Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter. There I've said it, don't eat me.

I hope you enjoy this story. Don't forget to press the little purpley, greyish, blue button at the bottom and REVIEW. Criticism welcome.

P.S. Don't you just love asterisks? They're so cute. The bigger the better. In the words of one of my friends, "Big things are cute".

"Welcome back students, welcome back," greeted Professor Dumbledore at the (what else) welcoming feast at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

At this point I took the liberty of tuning myself out to the rest of the speech.

I mean I already know what he's going to say. Stay out of the Forbidden Forest, hence the name, blah blah blah, look at the additional items added to Filch's list, blah blah blah.

I sighed, pushed back my curly brown hair, and made eye contact with my best friend Susan Bones. She gave me a grin and jerked her head to the right, indicating the person sitting right next to me.

Cautiously I turned to my left, only to see Ron looking absolutely rabid with his eyes glazed over, staring at the empty plate in front of him.

"Erm… Ron?" I ventured to ask tentatively.

No answer.

"Ok then," I say pointlessly as Ron is obviously not paying any attention to me. After waiting a couple seconds to see if Ron will miraculously reply, and getting no response whatsoever, I slowly inch my chair to the right with small squeaky jerks.

Loud squeaky jerks.

And as usual I was completely oblivious to how loud my chair really was, as I was engrossed in my hasty moving away from Ron.

Can you blame me? It was scary.

I settle down comfortably once again, and after a few seconds I realize that no one is talking. I assumed that it was because of the water I had gotten in my ear this morning while showering. I'm not usually that clumsy…. Ok I guess I am, but this time I had an excuse. I was taking a nice peaceful shower when I happened to look up at the corner of the ceiling and saw….

a spider.

Not just any old spider, nope, that would never happen to poor little innocent Hermione Granger. It was humongo, gigantic, absolutely enormous, the biggest spider I have ever seen. In shock, I tilted my head sideways, and got water in my ear, which is why when I heard no one talking, I assumed that it my ear was clogged with water.

To get it out, I turned my head to the side and started to lightly whack the ear facing up, so that the water would come out through the other ear, while staring at the scarily shiny, empty, golden plate in front of me. To justify my staring at the plate, I will only say I was shocked at its cleanliness. Shocked that the house elves are still slaving away even after my S.P.E.W campaign. Speaking of which, it's high time I started that up again.

Did I mention that the spider in the bathtub was hairy? Haha Harry, hairy. It cracks me up that Harry and hairy sound the same, so I start laughing to myself quietly. Pretty soon I start snorting too.

So while I am tilting my head trying to get water out of my ear, staring at my plate, and laughing to myself, I realize that I still can't hear any voices. Not even dear Dumbly-dore.

Slowly I lift my gaze off of my plate to find the ENTIRE school staring at me.

Crapstacks.

I must look like a freaking maniac.

I quickly straighten up, wipe the smile of my face, and smooth my skirt. Trying to save face, I glare around at the rest of the school and snap a dignified "What are you looking at."

That was my best glare yet. I mean I bet I even burned a hole in that titchy little first year's cloak sitting diagonally across from me. Everyone else hastily reverts their attention to Dumbledore who once again resumes speaking.

"Well then, I think this is the perfect time to introduce this year's head boy and girl, as you seem to have met the head girl already," says Dumbledore.

My cheeks turn pink. Oops. Whispers and laughs break out around the hall.

I am mortified. I slink lower into my chair.

"May I present to you, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy."

Ok, now I am absolutely sure that I have water in my ear. Did I just hear Dumbledore say Draco Malfoy?

I stand up to acknowledge the introduction, and I see Malfoy rising as well out of the corner of the eye.

I must be dreaming. This is not happening.

I pinch myself to reassure myself that it's all just a dream.

But of course it wasn't, as if Hermione Granger has such luck. That pinch actually hurt. Now I'm going to have a red mark on my arm where I pinched myself, and have to be head girl with Malfoy. The fates are not on my side today.

I sit back down, and this time decide to pay attention to what Dumbledore is saying to avoid any more potential embarrassment.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Harry and Susan exchange amused grins and eye rolls. Oooh they are so dead when this speech is over. They are supposed to support me in times of utter mortification, not laugh at me behind my back.

At least Ron seems indifferent. Probably because he's still staring maniacally at his plate.

I sniff snobbily and revert my attention to Dumbledore.

"I would now like to make an important announcement," he announced. "In addition to all your normal studies, we are introducing a new mandatory class to the Hogwarts curriculum. It is a muggle class, but after observing the Hogwarts population, we teachers have come to the decision of instating a required physical education class. All students will learn and participate in muggle sports, as well as run timed laps around the quidditch pitch, and learn about living a healthy lifestyle."

I grin. I love muggle sports. I am most definitely not good at them, but they are fun all the same. I look around to see most muggle-borns smiling at the idea. Those who know nothing about a muggle physical education class look apprehensive, but after seeing the mostly positive response, relax into smiles. Except Ron of course.

I look over to my left. Nope, still staring dazedly at the empty plate.

I shake my head and catch Harry's eye. We both smile because we love playing muggle sports.

"Ugh. There is no way I am participating in that class. It'll ruin my hair if I get all sweaty and gross," complains Cho's traitor friend Marietta loudly.

Susan and I roll our eyes simultaneously, and mimic her silently with exaggerated gestures and eyelash flutterings.

I return my attention to Dumbledore once again as he waits for the excited chatter in the hall to die down.

"One last announcement before we tuck in. This is a surprise announcement to the staff as well," he continues.

I see Ron visibly perk up to the words 'tuck in', and am disgusted to see his tongue loll out and drool drip onto his plate.

"The professor overseeing these classes will be Professor Snape," finishes Dumbledore with a triumphant smile. "Tuck in."

Nobody tucks in except for Ron who hasn't heard a single word of the speech. We all gape at Dumbledore wordlessly in horror. Having Snape as a physical education teacher would be like, like, like… having Umbridge educate you on the dangers of unprotected sex.

Us students aren't the only surprised ones. Snape is wearing an expression of utmost shock on his face. I guess when Dumbledore said 'surprise' he really meant surprise, for Snape's mouth is also hanging open, moving soundlessly in shocked protest.

My hopes suddenly soar at this, as I think that Dumbledore might switch the professor if Snape objects. Yes! Snape has regained his senses, and is opening his mouth to loudly protest. But sure enough, Dumbledore shoots Snape a scary glare to rival my own, and Snape shuts up immediately.

At this I realize that we are stuck with Snape.

The grin that was plastered on my face slowly begins to droop off as I think to myself, 'Hermione Granger, you really are a lucky duck.'

RevIeW.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;..;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.