Raven:
The sun wakes me up as it shines right in my face. For a brief moment the agitation I feel towards the sun makes me forget everything that has happened. For a brief moment it was like it was a half a year ago when that annoying sun brought me out of the comfort of my bed to deal with whatever or who ever else tried to annoy me.
However it only took me half a second to realize that I was not snuggled up in my bed. I could feel myself covered in sand and salt, and my body ached all over.
I opened my eyes to see the sunrise reflecting over the ocean as the waves gently lap over one another. However what used to be such a beautiful and calming sight now filled me with deep sorrow as the tranquility in me is once again filled with the torment I somehow deserved to live through.
I don't know what I did to deserve it all, but I must deserve it otherwise why did it only seem to happen to me. I swallow back the sob in my throat as I sit up. I don't want to cry anymore, it doesn't seem to help in any way.
I try to brush the sand off my face only to add more as my hand is just as coated in the gritty stuff as the rest of me. Frustrated I grab a handful of sand and throw it at the ocean, only to have the wind send some of right back in my face.
Oh, what did I do to deserve this?! I get up and stumble over to one of the showers they keep on the beach for tourists to use while swimming.
As I go to take my cloak off, I hesitate not sure I want to leave the safety of its cover even for a moment. I start a debate with myself if I should just shower with the cloak on or if I should just forget rinsing off all together.
I take a quick look around and find the beach deserted, so with a deep breath I take off my cloak and turn on the shower.
The water is cold which only adds to my numbness. I don't take long, just long enough to rinse off.
Once done I go to pick up my cloak only to realize it is still thoroughly coated in sand. With a sigh I reach for my duffel bag instead, the outside of the bag is still coated in sand but the outfits inside are not.
I grab my cloak by the hood and hold it as far away from my still dripping wet body as I can. Dropping it into a trash can I make my way into one of the small changing houses where I peel off my leotard and put on a pair of dark jeans and a long-sleeved dark purple shirt.
As I do this I feel as though I am stripping away the last of my connections to the Titans making my eyes sting with silent tears. Once I am changed I take the last of my uniform and walk back to the trash can I dropped my cloak in.
With a deep shuttering breath I drop my leotard in the can. "I am not a Titan anymore." I wisper to myself as I look at the trash can like it holds my entire life. I suppose in a way it does.
I look up at the tower sitting in the middle of the bay and feel my heart clench painfully in my chest.
Why would they do this to me? Did they not even care about me to begin with and I am now just useless to them?
The memories of my time with the Titans flashed before my eyes. Robin accepting me into the group without knowing anything about me; simply because I showed compassion towards Starfire whom he was fighting at the time.
Then the process of integrating into the team. From Beastboy and Cyborg entering my mind to swapping bodies with Starfire.
Several of the different hardships we helped each other through. Me helping Cyborg with his car, all of us going to outers pace to find Starfire during her 'transformation', Robin breaking his arm causing Larry to appear and break reality, Beastboy getting kidnapped by Soto who thought he was his dog.
Meeting Terra after she squashed that giant scorpion. Her losing control almost collapsing that cave on top of us when we got that alert...
I try not to think too much on that last thought so not to put Him back in my mind. Instead I forcefully turn away from the tower and start making my way into town.
As I walk numbly through town without a specific destination in mind, some of the more life altering thing the Titans and I had gone through ran through my head.
Starfire's wedding getting turned into an mutiny against her sister. Cyborg's fight with Blood. Beastboy taking leadership over the Titans during the war with the Brotherhood if Evil. Me over coming the prophesy of my birth. Robin and Terra being manipulated into being...
Damit! Why can't he just fucking stay out of my head!? I let out an angry sigh that sounded alot like a hiss.
Quite frankly I was ready to start punching myself in the head to try and make myself forget when I passed by an electronic store with a TV set up in the window.
No it wasn't the TV specifically that caught my attention but the news footage playing on it. It seems someone had taken a video my attempted fight with Adonis and was now airing all over the news.
'Great!' was all I could think as I watched myself begging Adonis to kill me before losing control of my powers.
"The video was taken by a taxi driver who happened to be in the area and is leaving Jump City citizens wondering what will become of one of our city's beloved heroes. I am Katie..." A drop of rain on my cheek forces me to snap my eyes away from the news up to the sky as I stood there burning in shame.
'What have I done to deserve this?' The question flashed through my mind again at the same time a flash of lightning lit up the now storm covered sky.
And where did this storm even come from? I swear it is like the weather knows when bad things happen and thinks it is helping by showing up to represent the misery in the world.
I start down a random alley as a few more drops of rain hit me. I noticed a small awning over some sort back exit to one of the businesses. I don't know which one but take cover right before the rain let's completely loose.
I curl up right next to the door pulling my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them as I watch the rain fall all around me.
From inside the building I am curled up to I feel a variety of different emotions. Some angry, some sad, some really really happy, but the one that seems to grab my attention the most are the feelings of being carefree.
Suddenly the door next to me opened, a strong smell of alcohol and a woman in her low to mid thirties walked out carring a bag of trash. The woman was wearing a pirates outfit and has her long brown hair pulled back out of her face with a skull and crossbone bandanna.
She lookes out at the rain in disdain throwing the bag of trash just off the patio. "I'll take it to the dumpster later." She grumbled before turning to go back in, that is when she spotted me for the first time.
"Oh!" She cried jumping in suprise to my presence. I just groan and bury my head in my legs. 'Even total strangers can't stand being around me!' I thought bitterly.
"I'm sorry I didn't see you there." The woman said kindly kneeling down in front of me. I peek up at her and she gasped at the sight of the gem on my forhead. "Your Raven!" She exclaimed in suprise.
"What gave me away?" I grumble miserly once again hiding my face in my legs.
"I'm sorry I was just surprised. What are you doing all alone in the rain, curled up next to a bar?" The woman asked and I could feel the genuine concern coming from her.
"I didn't know this was a bar." I replied defensively. "I just need to take cover from the rain and spotted an awning." I explain at least now I understand the emotions I felt inside as well as the smell of alcohol.
"That still doesn't explain why you are here and not with the other Titans. Especially after what happened with that Iron Man wannabe." The woman commented making me flinch. So she saw the news as well.
I didn't respond, I just curled more into myself at the mention of both my friends and Adonis. The woman seemed to not only notice but understand as she let out a sigh.
A hand on my shoulder made me jump away, and I swear I heard evil laughing eco around me but when I looked it was just the woman with her hands up in a non threatening position.
"Sorry I didn't mean to startle. Would you like to come inside and get out of this weather?" She asked kindly giving me my space.
I furrowed my brows together in confusion at her request. Not only because of the random kindness she seems to be showing me but also the fact that inside was a bar.
"I can't I am only 16." I reply. A flash of suprise crosses her features but disappeared quickly, though I can now sense a new wave of restrained curiosity from her.
"My apartment is right above the bar, you can hang out there if you are not comfortable at the bar. As for age laws I seriously doubt anyone will care or will do anything when it comes to you being in a bar." The woman replied kindly.
I don't really want to become a burden to this woman and thus don't really want to go up to her apartment. However she is right authorities probably wouldn't bat an eye about me being in a bar, simply because they know that isn't a fight the would normally be able to win.
I stand up and look at the woman. "I will go to the bar, as long as you are certain YOU won't get in trouble for it." I say and the woman smiles at me with a nod.
"I'm certain." She replies simply and directs through the open door. We walk through a back kitchen area before coming to a loud room with Irish drinking songs playing loudly. The whole bar is decorated in a pirate theme, the actual ordering bar looks like a pirates ship.
Above the bar the words 'Yo Ho Ho And Bottle Of Rum' are written in large black letters. Running the bar is a big burly man also dressed in a pirate themed outfit.
Across the other side of the room was a karaoke stage with a clearly intoxicated man trying to sing A Drunken Scotsman. Off in a side room were some pool tables with some people playing around it. The rest of the rather large room is filled with tables shaped like rum barrels and wood planked benches. Many people are spread out amongst those.
The woman led around the ordering bar, nodding to the man in greeting when he waved and to a wooden cabin door with the words 'reservations only' carved into it. Opening the door the woman led me into a slightly quieter room with no one in it.
The room had a big party table made out of old wood pallets in the middle of the room with stools all the way around it. There was also a pool table in the corner of the room.
"I don't have any reservations made for tonight so you are welcome to hang out here as long as you want too." The woman stated as I looked around the ship cabin themed room.
"Why?" The question popped out of my mouth before I knew what I was even asking. Was I asking why she was being nice to me? Why she was letting me hide in her reservations room? Or why she thought that this is something I would even want.
The woman smiled being the owner of a bar she has had many people with depressing lives and has long learned to understand certain state of minds.
"You probably don't recognize me as you have saved so many, but my daughter and I were once caught in a fight with Cinderblock. He had hit a wall sending most of it flying towards the group of people we were standing amongst. Luckily you teloported between us and the debris, throwing up a shield to protect us before getting us all out of the danger zone." She explained.
"Being owner of this bar I have long learned not to judge people when they are at their lowest points, and this city owes you more kindness than we can ever repay. Now would you like something to eat or drink?" She handed me a paper menu out of the wast apron she had on.
I took the pamphlet like menu from her and opened it up. It mostly consists of alcohol beverages but the back side offered some food and soft drinks as well.
"I will have a corn dog and a glass of water." I reply. The woman nods with a smile and leaves the room.
I take a seat at one of the stools and read over some of the items on the menu. I am not really old enough to drink, and never before had considered doing so as it is supposed to mess with your emotions and inhibit your ability to think straight.
As a Titan I needed to be constantly alert and I Azar knows how important it is for me to maintain emotional control.
And yet, I had read once that alcohol was often used as a means to forget. To escape from everything if only for a short while.
The woman came back in with a tray. On the tray was the corn dog I ordered with a few different packets of condiments, a glass of water, and a bottle of beer?
I looked at the woman questioning as she set the whole tray down in front of me. "Its there if you want it. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to. This is all on me this time so don't worry about paying." The woman said.
"Thank you.?" I said in uncertainty.
The woman nodded. "I will come in to check on you every now and then. If you need something sooner you can find me at the bar counter." She said then took her leave.
At first I completely ignored the beer and slowly ate my corn dog. Were would I go after this? What am I going to do?
When I left Azarath I had felt lost and scared but had a goal in mind. I wanted to find help to stop my father. Even after the Justice League wanted nothing to do with me I searched for a way to prevent him coming.
But now I have no idea what to do with myself. I am broken and have no where to go or any ideas on what I should do now. I can never be a hero again, the Justice League has made sure of that.
I sighed and looked at the bottle sitting on the table in front of me. What do I have to lose? Hesitantly I reach for the bottle and open it up.
"Oh Azar forgive me." I mutter before taking a sip. The moment the liquid touches my tongue I about spit it back out. It tasted horrible and burned a bit as I swallowed with a grimace.
I glare at the bottle for a moment before trying it again. Not sure why I thought it would tast better the 2nd time around; it didn't. I thought about just dropping the whole thing in the trash. Why do people actually like this stuff?
And yet I found myself wanting to finish it. I am not sure why I want to but I do and began taking big gulps instead of small sips. The effect was horribly relieving as a fogginess started to settle over my mind.
The woman came back in at some point to take the trash. I'm not sure why but before she left I asked if she could bring me another beer.