A/N- A big thank you to all of my reviewers: EyesofEmerald, Away with the faries 4, Charming visions, Lady Riddle, Ecrivsin Sage, and angelstar2.
Also, James's thoughts are in italics, in case you get confused, and it's only in one little part, so it shouldn't be too bad. This is also a bloody long chapter, so drink up! Here's to hoping you laugh your arse off while you read this. Raises glass in a toast So, without further adieu…
War Zone! Codename: revenge
A gentle waft of air caressed James's face the following morning, stirring him from his slumber.
"Lily…" James murmured playfully. "Stop it…that tickles…OUCH!
James tumbled out of bed as something very sharp pricked him on his backside.
"What in the bloody hell…?"
James looked up from his spot on the floor to see some sort of a mini-cupid hovering above him. The little blonde lump stood about ten centimeters tall, and white wings were beating on his back to keep him in the air.
"Gees mate, what got your diaper in a twist?"
The cupid thing just fluttered before him, looking at James with innocent violet eyes. James disentangled himself from his sheets and stood, pulling a four-centimeter arrow from his arse. James made a wild grab for the pudgy cupid to teach him a lesson about where and where not pointy things should go, but it just flew out of reach.
"Alright little man, I think we need to have a talk. Firstly, it is not polite to go shooting arrows into people's behinds. Secondly, it is very rude to awaken someone when they do not have to be up for another three minutes and twenty-four seconds. Lastly, what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The tiny cherub did not answer, but started to do little flips in the air around James's bed, completely ignoring his presence.
'Well, at least this gives me more time to think…This is obviously a prank of some sort, but who would it be? My fellow Marauders wouldn't dare set an arrow slinging love monster on me, would they?
James thought back to the day before, trying to remember if he had offended any of them. There had been that little tiff in the common room with Sirius, but he was pretty sure they had resolved that. Then he had gotten in a fight with Lily, she wanted to give him a dose of his own potion, but… no. She couldn't possibly…. the idea was laughable! What would she do, glare him to death?
An image of a glaring Lily then popped up into his mind, unbidden. Fortunately, his imagination quickly changed her expression to a welcomer one. Her eyes were sparkling jewel bright, and her cherry red lips were quirked in a coy smile. He couldn't wait to see if her lips tasted as good as they looked…
"GAH!" James clasped his hands over his bottom in protection from any other onslaught of arrows. "Bloody hell! Why do you keep doing that?! I was just thinking about Lily…
"Oh…I get it." James waggled his finger at the cupid accusingly. "Every time I think about Lily, you bestow upon me a pointy little gift, is that it? You're the friggin' anti-cupid!"
There is only one person who could possibly be responsible for this audacious deed. It was very obviously—
"SIRIUS!" James roared, bursting into the seventh year dormitories and ripping the curtains back from the offending boy's four-poster bed.
"S'matter?" Sirius asked, sitting up dazedly.
"Hey Prongs," Peter said, poking his head out from his own draperies. "Who's your little friend?"
"That's exactly what I was going to ask him."
"Who? Me?" Sirius looked at James, giving him a wide-eyed look of innocence. "I haven't done anything…"
"Yeah right," James said scathingly. "And my mother's a flubberworm."
"Perhaps you should give Padfoot the benefit of the doubt, James," Remus suggested, joining the conversation.
"And why, pray tell, should I do that? Who else would do this?"
"What exactly does Mr. Daipypants do?"
"Well, uh, here…hold on…"
James screwed up his face into a look concentration, thinking of Lily, and soon a blissful smile spread across his face. It didn't stay for long though, for a miniature red arrow zoomed across the room to hit its target once more.
"Ooh," All of the Marauders flinched as the projectile struck James' bottom, with the exception of Sirius, who had now rolled off his bed, howling with laughter.
"That's bloody brilliant!" he exclaimed. "Which one of you two did it?"
Two pairs of eyes stared blankly back at him.
"It was you, you idiot!" James accused.
"No, it wasn't."
"Perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt here, Prongs," came Remus's voice of reason. "I mean, you'd have to really good at charms to do this kind of thing…"
"Hey! I'm good at charms!"
"And who do you think of when it shoots you?" Remus finished, completely ignoring Sirius's interruption.
James blushed slightly before answering, "Lily."
"So there's your answer."
"Who, Lily?" Peter asked incredulously.
"No freaking way," Sirius scoffed. "I'll be a prisoner in Azkaban before Lily pulls a prank…"
"Think about it," Remus defended himself. "Yesterday she was angry with you and made promises of revenge, and today you get a poke in the arse every time you think about her. It makes sense."
James grudgingly agreed, seeing as no one else would dare defy him, head boy and prankster extraordinaire.
"Lily has gone off the deep end…" Peter said, shaking his head.
"You know what this means, right Prongs?" Sirius asked, an evil smirk spreading across his face.
"Er, I'm gonna need a serious dose of murtlap essence by the end of the day?"
"No," Sirius said, his manic grin widening, "It means our dear Lily flower is in for some serious revenge…"
… … … …
Lily was already sitting at the Gryffindor table when James came in for breakfast, followed by his new friend and the other Marauders.
She spotted them, then rose from her spot at the table and walked over to greet James where he stood in the doorway, batting her eyelids and swinging her hips in a way that got every males' attention.
"Hello, James," Lily said, twisting a lock of hair around her finger and smiling up at him in a very suggestive manner.
James smiled back at the sultry siren, his eyes taking in her fiery beauty, and staying a little too long on her ample bosom. (A/N: I have always wanted to say ample bosom!!)
"Hell—OUCH!" James turned around in a fury and raised a threatening fist at the minute harbinger of pain.
A smile of triumph spread across Lily's face and she returned to her spot as the whole hall burst into gales laughter.
"I believe that's Lily: one, James: zero," Remus murmured to James, smiling broadly at his friends misfortune.
… … … … … … … …
Unfortunately for James, the rest of the day did not go much better. Every time he started to daydream in one of his classes, he tended to be pulled back into reality with an arrow where god never intended one to be.
Unfortunately for Lily, however, since James could no longer pass the time by thinking of her, he passed it by thinking of ways to avenge his sore bottom. Which is perhaps why the next morning all of Gryffindor was awakened by a piercing shriek.
"JAMES POTTER! YOU GET OUT HERE AND TAKE THIS THING OFF RIGHT NOW!" Lily bellowed from the common room.
James sauntered into the common room to face a raging Lily, still in her nightdress. Above her floated a red heart, about twice the size of her head. Inside it, the word 'James' was flashing brightly, as confetti fell around it, disappearing just before it hit Lily's head.
By now, many bodies were flooding the stairwell, trying to see what all the commotion was.
"Now Lily dearest," James cooed. "I do not recall you removing that love hating little devil yesterday, so I believe I will return the favor."
"Ugh!!" Lily raged, throwing up her arms and storming back to her dormitory, the blazing scarlet heart following her all the way.
James looked over to the base of the stairs, where his fellow Marauders were standing, and winked.
"I believe it's a tie game, folks," Sirius declared happily.
… … … … … … …
The war of pranks waged on for nearly a month.
Lily slipped a dose Rhyming Restorative in James's pumpkin juice, forcing him to speak in rhymes for the next eight hours.
He retaliated by charming her so that every time she tried to insult him, a monkey mating call came out instead.
James was definitely winning, according to the score being kept by Sirius, Remus, and Peter. It's not that Lily wasn't keeping up with him prank for prank, it's that James had more artistic flair. At least, that was their excuse for giving their friend extra points here and there.
Lily did, however, rally up points near the end of September. One night in the common room, right before one of their patrols, she came up to James, apparently extending an olive branch for peace.
"What are you doing?" James asked, looking at Lily like she had officially earned a spot in the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's.
" I was hoping we could put all this prank business behind us, just be friends."
James stared hard into Lily's eyes, as if trying to detect a lie. Lily put on the most wide-eyed look of innocence she could manage, which apparently was pretty darn convincing.
"Okay…"
Lily held out her arms and stepped towards James, and he warily wrapped his arms around her. Soon, though, all thought of mistrust vanished from his head as he relished in Lily's closeness. He even felt an odd, tingling sensation in his head as he breathed in the coconut smell of her hair.
Wait…his head wouldn't tingle from smelling hair…and why did his head feel so much lighter?
James quickly pulled out of Lily's embrace, yelling "Treachery!"
That was not the sound that came out however. A loud "Buck aw!" echoed across the common room instead of James's usual delectable husky voice.
For he now had the head of a rather large chicken.
"Oh man, Moony," Sirius chuckled, from his spot in the common room. "I reckon that one was worth at least three points…"
… … … … … … … … …
Due to her little transfiguration stunt, Lily was preparing herself for the very worst. Which is why she was surprised when the following Thursday Professor Garrison, their DADA teacher, asked to see her after class.
As the rest of the students filed out, Lily made her way to the front of the classroom, throwing a questioning look at James as he hurriedly left the classroom.
"What did you need, Professor?"
The young woman looked worriedly up at Lily, clearly uncomfortable. It was apparent that this was her first year teaching.
"Oh, Lily…right…could you please read a passage to me from this book?"
"Uh, sure…"
Lily did, quitting after about a page of reading.
"Oh," she said, looking relieved. "So you can read…then what, might I ask, is the meaning of this?"
Lily looked down at the paper she handed her, an essay entitled "Wherewoles arr peeple, too", by Lily Evans.
She forced herself to bite back a smile as she skimmed through her 'essay, and quickly explained, (in a very furious tone, of course) that a classmate must have switched her paper, and handed the professor her real essay. The young professor took it, saying no points would be deducted from her for the little mishap.
"Thank you." Lily said gratefully, and then made her way quickly out of the classroom, absolutely shaking with suppressed laughter.
She ran all the way to the girl's lavatory, where she locked herself in a stall to read the offending essay. The paper apparently followed a werewolf through an average month, and it was filled with sentences like "the pore wherewolf was stuck in a hows and dint leave all nite."
"Lily? Are you in here?" Linnea asked, entering the lavatory.
Lily quickly stifled her laughter and put on a look of mock sorrow, opening the stall door.
"I'm in here, Linnea.
"I'm alright, but the professor says she's going to fail me…" Lily said, her eyes brimming with false tears. "Could you proofread this essay for me?"
Linnea took the essay, her eyes widening a little more with each sentence she read.
"I think my spelling could use a little work."
"A little!" Linnea exclaimed, and then both girls doubled over laughing.
"Don't you dare tell James I laughed," Lily said, as they exited the washroom.
"Why speak of the devil," Linnea laughed, her eyes fixed on a spot across the corridor.
For their stood James, in all his glory, smirking at Lily as if he just found out something very interesting. He swooped down on the girls, placing himself between the two and draping an arm around Linnea casually, unaware of the surge of jealousy that went rocketing through Lily at that moment.
"Now Linnea, I know you weren't speaking of me, were you?"
James smiled brilliantly down at the small girl.
Linnea didn't answer though, for she was struck speechless as a tall, shaggy haired boy came bounding towards James.
"James!" Sirius called, coming to a halt before the assembled group.
He took in the sight, James's arm around Linnea and Lily standing a bit to the side, glaring daggers at the pair. He grinned at the situation, deciding to turn it to both his and his friend's advantage.
"You know Prongs? I don't believe you deserve such a beautiful young lady."
Sirius gave Linnea his most charming smile and moved to stand behind her. He then ushered her out of James's friendly embrace with one hand on the small of her back, gently steering her towards the Great Hall.
Linnea twisted her head around to gap at Lily, apparently not believing her incredulous luck to be dining with Sirius.
Lily smiled at her friend in what she hoped was an encouraging manner, for she was entirely not thrilled to be left alone with James.
Silence fell between the two companions, lasting for only a few seconds, but feeling like ages to Lily. She couldn't stand it; she had to break the silence.
"Er…" Lily started, but then fell once more into a hush, having absolutely nothing to say.
"Was there more to that sentence, or was that the end of the story?" James said, smiling warmly down at her.
Oh Merlin, she wished he'd stop smiling at her like that. She could never think strait when he smiled like that…
"Er…"
"Yes, I've heard that bit already."
"Why do you have to be so difficult!" Lily admonished, quickly regaining her compsure. " Here I am, trying to make some sort of truce, and all you can do is mouth back at me!"
"Oh no," James said, backing away from Lily. "I am not falling for that one again."
"I'm serious, you dolt!"
James's trademark arrogant grin returned to his face then.
"So you finally admit defeat, eh?"
"Defeat? No, no, no." tutted Lily, cocking a perfectly arched eyebrow. "According to the Marauders tally, we are exactly tied. And frankly, I'm running out of ideas."
"So we settle on a tie, quit pranking each other, and you go back to your old ways of hating my guts? I don't know that I like this idea…"
"Well no not exactly. I suggest we settle on a tie, quit pranking each other, and…"
Lily broke off, blushing slightly. Her eyes very adamantly set on a bit of mud on the floor.
"And…?" James prompted.
"And," Lily started, finally meeting James's hazel gaze. "I think we should be friends."
"Friends?" James repeated, apparently not believing what had just come out of her mouth.
Lily nodded, hoping with all her heart that he would not ruin the moment by asking her out again.
"Friends…yeah, I can live with that."
"Well then, Mr. Potter, I believe we have an accord."
"It would appear so, Miss Evans. It would appear so…"
A/N- So? Did ya like it? I do, but then, I may be a bit partial…please R/R, as always. Upon meeting my set goal of five reviews last chapter, I am now crossing my fingers in hope of seven. Do help me reach my dreams!