Hey you guys. Finally here is the chapter. I know that I said I'd have it done by Saturday at the latest, but my computer has crashed (because of me oops) and we only have one computer and three laptops. My sister, dad, and mom use the laptops and the computer is 'mine' so I am not really comfortable using them, so I don't think I'll be updating until my dad gets a new computer for me. (Which will hopefully be sometime this week.) I am not going to make any promises, and once again I apologize for the delay of this chapter, as I lost all the work I had done when my computer crashed.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Harry Potter. For those of you who are unable to read between the lines, I would not be wishing for something I already have
"Polo," says Dumbledore exuberantly with a Gilderoy Lockhart worthy smile.
Ok I think, that's not so bad. Polo isn't that strange of a sport at all. I'm rather surprised at Dumbedore's choice, and god forbid maybe even disappointed that he didn't choose a wilder game.
"I love Marco Polo," Luna informs we with a dreamy smile while openly staring at Ron.
"Me too," says Ron with a happy smile.
"Marco Polo Ron, not macaroni and pollo," I correct with a tired sigh. My friends are so stupid. The joyful expression that Ron was wearing quickly deflates. Everything that Ron thinks about relates too food.
"Now please get into your assigned pai-," Dumbledore starts and is cut off by a death glare from Snape.
"Sorry Severus, I keep forgetting that you are the professor of this class and I am just the bumbling old headmaster who keeps butting his head into business that is not his," Dumbledore chants while tilting his head from side to side, much like a six year old would do when his or her mother asks what the rules about answering the phone while she's in the shower are.
Snape simply responds with another glare and swiftly claps his hands together once.
Nobody moves.
"What are you bloody kids waiting for? Do you need me to spell it out for you?" Snape asks angrily.
"Of course not Severus, don't be silly. They don't need you to spell 'it' out for them. They already know how to spell two letter words,"
This time instead of a glare, Snape growls menacingly.
"Move it," he barks rather amiably. That is if you think a rampaging hippopotamus salivating for blood is amiable.
We all scramble to get into pairs with our assigned partners.
"Granger," greets Malfoy with a smirk.
"Malfoy," I say with a nod, glaring it him with all the glaring power I can muster. I am very pissed at him for spreading that rumor about me. Very very pissed.
"Eat a porcupine and die a painful death as the quills tear up the inside of your throat and stomach," I say angrily.
"Are you sure you won't commit suicide as soon as you hear the news of the death of the object of your affections," he shoots back at me calmly while maintaining a cool pleasant exterior.
What is happening? I should be winning this match of verbal sparring, I think upsettedly.
"Harrumph," I say with finality indicating that the round of fighting was concluded.
"Well then students, today we will start off with the basics of polo. You will first off learn how to ride a horse."
Learn to ride a horse. That is so not good. The only memory I have of horse riding is my cousin's tenth birthday party. This was of course before I started my year at Hogwarts, or else I would have jelly legged anyone who dared laugh at me. I'd rather not relive the memory so you'll just have to be curious.
Of course curiosity killed the cat anyway so you probably don't want to know.
I must say I'm rather surprised that Hogwarts has horses to play polo on. Hagrid has never ever mentioned them, though that may be because he's been too busy taking care of the castle's 'cuter' creatures such as those blast-ended skrewts he made us look after a couple years ago.
"Some of you might be wondering if Hogwarts has any horses at all that we can play polo with," says Dumbledore at the exact moment I finished thinking my thought. I think that he's a mind reader.
"The answer to that question is obvious."
Duh of course it's obvious I think to myself. Would we even be playing polo if Hogwarts didn't have any horses?
"No," says Dumbledore cheerfully with a self-appreciated clap of his hands as he proudly reveals the truth to us.
This takes me a couple of seconds to process and Malfoy and I exchange blank looks which promptly leads to us simultaneously making retching noises as we shared a 'look'. That is definitely not something you do with your enemy.
Malfoy's retching noises get louder, and I decide that it's time to stop so I do. Malfoy of course continues to do retch, and after a couple minutes the entire class plus two professors are looking at him strangely.
"Erm, sorry professors. Please do continue," Malfoy straightens up and clears his throat with a dignified sniff as if he wasn't spotted acting like a maniac just seconds earlier.
I point a finger at him and laugh silently, while he acts like sore loser and gives me a rude hand gesture.
"Now your loony headmaster had decided that you will be playing this bloody sport with substitute horses instead," grouches out Snape with a sour expression to rule all sour expressions. In fact it would be the emperor of sour expressions… or the czar, or shogun, or Kaiser, or king.
"Why Severus that was rather rude, I am most certainly not a loon," cries an outraged Dumbledore at Snape's statement. All he receives in reply is a pointed look from everyone else on the pitch.
"I'm just special. Even my brother Aberforth agrees with me," justifies a self esteem wounded Dumbledore.
"Yes, well, your brother Aberforth is also the one who got into trouble with the ministry for having his mountain goats piss on the statue of secrecy," points out Snape as Dumbledore sulks at the reminder.
"So where are the substitute horses?" I ask not able to stand it any longer. My craving for knowledge often gets the best of me.
"Around the corner and up your arse writing a potions essay," Malfoy proudly says and receives a high five and a 'good one mate' from Harry and Ron. I respond with three death glares.
"What it was funny," says Harry with a shrug. Even Snape looks like he is suppressing bursts of laughter.
How rude.
"That is a very good question Hermione. Here screech they screech come," says Dumbledore as he whistles shrilly in between his words.
What looks like thousands of thestrals comes galloping over to the quidditch pitch.
Thestrals.
Bloody sodding thestrals.
That is just about the most bomb happy sodding idea that I have ever heard of in my entire life. Half of the class can't even see them as you can only see them if you have seen death.
"Aren't they beauts?" asks Dumbledore fondly.
"What are?" asks Parvati confusedly as she obviously is unable to see the thestrals.
Suddenly an earsplitting scream splits the air.
"OH MY GOSH. Something's EATING ME!" screams a hysterical Lavender while attempting to shield herself by grabbing a branch of the nearest tree and smacking the 'invisible creature' violently. "Oh my hair, my nails, all RUINED! Bloody sodding class. Oh no it's after me again. Stay away. NO I SAID Stay AWAY."
"Lavender you are now forever cursed," cries out my dippy friend Ron with a hand covering a shocked 'o' shaped mouth while the other points shakily at her.
"Are you on crack?" she asks. "Stop you bedeviled creature!" she screams once again brandishing the tree branch in front of her much like one would a sword.
"You too have desecrated the tree of wisdom," cries out Ron rather inanely, referring to the fact that the tree that Lavender took a branch from was the tree of wisdom.
"I don't care about your sodding tree of wisdom," shrieks Lavender while whacking the air wildly in a vain attempt to fend off the offending thestral.
The rest of the class is not faring much better than Lavender. In fact the only people who can actually see the thestrals are Ron, Luna, Malfoy, Harry, Susan, Blaise Zabini, Neville, Hannah Abbot, Ginny, and I. This is not very many people at all considering that the class consists of around hundred students. Many people are screaming and running about madly, while others are attempting in vain to calm down the students as well as the thestrals.
Even the pompous Ernie Macmillan seems to have cracked in the face of unseen critters. "I challenge you to a duel you fiendish creature. In this battle of strength we shall see who will prevail. May the battle commence," he says flatulently while brandishing his wand.
In the midst of all the mayhem Dumbledore sneakily attempts to slip away, not wanting to partake in the crazy class anymore.
"Where do you think you're going you potty headmaster," Snape furiously cries while shaking a fist. "Don't you even dare think that you can just sneak away from this class after wrecking it."
At these words Dumbledore breaks into a sprint, whilst being hastily pursued by a huffing and puffing Snape.
Meanwhile Ron starts to yowl. "Stop this thestral, it's going for my crotch. No stop you little beastie, don't come any closer. Heh heh I was just joking when I called you a beastie. No come on… stay away from the manly jewels."
Malfoy and I are just standing back and watching the chaos from the safety of a tree. If there were ever an event to connect two people, it would be the knocking out of a mountain troll or watching a gym class being overrun by thestrals. Now don't get me wrong. Malfoy and I are still enemies, but it seems as though the hate we share isn't as intense as we watch our class muddle around, and we share many horrified looks and laughs.
I look over at Ron and see that he is still trying to protect his manhood as the thestral continues to creepily stare. Actually Ron is better off than most. At least he can see what the thestral is aiming at unlike most.
I actually feel really bad for Ron. After all he is my friend, so I make up my mind to remove myself from this ever so comfortable tree branch and rescue my dear amigo. As I begin to slide off the tree branch, earning an incredulous look from Malfoy as if he can't believe I'm leaving the safe haven of the tree, I see the thestral snort and get ready to charge at Ron.
"NOOOOOOOO," I bellow not wanting my best friend to be castrated.
At the exact same time Dumbledore, who is still being chased by a moonstruck Snape collides straight into Ron, knocking him over and saving him from de-manhood-ization in the process.
"Thanks Professor, you're the greatest," says Ron happily and salutes to Dumbledore who is long gone.
Malfoy and I exchange bemused looks. Suddenly Malfoy's bemused expression turns into one of horror. Curiously, I follow his line of sight only to see that Dumbledore is racing towards our tree at top speed. As he reaches the try, he clambers up with an agility that is plain abnormal for an old man such as himself.
"Hello children," says Dumbledore upon seeing us. "I suppose you wouldn't mind doing a favor for your dearest professor would you?"
At the base of the tree stands Snape shouting obscenities at Dumbledore while attempting to throw grass at him. It is a fool's errand though, as the grass is unable to reach the branch that we are sitting on. Draco and I look worriedly between Snape and Dumbledore. It isn't such a good thing to be between to arguing professors.
"Oh don't worry, Severus is rather afraid of heights. He wouldn't dream about coming up here, would you Severus?" reassures Dumbledore.
Unfortunately Dumbledore is wrong, and Snape scrambles up the tree knocking everyone sitting up there out. I find myself on the ground face to face with a menacing looking thestral.
"Heh heh good boy now I'm just going to walk away slowly, and you can just stay right there and…. eat some grass. Doesn't it look delicious?" I ask trying to distract it. In response it rolls back it's sightless eyes and rearranges his large leathery black wings. Doesn't look like a good sign to me. I look frantically side to side and find that Draco. erm Malfoy is right beside me, backed straight up against a tree trunk, eyes wide open in fear.
He is my only hope.
"Do something Malfoy!" I yelp.
"Why don't you?"
"I'm not the man here. Be a man not a wuss."
"You're a women's lib person, why don't you do something. After all you say that a woman can do anything a man can."
"I lied."
The thestral takes a few more steps towards us, and Malfoy and I cringe and press our backs even more tightly against the tree. I clutch his hand as if it is a lifeline and recite my last wishes.
"Please oh please let my NEWT's grades be good even though I won't be there to see them. Please let Ron live, and may Harry and Susan marry each other," I chant fervently.
"Granger will you stop it, this isn't the time or place to be doing this," mutters Malfoy out of the corner of his mouth.
I shoot him a nasty look.
"Then do something," I hiss menacingly.
"Fine."
"Hey there Mr. Thestral, or is it all right if I call you thestral?" asks Malfoy politely. The thestral whinnies and stamps its hooves in response. "Ok then, I guess not. So, I was wondering. Would you perchance let us go if we gave you some hay?" offers Draco.
At that very moment Ron walks around the other side of the tree, and smacks right into Draco and I.
"Ron," I hiss. "Whatever you do, do NOT turn around."
That was a huge mistake.
Ron turned around and promptly started to scream.
"You moonstruck moron, I told you not to turn around," I bellow.
"Jeez Hermy keep the volume on the down low," says Draco.
"I'm sorry, maybe I'm just a tiny bit hysterical right now because I am going to be maimed be a thestral," I say in a tight high pitched voice.
I grab onto both Draco and Ron's hands and squeeze my eyes tightly shut.
"I have a plan," whispers Malfoy and Ron and I eagerly listen. It's actually a pretty good plan.
"Ok Mr. Thestral," I say with a clear of my throat. "We would like to propose a contract. In exchange for our freedom, you can charge at Professor Dumbledore and Snape instead."
Malfoy and Ron nod vigorously in agreement.
The thestral seems to understand as it bows, and turns around to rage after our professors. Unfortunately Snape who is near by seems to have heard me.
"Detention to all you three," he howls as he sprints past us. "Of all the nerve, setting a thestral on your professors." Instead of running after Dumbledore, Snape is now running with him, away from the thestral that is chasing them both.
"Why don't you get rid of them with your wand professor," I yell back at Snape.
"I would Miss Granger, if the crazy old coot hadn't confiscated it before class in fear of me losing my temper during the lesson and harming a creature," yells Snape back hysterically.
"Ah yes of course, a wand!" says Dumbledore with an enlightened expression on his face as if the idea has just dawned on him. With a simple wave of his wand, the thestrals vanish, taking with them the disorder they brought.
All of us students look at him incredulously. Why didn't he use his sodding wand in the first place? People are panting and sighing in relief. I see Susan fling herself into Harry's arms, and cries of happiness are heard all around.
In the relief that ensued we almost forgot about hunting down Dumbledore until we heard Snape's cries.
"Wait come back here you unbalanced old fart. Come back!" calls Snape a second too late as Dumbledore hastily vanished to escape the angry students and murderous looking professor.
"Class dismissed," snaps Snape and he makes his way after Dumbledore as we all scramble to leave.
"Not so fast Messrs. Malfoy and Weasley, and you Miss Granger. I haven't forgotten about your detention, and you can serve it right now by restoring the quidditch pitch to its normal state," orders Snape.
I sigh, but I know that it won't be too hard with magic. Pretty soon only Ron, Malfoy, and I are the only ones left on the wrecked pitch. Clumps of grass are strewn all over and much of it is uprooted.
We get to work in silence, only to be broken by Ron in a few minutes time.
"Hey you guys want to hear a joke?"
"No," I reply brusquely.
"It's really funny though."
"I said NO Ronald,"
"Anyway say knock knock."
I refuse to do so as I told him I told him I didn't want him to tell me a joke. Draco complies however.
"Knock knock."
"Come in," says Ron and keels over with laughter.
"Someone shut him up please," I groan with a roll of my eyes.
"Gladly," Malfoy and stuffs a clump of grass in Ron's mouth.
We carry out the rest of our detention silently.
Whew. That was a really long chapter. Hope it was entertaining, and please please with a cherrry on top REVIEW.