Naïveté

You were never supposed to mean this much to me.

Hell, you were never supposed to mean anything to me at all.

So what happened?

It was supposed to be simple. A one night stand, nothing more. Purely physical, no emotion. Nothing. The next morning, everything was to be as it had always been - we were to be complete strangers, distant acquaintances, at best.

I suppose it is mostly my fault.

I was afraid to be alone, and as the hour grew later, my options grew lesser. So I asked you to stay with me - I didn't know where else to go, who else I could turn to.

I suppose I've always been a bit naïve. When I told my best friend what happened, she said, "Huh. Didn't see that one coming." Well, neither did I. I invited you to stay the night in my bed, and I didn't foresee the events that would unfold. I didn't realize the inevitable.

And I didn't have to kiss you back. I didn't have to whisper my best-kept secrets to you. I didn't have to lose myself in your soft blue eyes. I didn't have to fall asleep in your arms. I didn't have to believe you. I didn't have to feel this way. I didn't have to watch you go.

But you're to blame as well. You weren't supposed to unmask my mind with your gaze. You weren't supposed to kiss me like a fool in love. You weren't supposed to hold my hand and comfort me. You weren't supposed to wrap me in your arms, protecting me from the demons in my own head. You weren't supposed to still be there when I woke, still holding me tightly. You weren't supposed to smile at me like that. You weren't supposed to be so kind, so caring, so loving.

You weren't supposed to promise everything would be okay. You weren't supposed to be so right. You weren't supposed to be so wrong.

You weren't supposed to make me feel this way.

You weren't supposed to walk out of my life like that.

None of this had to happen, none of this was supposed to happen, and none of this should have happened.

And it didn't have to, wasn't supposed to, and shouldn't have meant so much, felt this way.

Well, it did. And I broke the rules.

I guess all I can do now is hope that you did, too.