12 hours earlier
Raven:
This could not be happening. I sat in the living room looking down at the floor while the others talked in the other room. However despite looking at the ugly carpet beneath my feet, that is not what I see.
Batman stands in front of me looking over a file with my name on it. Wonder Woman is at his side glaring at me with disgusted hate. I look down at my cuffed hands resting in my lap.
"I want to say I trust you, but someone could have gotten hurt." He says to me. I shake my head and look up at him silently pleading for him to hear me.
"It won't happen again!" I protest, but he puts a hand up to silence me.
"We cannot risk that. PTSD can't be controlled, you cannot avoid things that may trigger you. What happens if Slade attacks?" He asked.
For a split moment I'm back in that bunker. "Be a good girl for me gem." No! No, I can't think about that right now. Again I shake my head this time to try to clear the memory from my vision as warm tears start rolling down my face.
"You don't understand Slade he..." I tried to explain only to have Batman cut me off.
"I don't care what he did, you should never have endangered others." He snapped back.
I droped my gaze back down to my hands. The power canceling cuffs around my wrists have a light blue glow to them. Looking at them I can almost feel the electric shock shoot up my arms ... No! Don't! Think! About That!
"The League has come to a unanimous decision." Batman said coldly. "We have deemed that you are too dangerous to be a Titan, and are hereby striped of your hero status and disbanded from the Titans.
My head snapped up, my horror filled eyes met his cold scowling ones.
"What!? No! No no no! Please don't, I swear it won't happen again! Please I swear!" I begged the tears flowing even faster down my face.
"I have heard enough. You should have never been on that team to begin with and this only proves it. You have till the end of the day to remove yourself from Titans tower." Wonder Woman snapped before walking out of the interrogation room we were in.
Batman watched Woman Woman exit then turned back to me with distaste. "I will send Robin in to retrieve you and escort you out of the watch tower, I suggest you don't try anything stupid." With that he walked out of the room, the door slammed loudly behind him making me jump.
"And how is my little bird today." Slades voice echoes in my mind. Again I shake my head trying to remove him from my mind.
I spend the rest of the time there focused on repeating my mantra while counting my breaths. Azarath one in Metrion one out Zinthos two in Azarath two out.
It felt like I was sitting there for hours even though I know it was only a few minutes before Robin walked in.
I looked up at him but he did not meet my gaze. My hands started to shake badly enough that the cuffs were knocking on my wrists a bit. "Robin?" I asked defeated.
"Come on, let's get you out of here." He said as reassuring as he could while continuing to not meet my gaze.
I stand and look at the cuffs still on my wrists then back at Robin who shakes his head. "I can't remove them till after we are off of the Watch Tower." He explains.
A spike of anger brings me back to reality. I easily identify it as Beastboy's in the other room, I could also hear a bit of muffled yelling.
Without removing my eyes from the same spot they have been since I sat down I focused on the emotions in the other room.
Beastboy is full of righteous fury and trepidation. Robin is resigned and upset.
Cyborg is full of worry and uncertainty. Starfire just feels guilty and sad. Terra... Terra is innoyed and excited?
I don't understand the mix of emotions, however I trust my friends. They have always accepted me for me and while I don't know what we will do, I have faith that we will find a way through this together.
They have always been there for me and me them. Robin even literally walked through hell for me once, surly they won't let the League bully them into abandoning me at a time I need them more then ever.
Robin and Cyborg walk into the livingroom and both sit down on either side of me. I look at both of them silently as I wait for whatever is going to happen next.
"Raven..." Robin starts. "For now we can put you up in a hotel or something until you find a place, but... You can't stay here anymore." He says firmly.
My heart dropped into my stomach then twisted around a few times. "You are kicking me out?" I ask in disbelief, my voice sounding small even to me.
"We think it is best. You obviously can't use your powers right now and it would only put everyone else in more danger." Robin replied I could feel through our bond his pity and guilt.
"Rae.. If we had any other choice we would choose it but we don't." Cyborg added softly as if it would lessen the blow to my heart, it doesn't.
I look back down in my hands in my lap and try to swallow the large lump in my throat. "Nothing more to say then that, I will see myself out." I force out bitterly.
"Let us take you to a hotel or something Rae." Robin says placing a hand on my wrist.
The moment I feel his hand touch me I find myself once again being held down by Adonis his hands tightly griping my wrists to hold above my head. I rip my hand back and out of the physical contact and the bunker disappears. I look around my surroundings, I'm still in the commons room of Titans Tower with Robin and Cyborg sitting on either side of me. Robin looks at me startled by my reaction.
"No no..." I take a moment remind myself that I am safe and process what Robin just said. He wants to take me to a hotel since I can't stay here anymore. A pain filled resentment fills me.
"I'm not a Titan anymore. Don't do me any favors." I snap, getting up from the couch I storm out of the room and head for my bedroom.
This could not be happening, are they really willing to just let me go. Why, why after everything that we had been through together why would they give up on me now when I truly need them?
Is it because I'm to damaged and not worth fighting for anymore? Are they too grossed out by me and are simply using the League as a way to get rid of me without having to take the blame?
These thoughts and questions filled my mind as I numbly grab my small duffel bag that I use when we go on long missions, and began filling it with my 5 civilian outfits and the civilian documents documents Cyborg had made for me.
I also grab my bank account information and the $500 cash I keep pulled for emergencies.
I stop and look around my room, my safe haven, the only real home I have ever had. I swallow a large painful lump in my throat and walk out of my now old room.
As I walk into the commons room again the whole team is there minus Starfire who is watching from the other side of the door. Robin and Cyborg are still sitting on the couch looking down they don't meet my gaze.
Beastboy and Terra stand in the middle of the room, Terra keeps looking between all of us while Beastboy just stares sadly at me.
As I look them all over I can't help but hope they will change their minds, that they would stop me from leaving and try to find a better solution. But nothing in their emotions indicates that happening so I lower my gaze and walk into the elevator.
As the elevator doors close I make eye contact with Beastboy's pain filled gaze and for moment recall our time as a couple. It was short but nice while it lasted. However we both determined after only two months of giving it a try that it was simply not going to work. I would have killed him, or permanently damaged our friendship if we had continued.
I just don't understand why neither he nor any of them won't fight for me. For years I would push them all away, afraid if they got too close I would hurt them. But they would come close anyways, they didn't let me push them away no matter how hard I tried.
They fought for years to be my friends and family and for that reason among many others, I came love them and would do anything for them.
However it seems in the end they ended up being the ones to push me away, to hurt me. A pain filled sob escaped my lips as the elevator doors opened to reveal the outside of the tower.
As I stepped out onto the rocks surrounding the tower, the evening sun is blinding for a moment. However once my eyes adjust, I can't help but stop and look back at the tower.
Are they really just going to let me walk away like this? Are they not going to at least insist on being my friends even if I can't be a Titan anymore?
My eyes land on the elevator doors I just came out of. And for a moment I imagine Robin running out of them, telling me he is going to take me to a hotel whether I want him too or not. Because whether I stay or not we are still friends and they want to look after me.
When that vision does not come true I imagine Cyborg trudging out, saying there is no way in hell he is going to let his baby sister go through this alone. And with his car keys in hand says he's going to take me to his family's vacation house, the one he moved into when he first came to jump after his accident. I think he may have even converted it into a safe house.
Again after some time and no one came out of the tower's doors, my eyes moved up to the roof expecting to see Starfire or Beastboy or maybe even both of them flying off the roof to me.
Beastboy would insist on coming with me just so he could pester me when I tell him I want to be alone. Starfire would insist on coming to see me everyday and perform 'braiding maneuvers' on my hair.
Warm tears roll down my cheeks as no one exits the tower. I close my eyes and pretend to hear that grating voice of that ungrateful rock mover. Insisting that even though she does not care, she would like to know where I am going so her and Gar can check up on me.
Again I am left standing alone at the base of the tower. My hands are now badly shaking with steady tears leaking down my face.
I know it is stupid and is only going to lead to more pain and disappointment but I continue to look at the tower praying with every last bit of hope within me that one or all the Titans will run out after some time and tell me they figured out a way around the Justice League and were sorry they just needed some time to figure it out.
I don't know how long I stood there just staring at the tower, but the evening sun slowly decended into darkness. When the porch light on the tower automatically flip on I turned around walking numbly to the jetties that connects from the main land to the island.
Somewhere in the back of my brain I should be thankful that it is low tide, as the jetties are under water during high tide. There is an underground tunnel for the T-car during high tide but it can only accessed from the towers shipping bay. And with my emotions as unstable as they are right now, levitating is not an option.
However as I walk to the mainland my mind is completely blank and broken. As I step off the last jetty rock and onto the sandy beach my legs give out to the softness beneath me. Oh how sad it is that the sand is the only thing showing me kindness as it catches my fall.
I can't hold it in any longer and start to break down and sob curling up in the sand. I know I should wring in my emotions before I destroy something and cause more trouble but I can't... I just can't.
I sob and sob so hard it hurts my chest and makes it hard to breathe. I even hyperventilate a few times. The hot summer night is sticky and humid but all I feel is cold. I shiver and continue to sob unable to stop until the pain and exhaustion take over my mind and pull me into an unwelcome, nightmare filled sleep.