed to say them.
"He was going to kill her. And then me." John groaned wearily, "Scott had given me a gun. He didn't trust her. But … oh god, why did he have to - " he choked on a sob and leaned his head closer to rest his forehead against hers. "I had no choice."
There was silence between them for a time and Alex reached up to gently slide her fingers through his hair, hearing the whimper of gratitude as she did.
"At least, that's what I've been telling myself." John continued quietly, "But it wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened. Like someone else was in control." He sighed, "I just reacted because of who he was, what he had done."
Alex shuddered at the possibilities.
"She told them she killed him. They don't know …"
"Oh honey …" Alex kissed his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, trying to somehow wipe away the painful memories.
"I told Scott … told Dad … that I couldn't remember … but I see it all every time I close my eyes … I remember the questions … I remember her … I remember how they kicked and - " He suddenly gasped and grabbed at her arms to pull her closer. "Oh god!" John was crying now but trying to do so quietly and whining with the pain of his broken ribs.
"It's okay." Alex soothed, "I'm here."
"Make it go away!" John husked.
"Oh, I wish I could."
Maybe she should have pushed for more. Maybe she should have insisted that he stayed awake, told her everything, got it over and done with. In the morning the awful truth would only be there waiting for him once again. But after a few minutes of crying he was exhausted and soon fell into troubled sleep.
Alex lay with him for a long while, hearing his breathing slow and feeling his body relax. She waited as long as she could to ensure he was really gone and then carefully slid out from his grasp.
The tears were brimming long before she stepped inside the office and he stood quickly as she entered. He hurried round the desk and quickly enveloped her, holding her tight against him as she cried.
"He'll be okay." Scott offered softly after a time. "It might take a while but he'll get there."
Alex sniffed and leaned back from him. She wiped her face and took a moment to regain some sort of composure. "I don't know, Scott. He started to tell me something just now and I don't - " She looked up into his troubled face and shook her head. "I have a horrible feeling it's too late …"
Scott swallowed hard and remembered the anger in John's drug-heavy eyes as he'd woken in the hospital.
"I think he needs some serious help." Alex suggested carefully.
Scott regarded her in silence and then gasped slightly, "Did he - ?"
"It was my fault," Alex offered quickly, instinctively touching her bruising cheek. "I was teasing and I went too far." She shrugged and smiled, "I got scratched."
"But - "
"No, don't! Don't be angry with him. He's not himself. He needs help. But …" Alex closed her eyes and sighed loudly, "Scott, I don't think any of us here can deal with what John is starting to offload."
Scott shuddered and closed his eyes. All at once the fear and helplessness of being held captive flooding through him.
And then there was the torture. And the awful sounds from beyond his door.
"Scott?" Alex squeezed his arm gently. "Hey … maybe you should speak to someone, too …"
Scott smiled suddenly, pride and a familial stubborn streak dictating that he should decline but the pain and dread nestled deep within suggesting otherwise. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I'll put out some feelers in the morning. See who can help us."
"Maybe someone who was there would be best. I mean, maybe if he doesn't have to explain, doesn't have to give details."
Scott frowned slightly and closed his eyes. "He won't talk to me … I … he just won't."
Alex nodded slowly, "I know … I didn't mean you."
Scott regarded her in interest and his frown slowly ebbed away. "Eva?"
"She was there, wasn't she?"
Scott considered this for a moment, his heart racing. Of course. She was there through all of it. And to maintain her cover she would have witnessed –
The thought brought bile to his throat and he grimaced as he swallowed it back.
"Is that too much? Would it be too cruel to make him face it like that?" Alex continued, stepping closer to Scott and again taking his arm. "Or should we try?"
Scott turned to look at the comm. and sighed loudly. "I don't know … she'll have gone into deep cover for safety … I don't know if - "
"She must have given you a way to contact her. After all that you went through together."
Scott turned back to Alex and a slight smile pulled at his lips.
Alex nodded gently, "If you don't want him to hate you for doing this … I could make the call …"
Tbc …