Zach stood for a moment in the doorway of Kendall's hospital room and gazed at her as the nurse finished checking her temperature. After a moment he put a smile on his face and entered the room, "Hey, Kendall… it's Zach. Do you think we can finish our book tonight?"
The nurse smiled a greeting as she departed the room and Zach stepped close to Kendall's bed. He stood for a moment and gently traced the multi-colored bruise on her left temple with his thumb before leaning over and kissing it delicately. He then picked up her right hand and kissed the palm before seating himself next to her, noting that her hand was slightly resistant to him.
Zach sighed and began to speak to her about her day as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As he did every night, he told her what he had discussed with her physicians, explained to her about the equipment in the room, and congratulated her on successfully beginning to wean from the ventilator. Zach noticed that the music had changed to Barber's Adagio for Strings and he laid his head on the pillow next to Kendall's ear. He clasped her right hand carefully in both of his as he began to whisper to her.
"I'm sorry, Kendall. I guess I haven't been honest with you after all… I didn't mean to keep this from you… but I didn't understand it myself. Since your accident I've realized just how empty my life was before we married. Kendall… you filled my heart… when you're with me I feel happy… and that's not something that I'm used to feeling," Zach said quietly. He took a breath as if to steel himself before continuing, "I know we promised not to do this… but… I… tonight I… I've fallen in love… with you."
The room was not quiet, the sounds of monitors and equipment continued without interruption and the hauntingly beautiful music soared above it… but Zach felt a stillness in Kendall that hadn't been there just a few moments before. It was almost as if she was holding her breath – despite the fact that the ventilator was continuing to rhythmically force air into her lungs. He realized after a moment that he was holding his own breath and released it slowly, reaching one hand up to caress Kendall's cheek as he placed a gentle kiss near her ear. "Do you understand me Kendall? I love you… and I… I need you to come back to me… my life is so… so empty… without you here. I'll be right here waiting… when… whenever you're ready…"
He watched her expectantly until the last strains of the music died away before another piece began. No change… her hands were moving restlessly and her leg was making small kicking motions… no differently than they had that morning when he left her. He sat up in his chair and reached for the novel, opened it to the marked page and began to read. They would definitely be finishing it before the night was through.
"…It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known."1
He closed the book gently and laid it at the foot of the bed. Kendall had relaxed as he read and her hands were no longer moving in such an erratic manner. He laid one hand over top of hers and rested his head against the side of the bed, closing his eyes in weariness. You were supposed to wake up before I finished the book… now what am I going to read to you? How will we spend our nights? How am I supposed to go on without you?
Kendall's hand pulled from beneath his and started flailing in a purposeful manner. He lifted his head and looked straight into deep green eyes… and instantly read the terror she was feeling.
"Shh… shh… shh," he said as he quickly pressed the call button for the nurse. "It's okay, sweetheart… I'll explain everything." He continued to make soothing noises as he captured her hands in both of his and two nurses hurriedly entered the room.
"It looks like sleeping beauty is awake! Did you finally give her a kiss, Prince Charming?" said an older nurse who had taken a liking to Zach. Without waiting for a reply she continued to speak to Kendall, "You've got a tube down your throat to help you breathe, Mrs. Slater. Don't fight it. If you lie very still we'll explain everything to you."
She could not even whimper her fear but the look in her eyes cut Zach to the core. Obviously she hadn't heard anything he'd said to her or she wouldn't be so frightened. If only it had been him in the accident… no one would have worried about him or cared for his pain or fear… and he could have handled that better than watching the woman he loved… his Kendall… in such a panic.
While one of the nurses called the doctors to let them know that Kendall was awake, he continued to soothingly explain things to her, "You were in a car accident. You probably don't remember… but you were hurt and had to have surgery. Your leg is broken and so are a few ribs… but you're getting better every day. Everyone has been here to see you – Erica sits with you every day and Bianca even flew in from Paris. Shh… shh… please be still, Kendall… don't fight the vent, sweetheart… I promise… I'll be right here…"
Finally, Kendall's eyes reflected a lessening of her fear as she nodded her head almost imperceptibly. Zach noticed it and hoped it meant that she would trust him. Her hands relaxed in his and her eyes drooped closed. He looked up to see the older nurse holding an empty syringe in her hand, "What did you give her? Won't she go back into the coma?"
"No… we've given her a light sedative to keep her from fighting the equipment. Otherwise we might have to restrain her, and that would frighten her more. This way she can become more gradually aware of her surroundings and condition… and we can speed up the process of weaning her off the vent so that she can speak to us," the nurse replied gently. "You just stay right there and keep talking to her."
Zach nodded and then turned to Kendall, "I'm right here, Kendall… I'm not leaving you. I'll be here when you wake up… but I know that you're tired. You must be so tired… you fought so hard to come back to us… rest now… I'll take care of you… I love you."
He felt her hand relax in his even more, and noticed that her body was no longer making the restless movements that he had grown accustomed to. Maybe this was sleep instead of a coma after all, he thought to himself even though he was terribly afraid that she would lapse back into a comatose state. But when he glanced at her face, he saw that her eyes were once again open, even though they looked drowsy. The fear was gone, but there was something else there… something she was trying to tell him with her eyes… only he couldn't understand. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek while cupping her face with one hand. Without words he calmed and comforted her until she fell into slumber.
Zach didn't know how long he had sat by the bed holding Kendall's hand. His head was lying next to hers on the pillow when he heard a very distinct voice saying, "My daughter Kendall is awake? Why didn't someone call me right away?"
Erica Kane paused dramatically in the doorway before sweeping into Kendall's room and descending upon her sleeping daughter, "Kendall… my darling… your mother's here… wake up and say hello."
Zach didn't bother to point out the futility of asking a woman on a ventilator to speak… although he was entirely too weary to keep his emotions in their usual check. Kendall opened her eyes and looked at Erica before turning them toward Zach in an almost questioning manner. He felt as if she was asking him what was going on and he tried to explain, "Your mother's here, Kendall. She's been here everyday… waiting for you to wake up."
Erica interrupted, "Look at me, Kendall. I'm right here, darling… and I'm so happy to see you… I've been sitting here day after day waiting for you to wake up… and I'm going to take such very good care of you, Kendall… we'll make sure that you have everything you need…"
Kendall began to struggle against the ventilator again, looking as if she was desperately trying to speak and Zach reacted by stroking her face and arm and making soothing noises, "Shh… shhh… it's okay Kendall… relax, sweetheart… just relax…"
"Zach." Erica looked sharply at him and waited for him to lift his eyes to her face. "I can take care of my daughter. I don't need your help."
"Erica… I'm not going to argue with you. As long as Kendall remains calm they will not restrain her and I intend to stay right here to help her do that," Zach said firmly before returning his attention to Kendall.
Erica opened her mouth to protest until she noticed a nurse standing in the doorway, "Is this true? Did you threaten to put my daughter Kendall in restraints?"
The nurse nodded as she replied, "Sometimes there's no choice Ms. Kane. We don't like to do it… but we might have to for her own safety. As long as Mr. Slater can keep her calm, though, we won't. She'll be better after we get her off the vent… but she's not ready for that yet."
Erica made a small "huff" before turning back to Zach, "I'm going to tell Jack the good news and call Bianca. I'll be back in a few minutes. Can you keep her calm while I'm gone?"
No matter how irritating Erica Kane was, Zach could only feel grateful that she hadn't tried harder to pull him into an argument that might have disrupted Kendall's care. He merely nodded his assent without ever taking his eyes from his wife. Once Erica had left the room, Kendall visibly relaxed and rested her eyes while Zach gently rubbed her arm. When it appeared that she had fallen asleep he whispered, "Thank you for coming back to me, Kendall… I love you."
1 A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens