Chapter 5
Hey all, chapter 5 is up. This chapter goes over Edward and Bella's first parent meeting for swim and I added in a lot of Edward's rules for the team because I feel like it shows his character a bit. It's quite long so I apologize for that but I felt like it shows his values and organizational qualities.
This also dives into some triggers toward the end. I'll mark those with "***" in case you want to skip past it. It goes to the end of the chapter and includes a bit of backstory into Bella's life. Please don't judge Bella too harshly…
I'm just going to add this one more time. I hope I don't need it every single chapter cuz I'm having a hard time remembering to put it in and you already know that: Story Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the Twilight series and characters.
Thanks, all!
Bella sat in Edward's classroom next to his desk practically shaking with nerves. They were hosting a parent meeting in his room so they could hash out rules and get to know each other. She was never really nervous teaching but talking to parents always made her anxious. There were some truly wonderful parents that were understanding or logical and then there were parents who fought anything they could so their kid could pass the class. Since she never knew which type of parent she would get, this gave her immense anxiety.
"Bella? You okay? You look… paler than usual," he chuckled but there was sincerity and concern in his voice.
"Sorry, I'm fine! Just really nervous! I'm really not great with parents," she said quietly, bouncing her leg and looking toward the door. Edward stopped what he was doing and made his way over to her.
"Hey, look at me," he said gently, trying to meet her eyes. "This is going to be fine! I'll do most of the talking! I'll introduce you and mention that we're co-coaching and that you'll likely be taking on more of the JV coaching role and all you have to do is wave. If you want to stand up, great! If you want to stay seated, that's fine too. If you notice I missed anything, feel free to jump in! If you feel like you have something you want to say, the floor is all yours. If they have direct questions for you and you don't know the answer, throw them my way and I'll look like the dumbass if I don't have an answer," he smiled. "This is going to be great. I guarantee they're just glad their kids are able to stay in the program." Bella almost felt like crying. In fact, she could feel her eyes starting to sting and she blinked it back. This was the best pep talk she'd ever had. He was really letting her call the shots on how involved she wanted to be in this program.
"Thank you. That actually really makes me feel better." His green eyes twinkled as he grinned at her. Or beamed, rather.
"Great! So here's an outline of what I intended the meeting to look like. I'll have it up on the board as well so we can kind of move down the line. Do you see anything I may have missed?" Bella glanced down the list and was trying to think of anything that he may have forgotten to add.
"Maybe mention that the kids will need money for away meets since we'll likely be getting back late and will need to stop for dinner if it's farther than about 45 minutes or whatever?" He smiled at her again.
"Nice catch! I'll add that in on the screen right now," he said, typing. "Anything else you can think of?"
"No, I think that's just about it? You seem to have everything laid out really well."
"Excellent! I think we're all ready then! People should be showing up pretty soon," he glanced at the clock. They had about 20 minutes until the meeting started.
"You feeling good about all of this? Your normal pale color seems to be coming back a bit," he smirked, she rolled her eyes and smiled.
"Yeah, I just really don't want parents to hate me. I know it's totally stupid, we're teachers… parents are bound to hate us… but I just don't like that feeling, you know?"
"I get it, don't worry! I don't like feeling like people don't like me either. But don't worry, I'll have your back through all of this. If you get a parent who's questioning your coaching, let me know and I'll make sure to back you up. We're our own team in this and I also just really hate those parents who like to gang up on one coach because their kid, who never shows up, isn't getting events."
"Thank you for helping me through all of this. I really really appreciate it!"
"Of course! Thank you for going on this whirlwind of a journey that I somewhat dragged you into," he chuckled.
"Hey, guys! Just wanted to pop in and check to make sure you're all good to go for your meeting? Do you need me to grab anything for you before parents start showing up?" Embry walked in and took a seat near Bella. He just exuded casual confidence. He looked professional but in a laid back kind of way. His dark hair was tousled and on most people it probably would have clashed with his button up shirt and tie but on him it looked good. There were several girls and a few guys in her classes that had a huge crush on him.
"I think we're all set! Thank you so much for setting this up for us," Edward said, adjusting a few things on his desk. He seemed outwardly confident but Bella caught a slight glimpse of nervousness that she knew he'd deny if she asked. She got the sense that he was trying to appear confident not only for the parents, but also so that she'd feel a little more at ease.
"Great! I was planning on sticking around in case they have any questions that you guys aren't aware of yet, if that's okay?"
"Absolutely! Thank you for doing all of this!" Parents were starting to file in and take their seats and Edward had passed out a sign in sheet for parents to add their names and email addresses to. Once 6 o'clock rolled around, Edward began the meeting.
"Hey everyone! My name is Edward Cullen and over there is Bella Swan. We're both English teachers here and we've both signed on to be coaches for the remainder of swim season. I've coached swim before and I swam in high school and though Bella hasn't coached before, she also swam in high school and she's been a teacher here for what, 3 years now?" he asked. Bella nodded and waved a hand shyly toward all the parents. "We know this is a weird situation to be in and we plan on doing everything we can to make sure this year stays on track! Bella will mostly be working with JV and I'll mostly be working with Varsity but I'll be helping out with JV as well here and there. I don't know how Coach Banner worked in the past, but I've created some rules and regulations for the athletes to follow. I'd like to discuss them with you in case you have any questions or suggestions. I also plan on sending it out to you all via email after this meeting.
First off, I don't like profanity being thrown around the deck so there will be punishment if I hear any profanity either on deck, at school, or on the bus. Usually it consists of burpees, typically 30 but if I hear an f bomb, they'll have to do 50. I appreciate communication, if an athlete doesn't communicate that he or she will be missing practice, they'll need to complete 30 burpees before getting in the pool for practice the next time they show up to practice. If they don't communicate that they'll be late to practice, it'll be 3 burpees for every minute they're late. If the communication continues to be an issue, I plan on discussing it with the athletes first and if it continues, I'll plan a meeting with the parents. I prefer that the athletes communicate any lateness or missing of practices because I see this as life experience. Once they get a job, they'll be the ones needing to communicate any issues with their schedule and I find that starting that now gives them confidence to do this in the future.
If there's trash left on the bus or on deck, either the person who left the trash has 20 burpees for every piece of trash they left behind or if there's no defined person, the whole team will have 20 burpees per piece of trash left behind. I don't like to be the team that leaves a mess for others to clean up and I feel this promotes accountability in oneself and awareness of one's surroundings. If an athlete misses their event, they'll have to swim a 500 butterfly with breaststroke legs, to be completed at the following practice. This is obviously a very difficult punishment, but the point is that they should be keeping track of when their events are. Events are what get us points and missing one event could cost us the meet so it's a big responsibility. Obviously for the first couple of meets we will be lenient and the newer athletes will be paired with a buddy that will help them make sure they don't miss an event. Coaches will be helping everyone with getting to their events in the beginning but we won't be able to babysit everyone at each meet and there are about 60 athletes this year so between the two of us, that can get really difficult. If athletes are talking and not listening while coaches are talking, they'll have to do either straight arms with an eggbeater or flutter kick until the coach is done talking or they'll get out for push ups until the coach is done talking. If it persists, the whole team might need to participate since we are a team and we need to hold each other accountable. If anyone is actively not participating in team clean ups, they will have 50 burpees to complete after everyone has finished cleaning up the deck. This is a team responsibility and more hands make light work and it also teaches that no one on the team is above helping clean up. There may be challenges that we do for some fun competition that allows the winners to skip out on cleanup for that particular practice but otherwise it should be a whole team effort.
Every Monday, we'll spend the first 15-30 minutes of practice cleaning up the pool deck. I like to make sure our facility is presentable and I feel this builds pride and teamwork in the program. I occasionally give out 'homework' which will typically consist of the athletes setting goals and getting information on their times. Sometimes it might be research on professional swimmers or practicing stroke technique in front of a mirror at home. These 'assignments' are geared toward getting the athletes engaged in the program and making them aware of their times and their progress throughout the season.
When planning meets, I take the three A's into account. Attendance, Attitude, and Athleticism. That means that even if you're the fastest kid on the team, if you miss a week of practice or your attitude is weak, you won't be swimming in many events for the upcoming meet. I don't tolerate any amount of bullying or harassment and if I hear it or hear about it, my first inclination will be to talk to the athletes involved. If it happens again, I'll plan a parent meeting with the athletes involved. If it continues, and I really don't like to do this, the athlete instigating the bullying or harassment may be terminated from the program. We're supposed to be a team here and if there's a person who refuses to be a part of that team or refuses to be respectful of teammates, it makes it harder for others to feel comfortable which, in turn, prevents others from progressing and I won't tolerate that kind of behavior. This also goes for stealing. Whether its from our own team, someone else's team, or anytime they're representing the team, I will not tolerate it. If we have an idea of who may have stolen something, I plan on talking to the athletes individually first. If there's hard evidence that an athlete has stolen something, I'll have to report it to the AD, we'll have a parent meeting, and they may be suspended from the team. If it continues, there's a chance they could be terminated from the team. This behavior is toxic, not conducive to our program, and dampens the mood of the whole team which, in turn, makes it harder to progress.
I recommend that athletes show up about 15 minutes before practice so they can stretch before getting into the pool or starting the workouts as we will begin practice promptly. We are here to help our athletes and will always be happy to talk to anyone after practice if they want any extra help with their technique or have any questions. We're both teachers here as well and are happy to help with any schoolwork, if needed. Don't worry, I don't mean cheating. We're happy to help them figure out the problems or their homework, we don't plan on spoon feeding them the information. If it's a subject we're not well versed in, we're happy to find after school tutors that are better equipped to help out. Students need to keep above a 2.5 G.P.A to compete in meets. If they're unable to maintain this grade point average, they are still able to come to practices but will be unable leave class early for any meets and will be unable to attend away meets until the next grading period. This means that athletes will need to keep tabs on their grades and react sooner rather than later if they see a dip in any of their subjects. Students also need to have a physical on file for the year otherwise they won't be able to participate in practice until we have it on file. I'll have to double check with Mr. Call, our AD, to see if anyone still needs to turn in their physical. I think that's about it for rules and regulations. Anyone have and questions on any of that?"
Bella was honestly stunned. She'd seen the outline and they'd discussed all of that but to hear his speech, essentially, about everything made her envious. He was so confident and so organized. She didn't think he'd even practiced any of it beforehand. 'My god, what have I gotten myself into,' she thought. If she needed to be that eloquent during practices, she stood no chance.
There were no questions from parents. They seemed to all agree that the terms were fair and well laid out. Edward continued on with the meeting and discussed expectations for the season, commitment from the athletes, practice schedules and two-a-day practices, and potential fundraisers that he'd bring up again later once he found out more information. He wrote down his and Bella's emails and phone numbers on the white board for the parents to copy down and then wrote down a code for a "Remind101" app that he and Bella would be using to mass distribute information to the team and to parents who were interested. Once the meeting was over, some of the parents stuck around to mingle and get to know the coaches but most left. Once all the parents had left, Bella, Edward, and Embry were able to talk.
"How do you think it went?" Edward asked.
"I think that went really well, actually. The parents didn't have a single complaint and I thought you laid everything out really well. The rules were straightforward I don't think they can argue with it after the fact. I think you laid out a really promising season and I'm sure they're just glad that they have someone who's perhaps a bit more organized and a little less emotionally driven," Embry tried to say tactfully. The previous coach was definitely "emotionally driven."
"Great! Thank you so much for being here. Definitely took a bit of the edge off knowing you'd be here to help us through any potential drama."
"I'm happy to be of service!" Embry smiled. "It was nice to see your plan for the season and I'm glad you two decided to take this on. I think the team is in good hands this year."
"Thanks, man. That means a lot!"
"Thank you guys for making my life easier!" Embry chuckled. "Alright well I'm going to head out. Thanks so much again! I'll see you guys around."
"Thanks!" Both Bella and Edward waved as he left the room.
"What do you think? You ready for the season?" Edward asked.
"I mean with the meeting you just hosted, I think I'm in good hands!" she smiled. "You're really organized. I didn't realize just how organized until now! And you're a really good speaker. Did you practice beforehand? I would've needed to practice."
"Glad you're feeling more confident! No, I usually like to wing those. If I think about it too much ahead of time I either overthink it or it doesn't come out as organically as I'd like."
"Wow, well… good on you then! I'm more of the practice it all day until it feels organic type," she laughed. "I just like to practice a lot so if I freeze, I'll have some amount of memory of where my point is headed."
"That makes sense! Everyone has their own methods!"
"Yeah. Thank you so much for taking this whole meeting on. I really appreciate it! I am starting to feel way more confident about having signed up for this. Not that I ever doubted you before! I just know how prepared you are now and that's reassuring." Edward looked jokingly aghast.
"You totally doubted me," he smirked.
"I didn't! I swear! I just new we were taking on a lot and now I see you're totally prepared and we won't be scrambling!"
"Oh, you can bet on scrambling at the first few meets. There's no avoiding that. We'll have the whole meet planned out and I guarantee a couple people are going to have to miss and they're going to tell us last minute and we're going to have to scramble to put kids in relays and events. Kids aren't going to pay attention and we're going to have to babysit them and tell them when to go to their events. Don't you worry, Miss Swan. There will be plenty of scrambling to go around!" he smirked, his signature crooked grin making another appearance. She felt her heart skip a beat or two. The way he said Miss Swan sent a bolt of lightning straight through her.
"At least we're prepared for it?" she laughed, trying to hide her light blush.
"Oh, you can bet on it!" he winked at her as he was shuffling papers around and organizing his bag. Bella's blush deepened slightly and she turned away to gather her own things. 'He's a very attractive guy… That's all… That's why you're in a tizzy… You just haven't had many friends in a while, that's why you're feeling this way… Mike's enjoyable to be around… Sometimes… You're just a little off with Mike right now, we need to change things up a bit instead of staying in the same routine… Edward's just a really attractive friend…' Bella thought to herself.
"Bella?" Edward was half smiling at her. She'd been fidgeting with her bag and had missed his question while she was absorbed in her thoughts.
"Sorry! I was zoning out, what?" she smiled big trying to hide her thoughts.
"You ready to head out? Do you have any questions about season or anything?"
"Oh! No, yeah, umm I'm good! We can go," she stumbled over her words. Edward chuckled, cocking his head slightly.
"Alright!" he smiled. They left the room and he turned off the lights and locked up. They made their way to the parking lot, making light conversation about the meeting.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then!" he waved, setting his stuff in his car that she noticed was parked next to hers. It made her smile slightly even if it was just a coincidental thing.
"Have a great night!" she waved back.
"On my way home now," she texted to Mike.
When she got home, Mike was already waiting for her and he had a couple bags with him.
"Hey, Babe! You got here fast!" Bella said, stepping out of her car.
"Yeah! I got us dinner too!"
"Wow! Thanks! What's the occasion?"
"Just felt like sushi and I figured you wouldn't want to cook after the meeting."
"Wow, thank you!" she exclaimed, surprised. They walked inside, set everything out on the table, and started eating.
"So how'd the meeting go?" Mike asked.
"I think it actually went really well! Edward didn't make me talk a whole lot so that was great!" Bella laughed. "He's really organized though, it feels like he really knows what he's doing so I feel pretty prepared and comfortable about it now. Seeing how easily he spoke with parents and how direct his ground rules were, it made me feel a whole lot better going into this!"
"That's great!" Mike said, mouth full.
"Yeah! I'm actually getting really excited about all of this! The parents seemed really supportive at the meeting so hopefully we'll be able to get a lot of support at the meets and I guess in the program in general would be nice."
"When's your first practice?"
"Well we're going to start with a classroom lecture-type practice while the district gets all our certifications in order and then we'll go on deck. I can't imagine it'll take too long though. They were just waiting on us to finish the online safety courses."
"Oh, a lecture? Really?"
"Well we figured we could go over the importance of technique and show a couple videos to them so they get the gist of why technique is important."
"Oh, okay."
"So how was your day?"
"It was alright. Work was pretty boring, not a lot of people came in so it was a lot of waiting." Mike worked at his parent's store, "Newton's." They chatted about their days for about an hour until Mike announced he had to leave.
"Thanks for coming over, it was really nice of you to bring dinner," Bella said. Mike did a lot of shitty things but he occasionally surprised her and would do little things for her that showed her he cared.
"No problem! Hey, my parents told me to invite you to dinner tomorrow night. You in?"
"Oh! Yeah, sure!" Bella liked Mike's family though they could be a little odd at times. She especially liked his mom but his dad would sometimes do this weird thing where he'd ask Mike to ask Bella a question right in front of her when he literally could have turned his head a fraction of an inch, looked directly at her, and asked her the question himself. It made her feel really uncomfortable sometimes and she never really knew why he did that. It made her feel like he was uncomfortable talking to her which, in turn, made her uncomfortable talking to him and all in all, it gave her anxiety having to interact with him. Mike's mom was always really nice and would talk to her throughout dinner and address her directly and she always felt really comfortable around Mrs. Newton. "What time?"
"I'll ask when I get home but I think mom said something about 6:30?" Mike lived with his parents at the moment. He graduated from college a year before Bella did but he was having a hard time figuring out what exactly he wanted to do with his career and figured he'd save some money by staying with his parents while he weighed his options. He'd gotten a history degree and originally wanted to be a teacher but after a few sub jobs, he realized he didn't like dealing with high school kids. That was all he'd thought about doing so when he realized he didn't like it, he had to think about what else he could do.
"Sounds good! Let me know if it's a different time."
"You got it! Love you, Babe," Mike kissed her before walking out the door. She no longer really felt anything when he'd kiss her. Sometimes she'd feel numb, sometimes she'd feel a little bit of disgust, and very rarely did she feel the flame of arousal.
"Love you too," she said almost robotically. She felt horrible. They'd just had this really nice night, he hadn't tried to fuck her, and she still felt nothing. 'I got home late from a meeting and I'm just tired. We don't have these kinds of nights very often, I'm just not used to it' she tried to convince herself. 'He was perfectly sweet tonight. What's wrong with me?'
The next evening, Bella was over at the Newton's house for dinner. Mrs. Newton had made a delicious casserole that was quickly devoured. They'd been talking about Mike's childhood memories for the past hour or two and though Bella was really having a decent time, she was starting to zone out. Mr. Newton had asked Mike if Bella wanted a serving of the dessert to which Bella just replied to Mr. Newton with a simple "yes, please." She couldn't get over how awkward it was that he wouldn't just talk to her. He never once made any kind of conversation with her in the 4 years that she'd known them. Had she offended him? Was he just socially awkward around women?
After all the dishes were cleared and leftovers were put away, Mrs. Newton invited the two of them to watch a movie with the family. They were going to watch one of the newer 007 movies with Daniel Craig but Mike told them he and Bella were going to go upstairs to his room to play video games.
"You sure you don't want to watch the movie with your family?" Bella asked once they got to his room.
"Nah, I've seen that one already and I figured we could have some alone time," Mike winked. Bella cringed internally.
"What game were you thinking of playing?" she asked, trying to move toward his computer but he grabbed her hand and pulled her into him, her back up against his chest, as he sat on the bed. She wasn't overly fond of where this was heading. Mike started kissing her neck and she sat stick straight until he pulled her around to have her straddle him.
***"Let's do this instead," he said, starting to kiss her. She immediately became hyper-aware and made sure to listen in case someone was coming up the stairs. She absolutely hated the idea of having his parents walk in while they were making out or, god forbid, having sex. He picked her up and swung her around so her back was on the bed and he started kneading her body with his right hand. He started with her chest and worked his way down toward her thigh. Once he hit her inner left thigh, she froze, breaking away from Mike's kiss to breathe and try not to freak out. She hated that feeling. His hand on her thigh brought back a feeling of someone else's hands on her and she couldn't shake it. He knew she didn't like him touching her there and he did it all the time anyway. She needed the feeling to go away before she started spiraling. She needed a distraction. He'd misinterpreted her breathing as being turned on and he started kissing and sucking on her neck. Mike's hand had moved on from her thigh, but the feeling was lingering and starting to spread to her chest. Her body felt white hot with the memory in places Mike hadn't even touched yet. She needed that feeling to go away. She fucking hated that feeling. If it wouldn't go away now, it'd linger for a week. She started rubbing him over his jeans and he moaned.
"Fuck, Bella. I have a condom, you wanna fuck really quick? I promise no one will come up." She just nodded and turned around. She really really hated the idea of his parents potentially coming up and catching them, but she needed the feeling to go away even more. She was becoming desperate. Before she knew it, Mike had her jeans pulled down just under her ass as he pushed himself into her. She needed this. She needed to get the other feeling out of her head. She was starting to push back into him. She needed more.
"Harder," she whispered, trying not to be loud. He started slamming into her as quietly as possible and grabbed her hips for leverage. She was holding her breath so she wouldn't yell. The harder he went, the further the memory faded into the back of her mind. Some of it hurt but she didn't care. The memory was fading and that's what she needed. He kept pushing into her and she adjusted herself so he was getting as deep as he could with the limited mobility they had.
"Oh, fuck!" he whisper-yelled. He'd been going for about 45 minutes before finally coming. In their relationship, this was a quickie for them. The meds he was on still made it difficult for him to orgasm quickly. He pulled out and walked to the door, his pants buttoned but not zipped. He peeked his head out and snuck into the bathroom across from his room. While he was cleaning himself up, Bella rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She buttoned her pants back up and a feeling of self-hatred washed over her momentarily. The memory of a hand rubbing her thigh was faint, but it was still there. She might be able to sleep this one off once she got home. Sometimes it'd last a couple hours but by morning was gone, sometimes it lasted a week and she'd get stuck in her head thinking about it. Regardless, every time the memory affected her like this, she would get really mad at herself. Why did it affect her this badly? It wasn't even that big of a deal.
Mike came back into the room and gave her a quick kiss. "So, what game should we play?" he asked, making his way over to his computer.
After Bella got back home that night, she sat in bed and tried to distract herself. The faint feeling of someone touching her inner thigh was still there and she was trying really hard not to think about it but it was nearly impossible. She was starting to get mad at herself again.
When she was 15, she'd made a friend on the boy's swim team and he'd started texting her. It was totally platonic until he shared that the girl he'd been trying to date told him she didn't want to go out with him. He and that girl had been friends for a while and now that he'd put himself out there and she shot him down, he was pretty crushed. Bella had tried to make him feel better and was consoling him via text for a while. She and her friends used to host movie nights at her house on Friday nights and so she figured she'd invite him to help get his mind off it. He and one of her friends were the last to leave that night and he'd been acting a little flirty toward Bella but she always assumed she was reading too much into that kind of thing because why would anyone really be interested in her? That night, she'd gotten a text from him asking if she'd play 21 questions where you ask each other anything and the other person has to answer honestly. It started out innocent enough and he'd asked her some pretty generic questions but after a few, it'd started to get a little more personal. Toward the end, he asked her if she'd ever touched herself. This question came as a shock to her and she hesitated long enough that he sent a follow up text telling her she had to be honest and he really hated when he felt like his friends were lying to him. Being a little mollycoddled by being called one of his friends, she decided to answer honestly on the pretense that he wouldn't tell anyone. He agreed and she told him that sometimes she would touch herself. He then asked her what kind of underwear she would wear. Again, this caught her by surprise but she'd already gone this far so she told him what she wore, again asking him to keep it between the two of them. He promised he wouldn't say a word. He asked if she watched porn and she answered honestly that she would occasionally and asked him one more time that he not say anything. He responded telling her that he was starting to feel hurt that she didn't trust him and she apologized. Of course she trusted him, she just wanted to make sure he knew she didn't want other people to know any of that about her. After a few more generic questions, he asked her if she wanted to come over the next day after he got done with practice to watch a movie. He asked her if she preferred his room or the living room and she said she didn't care. His parents would be home and she'd gone over to her neighbor's house to play video games and watch movies in his room all the time so she wasn't concerned in the least.
The next day, he picked her up and drove her over to his house and as they walked in, he introduced her to his parents. After that, they made their way up to his room and he started sifting through his movies to find the one he wanted, "The Bourne Supremacy." He told Bella to make herself comfortable on the bed while he set the movie up. Once he popped the movie in, he joined her on the bed and they started watching the movie. About 10 minutes in, his mom came in and asked if they needed anything. They said no and she left. Another 15 minutes in or so, he'd moved his hand to her left leg. She wasn't really thinking much of it but after another 10 minutes or so, he'd started rubbing her inner thigh which she found a bit uncomfortable. She didn't know what to do so she crossed her legs, folded her arms, and continued to focus on the movie in hopes that he'd catch on that she wasn't interested. He didn't and kept rubbing her leg. After another few minutes, he moved his hand over to start rubbing her over her pants. This made her completely freeze. She had no idea what to do as she'd never had anyone touch her there before so she just tried to clench her legs tighter together to make him stop. She didn't know why she didn't say anything. Maybe fear of upsetting him and causing him to not like her? She wasn't sure, to this day she didn't know. But he continued to rub her and then after several more minutes, he moved over her and started fondling her boobs over her shirt. Then he started kissing her. That seemed to wake her up a bit and she pulled away and told him she thought they were moving really fast and that they should slow down. She said she didn't feel ready for that yet and so he moved off of her. She asked to go to the bathroom and while she was in there, she took a second to regain some composure. Once she came back in, she sat slightly farther away and had her legs crossed as tight as they could and they continued watching the movie. After about 10 minutes, he started rubbing her inner thigh again. She just froze. They'd just talked about this, why was he starting it up again? He rubbed her thigh for several minutes before moving back to rubbing her again. Her eyes were wide and she was trying really hard to focus on the movie and give him all the signs she could that she didn't like this. Why didn't she just speak up and tell him to fucking stop? It didn't make any sense. After a few more minutes, he was on top of her again and trying to kiss her. His lips were cracked and scratchy against her own and she pulled away again, noticing that he'd already undone the buttons on her pants and was moving his hand down. She grabbed his hand and tried to pull it up and out of her pants but realized that he was using some force on this and she had to actively work to pull his hand out. He never made it all the way in to touch her but he was damn close. Once she'd pulled his hand out, she told him again that she thought they were moving too fast and she wasn't ready for that. He said okay and they started watching the movie again. 15 minutes later, he was rubbing her thigh again. She was at a loss. But his parents were home so there's no way he'd be able to really do anything, right? Surely, he'd be nervous of his parents coming in like his mom did earlier? Several minutes later, he moved back to her boobs and started trying to kiss her again. This time a little more forcefully, his scratchy lips pressed hard up against her own. He was pushing her down so her back was completely on the bed and she felt his hand dive down her shirt to grab her breasts. She pulled away, breathless this time, and she had to forcefully remove his hand from her shirt. She told him again that this was moving really fast and she wasn't ready for this. He said okay and then moved back to his seated position on the bed. The movie ended and he started trying to be playful with her. She liked this much better than before so out of relief, she partook. He started tickling her and found a spot she was really ticklish in. She lightly pushed him off and he came back, moving over her this time and tickling her while on top of her. She tried to push him off but this time he was rock solid. Years of swim and polo practices had made him really strong. Much stronger than she was. He'd started to move his hands around a bit more and he was starting to feel her up. She started to panic a little bit and tried to push him off again when her phone started ringing. In a sigh of relief, he got off her so she could answer her phone. Her mom asked her when she was going to be home because dinner was going to be ready soon and she was wondering if Alec, Bella's 'friend' was going to join them. Bella said he couldn't and that she'd be home soon, grateful for a reason to leave. When she told him she had to go home, she noticed his pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. She looked up to meet his eyes and he clearly looked annoyed and asked if her mom could pick her up. She didn't want to inconvenience her mom and knew she'd be annoyed if she had to stop making dinner to come pick her up so she told Alec that she'd need a ride. He took her home and they listened to Dashboard Confessional in silence. He dropped her off with a quick goodbye and left. She made her way into her house and went straight to the bathroom, trying to bypass her mom on the way. She felt dirty and she just needed a second to calm down. Her mom asked her how her day was and Bella responded with a short 'it was good.'
Later that night, he texted her and asked if they could play the 21 question game again and for whatever reason, she said yes. He asked if she had fun today. Not wanting to be rude and still not wanting to ruin a friendship, she said she liked the movie. He asked her if she'd ever seen a penis in real life before and she said no. He asked her if he'd taken his penis out if she would've done anything with him and she said no, she wouldn't have done anything. His questions were shorter and a little curt after that and then he signed off. The next several days at school, she found herself avoiding him. She and some of her friends would sometimes hang out near his locker with Alec and some of his friends but she found herself not meeting up with them in the mornings and giving excuses about being late. She rarely encountered him after that and he never texted her back. She'd have to see him at swim meets and ride on the same bus with him but she did her best to avoid him as best she could. She had a few other friends on the boy's team that she hung around but whenever they were around Alec, she stayed away.
She'd had a couple 'safe' boyfriends after that but she never really got intimate with any of them, hugs included, until Mike several years later. She'd had a few years without thinking about that day but since she'd met Mike, they'd come around a bit more frequently. He was the first person she'd ever had sex with and she figured since he was the first person she'd ever been intimate like that with, those feelings were bound to come up again. When he first started doing the thigh rubbing, she'd told him a very watered down version of what had happened and why she didn't like that feeling and he said he understood but not too long after she'd told him, he had a mind of his own and would do it occasionally. It was something he liked to do and if she reminded him she didn't' like it, he'd usually get mad and tell her she needed to get over it already because it wasn't a big deal and that it was a long time ago. She'd already been having confused feelings about why she might be affected so strongly from something that wasn't even rape and to have him tell her that she needed to get over it only confused her more. Whenever she'd have the memories come back when she'd feel hands that weren't there touching her, she'd get confused and frustrated.
Bella looked at the clock on her nightstand and noticed that it was 3am. She was definitely going to be tired tomorrow… or today… She rolled over and closed her eyes, trying to force herself to get her 3 hours of sleep before she had to get ready for school. She knew Jessica would have something to say about the bags under her eyes in the morning.