"Sirius. Are you okay? You've been on cloud nine sense yesterday. What's
up?" "Nothing, Moony." Sirius hated lying to him, but he knew Remus would
but in. Not like that was so bad, but he could just hear Remus giving him
the Spanish Inquisition about it. He'd always told Remus when something
happened with a girl. He'd bet seven million galleons that Remus thought he
was a little slut. Hell, sometimes he felt like one sometimes. "Right,
nothing. And I'm the Queen of Spain." "Oh, let me get your crown, your
Majesty." His voice was dripping with venomous sarcasm. "Siri, I just want
to help." "Well I don't need your help!"
Remus's eyes filled with tear. "God, Remus. I'm sorry." Remus ignored him. He ran down the hallway and Sirius could hear his sobs echoing after him. "Damnit!" He slammed his fist into the wall and watched the blood drizzle from his fingers where the stones penetrated his skin. The pain was missing. All he felt was a sense of relief. 'No!' his mind shouted. He'd never do that again. One of his best-guarded secrets was that he'd experimented with self-mutilation after his grandmother had been killed. It gave him relief and a feeling of control. He controlled the amount of blood, the pain he felt, what he did it with. It was all he'd needed for a while, and he'd made that painstakingly obvious. All most all of his friends had left him.
All except James. He'd figured out what Sirius had been doing and helped him to where he didn't need to do it again. Ever sense, Sirius had been able to go to James with most anything. But how could he go to James with a problem about him. He didn't think that made much sense. "I'm going for a walk." he growled to no one. He pulled his cloak up tighter around his shoulders and walked out the front door. The lake was glittering with the reflection of the waning half moon. Another approximately three weeks until Remus would have to go back to that shack. He sighed. He'd never say it out loud, but those were the best nights of his life. He thought it was sick, him liking a night when one of his friends was hurt like that.
"You okay, Black?" Sirius almost jumped out of his skin. "Malfoy! What to you want?!" he snarled. "No need to be so mean. I haven't done a thing to you yet. Besides, after dark this place is mine." Sirius didn't understand what he'd been talking about until he realized that his feet had carried him to a little dugout area on the bank of the lake. "I'm sorry." he whispered, with no trace of sarcasm or malice. Malfoy's features softened. "I guess there was no way you could have known. You look like you need someone to talk to. I'm all ears as long as you'll come inside. It's too cold out here." He motioned to the entrance of a cave.
"Why should I trust you? If I tell you anything, it'll end up on the Slytherin message board." Malfoy extended his hand. "No tricks, Black. I came out here hoping to find someone to talk to. You look like how I felt on my first night out here." "How often are you out here?" "Every night. No one in Slytherin cares. If they even notice, that is." Sirius reached out and shook his hand. Malfoy looked a lot different then how he looked in school. More nice and trust-worthy. "Okay. But I'm trusting you." "I know. I won't tell." Both boys went into the cave. Sirius gasped. The cave was furnished with a couch, a table, and a dagger dug into the wall. "Don't worry about my fathers blade. It's not that sharp. And I wouldn't use it on anyone else anyway." Sirius noticed the careful way he'd worded his sentence.
"But you've used it on yourself?" "Once or twice. I don't have much, but make yourself at home." He pulled a lit cigarette out of a crack in an old ashtray. He looked at Sirius. "If it bothers you, I'll put it out. Most people don't like it." "It's okay. Are you sure you should have let me come in here? This is like your own private place." Malfoy let out a soft laugh. "Yeah right. One of my friends that graduated last year told me about it. It's sort of passed down. I think I might tell that kid, Avery, when I graduate. And anyone who can find the place is always welcomed here. Always." Sirius nodded feeling tears prick at the edges of his eyes.
"So. You wouldn't be out on a night like this unless it was an emergency. Spill." Sirius started crying. "He's been my best friend for so long. Hell, he was born three days after me. We lived in the same neighborhood growing up. We were never apart. His sister would make fun of us but we never paid any attention to her. For the first six years of our lives, you couldn't separate us with a crowbar. Then, when Grandma died, I started cutting myself. All of my friends were afraid of me except him. He held me close and told me it was okay to cry. I sobbed and shouted for hours before I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, I was still in his arms. He'd stayed up all night to watch me.
"Then we both got accepted here. I thought it would be great, but the first thing he does is make friends with those two fools. I love them, I really do, but I miss the times when it was just me and him. When his mom died, I held him the same way he'd done for me. I didn't realize it then, but I was already in love with him. Then, I turned into the little slut everyone knows I am. He went and got a girlfriend and I was happy as long as he was. Then, yesterday we found out she was cheating on him. The two of them got into a fight and she really hurt him. I took him to the hospital wing and I think he was delirious, because started saying the sappiest stuff I've ever heard. Then he kissed me! And hell, I kissed him too. One thing lead to another and Pomfery caught us making out. I can't tell any of my friends because they won't understand. It's not fair!"
Malfoy carefully wrapped his arms around Sirius and let the boy cry into his chest. Sirius hadn't said James's name, but Malfoy knew. He could tell. Sirius sniffled and wiped his eyes on the blonde boy's robes. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm a big baby, huh. Guess I kinda' am. Malfoy" "Talon." "What?" "Talon. It's my nickname. Anytime someone comes here I immediately become Talon. Gryfendor scum or not." The last part was teasing and light. "Oh yeah? Well how come Slytherin starts with the same letter as 'stupid'?" "And 'super', 'stupendous', 'superior', and 'spectacular'." "Oh yeah and like any of those apply to you." Malfoy shoved Sirius off his lap and into the floor. "Ha ha. Anyway, if you want to stay here for tonight, I'll sleep out here on the couch. There're some old beds in the back and a hot spring that you can get a shower under if you want. It's not too hot."
"Can I really stay?" "Why not? Just make sure not to over sleep. I'll be gone before sunrise but if you ever want to come back here, you can find the place no problem. You can see it once you've been in it." "Cool! And, um, thanks." "No problem at all." Sirius went farther back in the cave and found the spring Malfoy had mentioned. The part of the wall the water ran over was covered in sort, green moss. After a warm shower, Sirius flopped down on one of the beds and fell asleep. He woke to the sound of a raven cawing. The black bird was sitting on his bedpost with a letter addressed to 'Talon'. Sirius untied the letter from the bird's leg, carried it into the cave's entrance, and placed it on the table. Reading Malfoy's mail wouldn't seem right after the night before.
There was a note spell-o-taped to the table in Malfoy's malo-dramatic scrawl. 'Black. If you do over-sleep, ask the house-elf named Catrish to get you some food. She helps in our work here. Try and talk to Potter today. I know him well enough to be able to say that he will listen to you. Talon.' "How did he? Ah, to hell with it." He dashed outside and up to the castle. Apparently he wasn't late because he was able to slip in with some first years. He took his normal seat at the table and saw that James was back. "And where were *you* this morning, eh, Mr. Black." "Moony. Thank God you're talking to me again." "Well, you did have two more days of could shouldering coming, but." He shrugged. "Cool. Anyway, I got up this morning, made my bed, needed some air and went on a walk." He figured the cave would be a secret he'd need to keep.
"Good. Was a trifle worried for a minute there." "No need. I was perfectly fine." He saw Malfoy enter the great hall and find a spot between his two boulders. He looked just as stuck up and mean as always but he caught Sirius's glance and gave him a polite nod. James snapped his fingers in front of Sirius's face. "Huh, what?" Remus sighed. "Honestly, Sirius. Can't you stare at your latest crush some other time? James was *talking*." "Oops. Sorry." He gave James a look as if to say 'no new crush'. James put down his silverware and sighed. "Sirius, we need to talk." He grabbed the older boy's arm and dragged him out of the great hall, ignoring the many surprised stares and Malfoy's approving one.
Remus's eyes filled with tear. "God, Remus. I'm sorry." Remus ignored him. He ran down the hallway and Sirius could hear his sobs echoing after him. "Damnit!" He slammed his fist into the wall and watched the blood drizzle from his fingers where the stones penetrated his skin. The pain was missing. All he felt was a sense of relief. 'No!' his mind shouted. He'd never do that again. One of his best-guarded secrets was that he'd experimented with self-mutilation after his grandmother had been killed. It gave him relief and a feeling of control. He controlled the amount of blood, the pain he felt, what he did it with. It was all he'd needed for a while, and he'd made that painstakingly obvious. All most all of his friends had left him.
All except James. He'd figured out what Sirius had been doing and helped him to where he didn't need to do it again. Ever sense, Sirius had been able to go to James with most anything. But how could he go to James with a problem about him. He didn't think that made much sense. "I'm going for a walk." he growled to no one. He pulled his cloak up tighter around his shoulders and walked out the front door. The lake was glittering with the reflection of the waning half moon. Another approximately three weeks until Remus would have to go back to that shack. He sighed. He'd never say it out loud, but those were the best nights of his life. He thought it was sick, him liking a night when one of his friends was hurt like that.
"You okay, Black?" Sirius almost jumped out of his skin. "Malfoy! What to you want?!" he snarled. "No need to be so mean. I haven't done a thing to you yet. Besides, after dark this place is mine." Sirius didn't understand what he'd been talking about until he realized that his feet had carried him to a little dugout area on the bank of the lake. "I'm sorry." he whispered, with no trace of sarcasm or malice. Malfoy's features softened. "I guess there was no way you could have known. You look like you need someone to talk to. I'm all ears as long as you'll come inside. It's too cold out here." He motioned to the entrance of a cave.
"Why should I trust you? If I tell you anything, it'll end up on the Slytherin message board." Malfoy extended his hand. "No tricks, Black. I came out here hoping to find someone to talk to. You look like how I felt on my first night out here." "How often are you out here?" "Every night. No one in Slytherin cares. If they even notice, that is." Sirius reached out and shook his hand. Malfoy looked a lot different then how he looked in school. More nice and trust-worthy. "Okay. But I'm trusting you." "I know. I won't tell." Both boys went into the cave. Sirius gasped. The cave was furnished with a couch, a table, and a dagger dug into the wall. "Don't worry about my fathers blade. It's not that sharp. And I wouldn't use it on anyone else anyway." Sirius noticed the careful way he'd worded his sentence.
"But you've used it on yourself?" "Once or twice. I don't have much, but make yourself at home." He pulled a lit cigarette out of a crack in an old ashtray. He looked at Sirius. "If it bothers you, I'll put it out. Most people don't like it." "It's okay. Are you sure you should have let me come in here? This is like your own private place." Malfoy let out a soft laugh. "Yeah right. One of my friends that graduated last year told me about it. It's sort of passed down. I think I might tell that kid, Avery, when I graduate. And anyone who can find the place is always welcomed here. Always." Sirius nodded feeling tears prick at the edges of his eyes.
"So. You wouldn't be out on a night like this unless it was an emergency. Spill." Sirius started crying. "He's been my best friend for so long. Hell, he was born three days after me. We lived in the same neighborhood growing up. We were never apart. His sister would make fun of us but we never paid any attention to her. For the first six years of our lives, you couldn't separate us with a crowbar. Then, when Grandma died, I started cutting myself. All of my friends were afraid of me except him. He held me close and told me it was okay to cry. I sobbed and shouted for hours before I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, I was still in his arms. He'd stayed up all night to watch me.
"Then we both got accepted here. I thought it would be great, but the first thing he does is make friends with those two fools. I love them, I really do, but I miss the times when it was just me and him. When his mom died, I held him the same way he'd done for me. I didn't realize it then, but I was already in love with him. Then, I turned into the little slut everyone knows I am. He went and got a girlfriend and I was happy as long as he was. Then, yesterday we found out she was cheating on him. The two of them got into a fight and she really hurt him. I took him to the hospital wing and I think he was delirious, because started saying the sappiest stuff I've ever heard. Then he kissed me! And hell, I kissed him too. One thing lead to another and Pomfery caught us making out. I can't tell any of my friends because they won't understand. It's not fair!"
Malfoy carefully wrapped his arms around Sirius and let the boy cry into his chest. Sirius hadn't said James's name, but Malfoy knew. He could tell. Sirius sniffled and wiped his eyes on the blonde boy's robes. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm a big baby, huh. Guess I kinda' am. Malfoy" "Talon." "What?" "Talon. It's my nickname. Anytime someone comes here I immediately become Talon. Gryfendor scum or not." The last part was teasing and light. "Oh yeah? Well how come Slytherin starts with the same letter as 'stupid'?" "And 'super', 'stupendous', 'superior', and 'spectacular'." "Oh yeah and like any of those apply to you." Malfoy shoved Sirius off his lap and into the floor. "Ha ha. Anyway, if you want to stay here for tonight, I'll sleep out here on the couch. There're some old beds in the back and a hot spring that you can get a shower under if you want. It's not too hot."
"Can I really stay?" "Why not? Just make sure not to over sleep. I'll be gone before sunrise but if you ever want to come back here, you can find the place no problem. You can see it once you've been in it." "Cool! And, um, thanks." "No problem at all." Sirius went farther back in the cave and found the spring Malfoy had mentioned. The part of the wall the water ran over was covered in sort, green moss. After a warm shower, Sirius flopped down on one of the beds and fell asleep. He woke to the sound of a raven cawing. The black bird was sitting on his bedpost with a letter addressed to 'Talon'. Sirius untied the letter from the bird's leg, carried it into the cave's entrance, and placed it on the table. Reading Malfoy's mail wouldn't seem right after the night before.
There was a note spell-o-taped to the table in Malfoy's malo-dramatic scrawl. 'Black. If you do over-sleep, ask the house-elf named Catrish to get you some food. She helps in our work here. Try and talk to Potter today. I know him well enough to be able to say that he will listen to you. Talon.' "How did he? Ah, to hell with it." He dashed outside and up to the castle. Apparently he wasn't late because he was able to slip in with some first years. He took his normal seat at the table and saw that James was back. "And where were *you* this morning, eh, Mr. Black." "Moony. Thank God you're talking to me again." "Well, you did have two more days of could shouldering coming, but." He shrugged. "Cool. Anyway, I got up this morning, made my bed, needed some air and went on a walk." He figured the cave would be a secret he'd need to keep.
"Good. Was a trifle worried for a minute there." "No need. I was perfectly fine." He saw Malfoy enter the great hall and find a spot between his two boulders. He looked just as stuck up and mean as always but he caught Sirius's glance and gave him a polite nod. James snapped his fingers in front of Sirius's face. "Huh, what?" Remus sighed. "Honestly, Sirius. Can't you stare at your latest crush some other time? James was *talking*." "Oops. Sorry." He gave James a look as if to say 'no new crush'. James put down his silverware and sighed. "Sirius, we need to talk." He grabbed the older boy's arm and dragged him out of the great hall, ignoring the many surprised stares and Malfoy's approving one.