Thanks for the reviews ya'll, keep them coming. I know this is a little selfish, but I don't want to update until I've got at least 7 reviews. I just want to know if people think this story is worth continuing or not, so please review.
Disclaimer: I wish I could own Harry Potter, but I don't. Depressing, I know.
I am now sitting in potions.
I am bored to tears.
Literally.
I think I've got dust in my eye from staring dully at the grassy quidditch pitch outside the window. I'm actually rather proud of myself because I've gone thirty seconds without blinking. A new record for me.
However there is a price to pay for everything, and this time it is the bloody annoying speck of dust that is making me look like a freak of nature as I am crying out of one eye in a vain attempt to flush it out.
My eye the human toilet.
My eye the human toilet that is clogged because the flush is not working and I still have that stupid piece of dust floating around somewhere.
Aaaah I can't see. I think it has floated over my pupil.
"Aaaaargh it BURNS, it hurts, oh someone help me, I'm blinded, I think I'm dying," I scream as I flail my arms about helplessly. My life is flashing before my eyes. "My eye the human toilet is not working, I think the flush is broken, somebody help me get it out," I ask more calmly this time.
"I'll save you Hermione, don't move," I hear a voice say valiantly. Oh no, I recognize that voice and the owner is none other than…
Ron Weasley.
The same Ron Weasley who ended up puking slugs whilst really trying to curse Malfoy to oblivion. There is no way he is going to get that piece of dust out of my eye with a spell because I won't let him. Chances are, I'll end up really blinded for life if I do let him.
Probably even before he casts the spell because he'll poke me in the eye with his wand or something.
"NO Ron, stay away from me," I say as I hastily scramble up and move in the opposite direction from his voice, stumbling blindly.
THUD
"I'm Ok everyone really, don't worry about me. I'm absolutely fine," I reassure. Being blinded, I seem to have crashed into something.
"Hermione just stay still. How can I help you if you keep bloody moving," Ron asks impatiently.
"No Ron I'd prefer that you don't try to fix this," I scramble to reassure him.
I hear him shuffling towards me, and sense that I've crashed into a desk. I can also sense that he is on the other side of the desk.
I hear him take a step to the right, and quickly side step the other way. I hear him take a step left and side step him once again.
"Hermione I'm trying to help here."
"Ron I don't want to puke slugs, I haven't forgotten the incident yet."
"That was my wand's fault, not mine."
"I'd really rather not take the risk."
"Are you doubting my magical capability? Do you think I'm not good enough?"
"Ron you can stop any time now, you sound like an overemotional pregnant woman. Even adult wizards can get these things wrong, and I don't want to end up permanently blinded. Remember Harry's arm and the rogue bludger?"
"So now I'm a woman? And you're comparing me to Lockhart?"
"Um, yes"
"Oh. Come on Hermione it'll only be a second," Ron wheedles.
"NO Ron, NO," I say exasperatedly.
Throughout this whole exchange I am dodging him around the table, rather like two children playing tag with the person that's It on one side ofthe table, and the poor victim on the other side.
I hear Ron sigh and clamber over the desk between us, the only barrier between me and Ron's spell casting.
At this I scream, and run in the other direction. Still unable to see I crash into something else.
Except this time I'm sure it's not a desk.
"Lastima," I hear a voice mutter, and I'm instantly relieved of the dust in my eye and my vision is returned to me.
"Hurray, Hurray, I can see again. You are my savior and I am forever in your debt, thank you so much," and without thinking, I promptly smack a kiss on the cheek of my hero, and skip back to my seat.
I hear gasps all around me in the room.
I'm wondering why everyone is acting like this when all I did was plant a kiss of gratitude on the cheek of my hero.
Wait… I don't even know who I kissed.
Cautiously I turn around, and my gaze is met by silvery blue orbs.
Oh lordy lord, I can't believed I kissed Draco Malfoy. On the cheek granted, but still…
And he's smirking.
He is going to hold this against me forever. I can guarantee that tomorrow whilst innocently walking down the corridor, I'm going to hear whispers about the tragic love story between Draco and I.
Non-existent story, but I'm sure Draco will make up an interesting one to boost his ego. Probably something along the lines of poor, deranged, Hermione Granger is madly in love with the dashing Draco Malfoy who doesn't return her sentiments.
Oh dear, my stomach does a little flip as Draco breaks our stare with a triumphant smirk.
Usually flips like that imply attraction between two human beings, but that can't be.
I mean this is Draco Malfoy we're talking about.
Nuh uh, no way, nope, of course I don't like Draco Malfoy in any romantic way.
That stomach flip was just an upset stomach from the scare of being blinded for life I tell myself, trying to convince myself.
Tut, tut, silly me. Getting worked up over a silly upset stomach.
The odd thing is that during this entire exchange, Snape hasn't said a word.
In fact, just like Dumbledore this morning he seems to have enjoyed the whole thing, like it was a show of some sort. I swear, this is a conspiracy. Professors are using students as sources of entertainment.
Snape is now droning on and on about the polyjuice potion and its brewing process as if nothing ever happened to disrupt his class. He had been in an exceptionally foul mood today after our first official gym class. Must have been something to do with the fact that Dumbledore attempted to choke him with a whistle. But I think the whole dust in Hermione Granger's eye scenario has cheered him up.
"Miss Granger, I know that I'm rather attractive, but really, there is no reason to stare. I can already tell you flat out that the answer is no, I won't go out with you. Simple as that," drawls Snape in an obnoxiously cocky voice as the rest of the class covers up their smiles with their sleeves or disguise snorts of laughter as coughs.
Thankfully the laughter is not directed towards me for the first time in a long while. It's actually directed to Snape who is giving off the impression that he actually believes he is devastatingly attractive and oozes charm.
The only thing that he oozes is grease from his hair in alarming quantities.
"I'm really hurt professor, I'm afraid you've broken my heart," I say wryly.
That's when an idea strikes me. A rather brilliant one if I say so myself. One that will free me from this prison cell called a potions lesson.
"In fact you've hurt me so much, so deep inside my soul, that I feel rather ill. I think I need to visit the infirmary... now," I continue hopefully and add a few feeble coughs for good measure.
"Nice try Miss Granger, and I'll have you know that I'm rather well known for my talents with the ladies," Snape says, catching onto my sarcasm, and trying to justify his boasts of being a ladies man.
"Damn," I say a little bit too loud. Harry gives me a sympathetic look, as he has tried countless times to weasel his way out of class and has failed with similar results.
Wait, did Snape just say he's known for his talents with the ladies?
EEEEEEEEEW
I think I'm scarred for life.
The classroom door flies open, and in sweeps a radiant Dumbledore.
"Good afternoon students," he greets with a cheery wave of the arm, which smacks Snape squarely in the face.
"Afternoon Severus," he continues merrily, oblivious to the injury he has caused Snape.
"Why Severus are you all right? Why are you clutching your nose? Tsk tsk, don't tell me you walked into the wall again," asks a concerned Dumbledore, just noticing Snape.
"No you old fool. Your cheery waving hand smacked me in the face," grumbled Snape.
"Now now Severus, don't be a grouch. Now lets get that scowl off your face shall we? Smile Severus, it's quite easy. Did you know that it take less muscles t sm…"
"Smile than it takes to frown, yes I know," cuts in an evidently irritated Snape but attempts a smile.
Actually it's more of a baring of teeth than a smile. He resembles a garish clown, or a shark.
"Well then Severus, I came here to discuss your new class. What have you decided on as your first sport?" questions Dumbledore.
"Some ruddy sport called basketball, now will you please leave, you are disrupting my lesson," replies a peeved Snape.
"Oh stuff and nonsense," says Dumbledore airily. "The students can research the topic themselves and write you the essay. I imagine they are bored to tears with your lecture."
A murmur of agreement is heard through the classroom.
"Well Severus, I have decided that we will start with a different sport of my choice. It will be a surprise. Now won't that be fun? I'll show up tomorrow for your class, and bring all the equipment we will need," Dumbledore claps his hands together like an excited child, and glides out of the room humming serenely to himself.
I think Dumbledore has finally gone to crazy town. I can imagine that whatever sport Dumbledore has planned for us is not going to be normal. I'm imagining our class taking turns wrestling the giant squid in the lake. Fondly dubbed the mammoth squid by Susan and I, after we observed him for days trying to prove Luna Lovegood wrong. She believed the squid was a crumpled horn snorcack, and it was our duty to prove that he was not the mammoth like creature.
Snape has a sour look on his face right now. I think it's because Dumbledore's trying to control his class again. Fawkes has just flown into the room with what seems to be a list in his beak.
Now Snape looks as if he has swallowed a whole lemon along with some Tabasco sauce. I think he's going to blow a fuse now if you catch my drift.
"Well students, it looks like Dumbledore is poking his abnormally large nose into my business again," Snape growls.
Hah, Snape shouldn't be talking about Dumbledore's nose. Has he ever looked in a mirror?
"You will have permanent partners for our physical education class for the rest of the year. I have the list here, and it will be posted up on the wall if any of you wish to see it," Snape grimaces. He loves his walls to be bare so they give the dungeon a dungeon-like feel. He has a bit of a fetish for clean stone walls. It's a little scary. Almost like Filch's obsession with hanging people upside-down from the walls in chains.
Snape pins the list on the wall with an expression of utmost pain written on his face, as he defaceshis beloved stone wallswith the offending list.
There is about a three second gap where no one moves, and all of a sudden there is a stampede to see the list. I cross my fingers on both hands hoping that my partner will be Susan, Harry, or Ron. I can't really remember if it's good luck or bad if you cross your fingers on both hands.
"No need to look Granger," I hear a voice say in a bored impatient voice as I attempt climb up Ron's back to see the list, because I'm too short to see it over the crowd. "We're stuck with each other."
Draco Malfoy. The ferretboy.
Nooooooooo. Why me? What have I done to deserve this?
Sure he joined the Order during the 'Great War', and ended up saving Ginny's life and all that, but seriously, come off it. He hasn't changed his asshole-ic behaviour.
"What are you making that face for Granger, you get to work with me, the sexiest man alive."
"Oh, I feel blessed," I say sarcastically.
"You should. In fact most girls would kill you to take your place as my partner, but musn't get too hopeful."
"Oh yes I'm so lucky, this is absolutely wizard."
"Yes you are lucky. You get to spend an entire class with the amazing Draco Malfoy."
"Be still my heart," I respond with sarcastic eyelash flutterings.
Draco finally catches my sarcasm and says some pretty nasty stuff.
"Language, Malfoy, language," I reprimand, amused at his cockiness.
"You…you….you little…," Malfoy struggles, face red with the effort of coming back with a cutting remark to rival my own.
"Impressive vocabulary," I observe.
Malfoy is scaring me a little now, because he is glaring at me rather scarily. This could potentially turn into a nasty war between us. But I suppose that's all part of the fun.
I mean, if there was a war between us, I would be the obvious winner.
Snape has now dismissed us, and for that I'm thankful because Draco's glare is making me pretty nervous now.
I know I'm going to pay for this tomorrow in some form, probably an embarrassing prank to go along with the tragic love story between Draco and I.
Harry, Ron, and I walk out together, and Susan catches up with us as she hurries out of her transfiguration class across the corridor.
"Hey guys," Susan greets us.
"Hey Susan," we chorus, sounding like we're good morning-ing Professor Umbridge.
"Uh Susan," I ask cautiously, "Why do you have a maniacal smile on your face?"
"Oh that… you remember Terry Boot?"
"Unfortunately," Harry says annoyed.
"Let's just say that he'll never be able to look a transfigured rat-teacup in the eye again."
Terry Boot had practically stalked Susan in fifth year. He wrote her letters that claimed that she was the butter to his toast, the sugar to his oatmeal, the ketchup to his eggs…and the list goes on.
In fact I think that Harry's annoyed because he's jealous. Oh that sounds so good in my head.
Jealous.
Harhar
Jealous Jealous Jealous.
Yay! Harry and Susan sitting in a tree K I S S I N G.
I once read that Eskimos kiss by rubbing noses. I wonder if Harry and Susan will kiss like that. Maybe they'll have children, and they'll learn to kiss the Eskimo way too. Maybe they'll have children! That would be so cute. They will have Harry's eyes of course, and Susan's hair, and their first child will be named Luke Oswald Potter. I'm getting excited-er by the minute, second, no millisecond.
"Yes," I exclaim. "Go make Eskimo babies!"
Harry, Susan, and Ron are staring at me funnily.
Err. I suppose that came out kind of randomly wrong.
"It all made sense in my head," I reassure them, nodding my head vigorously.
They laugh in understanding.
Actually, I think they're laughing at me.
How incredibly rude.
I open my mouth to tell them that when Harry slings his arm around Susan's shoulders and says, "If Terry bothers you again, I'll prank him so bad that he'll wish for a thousand detentions with Filch instead."
My anger dissipates and turns into an Aaaaw how cute... in a weirdly twisted way.
Except this time I make sure I say it in my head. This would be the perfect time to put Operation Go Sloth into action. The one where I get Harry and Susan together.
Harry's arm is still around Susan, so I clear my throat and say, "So Ron, buddy old pal, what do you say we go and do the thing that we have to do that Susan and Harry find boring so they don't need to come."
Surprisingly Ron catches on. I'm amazed. Finally, after six years of trying to teach him to pick up on emotions, he has gotten it. I mean the vibes between Harry and Susan are obvious beyond obvious, but for Ron this is a humongous step forward.
My little baby is growing up and is being mindful of people's feelings. Today shall be remembered forever.
"Um yeah so lets go do the thing," says Ron.
With that, I grab his arm and pull him away so Harry and Susan can have their alone time.
"Nice work Ron, I'm proud of you."
"Aaaw thanks Hermy," he teases as he fakes shyness.
I smack him lightly on the arm as he calls me Hermy because he knows I hate that name.
Ok I'll concede, that smack wasn't that gentle.
"Ow!" Ron shrieks as a resounding smack sounds through the hallway.
"Oh don't be such a whiner, be a tough man," I say, even though my hand is smarting from the impact.
I fill Ron in on Operation Go Sloth.
He thinks it's an excellent idea.
You rockHermione, I think to myself.
We even make up a few secret codes and signals. For example if I say 'Ron how do you spell defenestrate' it's actually code for 'I think we should leave them alone together', and if he answers 'I don't know, but I know the it's definition is to throw something out a window', then it means he agrees and we'll escape together.
We made lots of other codes up as well. I kind of regret making the defenestrate one now though, because it's become Ron's new favorite word. He uses it at every chance he gets.
"There you guys are, so did you finish the thing?" Susan asks as she and Harry spot us and mosey on over.
"What thing," Ron asks confusedly.
"The thing we just did Ronald," I say tiredly. Honestly, just when I thought he was getting better.
"Oh yeah. harhar."
"We had to send a letter," I clarify.
"Yeah, and we had to defenestrate Pig out the window because he kept crashing into the walls trying to fly outside," says Ron giggling.
I smack my head against my potions book as Ron continues to giggle. I should have never taught Ron new vocabulary.
After his giggles stop, and Harry's and Susan's backs are towards us, Ron pulls on his left ear twice, slides his finger across his nose, and does a complicated air handshake thing.
I repeat the action. It's one of our new codes.
Operation Go Sloth is officially in action.
That's all for this one folks. I hope you enjoyed it. Please don't forget to REVIEW because I don't think I'll update if I don't get enough reviews to tell me to continue. As I said before I just want to make sure it's worth continuing. Also, a special thanks to redlightspin, who gave me a great idea for the next chapter. Anyway, hope you liked it, keep the reviews coming, and rock on people.