Author's Note: And Lilly officially joins the crew!
Summary: To be honest, I'm not sure what happened here. But it's funny.
Rating: T for cursing.
Ham in the Dryer
By: Mazzie May
Sherry folded the laundry in not-so-slight irritation. There were four socks off to her left, just sitting there. She originally set them there thinking she'd find their matches along the way. But now, there were only a few towels left and she hadn't found their companions at all.
It was so frustrating to look down at the lonely pieces of cloth. What was worse, one of them was a part of her school uniform. So, she couldn't just shrug it off; she'd have to dryer diving for it.
Leon was colouring with Lilly in the living room, she could see them over the top of the couch. She and Leon had always done laundry like that; stand behind the couch, set the basket on the back and fold. Sherry's things when on the cushion farthest to the left, Leon's in the middle. Towels and miscellaneous used to be placed on the farthest right, but with Lilly's clothes took that spot and the migrated to either sofa arm.
If Sherry hadn't been so irritated by the missing socks, she'd have smiled at the two. Leon colored like a sixth grader: he'd thickly outline the inside of the picture in whatever colour it was meant to be and then lightly, using the same colour pencil, fill in the space. Lilly tried doing the same thing, but she slipped out of the lines a lot.
Leon caught her eye. "What?" He so knew what, she could tell, from the smile on his face.
"Eh, nothin'." She went back to folding towels.
Lilly piped up. "Daddy?"
Leon's smile froze and Sherry grimaced into a washcloth. Lilly had picked up that habit the day after she moved in. A little unnerved after a week of it, they took her a child psychologist. The woman explained that the psychological damage of everything that had happened to her, finding a comfort zone within her brother and Ark, and then being placed with he and Sherry sent her mind on a real trip. She went on to say that Lilly's subconscious needed some sort of family tie reassure herself, and, so, claimed Leon as her father.
The subconscious was a scary place. During the drive home, Leon commented on he was happy that it was Lilly pulling the 'daddy' bullshit, and not Sherry. Which was a good point; Lilly was young enough to be Leon's daughter. Sherry… not so much, seeing as how he was eleven when she was born.
"Yeah, baby, what's up?" And even though it was wrong, Leon totally encouraged it. Leon liked kids, but hated babies. So, with Lilly being far past potty training, speech, walking and the Terrible Twos, she was ideal for Leon's parental needs. Sherry and Leon never established a 'father-daughter' relationship. Not even a 'brother-sister' one. It was more of a cousin kind of thing. Sherry had never really questioned it until Lilly came into the picture, but recently she'd been feeling left out.
"When's the Mickey game coming out?" The 'Mickey Game' was actually Kingdom Hearts II, but Lilly's little mind just couldn't get all of that title in there and stuck to acommon theme.
"March twenty-ninth, baby." He put down the blue and reached for a light green. "I've got it reserved."
Sherry looked up. "Didn't you put your recite in your back pocket?"
"Yeah."
"The, uh… faded blue ones?"
"Yes, Sher, the faded blue ones." He tossed the green and picked up a red. "Why?"
She looked over at the middle cushion, at his faded blue jeans. She grabbed for the pair and started searching the back pockets. Nothing. She pawed the front and side just in case. Except for a few lint balls, empty. "Erm, Leon? I think the dryer might've claimed it…"
"That bastard," was his only response.
"He took my socks, too," she agreed, refolding his pants and laying back on his pile. "He steals all sorts of things."
"Like innocence and youth." Sherry looked up from her towel, surprised into a laugh by his reply. Oh, boy. Here they go…
"But what for?" Lilly chirped, looking between the two.
"To fuel his evil, of course!" Sherry chimed in. Lilly's little eyes widened, her purple colour pencil slipping from her hand to the coffee table. She folded her tiny hands. "But… why socks?" she asked. "He doesn't even have feet!"
"Oh, but he will." Leon retrieved Lilly's fallen purple. "As soon as the metamorphosis is complete."
"Then what will he be?" Sherry smiled at the little girl's eagerness.
Leon didn't even look up. "A dryer with feet."
"I knew it!" Lilly's British accent forced her voice to crack a little with her decleration. "He's clever!"
"He's evil, is what he is." Sherry shook her head. Leon's mind must be a scary place.
Lilly was leaning onto the table, hanging off the immature adults' every word. "Have you delt with his kind before, Daddy?"
"Nay, but I know his kind."
Lilly hopped up and moved around the glass table, dropping to her knees to his left. She gripped his jeans. "Can he be defeated?"
"Of course!" Sherry sighed with a smile and began heading back towards the laundry room to return the basket. She could still hear them as she traveled down the hall. "Just don't change the lint collector."
She set down the basket on the linoleum and used her foot to give it a good push, sending it sailing to the back of the room. "What if I put a quilt in him?" She called, turning off the light. "Will that be enough, to, ah, foil him?"
"Perhaps, two quilts?" Lilly suggested.
Leon added to the list. "And ham. Put ham in there."
Sherry entered the kitchen, but slowly backed out, looking at him. "Ham…"
"Yeah, a whole one." He had traded the purple for black.
She continued looking at him. "And that will…" she waved her hand out in front of her slowly. "Do what?"
He looked at her. "It's too horrifying to reveal." Lilly let out a small gasp.
"Oh, so I shouldn't look, then," Sherry sighed out, reentering the kitchen. Honestly…
"It's for the best, really" he offered.
"Oh, no. I understand," she said loudly, to be heard over the dishwasher she was starting. Poor Lilly, she thought. Why on God's green earth would she want Leon to be her father? More importantly, why was I jealous…
Author's Note: And there we go! Back with Leon and Sherry where I belong. 'Least, that's what I think. The dryer pisses me off. Sherry's delima is actually one I suffered; I ended up having to shell out a total of twenty-three bucks (what with shipping and fees) for a new pair of socks to keep my school uniform up to code. Dammit, I was angry. Sonofabitch cost me money...
R&R Please!