-1A/N: Thanks for being so patient for the next update, guys! BTW, if you want to check out some of my more serious writing make a bee line to "King of the Convicts". It's a more serious Harry Potter fanfic about our dear hero living in Azkaban, and slowly building a huge army.

♥Chapter 14 ♥

The Tiringly Troublesome but Terrific Trio sat in History. Hermione's hair was at it's normal healthy bushy state. Ron looked fine except for one remaining cast on his left. Harry was still bruised from a particularly violent stool whack, and appeared abnormally hyperactive. Then, of course, Harry was usually abnormally hyperactive. Except for History class.

"Hello students!" exclaimed Binns (or what could have been mistaken for an exclamation, even though it sounded so monotonous the inexperienced person could not have heard it.)

Harry and Ron's heads immediately fell to their desks. Harry let out a satisfied snore as Ron added another layer of drool to his already ruined text book.

"I'm disappointed in you boys." said the ghost, shaking his head "I haven't even started today's lecture."

Of course, neither boys actually heard their professor. They were asleep. Hermione sighed emphatically and poked Ron with her quill.

"Ow!" yelped the red head "You poked me!"

Ron rubbed the little pinprick sized wound, and almost fainted at the little pinprick sized dot of blood that came off on his finger.

"'Mione! Look what you did! Now I'm gonna have to go to Madame Pomfrey!"

Hermione's eyes instantly filled with tears.

"Oh yes, DEAR MADAME POMFREY! I hope you two have fun kissing."

"That is quite enough students!" snapped Binns (or what could have been mistaken for a snap, even though it sounded so monotonous the inexperienced person could not have heard it.) "I will not have you screaming about your absolutely messed up love lives on the top of your voices in my class." turning to Harry, he asked "Is he okay?"

Dear Harrykins, of course, was still sprawled on his desk.

"Noo…" He mumbled in his sleep "My bacon. Gimmee…" he made wimpy snatching motions at the empty air space in front of him. "Not the donut! Mine!"

Hermione habitually poked him with the tip of her quill. Harry immediately woke up, and sat up straight in his chair.

"I could have sworn I was asleep…" he mumbled to himself

"Oh!" yelled Ron "So you poke Harry with your quill too, do you? Tell me. Do you also-"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Binns

At the sound of his teacher's voice, Harry instantly fell back to sleep.

"Today, I want to teach you about the stone room." began Binns

"A legend!" squealed Neville "The stone room of doom."

Harry woke up. A legend was worth staying up for.

"Yes, of course." continued the ghost "The stone room of doom. The walls of the room are carved so they look as plush as a layer of fluffy pillows tiling all of the space. Many a witch/wizard has killed his/herself by running into these walls, expecting impact from plush. Instead, they were met with the hard embrace of solid rock."

Neville shivered. He began to turn white in fear. Then he turned purple because he forgot to breath. Dean slapped him on the back, and Neville gasped in a huge breath of air. When they turned back to the class, Binns had already continued the legend.

"Now the room is lined with a set of 24 stone pedestals. On each pedestal rests a magically charged porcelain phoenix. Their combined power allows them to hold back a foe so fierce that if launched on the wizarding world, may result in the death of many muggles."

"Don't you mean wizards?" asked Neville, for once saying something that made sense.

"No, of course not!" said the professor enthusiastically, "Us wizards would be feeding the muggles to the creatures to keep them fed. Like we would let them eat us. Per say if the monsters prove to hostile to be fed, they would demolish the world as we know it. That is, of course, if a stupid hero miraculously manages to save us."

"W-w-what c-creature lies within the room?" asked Parvati, obviously shaken by the tale

"The… No. I can't say it. It's too terrible."

"Come on professor. If you don't, I'll have my dad sue you!" Malfoy put in

That got Binns going.

"The…" he toned his voice down to a whisper "Pompoms of doom."

Neville screamed on the top of his lungs, and began to flap his arms madly. He was quickly put into a neck lock by Crabbe. Yes, I mean a neck lock. Neville began to turn purple from lack of oxygen.

"But luckily we have the porcelain phoenixes slaving day in and day out to keep us safe." said Binns happily, "Good thing they don't get breaks or holidays or a pay check."

"Uh oh" said Harry and Ron simultaneously as they saw the look on Hermione's face.

Hermione already had her planner out, and was scheduling her afternoon schedule. For that day, an entry read:

"Protest against porcelain phoenix's unfair work conditions."