Disŝiri

Verb meaning

To violently tear and rip apart, to tear into pieces.

What a dark word to use… So much meaning of darkness and despair, it does not even describe half of my pain.

I was called Adallina before all of this, just a student in sociology, I wanted to work with small communities outside of the norms of our actual society. So I found myself on a plane to Romania, where rumours of village hidden in the forest where known. Then I met dear Mother Miranda, and in some luck, Karl Heisenberg.

Dear human, I wish you a freezing welcome !

From now on you shall accompany Adallina in her trip to Romania, where despair crawls in the woods waiting for the both of you.

I hope you will enjoy your moments together, and maybe fall in love, share a tear...

[TW: mention of sexual abuse]

Read well, little one.

Everything is cold here. It is only fall, and my sweater don't stand a chance, the weather is tough compared to Virginia.

I take a look at my phone, trying to get to the hotel I book last month. I took what was only necessary, a few clothes, books and my laptop. I also took good old paper, I still had no idea what the village was truly like, and if the rumours were true, the villagers lived in some kind of medieval way. I have to adapt to get the best of them. Observation is the key, despise some controversy among sociologist, I believe in the benefits of active observation, combined with rigor in methodology.

Nobody has ever published about these people, it would definitively writes my name on the research field. I have no choice, I studied and worked hard enough to get this opportunity. Soon, I shall be called doctor and those white male sociologist shall respect my work.

It is going to be awesome. Once I get the keys of my bedroom, I will find a way to go to this village. Locals are nice, and there isn't much tourism at this time of the year, "too cold" they say. Yes, I feel the cold without a doubt. There it is, the "noapte dulce".

I enter the building, small and rustic. An old veiled woman smile to me, shows me the way with her hands "not English" she keeps saying. Well I certainly do not speak Romanian either so… I discover my bedroom, simple, with old carpets all over the floor. The bed is brand new, sheet way more colourful than the rest of the room. Flowers have been cut too, and stand in a vase on a small desk made of dark wood. I thank the woman, put my suitcase on the bed. She gently grab my shoulder, put her hand in a circle, from her chin to her mouth.

- Supă ! Jos !

- Soup… Right ?

- Supă, yes !

Her face lights up, nods wildly. She is cute… I smile to her, sees her leaving happier than ever. I barely open my suitcase, throw my things on the desk and hang a few clothes in the wardrobe. I sight, fill my backpack with pencils, notebooks and a plan of the city. I take my huge scarf, go downstairs. The hall is dark, with only a few lamps lit. The biggest light source is a huge fireplace. I take a few steps towards it, I can hear the fire crackling. It is nice, the heat, the smell, even the sound… I have always known central heating and it surely does not have half of this fireplace charm.

There is a man, sitting on a couch, cup in the hands, also appreciating the serenity of the place.

- Hi, he says with a crooked voice.

He must be in his forties, not so tall, not really beautiful without being ugly. He is basic. He wears a large blue shirt with some old jeans, dark hair. He has nothing special but still is intriguing.

- Do you speak English ?

- Yes miss I do ! Heard you're from America !

- Virginia, and what about you ? You surely sound American too.

- My mother was, from Utah. What brings you hear ?

- I study sociology. I am here to write my thesis. Have you heard about a village… Somewhere around ?

I hold my breath, hoping the only English-speaking person I know could help me find the place.

- The village, huh ? Yeah I know it, we all know it. I can drive you there if you wish. But I won't go in, it's damned, god bless us.

- Damned ? I asked, slightly worried

- Rumours, you know, about some blood suckers and all…

- Well, it's Romania, I finally laugh. I should watch behind my back for Dracula.

The man gets up, nods. I end up following him in his old truck. Is it considerate ? If I was in America, it would not, here, I will take what comes to me. It's 2pm, I should be able to get first acquainted with the place, and come back before the night, at least I hope. The man seem to say it only needs 30 minutes to go to the forest. Then I will have to cross it by foot, and I will find it. The man refuses to go further.

It is fine, I read about studies from sociologists of eastern Europe. I knew what I would find. I can walk, my hours of badminton will soon find use.

I wave at the man, tighten my grip on my bag, dive into the dark wood. I am glad I chose those boots. It is not vegan friendly but It keeps my toes from freezing, and the bramble from scratching my ankles. I wrap up my scarf, shiver, feeling suddenly nauseous. I have a strange feeling. I keep going though, less assured than I first was. I know something is wrong. It is getting darker, I hear noises behind me, every time I look back, it is behind my ears. Are trees moving ?

I am going crazy, fear is driving me mad, it is ridiculous. I swear I saw something moving. My vision blurs, I can't see anything but dark, I want to scream, but can't, the cold took my voice away. I feel my mind slipping out of consciousness, I try to grab it, I have to stay awake…

God my left side is burning, what the hell happened ? I breath calmly, open my eyes, still blurry. I lie on stone, frozen stone. I try to sit, look around. Voices slowly come to my ears, as if I was walking to the scene in front of me. My vision is finally clear, or at least I think so. People are fighting with each other.

I first see a woman, tall woman, wrap in a red coat, huge hat on her head. She is gorgeous, really. She sits on a bench, black wood bench. On her right, I see another woman, way smaller- wait. She is not small, this is the first woman, she is not normal, she is a fucking titan ! What the hell… The other, normal woman, is dressed in black, with a long and sad veil on her face, a doll on her laps. Oh my god- it moves. It talks, it is coming to me.

- She is awake, she is awake, high pitched cry.

My ears are buzzing, I try to get on my feet, lean on the wall, look closely at the doll. She flies. She flies to me. She… She touches my cheek ?

- Did that driver drugged me ? I am way too high.

I look at another woman, stoned face, wearing some kind of priest scarf, boring. Then there is-

- Ok I can't be hallucinating, I can't imagine that ! What on earth is that ? The cute doll is so me, but this.. Squishy creature, god.

- Have you heard, mother ? She called me cute ! Not like ugly Salvatore !

The dolls rushes to the Thing, seems to mock it, but stare happily at me. Right, good for you. There is one last person in the room, a man. He looks normal, quiet tall, but not a giant like the elegant lady, just tall.

I looked at my hand, no shaking, I don't feel sweaty either, nothing hurts, I don't even feel dizzy anymore. I am not drunk, so I must be hallucinating ?

- My children, I brought a gift to one of you. Heisenberg, my child, come.

I look at the man, sombre, carefully taking a step toward the priest woman. He feels tensed, I can tell without a doubt their relationship is far from okay. She puts an hand on his shoulder, point the other to me.

- I know you feel like I have abandoned you, but it is not true. This girl is the gift I offer you.

- Anybody would have done it, I won't have fun with weak people, give her to the other monsters !

- Indeed, she is delicate, my daughters would find her amusing, she could survive some time, if you-

- Silence. I won't change my mind. I chose her for you. You suffer from loneliness, and I found you a partner. I want our family to grow. I need a child Heinsenberg. Your sisters can't provide any. You will make them.

I get back to my senses, mortified. The whole chapel went silent. The man can't seem to make a sound, the doll barely broke her neck on the floor and the Thing seems like it wants to disappear in a column.

Why the hell- "This village is damned" I hear the man voice again. No, no it can't be. It can't be true. I am dreaming, right ? No, no I am not, I feel good, I feel alive, normal. I- Oh my god.

I stare horrified at the woman, take a few steps towards her.

The darkness of fear is turning red, anger running trough my veins, adrenaline soon take over the pain and cold of my body. I stand strong on my feet, my eyes locked into those of the mad mother.

- I ain't you fucking breeder, I shout so much my voice is breaking. You won't touch me. This is madness.

A slight smirk on the woman's face, and then a black fever over her eyes. Anger went as quickly as it came. I take a step back.

A dark aura comes around me, like there was in the forest. It was her there. I was not just afraid of noises. Oh my… Her black wings seem to grow, she walks to me, a smile on her face. Neither her blonde hair, pale skin or pink lips make me feel welcome.

All seem an evidence, I know deeply inside I have no hope. I won't escape this. But I can't. I won't be this woman, I won't make her fucking children. I look behind me, a open window, no glass, just nothing. I can jump, it will be quick. Maybe I will survive and they will believe I am dead, I could escape…

My heart is pounding, I can't think. I rush to the void, with all the energy I have left. I can see it, the snow outside, I can-

My head hurts, my back thrown on the wall. I was there ! I feel despair running trough my veins, look at the window again, far away. The woman has murder in her eyes, she approaches, takes my arm, her voice calm.

- You have been chosen, Adallina, I made you come here from your little life in Virginia. You have no family, you barely call your friends anymore, you have nothing. You are healthy, and fertile. I don't need you approval for this my sweet child. I can tie you to get you pregnant. She calms down, her tone lighter, and smile at me. After all it already happened once.

I open my mouth in shock, tears coming to my eyes, I shake from all my body, I struggle to breath. She lets go of me, go back to where she was. She talks to the man, unable to move either. He does not even look at me. He just nods mechanically at whatever she says. The woman on my left do keep peeking at me, trying to make their mother Miranda finished faster.

- The wedding will happened tomorrow at nightfall. I count on you Alcina, to take care of our young bride until then, I will let you and Donna take care of the wedding preparations. I will make sure to announce it to the villagers, they will pay their respects to their new lady.

- Yes, Mother, the tall woman answers, barely audible.

I can only see the floor, blurry. The little hand of the doll comes to me, trying to get the tears away. I can't move, can't smile. This creepy doll seems like the nicest thing in the world right now. She finally goes away, the woman in black following her.

The Thing follows, oh lucky am I, she could have made me bear those atrocities. I can't even laugh at my own pity joke.

I can't just stay there. I need to survive… For what ? Life is shit anyway, no matter what I do, how good my grades are. Look at me, poor little thing on the cold stone.

I feel a hand on my arm, I follow it, get up, stair after stair, I follow the giant woman. How long did we walked ? Even my foot became blurry.

We enter her into her "house", a castle. I just stare at what is in front of me, golden everywhere, like some stupid Versailles. I don't give a shit about where I am, I want to die anyway.

Three woman dressed with beautiful gowns welcome us, first excited as hell, then they look worried, both staring at me, then at their mother. The tall woman murmur something to the blonde one, who take me to a huge couch, in front of a fireplace. A fire, really ?

I can't keep it anymore, I let myself go, whimpering my despair. Why the hell did this happening to me ? What have I ever done to deserve this ? This is not human, this is nothing but cruelty. She wanted me, she made me come here. All I thought about was my stupid thesis, my fucking sociology studies. What will you do now Adallina with you absurd phd ? I am here because I have no friends, no family. I regret so much, I should have given a call to Claire, to Steven, anybody, I should have fuck with an idiot, have a pathetic relationship in a pathetic basic life. What about basic now ? I hate me so much, I hate this woman so much ! I wanted so much for my future, I just... I always thought- after all that happened- I could maybe find someone, maybe fall in love, finally open my heart, share my bed with someone I trust. I hoped for a life near the sea, for a dog, I would have called him Cactus. Stupid cactus, right ? All of this is gone.

The daughter says nothing, only takes my coat and scarf, put a blanket on my shoulder. I feel so tired. I can't believe anything. Please, make me sleep, make me wake up on the road, tell that the man just drugged and raped me. I don't care. I survive already once, I could do it a second time. Everything but this, please…

And here begins Adallina's descent to the underworld...

Please review, and tell my what you think of this first chapter !

Love,

Dream-E