Were We Honestly Trying to Catch That?
Part 2
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By Mieren
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This is still a complete spoof. Nothing to do with the real series at all, but I'm having fun. And, yes, I know that neither Kabuto nor Orochimaru would ever be such pushovers.
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"The kitsune boy?"
"Yes," Kabuto confirmed.
"Why is he here?"
"Sasuke dropped him off with a note stapled to his forehead."
Orochimaru blinked. Of all people, Sasuke had dropped him off? Why on earth had his new body delivered the loudmouth blond to him?
"What did the note say?"
Kabuto studied the hastily scrawled message.
"#$& RAMEN!" he finally decided.
"That's all?"
"There's a lot more, but I can't make it out clearly."
"It says to lick my ass!" Naruto roared.
"Be quiet," Orochimaru ordered, only mildly stunned that the teenager could hear him in the first place.
"Lick me!"
Kabuto glared at the closed door. "Keep yelling and he might oblige!"
"RIM JOB!"
"If you don't kill him, I will," Kabuto muttered.
"Threesome!"
"No wonder Sasuke ditched him," Orochimaru said flatly.
"What the hell has he been eating?" Kabuto mused, trying to find a logical reason for his hyperactivity.
"RAMEN!"
"Is there an 'off' switch?" Kabuto asked in all seriousness.
"Off? Can I get off?"
"Shut up!" Orochimaru called.
"Then how will I get off?"
"With a foot up your ass if you don't be quiet!"
"But you're not ribbed!"
"Ribbed?" Kabuto asked softly. Orochimaru shrugged.
"How should I know?" the snake-nin hissed at his friend.
"Try asking, ya pedophile!"
"Pedophile?"
"Shut up, Kabuto."
"He gave rooster-butt a hickey!" Naruto hollered helpfully.
"And he's giving me a headache," Kabuto muttered.
"Just kill him already," Orochimaru griped.
"Feel free," the younger man muttered. "I'm not going in there."
"Throw something!" the snake-nin said in exasperation.
"Throw this!" Naruto thrust his hips at them.
"Bite me!" Kabuto said firmly.
"Where?"
"What…" Orochimaru started.
"The longer we have him, the worse he's been getting. Throwing things just leads to him dodging, throwing them back, or knocking them away with weird… techniques."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Close as I can tell from this distance, and no, I will not go closer, the fox went into heat and it made him insane."
"He's a child," Orochimaru scoffed. "How bad can he be?"
"Have you ever had a swirlie?"
"What's a swirlie?"
"That's what I asked," Kabuto grumped.
A guard staggered from the room, arms clutched across his chest.
"What is it?" Orochimaru rasped.
"I asked him what a purple nurple was, sir!" the man gasped. "Watch out for him! He has my keys and he's in the ventilation!"
"This is a cave! We don't have ventilation!"
"We do now!"
Kabuto slapped his forehead. "What's he doing?"
"He mentioned chili and enemas," the man gasped.
Orochimaru snorted. "He doesn't have chili or enemas on him!" An ear-piercing shriek from across their hiding place contradicted him rather quickly. Three sets of eyes met.
"Leave this for someone else to find?" Orochimaru asked calmly.
"Damn straight," Kabuto muttered.
Every standing ninja ran for their lives and sanity.
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OWARI (maybe)
Review! You know you liked it!
Mieren