Wahoo! Chapter dos!
Stan,
Out of you and Kyle, you'll care the most that I'm gone. It won't be because you miss me. It'll just be because you're a God-damned pussy. You've always been the biggest pussy out of us, the sensitive one. You couldn't kill bunnies, you couldn't stand to see baby cows eaten, and you couldn't take it when the hippie left you. It's a trait of yours that always pissed me off. It ruined a good number of my plans, it got me sent to that crap-hole they like to call Iraq, and, well, it just plain pissed me off. Or that's what I showed.
Yeah, on a level, your sensitivity did piss me off, but on another level it fascinated me. I didn't understand it. I still don't. I didn't get how you, having a dick, could allow yourself to behave like that. I passed it off as you were just a little gay wad for a while. But you never cared when anyone—mainly me—made fun of you for it. You continued to throw up at everything and grow your little vaginas about everything. How did you do that? You cared about things and showed it. I've never shown that I've cared about something. And yes, you bastard, I have cared about things. I just let them go because I didn't want to be called a pussy. Maybe I was the one who was the real pussy there. You didn't care that you cared. Somehow, you caring so much makes everyone worship the ground you walk on even more. Honestly, it's a bit disgusting. I can't honestly pin point what's so great about you. But that's because I'm the asshole, right?
I'm the one you all hated. I've never understood why you still let me hang around you. Yeah, there was that one time when you guys all ignored me, and I thought I was dead. But then you came and told me you'd stop ignoring me because I had "changed." It was apparent the next day that I hadn't changed, but you still hung around me. What the fuck, man?
I guess it was cool of you guys. Other than the three of you, the other guys never hung around me. Sure, every once and a while all the boys would group together, like when we thought the girls had a fortune telling device or when we sent that whale to the moon. But I still never got it. Why did you do that? You and Kyle were such fags together, you didn't need anyone else. Kenny's sort of always been able to filter between groups. Craig lets him in with his group sometimes. And Kenny's better friends with Butters than the rest of us. The three of you have always been real friends with each other. I've just been there. And honestly, I'm jealous.
I'm jealous that I never had a friend like you had in Kyle. You and Kyle are inseparable. People are waiting for the fucking wedding invitations. But I'm seriously, you have it good, man. You have a best friend. Your parents are a little weird sometimes, especially your dad, but they love you. They really love you. And you love them. You probably appreciate that more than anyone else in this redneck piece of shit town. I know you'd never want to take my advice, but stick with that. Stay friends with Kyle. Be good to Wendy. Keep your parents close. Hell, even your sister can be cool sometimes. Don't let that go. People love you and you can love them. Don't stop doing that. If you stop, that's when your life ends.
This isn't a letter to confess that I really did love you like friends should. I'm not writing to you to tell you that I really was a nice person on the inside and just didn't know how to express it. I wasn't a nice person. I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not. I just wanted to tell you a few things, things that I wouldn't say to your face. I've given you some advice here, take it or leave it. I really don't fucking care. I'll be gone, so it won't matter anyway.
I don't know what you're planning to do with your life. I don't care about that either. You're the star of the school because of that damn quarterback position. You're just the typical All-American sports star, huh? Whatever. If it gets you somewhere, good for it. Just make something of yourself and take care of people. Be a better person than me, Stan. Not that you aren't already. Because I'm the asshole.
I still have to say good-bye to the Jew and Kenny. I won't be seeing you around. And I'm sure you won't really miss me. If you end up where I end up, I'll see you there one day. Until then, I still hate you.
Cartman
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