Disclaimer- see chapter 1 for my bitchin disclaimer.

A/N- oh my god, sorry it took me so long to update this! I've been trying to finish this huge retarded geography project for mr. gaudioso…..god I hate that man so much….it's not so much of a difficult project as it is time consuming….the research takes forever man! So before I rant any further about my loathing towards that class or the teacher, here's chapter 3 of premature parent hood!

Sasuke gulped loudly as the door clicked closed after Sakura and Kyo left to go outside. He twisted his neck to look over his shoulder at the two infants in the high chairs who were now staring back at him with wide eyes.

'Alright. Just two babies…no big deal here….' He reassured himself.

'No big deal he says…' Inner Sasuke mocked. 'Yeah, this I'll have to see…'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You've probably never even looked at a baby before, let alone two! Your gonna crack under the pressure….and then your gonna cry….and I'm gonna laugh.' He chuckled evilly.

'Why the hell am I such a bitch to myself anyways?' Sasuke wondered momentarily before shaking that off and walking over to the babies, crouching before them.

He stared them intently, as if he was trying to stare them down like an enemy. The two curiously returned the equally absorbed gaze. After a minute of some sort of analyzation break through, the raven haired boy snorted at them.

"Look at you…in those high chairs….you can't do anything in them, can you?" He announced as though this was crucial information.

"You babies don't scare me at all, so there." He almost stuck his tongue out, but decided against it, because that would be childish. (And trying to talk down a baby isn't?)

"You two can't even talk yet, so what do I have to worry about? It's not like you can say

anything to piss me off…"

'Oh my god, you're a scary person!' Inner Sasuke commented.

'What now?' mentally whined Sasuke.

'Look at you! Your degrading infants! What kind ofbastard are you anyways!'

'I am not degrading infants you idiot!'

'Oh, of course not…just like I'm not degrading you right now. Maybe you should think twice about reproducing unless you want your new clan to have emotional scars from your constant mocking and……sass…..'

'Shut up starfucker, what do you know? I was only saying that stuff because it helps me feel more secure….' He confessed.

'………' For once, inner Sasuke was speechless.

'WHAT? MY GOD, I CAN'T STAND YOU! I'M PROBABLY THE WAY I AM BECAUSE OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!'

'…..You…..caaaaaad…..' The inner self hissed.

'Forget you.'

Sasuke was so busy arguing with his inner thoughts to notice that a fork that one of the babies had been holding had fallen out of it's grasp and on to the floor. The infant stretched desperately, trying to get back the utensil, grunting in sheer effort. When none of the baby's attempts worked to get the fork back in his plump hand, and the clown in front of him wasn't doing anything about this terrible happening, he did the only thing he could…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sasuke jumped at the sudden sound of the high pitched wail, and drew his focus back on the child, wide eyed.

"What! Are you hurt or something!" He frantically asked. He slapped himself in the forehead for waiting a few minutes for a response. Hadn't he just got through mocking the baby for his inability to speak five minutes ago?

'Okay, stay calm and look for anything that could have caused this.' He tried to strategize through the screams of the infant.

'Try picking him up or something!' Inner Sasuke suggested quickly.

'Finally some good advice from you….' He didn't wait for an annoying retort from his inner self, and continued focusing on the wailing baby boy. He gulped audibly again and sighed. He'd never held anything that was that small and living at the same time. It wasn't like he could control it like a kunai or a shuriken…the only time he'd ever actually held another human being was when he scooped Sakura out of Orochimaru's weapon that would have killed her if he didn't act fast. But that was different. She wasn't this small and easily breakable…and plus he was working off a huge adrenaline rush.

Oh well…..

He was a prodigy for god sakes! If he couldn't even handle a dumb baby, how could he continue calling himself an Uchiha!

And that baby was crying pretty loudly….

…..What if something was really wrong with him? Like he was choking or had a caved in lung or whatever!

Swallowing any other doubts, he winced as he placed his arms under the baby's arms and lifted him up carefully. His arms were fully extended outwards away from him, holding the now flailing infant. He looked the baby over, trying to find any flaws he could visibly make out, only to find none. All of a sudden, the baby's head fell back as he continued to scream. Being not the most educated person on baby's anatomy, he of course didn't know that a baby's head needed to be supported when they get picked up because their bones aren't fully developed enough yet. If he had known that fact, he would have carefully held the baby close to his chest, cradling him gently, making sure one arm was keeping the head supported because his underdeveloped neck wouldn't be able to hold it up.

But unfortunately, Sasuke Uchiha hadn't had the pleasure of knowing such prior facts, and he began to panic.

"Shit!" He cursed loudly. "Come on kid, what's the matter! Why is your head doing that!" He was starting to sweat rather profusely now, as he bent his arms in, now holding the baby closer to him, closer to his face to examine the child, who still hadn't been able to pick his poor head back up.

"Crap, his neck is gonna snap if he keeps that up!" He tried to maneuver his arms in a way that he could hold the baby close while keeping the head fully supported. Being parentally challenged as he was, he wasn't sure how to go about doing so.

'Why didn't I go and take Kyo outside! Sakura would be way better at this…'

'Now there's a thought! Too bad you didn't think of it sooner ya stupid jerk!'

'Ok, I REEEEAAAALLLY don't need this right now!'

'Stop whining at yourself and hold the kid's head up or something!'

"Okay…." Sasuke's usually over confident features were now screwed up in a hopeless grimace, his eyebrows knitted and his lips in a desperate frown. He sat on one of the chairs and strategically rested both his arms which were holding the crying bundle on his lap. Then he slid the arm closest to the baby's head upwards behind the neck, so his head was tilted back up and his cheek rested on the Uchiha's chest.

"Okay, good, now at least your head's back up…." Much to Sasuke's discontent, this did nothing to soothe the baby in his arms. He'd nearly forgotten about the other infant still in her chair until the noise of the shrill crying seemed to suddenly been in stereo. He snapped his neck upwards from looking down at Kiro to find that now Yuna was crying at the same intensity.

"ACK! NOW WHAT!" Sasuke was stuck now. He wasn't sure how to make it over to the other baby whilst still holding one, and then bring her back to the chair with him.

'Maybe we should get Sakura!'

'NO! She's probably got her hands full just like me right now with Kyo!'

'Okay then wise guy…..what are you gonna do about this now? Do you even know how to hold two babies at once?'

'Well, I'm not getting her! I can handle this!'

'Yeah, and your doing such a great job. Now you have to either forget your stupid pride, or find a way to hold that baby over there!'

Carefully managing to get up and hold the baby boy correctly, Sasuke shuffled over to the high chair occupied by the screaming Yuna. He was so not comfortable with holding Kiro in one arm! He suddenly remembered the table that was right in front of him and carefully laid Kiro on his back on the wooden surface. With the same care as he used before, Sasuke lifted the baby girl and held her close to his chest. A stray lock of hair fell in his face and he sighed, blowing it upwards. It only fell back in his face when he remembered the other infant squirming on the table.

"How am I gonna do this!" He thought out loud desperately. Thinking quickly, he used his foot and slowly wound it behind a leg of the nearby chair, and dragged it over to him. He sat down and rested Yuna in his lap. Then he used his free hand to slid Kiro over to him and with the greatest of care that the Uchiha didn't know he had possessed, he somehow managed to bring the baby boy on his lap and rested one baby on each leg, supporting them with each arm. He sighed in brief victory, but it turned to a wince and a groan when the loud crying reached his ears again.

Maybe he could try the good ol' Uchiha approach to any sort of conflict…..

"Alright. You two stop crying right now." He ordered in his usual cold demanding voice he used on the battle field. This only made the babies cry louder.

'YOUR SCARING THEM DOBE!'

'I don't know what else to do!'

'Try bouncing your legs up and down or something! Babies like that….I think….'

It was worth a shot….anything to get rid of the headache that was now spreading quickly throughout his head. He proceeded to rapidly and roughly bouncing his legs, most likely providing the poor infants with shaken baby syndrome.

'NOT THAT HARD YOU FILTHY ANIMAL! GENTLY NOW!'

Sasuke let up tad.

'Gentler…'

He took it down another notch.

'Geeeeeeeennnntlerrrrr….!' Inner Sasuke's voice grew high pitched.

Finally, Sasuke had reduced the once hyper stomping of his legs to a light, slow, bounce. However, by this time, he'd already scared the crap out of the bundles on his lap and they were now kicking and screaming.

He resorted to saying aword he couldn't ever remember using in his life.

"Please…." He begged. Sasuke Uchiha had been reduced to pleading mercy from two infants…. "Pleeeease stop crying! Just tell me what you want!"

'I've got it!' Inner Sasuke announced.

'Well, spit it out man….I'm at wits end!'

'Sing!'

'NO!'

'You HAVE to! It's your only hope!'

'……but…I don't know what to sing!'

'ANYTHING! JUST SING THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES TO MIND!'

"Ummm….." He frantically searched the vast knowledge of musical selection in his mind only to find that he….desperately needed to update. What the hell kind of song could he sing to two crying babies! Whenever he found himself listening to music it was….

"…Help me, I'm burning from the inside….help me, I got no soul to sell…."

'STOP THAT!'

'What! You told me to sing!'

'Not Nine Inch Nails though! God, what's wrong with you! And above all their songs you just haaaad to sing the notorious 'Closer'…..'

'I couldn't think of anything else! Nine Inch Nailsare my favorite band!'

'NOT for crying babies! Oh! Sing the twinkle twinkle song!'

'……do I LOOK like a woman to you?'

'No, you LOOK pathetic! Now sing it!'

"Twinkle, twinkle little star……how I wonder what you are….." He sang in a monotonous tone, gritting his teeth. Much to his dismay, this did nothing but actually scare the infants, and if it was even possible, they cried louder, kicking and screaming harder. This flailing led to a rather unfortunate event in Sasuke's day; A wildly swinging leg belonging to Kiro, with great force, was swung up high in the air. When it came back down….let's just say it landed in a certain spot in the Uchiha's lap he'd rather not have kicked.

"Hooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh……" The raven haired boy wheezed as his grasp of the two infant's backs was released and he held his groin in pain, rolling off the chair. As he made contact with the floor, the two babies fell off the chair as well, and added on to Sasuke's pain by landing on his spine, where they began yanking on his hair and pounding their small fists on his back. Sasuke was beyond being in pain….this was torture, no, this was worse than torture…..my god…..this was premature parenthood!

Sasuke groaned in the pain he was suffering in his lowly state on the ground, still holding himself, as if it would fall off if he moved his hands.

'God, I'm going to die right here and now….'

'Maybe you should have sang the ol' mc. Donald song instead….kids love animal noises….'

'…..fuck……you……'

"Sasuke? Are you in here?"

'SAKURA!' Sasuke and his inner self both yelled in unison. Damn, the pain had been so great, he hadn't even heard the door opening.

"Sasuke, is everything okay? I heard a lot of screaming from outside….Sasuke?" He could see the top of her pink head turn side to side looking for him. He couldn't move though! Not with two babies on him at least.

'Damn, they're still crying!'

"Babies!"

'DOUBLE DAMN, SHE'S COMING HERE NOW! OH MY BALLS HURT!'

"Sasuke, I can't find…..you……" She trailed off dumbly as she beheld the sight in front of her. There was Sasuke Uchiha, on the ground, holding his crotch with two babies on his back, crying and beating on him…..

"………Wow….." Was all she could manage. For that second that was…..after that she began cracking up.

"D-Don't laugh!" He tried to sound manly and angry, but because he was still in pain down there, his voice was an octave higher and it squeaked when he talked, making her laugh harder as she knelt down to his level.

"Oh Sasuke…Hahahahahah! I'm…I'm sorryheeheeheheee!" Her tearing eyes spotted the fork on the floor and picked it up, handing it to Kiro, who immediately stopped crying and began teething on the silver prongs. This caused Yuna's crying to subside because Sakura was holding her now and rocking her gently, still giggling at Sasuke.

'….A……fork…..? All that over a FORK!'

"Sasuke, next time, you take the older ones, I'll handle these two…." She announced.

"H-How did you know?" He demand a little stronger as the pains were going away slowly and he sat up, staring in disbelief at the two infants who were happily gurgling away.

"Well, didn't you see Kiro was looking at this fork on the floor?"

"….Nooo….." Well, he'll just have to keep his eyes peeled the next time he has a freakin panic attack!

Sakura giggled at the very pissed Uchiha boy, who growled back at her in response.

"Sasuke….that was pretty pathetic…." She grinned while trying to suppress the muffled laughs.

"Yeah well, next time, you get the dirty work…" He tried to sound as cold and aloof as he could muster, but he was still getting over aches all over his body as he shakily stood up.

"Hey, where's the kid?" He asked looking around.

"He's in the backyard where it's fenced in. He's on the tree swing, see?" She pointed to a window across the room that you could see the backyard from. Sasuke shrugged.

"Oh. Well, whatever….I need a drink…" He stated as he padded to the kitchen. Sakura stared after him and stood up, holding the babies in both her arms, the correct way, might I add.

"This should be an interesting two weeks…" She sighed out loud, a small smirk playing on her lips.

YEE-UH! Finally finished a new chapter! I really don't like the ending but whatevs…uhhhh so, lemme know what ya think people. The long ass project I had to do is over finally, so I can get back to updating sooner! does happy dance

K, so review!