This is my first story, and it's humor. Please read it, it's funny and things but if you flame me I'll injure you.

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

6:10 pm

Man. I've got issues. And you're going to hear them… Eheheh, I love my new diary. It's shiiiiny! And Blue! And I made it with my own hand and wand!

6:15 pm

Eerrr, sorry, Diary, I meant to address YOU. I didn't mean I love my diary… I love YOU!

No. I am not hitting on you. I don't go out of species. Unless books are species… hang on a second, I'll go ask someone.

I'll be back.

6:24 pm

I'm baaaaack! The closest person to me was Percy. He said I was kind of highly retarded. I think that's a yes. Alas, sorry, Diary, we were never meant to be.

You'll get over it, I'm sure you will.

6:40 pm

You better now? Okay, I'll stop petting you.

6:59 pm

Hewwo again mister… erm, misses diary? Sorry for being gone for so long but I had to go down for dinner. I had frenchie fries! Yum. I loaded mine with Gravy. Then I got punished for taking the entire gravy boat of it. Then I had to do dishes. Do people not know what a sensitive soul I am?

7:01 pm

NO SUCKER I AM NOT A SENSITIVE SOUL! Unless you count the time I hugged Ron. But that was the day he was born. Now I can't touch him. Un-CLEAN!

7:06 pm

Yes, you smart alleck, I myself am clean! I am innocent, sweet and virgin minded!

7:08 pm

Oh, who am I kidding?

Gorillas and even Draco Malfoy have cleaner minds than I do.

7:10 pm

Well, except for you! You're my diary! I'll tell you every dirty thing that jumps into my head! MWAHAHA! Then you're new mind will be ruined! And I'm only on the second page!

7:11 pm

AAAH! Ron's little friend, Hermy or something like that walked into my room! And I'm only wearing boxers! With golden snitches on them! I feel violated. Console me, diary, console me. Love me… feed me… never leave me.

7:22 pm

Feeling much better. I no longer feel violated. Much better. I am going to go and take a shower… sorry, Diary, but you may not come.

7:40 pm

Sorry I took so long. I kind have fell asleep standing up in the shower. Then Fred flushed the toilet. I have many unresolved issues as I have said before, but I do not care! You will hear what I tell you to hear! I own you! I control you!

…okay… I'm sorry… friends? Lets hug.

7:41 pm

You know what? I'm done hugging you. I'm going to go and get something to eat downstairs. Though mum will probably spaz out, I'll tell her who's boss! Who's that man!

7:43 pm

Apparently she is. She nearly ripped my ear off and told me to take out the trash… and I walked out in my boxers… again… Now Harry saw me, and Hermione too. And mum… and dad… and Ginny… and George… but who the hell cares? He does it just as much as I do!

7:45 pm

I'm going down stairs again. I will take you too, on my adventurous and perilous journey to the kitchen!

7:46 pm

Okay, we're on the stairway. You ready Diary? Let's MOVE MOVE MOVE!

7:47

Okay. Here we go… James Bond Style!

7:48 pm

Bloody carpet! I tripped! Oh no! Somebody's coming! I'll just slide you under the TV stand okay? Don't worry! I'll come back for you! I Promise.

….sniff…I love you…

8:30 pm

I got you back! I'm sorry if you had to deal with dust bunnies and old stuff under the TV stand since I was nine, but you're identity couldn't be revealed! We haven't even known each other that long! Not for like… Hey, we've been buds for almost three hours now! Aside from George, that's the second longest time I've had a friend! Hee hee hee!

8:35 pm

Sorry Diary, but I must leave. Me and Fred are going to egg someone's house. Then we're replacing Percy's shampoo with fertilizer. Farewell, sweet Diary, I hardly knew the!

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Please read and review. I hope you liked it.

Jake