Hey Kenny,

You poor piece of shit, Kenny. God damn it. God fucking damn it. I am going to miss you so much, dude. You're my best friend. I think I've only told you that once. Only once in over sixteen years. Why? I had lots of opportunities. I had lots of opportunities to say something, to be a better person to you than I was. I could have walked over to your house and brought your family food. It's not like I was lacking in it. I could have brought you blankets and old clothes. I could have invited you to spend the night more so you could be in a good home for a while. I don't have an exact excuse as to why I didn't. Maybe that's because there is no good excuse.

I think I didn't do it because I had a reputation to keep up. I was Eric Cartman. I didn't give a rat's ass about anyone but myself. Eric Cartman only looked out for number one. Eric Cartman only cared about Eric Cartman. I was selfish. I was an asshole. But that was my part in our group. I played my part well. Don't you think, Kenny?

This sounds gay, but you were the Stan to my Kyle. That probably makes me sound insane, comparing myself to Kyle, but it makes sense. With him and Stan, it's Kyle who's got the short fuse. With me and you, I'm the one with the short fuse. Weird.

I never understood why you always stuck by me, Kenny. I was a dick to you constantly. But you almost always took my side. You stood behind my insults and my plans, no matter how ridiculous and outrageous they were. And I never thanked you for it. I never thanked you for anything you did for me. And I still can't thank you. I can't because there's nothing I can say that will ever make up for the lack of appreciation. I can't make up for that.

You were the only one who called me Eric. Yeah, Butters did sometimes, but that's just because he's a dumbass and never got it. To the world I was Cartman. Hell, my mother saw me as Cartman, but she had to call me Eric. But you, yousaw me as Eric. You're the only one who's ever gotten close to my inner thoughts or true self. Hell, your spirit was in my body for a while in fourth grade. But even though you were there, you still never saw past my final wall. No one's ever seen through that wall. I could never break that one down for anyone.

If any of my so-called friends will be sad that I'm gone, it would be you. But it probably won't bother you for long. It shouldn't. I was such an ass to you. It would be stupid for you to care about me for very long. I wouldn't blame you if you don't care at all. I wouldn't blame you, but the thought that you wouldn't care about me really hurts. It hurts, Kenny. Physically. My chest feels like it's collapsing right now. Fuck. There's fucking tear stains on the damn paper. Fuck. Eric Cartman isn't supposed to cry. Not like this.

I'm going to fucking miss you so much, Kenny. I don't think that I'll be in Heaven, but if I am, I'll watch over you. If I can, I'll protect you. I'll beg God to keep you safe, to help you out, and to make sure you get the fuck out of the ghetto. You need to get out of there, Kenny. You need to make something of yourself and not be a damn alcoholic, lazy fuck like your dad. You're better than he is, Kenny. I'm giving you all of my shit. I talked about it with a lawyer in Denver. I sent the final paperwork in the mail this afternoon. You get everything I own, all my money, all my shit, dude. You don't have to take it, but I hope you will. This is the only charitable thing I've ever done. But I only did it because of you. If you didn't need it, I wouldn't have bothered at all.

I feel like a fucking broken dam right now. I'm surprised that I'm not fucking bawling. Not like it would matter. Mom wouldn't be able to hear it, not over her "business meeting." But you know all about that. You know how I feel about that. Fuck, what am I doing? This letter isn't to lay all of my shit on you. I'm not writing this to confess all my problems. In a few minutes my problems won't matter anymore.

Broken record, but I'm going to miss you, dude. You're my best friend. You're my best fucking friend. Probably my only friend. I don't deserve to be called your friend. I'm a fucking bastard. I'm a selfish fucking bastard. Every time you hear about a suicide, they say how selfish the person was, how selfish they were to leave their friends and family behind. Does it count as selfish when the person is truly unloved? And if that person was suffering so much, isn't it selfish of the so-called friends and family to keep them living? You were the only one who knew that I wasn't always laughing on the inside. But did you ever think I was sad enough to do this?

I feel like of all the people in the world, I own you an explanation as to why I did this. But the truth is that I don't really have a concrete explanation. All I know is that this is it. I can't take it anymore. I can't continue. I dread waking up every morning. I want to spend everyday in the dark of my bedroom wasting away like some fucking emo, gothic pussy bitch. But it's what I want to do. I've done it a few days. I told Mom that I was sick. Of course she didn't question it or make me prove it. She just let me stay home and continued her plans for the day. Those days I would board up my room and just lay there. My thoughts always led me to one place. I wanted out. Not just out of my home or South Park or even my life style. I wanted out of life in general. I wanted to be dead. I wanted to end it. I didn't care how I died as long as my fucking pulse stopped. I prayed for God to send death my way. He never answered me. I had to take it into my own hands. That's what I'm going to do tonight.

I just feel this emptiness. The only think that ever penetrates it is hatred. But that seems normal, right? Eric Cartman hating something. Nothing new. But it feels new to me. All of my hatred is just boiling over. I can't stand anyone anymore. Nothing makes me happy. Pissing off Kyle used to honestly make me happy because I hate him. It does nothing anymore. I only pretend like it does so as not to upset the balance. But I don't give a fuck about that balance anymore. I just want all this to end.

I don't know how it came to this. I don't know why I feel like I can't go on. But it's how I feel now. It's how I'll continue to feel until it's over. They say better late than never. Not for this. This is the end.

I'll miss you. Kenny. I'll miss you so damn much. You're my best friend, and you've meant a lot to me. I'm sorry I never told you to your face.

I love you, man.

Eric

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