Title: That is the stupidest-

Summary: Sirius falls into the veil and James is the one to shove him back out. The Marauders then steal away Harry, half-heartedly recruit an irritated Snape and attempt to defeat Voldemort with absolutely no plan at hand but that's how they usually roll so it should be fine.

.

Harry grabs Sirius as he falls through the Veil and they trip through together, like falling into an icy lake - choking, their bodies unable to move, losing their grip on each other in the sudden rush.

And then hands are shoving them back out, Harry hitting the floor first and gasping where he lies on his back. Sirius is on his knees, most of his arms still reaching into the Veil, leaning back like he's trying to pull something with him.

Remus reaches them in a flurry of robes, hauling Sirius the rest of the way out hard enough that Sirius is thrown to the ground next to Harry who's scrambling up.

Another person is sprawled over Sirius, a young adult with messy hair and hazel eyes behind round glasses. He looks up, dazed.

"James?" Remus whispers. "Jamie?"

"What just happened?" James blurts out.

Sirius barks out a laugh and crushes James to his chest. "You bastard, you think you can escape me?! You're stuck with me forever, James!"

The three Marauders go stumbling down the hallway of the Black ancestral home, Remus and Sirius clutching at one of James' arms each.

"Ow!" James complains, trying to plant his feet and pull back but he just gets yanked forward. "You're mean when you're old!" James cries incredulously. "And ugly."

Sirius kicks open the door to his room and swings James inside before slamming it shut behind them. "I will slap you, Jamie-"

"Now is not the time for childish insults," Remus snaps. "James, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Dying," James grumbles, rubbing his upper arm where Remus' finger dug in. "Don't grab so hard, Remi. Shit, where's Peter when I need him?"

"Peter's a fucking traitor," Sirius sneers. "We swapped to him, remember? He gave up the secret – that's why Voldemort attacked your house."

James' expression falls. "When did the Death Eaters get to Peter? How long did they – they torture him?"

"No, no, no," Remus interrupts. "We confirmed that – Peter wasn't tortured, they didn't threaten his family, he was the one who approached the Death Eaters."

James splutters. "Well that doesn't sound like Peter. That's like you two betraying me." James narrows his eyes. "How do I know you're not Death Eaters?"

Remus grabs James by the hair and drags him in close, baring his teeth. "Keep being difficult and I'll fucking eat you, James."

"It's a full moon soon I'm guessing," James mutters snidely, hunching his shoulders because he's never liked it when Remus does this.

There's rapid, loud banging on the bedroom door and Sirius opens the door halfway, blocking it with his body. "Moody, my favourite auror-"

"Move aside," Moody snaps, backed by half the Order. "We need to make sure it's not a trick."

Sirius laughs. "Touch James and I will fucking – oh, Harry, super sorry about shoving you at Kingsley and making a run for it." He winces a bit.

"No, I get it," Harry assures him, on his toes and peeking over the crowded hallway. "D-dad?" Harry asks cautiously. "How…are you okay?"

"Hi, baby," James coos, slumping against Sirius' back to see Harry. "A werewolf just threatened to rip my throat out with his human teeth so yeah, I'm peachy keen," he says with an eye roll. "Oh, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your mum is dead and Uncle Peter is a traitor."

"I already knew that," Harry says cautiously.

"Well I didn't, and then my friends are being assholes," James complains. "Can you believe that? I wake up and everyone is old and then they're mean to me! Like I'm being the difficult one. I think they're Death Eaters."

James is yanked away from view and there's a short, muffled yell and the noise of a scuffle. Sirius turns away from the door and slams it shut. There's a loud bang from somewhere in the room.

"Okay," Harry says slowly. "Um, Sirius! I don't think tackling him to the floor helps dissuade the notion that you're a Death Eater."

The door is wrenched open again and now it's Remus blocking entry. "Harry, Jamie -James- is…he just keeps going unless you pin him down. Absolutely insufferable, I love him with all my heart, but sometimes you just need to give him a shake."

Harry purses his lips. "Just…he did only revive recently, try to be nice."

"Ah, everyone is up here it seems," Dumbledore muses, coming up the stairs. "Perhaps we should move this to a bigger space?" he hums.

"I!" James declares, staggering back into view. "Am having alone time with my son and then we can talk business. Come here, baby!"

Harry hesitates and then eagerly squeezes his way through the crowd.

"Alright great," James says with a forced cheer after being filled in on what's been happening lately – mainly by Harry, Sirius, Remus earlier because all the others are still looking at him warily and don't actually answer his questions. Understandable seeing as James is supposed to be dead, but not helpful right now.

James claps his hands together and looks both way down the table they're all seated around. "Nice meeting you all, again, but I really need a nap now so we'll be going to Potter Manor – owl me for the next meeting, yeah?"

"This place is safer," Kingsley points out.

James scoffs, loudly and mockingly. "Are you kidding me? Yeah, the Fidelis is nice and all -not that it saved me- but I've been busting down these wards since third year to rescue Sirius." He raises his eyebrows. "Which, by the way, this could be the safest place in the northern hemisphere and I still wouldn't leave my Siri in this shit hole."

The others share glances around in silence, which is what they've been doing, constantly, literally every single time James does anything and it's really starting to piss him off.

"By the way," James hums pointedly. "I will be taking my Harry as well, and my Remi, if that wasn't clear."

"Harry needs to be protected-" Dumbledore begins.

"I have made it very clear," James snaps, leaning over the table. "That I will die before Voldemort touches him. And I don't know how stupid you think I am but that whole speech you all gave me? Every other point was about how important my baby is and how he'll defeat a Dark Lord like you're trying to convince me to step back. That ain't fucking happening."

"No one is saying that," Molly immediately cuts in.

"There was a prophecy-"

"-are complications to-"

"-and what happened at the Ministry was-"

James slams his hands down on the table. "You're not throwing my son at the bloody Dark Lord! How about you adults actually fucking do something instead of looking at my baby like he's going to go storming into the Dark Lord's manor throwing around Avada Kedavras and save your asses!"

"Selfish," Moody snarls. "There are consequences to you throwing a tantrum-"

"Consequences?!" James crows. "It's been fifteen years and we're right back where we started! Maybe I'm thinking I'd rather do things my way." James sneers. "I'm taking my best friends and my son and the lot of you can screw off."

Harry sits on the upstairs landing, surrounded in a huddle by his friends, tinny voices projected through the extendable ear in George's hand. The twins share a glance, tense, wondering if they should just pretend the listening device suddenly stopped working. Ginny has a hand on Harry's shoulder and Ron is trying to think of something to say.

Harry stands up, fists clenched. He doesn't know what he's going to do - what he's going to say, but his dad is downstairs being shouted at because he's trying to protect Harry.

"Harry," Hermione whispers, hand just missing his sleeve as Harry storms downstairs.

"The war was harsh on all of us, James," Dumbledore says solemnly. "There are sacrifices that we have all had to make-"

James stands so fast his chair scrapes across the ground with a loud screech. "My son told me he faced Voldemort personally five times now. Twice in your school, Headmaster. How about you get your shit together before you come and lecture me about how much I'm supposed to sacrifice?"

Harry flings open the door just in time to see the spell hit James and he crumples in a wash of yellow light, Harry diving and just barely managing to grab James' head before it hits the ground.

Harry is in shock, just staring at James' closed eyes, but Sirius is already up and firing a spell back at Moody while Remus grabs the table with a snarl and shoves it hard enough that the edge slams into the opposite row of people, those not fast enough being toppling over in their chairs and then Remus is up and trading spell fire right next to Sirius.

Sirius hits the lights above with a curse and it goes pitch black, then he's throwing himself down, grabbing James and Harry and apparating them to right outside a large, splendorous manor.

Another crack and Remus lands beside them. "Can you?"

"I got him," Sirius grunts, lifting James up into his arms and running across the property line.

The manor shakes itself awake when it feels the owner enter, windows slamming open and curtains batting out dust.

"Harry!" Remus cries, grabbing Harry's shoulder before he follows Sirius inside. "Ask the wards to block everyone else. You're a Potter, it should listen to you."

Harry turns back to the street. "Uh, block everyone else?"

A dome of white pulses and then grey and finally a blinding silver before it settles back down into clear skies.

"Inside then," Remus says, ushering Harry through the open door and shutting it behind them, anxiously watching through the windows.

Harry scrambles through the hallways, almost misses a turn, but finds Sirius again through how loud he's cursing.

Sirius lays James out on a couch and is hovering over him with a wand out. "Bloody - Remus?" He calls out. "You know I'm rubbish at diagnostics spells."

Remus enters and takes a moment but he slumps. "Just asleep. I think Moody only wanted to stall."

Harry sits on another couch, elbows on his knees, hands over his mouth.

Sirius flops down next to him with a sigh after Remus takes over. "Well that was interesting."

Remus scoffs.

"They attacked dad," Harry whispers.

"James brings out the worst in people," Sirius jokes. He slings an arm around Harry and sighs. "Your dad doesn't do anything by halves - if he wanted us in New Zealand by lunch, we'd be in New Zealand by lunch. And clearly that's quite the threat when he says he's taking you."

Sirius looks at Harry with a bit of a grimace. "I don't want you fighting a Dark Lord, Harry, but doing nothing is kind of unavoidable at this point considering what happened at the Ministry. If there's any other way, we're going to find it."

"I'm just saying," James hedges, warming his hands around a teacup as they sit around in the library. "Peter was timid but-"

"He was always a coward," Sirius scoffs.

"Timid," James emphasises. "Made worse by skittish rat instincts - and you don't get that with Padfoot but Prongs is very anxious-"

Remus pours Harry some more tea, lips pursed.

"Do you remember that time in seventh year?" Sirius asks. "I was with Moony down in the shack and you got bloody shot by a centaur for prancing around messing with a unicorn."

Harry chokes on his tea. "Sh-shot?!"

"It grazed me," James tries.

"Yeah!" Sirius cries, turning to Harry. "Your dad got an arrow to the flank and what did Wormtail do? Transform back and stop the centaurs? Run to me for help? No and no. He bolted for Gryffindor tower, left Prongs in the Forbidden Forest to bleed out-"

"It was a graze because the bracelet protected me!" James snaps. "Stop scaring Harry."

Remus hums. "Actually, that bracelet would come in handy right now."

James' brows furrow in confusion before realisation hits. "Harry, I'll give you the bracelet to protect you!" He jumps up and ducks out of the room, off to find it.

"You are not running from this conversation, Jamie!" Sirius snaps and follows.

Remus sighs and puts down his teacup. "Let me stop them before they get into it again."

Harry waits patiently for another hour, listening to random banging noises. Sirius calls James a butt at least three times, James has a sneezing fit, and then they both gang up on poor Remus.

"This was my bracelet," James tells Harry, coming back into the room a lot more flustered and rumpled, the other two not much better.

James hands over the chain link bracelet, a thick silver chain with several small charms separating rows of links. "My parents made this for me because I got into so much trouble. Saved my life plenty of times. Won't stop an Avada of course but it'll catch you if you fall off a roof, reflect some common spells."

James hesitates. "It's connected to someone else, to power it. I stopped wearing it when my parents…when it stopped working. I can mess around with it a bit and see if I can restart it."

Harry blinks rapidly and feels like something is stuck in his throat. "I-I'd love that."

Severus is outside the ward line, arms crossed.

Sirius is standing inside the wards, arms crossed. "What?"

"As you know," Severus begins through gritted teeth. "I'm on my own team." He holds up a clear vial. "This is Veritaserum. I'm willing to join yours."

"You're already a double spy," Remus begins incredulously.

"Get a hobby, Snape," Sirius complains.

"You can test the potion on one of you first before I take it," Severus snaps, ignoring both of them. "Or you can get your own, or whatever you decide, but there is some very important information you need to know before you start running around like brainless Gryffindors like usual."

James stands further back at the front door. "Is Harry my son?"

"He's Lily's," Severus grits out.

James shrugs. "Let him in. I don't trust him but I do trust his obsession with Lily."

After the standard Veritaserum questions -and a period of about three minutes where Sirius visibly struggles to not ask Severus an embarrassing question- Severus darts a glance sideway to where Harry sits at the table. "Is it wise to let him listen?"

"I'm just going to tell him anyway," James admits. "He's old enough."

Severus rolls his eyes. "Is it wise when the Dark Lord can get into his head at any time?"

James explains the bracelet has a mind protection charm and Harry lifts his wrist to show it off proudly because his grandparents made it and his dad got it working again for him.

Severus meets Harry's eyes for a split second then rocks back with a grimace as he's thrown out.

"Did you just use legilimency on my son?!" James cries, hugging Harry to his chest.

"It's tolerable protection," Severus mutters. "How long does it last?"

James makes a spluttering noise but grits his teeth eventually. "It's connected to me, Sirius and Remus. All three of us have to die for it to stop and by that point I think we'd have a bigger problem."

"It wouldn't take long with you three barely scraping by with sheer dumb luck," Severus grumbles. "Add me to it later."

"I don't hear a 'please'," James says pointedly.

"The Dark Lord is immortal through the use of something known as a horcrux."

Sirius spit out his tea.

"A horcrux is a piece of soul stored in a vessel that can keep a person essentially immortal," Severus explains. "It is nigh indestructible."

"Great," Harry mutters.

"You can get rid of them with fiendfyre though, right?" Sirius vaguely remembers. To be fair, most things can be gotten rid of with fiendfyre.

"And such things as concentrated nundu poison, basilisk venom, things that destroy utterly," Severus allows.

"That doesn't seem too bad," James says optimistically. "Take out the horcrux, take out the Dark Lord."

"There are several horcruxes."

"Fuck me sideways," Sirius complains. "Did you just come here to tell us bad news?"

James hunches forward with a wheeze. "If this is some kind of thousand piece jigsaw puzzle I swear to Merlin-"

"The Dark Lord has made possibly seven of them."

Remus rubs a hand over his eyes. "How sure are you?"

"Dumbledore was certain," Severus mutters. "Also-"

"More bad news?!" Sirius cries. "You're bloody half dementor, aren't you?"

"You," Severus says, looking at Harry. "Are possibly a horcrux considering your connection, speaking Parseltongue, such and such."

"Fuck right off," James declares.

"I don't make the rules," Severus snaps. "Do you think this was fun for me to hear? Do you think I had a fun time?"

"Wait, wasn't Harry eaten by a basilisk at one point?" Remus offers up.

"The Phoenix tears naturalised it before it got to Potter's -younger Potter's- head - which is why he's still alive," Severus explains.

"We could - could just..." James begins, holding up a hand near Harry's scar. "Just a little fiendfyre, around the edges."

"We went through the Veil," Sirius points. "Maybe…?"

"Yes, let's first make sure it's still there," Remus tries. "Harry, any weird Voldemort dreams lately?"

Harry shakes. "No, but we could try Parseltongue? If I still understand it?"

Severus conjures a snake almost immediately because he wants it to be gone just as much. The snake hisses, peering around.

Harry blink, hard. "I-it, it's gone?"

"Oh fuck," James says, staring the snake down.

"No," Remus interrupts, holding an arm out over James' chest like he can stop the revelation from coming if he tries hard enough. "No, let's talk about it tomorrow, I think I'm done for today."

"What does Parseltongue sound like?" James asks.

"It just sounds like English," Harry admits with slowly widening eyes.

"Oh fuck," James says again.

Sirius vanishes the snake. "Whelp, I think we should sleep on it-"

"The horcrux was pulled out when you went through the Veil," Severus realises. "And maybe -if the older Potter was the sacrifice killed to make it- it attached itself?"

James leans back into the chair. "If I just duck back through the Veil...?"

"A viable option," Sirius chimes in cheerily. "Okay, great, that's sorted. Nothing in Harry, James is dealt with. What are the other ones?"

"This is the only one Dumbledore knew about," Severus says, standing in a rundown shack of a house.

"Great." James is hunched over and panting, partly because he's using a great grandaunts wand that isn't suited for him, but mostly because of all the undead snakes they just fought off. "Shotgun not touching it."

"Shotgun!" Sirius yells.

Remus turns and gives them both a look. He then conjures a pigeon in one hand.

Sirius transfigures it into a familiar rat instead and then levitates the ring up and onto a front paw.

Remus abruptly drops the rat when it starts shrivelling up. "Okay, who's hoping that got rid of the curse?"

Sirius presents another familiar looking rat and the ring doesn't do anything this time. "Fantastic!" He kills the rat anyway and grabs the ring. "That was easy."

Severus is waiting, wanting the ring to shrivel Sirius as well.

James leans over. "Is that...the symbol, it's on my cloak."

Everyone else leans in.

"Oh, The Tales of the Beedle the Bard," Remus remembers.

"Grindelwald's mark?" Severus says instead, though perhaps too quietly as no one seems to hear him.

Actually they're just ignoring him because clearly Severus only contains bad news.

"I have the book back at the house, I'll show you it's in there," James says. "The ring and the cloak, right? Who's got the wand?" he jokes.

Harry is pacing in the front law as they return and rushes up to them, wide eyed. "Is everything okay?"

"Got it!" Sirius laughs, tossing it up and down. "And it might be ring of death as well, what a great catch."

They follow an excited James through to the library where he grabs the book off the shelf. "Here…yeah it's the same symbol, the triangle in a circle cut by a line." He turns and present the book to them.

Harry stands with the ring in his cupped palms, staring up at both of his parents as ghostly apparitions.

A pale, translucent James Potter turns, locks eyes with the identical man standing by the shelf. The book slips from the copy's hands and thumps lightly against the floor. He staggers until his back hits the shelf, staring into his own greyed out mirror image.

Sirius snatches the ring away from Harry and the two ghosts blink out. "It's a curse," he gasps. "A curse. Jamie, everything is going to be okay."

"James," Remus whispers.

"I'm not carrying the horcrux," James says shakily. "I am the horcrux. You have to kill me."

Severus is watching with narrowed eyes. "You have stolen memories, a stolen form."

"Does it matter?" Harry asks.

Severus turns on him with a glower.

"Does it matter when he looks like dad and has dad's memories?" Harry snaps. "How much more do you want him to be James Potter?" Harry walks up and takes James' arm. "Come on, let's get you some tea, take deep breaths."

"Harry's got a point," says a faded James from over Sirius' shoulder.

Everyone jumps and whips around to him.

The ghostly James holds up his hands, not that he can do anything when he's see-through. "Whoa, hey, did I scare you there?" he jokes. "Boo!"

"James," Sirius snaps.

"Whatever," the apparition scoffs with an eye roll. "Anyway -not that anyone asked my opinion- but I'm cool with it. One more person in the world to love my son is never going to be an issue to me."

"It's Voldemort," Severus argues.

The ghost winks. "Can't be mean old Voldemort when he's too busy being charming James Potter."

Remus slowly turns to the solid James. "Can you...eat the other soul pieces?"

"I'm sorry, I'm having an existential crisis right now, I'll get back to you in three to six business days," James deadpans, clutching onto Harry to make himself feel better.

Sirius brightens up, following Remus' train of thought. "James, we don't have to destroy you to get rid of Voldemort if you are Voldemort."

"I feel we should kill him to be on the safe side," Severus points out. "Who's to say the other soul pieces don't have the Dark Lord's memories? Several decades more of memories, may I remind you."

Sirius offers up the ring, coaxing. "Go ahead. If Voldemort starts talking we'll just obliviated that part."

"Can I spend a few more days with Harry?" James complains.

"Like a band-aid, just rip it off," Sirius jokes. "We don't even know if you can eat it anyway-"

James' hand touches the ring and he crumples, the ghostly version flickering away now that Sirius isn't touching it.

Everyone panics.

James wakes up with a groan to see Severus pointing a wand at him. James angrily frowns at him and then at the other three standing a bit further off, Remus holding back Harry who appears to be vibrating out of his skin.

"Sorry," Sirius says. "But Snape is kind of the only one who can fight you when you look like that."

"Isn't he just going to curse me anyway?" James complains.

"Tempting," Severus murmurs. "Look into my eyes."

James stares very intently, throwing all the headache memories at him.

Severus blinks after a moment and leans back. "The new memories are faded like dreams, it's all Potter in there." Severus hits him with a stinging hex anyway.

"Ow you motherfuc-!"

Harry jumps onto the bed and strangles James in a hug.

Harry slows as he passes by a room, hearing a light, soothing voice. James comes to a stop as well and then after a beat he takes Harry hand with a shake of his head and keeps going.

Harry keeps looking back, long after they pass. "Should we…what should we do?"

"Snape probably has a lot of things to say," James murmurs. "We should keep an eye on him though, he didn't come for dinner yesterday."

Harry frowns. "Yeah, okay. Where are we going by the way?"

James shrugs. "Search through random stuff. I'll tell you all the stupid stories about your grandparents – because I know no one speaks ill of the dead but I have great blackmail stories."

Harry laughs. "Sure, give me your worst."

James stares at a necklace too long and Sirius leaves the photo album to Harry so he can shake James out of it.

"You alright?" Sirius asks, hand on James' shoulder.

"There's a locket," James murmurs, eye glossed over. "With a green S on the front."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Wow, can you get more Slytherin?"

James blinks and the trance breaks. He laughs. "Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but it's so gaudy, like if that was my family heirloom I'd accidentally lose it into a forest, you know what I mean?"

"That bad?"

"The S is bedazzled!"

Harry flips another page, watching the people in the photos wave and smile brightly up at him, a smile on his own face as he listens to James and Sirius laugh together.

Remus holds out a hand. "I know you keep taking it."

Severus stares him down.

"Give me the ring," Remus says firmly. "It'll drive you mad."

Severus grits his teeth but pulls it out of his pocket and shoves it into Remus' chest. "Hide it well."

"Where do you usually put treasure?" Sirius muses. "Could throw it into the ocean."

"Think of the poor fish," James argues.

Remus raises his eyebrows. "What, the poor fish who might summon other fish ghosts to haunt them?"

"Whales probably have feelings," James admits.

"Whales aren't fish."

"What the fuc-"

Harry is the only one actually thinking. "Dumbledore kept the philosopher's stone in a mirror, and before that it was in a vault. There was a whole thing about a three headed dog too if you're into that."

Sirius shrugs. "Could just throw it into the Black vault, its huge, can't find shit down there. And I mean, if Bellatrix picks it up, fuck her anyway."

The goblin looks down from the high desk at James Potter who is dead and Sirius Black who is a convicted criminal.

"Whatever," the goblin mutters because he doesn't get paid enough to deal with wizard shit.

Severus stares at the golden goblet on the table. "It was just in the vault?"

"Yep," James chirps. "And then I ate it. Also, now I know where the locket is!"

Remus gestures to the pedestal with a shallow bowl on it.

"What are you expecting me to do, exactly?" James complains.

"Whatever it is, do it fast," Sirius complains, standing with his wand pointed at the water. "That is a lot of inferi and I suck at fire spells."

"I'm pretty good at them," Harry admits, next to Sirius.

"You don't get to talk," Severus cuts in and then mutters. "I can't believe everyone was just all in on letting the teenager come along."

"I don't want Harry trapped in the house," James protests. "And besides, the last two times went perfectly fine."

"Thanks for jinxing us," Remus mutters.

"Just get the damn necklace so we can go," Sirius complains. "It's a potion in there, isn't it? Go ahead, Snape, it's why we keep you around."

"I've never seen it before," Severus argues back. "I already tried pouring it out but it clearly means for you to drink it. If you want me to deconstruct it properly, I'd need to take it back to a potions lab-"

"I'll just drink it," Remus sighs.

"Whoa, whoa!" James cries, grabbing Remus' reaching hand. "Let's not drink random potions."

"That's rich coming from you."

"That was in Hogwarts, and not a creepy cave with inferi, Remi," James points out.

"I'm a werewolf," Remus argues. "No matter what, I'll handle it better than all of you."

"And what if it straight up kills you?" James retorts.

Harry turns away from the water for a brief moment. "Why don't you ask the pedestal to give you the locket? In Parseltongue. It works for a lot of things."

James looks at Harry, looks at the pedestal.

"Try to imagine a snake," Harry offers. "Right in front of you."

"Does this work?" James asks.

"All hissing to me," Harry confirms. "Try -I don't know- I am Lord Voldemort."

"I am Lord Voldemort?" James tells the pedestal. "Open? Close? Empty, down, bad pedestal, locket, Slytherin is super fantastic, yay Death Eaters, go fuck yourself-"

"I can hear you getting upset," Sirius cuts in. "James, if you're swearing at a bloody pedestal while I stare straight into this motherfucking inferi's eyes imma be pissed."

"Open," James sighs. "Did I say open already? Open further. Rise. Rise further? Shove it up your ass-"

The pedestal rumbles and the inner portion rises out of the potion, lifting a heavy looking locket.

James is very confused for a very long moment until he realises. "It was up. Guys, it was the word up."

"You're still hissing," Remus tell James as he levitates the locket. "Alright let's go, I don't think Sirius has blinked in like six minutes."

"R.A.B," Sirius says, holding the note in the fake locket. "Son of a bitch."

"You know who it is?" Harry asks.

"It's my brother," Sirius laughs. "He tried to fuck over Voldemort." His smile turns sad. "Damn, I've been a bad influence on him, haven't I?"

"Did he destroy it?" Severus demands. "Because so far he's just fucked over us."

Sirius hums. "Well, Reggie did weirdly trust our house elf, I guess I could ask Kreacher. Would have to sneak back into the house though to avoid the Order."

"I can owl Hermione and Ron," Harry says simply.

"Harry, you're so good at this horcrux hunting thing," James says in delight. "Is what the prophecy is talking about? Because we are on a roll."

"I require a tiara," James announces after waking up on the couch, lying with his head on Remus' lap. "I don't where it is, but it is in fact a tiara."

"Is it Ravenclaw's Diadem?" Remus asks. "Because with Slytherin's Locket and Hufflepuff's Cup, we're probably going after Gryffindor's sword too at some point."

"That's in Hogwarts," Harry says. "In the Sorting Hat."

"The diadem?" James asks.

"No the sword."

Sirius raises an eyebrow. "So at any point, when the hat is sorting first years, a sword could just-" Sirius draws a sharp line down his face with a finger.

Harry pauses. "Well technically-"

"Never mind that," Severus cuts in. "I know of a way into the castle."

"Yeah, we know like seven," James scoffs. "Like come on, that was kind of our thing, sneaking around."

Severus grits his teeth. "I know of a way in, that is possibly also going to be used by Death Eaters since Mulciber brought it up in a meeting recently, so perhaps on the way out you could do what you idiots do best and mess with it."

Harry stumbles out of the vanishing cabinet and looks around the piles of lost things.

Remus comes through last and then they weave their around the towering stacks until James comes to a stop, staring at a tiara.

"Huh," Sirius says. "Man, what are the chances, am I right?"

Severus slams a giant dead snake down into the front yard after apparating in.

The other four stare down at him from where they're playing a 2v2 game of Quidditch.

"Did you just find that somewhere or...?" James trails off.

"I poisoned the person that the snake then ate," Severus says. "Come get your dinner, Potter."

"You really didn't have to say it like that."

"I like it when you flinch."

"I could be a distraction while you grab Voldemort from behind," Harry offers.

Severus scoffs. "That is the stupidest-"

Voldemort raises his wand at Harry in the forest outside Malfoy manor but James is throwing the invisibility cloak off of himself and Remus, grabbing Voldemort into a choke hold from behind.

Padfoot sprints past in a blur, tackling Harry into an apparation before the Death Eater spell fire can hit while Remus lifts a knocked-out James and the cloak, apparating them away too.

Severus watches from further out, scanning the Death Eaters and waiting until Voldemort has been confirmed dead to leave as well.

The dining room is quiet except for the clinking of teacups against saucers.

Sirius turns to James with a smirk on his face. "I just realised, since you're made of Dark Lord, did Harry technically defeat Voldemort through love?"

James raises his tea. "To Harry."

"To Harry," everyone chimes in, even a deadpan Severus.

"Shall I get a cake to celebrate defeating a Dark Lord?" Remus muses.

"Sure," Harry says. "We deserve it."

.

A/N: Where did this come from? No idea, I've just fallen in love with the Marauders while writing another fic and now I can't stop writing about them.

Tell me what you loved, what you want more of, I'll see if I can swing something ;).