Chapter 4

Hillary stared at her wrists, it was hard to see the scars threw the fog that was building in the washroom, but they were there either way. It didnt make a difference if she could see them or not. She brushed her fingers along the 'not to long ago' cuts. She remembered every last one of them, why she did it the day how good it felt.

She pushed the thoughts of her horrable secret out of her head and forcefuly shut off the hot water that was streaming out of the shower head. 'This is going to be one interesting night' she thoughts as she wrapped a towel around her body and rung the excess water out of her hair.

Hillary felt the burst of cold air hit her as she opened the bathroom door, letting all the steam seap out and the cold seap in. Everything was falling apart and it seemed to be getting worse and worse. Tyson was upset with her the whole day and it broke her heart into tiny pieces. She wished every day of her life that it would brake so many times that if could never break again but she didnt think that it would ever happen. It was quite obviouse that the high powers hated her, if they didnt then why would her life be the way it is?

The day in it's self was beautiful, the whole town was buzzing with antisipation, for reasons Hillary hadnt been able to determined. The clouds were no excistant and the sun beat down on the earth the perfect way, there were no traffic jams and no teenagers playing there music to loud. It sounds alot like Heaven and Hillary knew that it was, but Tyson being upset with her didnt sit well inside her gut. Why was he so mad, didnt he want her to find happiness?

It didnt take long for Hillary to get dressed, and when she did she looked like she belonged on the front over 'Cover Girl' instead of hanging around a bunch of roudy beyblading boys all day. The outfit of choice was a pair of white capprie pants with several buttons in the front, to go with them she had choosen a yellow low v cut empress waisted shirt that poofed out at the bottom. Of course she had to have matching shoes to go with the outfit, she smiled thinking of how Tyson always teased her about matching shoes.

'It can do this' she said to herself as she set down her hair straightner and looked at her perfectly straight hair. It had lost it's solid brown color and turned a redish blondy brown and she had to say that she quite liked it! It was layered but not to the extend of looking alike an old lady, it just helped lose that 'girl next dor' quality and pick up something sexier.

Hillary stood and shakily made her way into the kitchen where her mum was talking on the phone, well yelling at whom ever was on the other end. It was probably her father, her parents were always fighting they were part of the reason behind why she cut. It wasnt to long ago that her dad had left the house and as guilty as it made Hillary feel, she was glad that he left. As long as it stopped the fighting.

She sat at the table seeing through the corner of her eye that her mother was brining the conversation with her father into another room. 'I can't believe now they decide to hide the fact that they fight from me!' She glared at the door that her mother had just walked into, at the same time opening up a green binder that was sitting on top of old bills and warnings.

Her green binder was her whole entire excistance inbetween two vinal covered carboard pieces. Everything she felt was inside that binder and she often fret about what she would do if the binder was ever lost. It gave her chills just thinking about the consequinces. Pulling the velcro apart, she began to flip through the pages filled with blue and black ink. She stooped at the last page she had written in in and began to read;

Tyson is such an idiot, why cant he see that i am practaclly falling into his lap? Guys are stupid but Tyson has to be the stupidest out of them all! I mean we're best friends he knows everything and i mean everything about me, how can he not know that iv well...fallen in 'love' with him. If that's what you want to call it...

I know he knows that i knowhe knows he can see inside of me. He has said it once before, at first i didnt understand what the hell that met! I thought it was some weird perrverted side of him, or else he was trying to be a doctor again like the time i sprained my ankle and all he did was poke it. But he explained it to me.

He knows that i wear thuis plastic face, that im not all that i appear to be. But why doesnt he look further into me? He could help me...he could save me. But he does no such thing. He pretends he doesnt know how skrewed up i get sometimes, he pretends he never saw my wrists that night at the bridge.

Everything is so messed up right now and to top it all of Tyson is being weird around me! I dont know what to do! I feel like iv been here before, because i have. My journal is filled with the same things on every page! I feel like we're all living the same day over and over again, i need to be saved or else we're not going to get ANY where!

Hillary snorted lightly, everything was the same thing. "I love Tyson, i hate Tyson. Ray and Mariah seem so happy together, why cant iot be this easy? If he can see inside of me, why doesnt he?" She knew her mother most likly could hear her but Hillary didnt care, she was to mad to care about anything at all.

It shocked her when the door rang and for the first time since she agreed to the date, she was happy. She walked downstairs to the door and opened it, there stood Hiro holding a single red rose and a smile plastered on his face. "Ready for some hard core clubbing?' he asked. Hillary grinned ear to ear, he knew he as well as any one on the outside world could. Hiro she found, was alot like Kai. He observed instead of speaking, nothing like herself and Tyson.

"You know i am, now i am fully prepeared to blow this popsicle stand!" Hiro snorted lightly as Hillary set her rose down on the junk table and stepped outside. "Hiro, i think your just what i needed."

Short chappie, i know :( Im sorry i havent had alot of time to write latly, im going through some hard times right now. I broke my hand so it took me like an hour to write this very short chapter, and it hurt to! And my dad just moved out of our house (see any resemlence to Hillary?) And my auntie has cancer, she just found out about it...so i have been going crazy metal latly. I hope every one liked the story, give me ur feed back on Hil's little cutting addiction. oh and im sorry that nothing is spell checked...i had to use word pad and i am the WORSE speller ever! Please review, thats what keeps me writing! And i would be happy to read ur stories if i know the origine of the animie u write about... :D