Of Rakes and Gentlemen

Heartfelt Confessions

"May I ask as to what these questions tend?"

Lizzy felt peeved, and a little intrigued, "I am trying to sketch your character," she sighed, "I hear so many accounts of you that do puzzle me exceedingly."

The Dance had stopped, and they were left to stand opposite each other, one whose curiosity was piqued and another without any clue how to continue. He would have to explain to his severest critic. Does he really want to do this tonight? Should he tell her? There was nothing she did not need to know yet Wickham had already inserted himself into her affections and that could be dangerous, and whilst he did not care for her sisters, there were some vestiges of tender feelings he held for his dance partner.

During his indecision she had kept her fine eyes on him, breathing rather heavily, as the exertion of the dances she had partaken of. Oh, and such embarrassing dances they were. One incompetent, one too competent.

Eventually, his sense of decorum and chivalry decided he should tell her at least. Goodness knows how many of his loved ones he could slander, and slander he will. He only slighted those who had thwarted him in some way. Mr Darcy gulped and tilted his head to one side. He began to feel as if they were only by themselves. It was as if the entire ensemble had faded into the ether. Her breathing pattern increased, her heart thumping vigorously in her chest.

Eventually, Darcy made his mind up, He could not let Miss Elizabeth have ignorance over the affairs that had occurred betwixt them, the matter had to be resolved. "Do you think you could bring Miss Lucas with you to act as a chaperone?" he asked. "For out of everyone here, she is the third person I trust with all I am about to tell?"

Eyes widened in surprise at his statement, "Where shall we discuss this?"

He took her hand and led her to Charlotte who also blinked in surprise at the offer, being a rather sensible-minded woman of a similar age to Mr Darcy, she could see sense in the plan. It took barely a moment to compose herself then she rounded her shoulders and nodded. Her silent consent was all it needed for Mr Darcy to then lead the two women out of the room, as they weaved between the guests to reach the library, which took half an hour where it normally would take five minutes. Despite the squeeze of people, they had managed to avoid conversation with anyone.

When they were in the safety of the library, they were suddenly uncomfortable as the silence stifled and pervaded the entire room. During her stay here this room was her sanctuary, although she mourned the lack of decent literature. Mr Darcy started pacing the room and kept sending furtive glances at the two ladies standing side by side, dumbstruck at the sight of a less than perfect Mr Darcy.

He huffed and puffed and ran his hand through his black curly locks and finally sank on a chair by the fire his head in his hands. He rubbed them down his face and sighed. Then he looked up at the two waiting ladies, one he desired to protect. He was come upon with such determination that set his jaw and purpose shone through his brown eyes.

"Well," he spread his hands urbanely, "I am here, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I am at your disposal. What is it you wish to know…" then he pursed his lips, "no, I phrased that wrong, forgive me," he gazed deeply into her eyes, "to know the charges laid at my door, I first would like to know what tale he has regaled you with?"

To this Elizabeth seethed, "Tale?" she hissed, "it was no tale."

"Then if you are being purposefully prejudiced against me and to what I might have to say then there is no reason for this interview."

He was about to get up, "Eliza," Charlotte said, "maybe we should give Mr Darcy the chance to defend himself. You are all about justice," she sighed as she placed a calming hand on her friend's arm, "this is how true justice works."

Lowering her eyes to the expensively carpeted floor Lizzy took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I know," she said as calmly as she could. "I apologise Mr Darcy," she said with a little dignity, colouring slightly from her friend's reproof.

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I implore you for your sensible nature," he said.

With another sigh and a look at Charlotte, Lizzy centred herself and exhaled a long slow breath, "Firstly, he told me he was the son of a steward," she said, perhaps a step-by-step account would be better than to relate the whole. Piecemeal each point could sink in.

"First point I can vouch for the truth of that," he said. "Mr Wickham Sr was an excellent man and served my father until my own excellent father's death, six months later so did the present Mr Wickham's father perish."

So far so good. After offering their commiserations for his tragic losses Lizzy plowed on, "Secondly, he said that your father left a living in his will and out of sheer jealousy, for your father preferred him to you," Lizzy said in an accusing tone, "that you cheated him out of it, and point-blank refused him his dignity," her voice rose higher.

"Hmm," was all he said, "well - there is where the story differs greatly."

"Mr Darcy," Charlotte sighed, "in which manner does this divergence take?"

Now he stood up and turned his back on them, kicking his foot against the fireguard, he leaned his hand on the mantelpiece above, his other hand, held at an angle behind his back, flexed, his only outward sign that he was troubled, then he turned around and, to the shock of the ladies present, there were tears in his eyes. Lizzy was suddenly a little unsure over her own certainties. His fingers shook on the surface he had chosen to rest them upon.

"The second is without foundation," he said, "for yes, my father had indeed bequeathed him a living of the Parsonage of the village of Kympton," as Lizzy was about to protest, he moved out of the range of the fire that had suffused his cheeks with colour. "My father was an excellent man who had taken George Wickham under his wing. We played together as boys and were firm friends. Until" he sighed. "Until Cambridge where we roomed together," he looked at the two women again and said, "this may be shocking to a woman's ears…"

"Oh, do not take on that demeanour with us, Mr Darcy," Charlotte said, "I believe we might have heard worse."

With a stricken look at Elizabeth, a look that Charlotte noticed, was full of love, he said in a cracked tone, "Alright, but this will pain you," he turned away and Charlotte noticed her friend was gazing at him just as intently. "I mentioned that we went to Cambridge together, yes?" the women nodded, "It was clear at Cambridge that his manners were as dissolute as they were engaging," he said rapidly as if still trying to protect their ears, "He seduced women, then left them ruined. Any money he received from both our fathers, he gambled away or drank, and as for debts - they kept piling up higher and higher with the tradesmen around about debts that fell upon me to repay!"

Now the girls swapped looks of alarm, "Is this pattern oft-repeated?" Charlotte asked as Lizzy grew paler by the second.

"Is what oft-repeated?" Darcy asked.

"Seducing women?"

"Oh yes, everywhere he goes he breaks women's hearts or subjects them to the torment and tyranny of their husbands and, in some rare cases, turned them into professional women for a profit," he bowed, "I am sorry for the frankness of the facts but it is the G-d's honest truth, not one shilling has he ever paid back," then he bowed his head, "I fear he may have already worked his charms here. Miss Elizabeth, I advise caution around him. He does not care whom he ruins, and I…" but he stopped there for it may have revealed too much.

"In short," Lizzy said, "you deemed him unworthy of the church?"

"No," Mr Darcy cried passionately, "I had every intention of seeing my father's will to the letter," he rubbed down his face again, he wished he could loosen his cravat, the intense heat of the flame and the laying bare the truth of Wickham's crimes made him hot and bothered, but it was becoming impossible to breathe, "but Mr Wickham himself declined the living as it was then still being held by a living Parson, no," he said again, as if to confirm it and imprint it into their minds he was an honourable man, "There were £1,000 pounds in the will left to him and he accepted £3,000 pounds in lieu of the living. From then on, all communication between us seemed at an end until…" he sighed, this part was going to be difficult.

"£4,000!" Lizzy breathed, "how idiotic was he to lose such a sum?"

He sank on the chair again and the two women kept standing, barely moving not knowing what to do as, this time when he gazed up at them, real tears slipped down his face. "Is there a third point you wished to know?"

Charlotte was the one who stepped forward and crouched down to his level, "You mentioned he was a seducer of women," he nodded. Lizzy too stepped slowly forward. "These are heavy accusations can you provide an example please?"

Mr Darcy turned his gaze to Lizzy and sighed, "Is this what you wish?" he asked her.

She nodded, "Well then," he sat back and watched how the flames highlighted Elizabeth's fine eyes more so, he caught gold flecks within, he could spend hours looking into those passionate eyes of hers, he was convinced no artist could catch their exquisite beauty, "This is painful for me, but as you require proof, I require you to be discreet," they nodded. "I had no more dealings with him and how he lived I knew not nor cared," he sighed, "perhaps I should have done for what I am about to relate is personal and painful," even this made Lizzy soften towards him, "I did not have any dealings with him until this summer just passed."

"What…what happened?" Lizzy stammered.

"You know I have an adorable sister whom I am protector and guardian of," Lizzy nodded and supplied the name to Charlotte. "Life was going well for her at school, she was attentive in her lessons, and she was doing splendidly in all her subjects, and was growing more beautiful by the day, but she suffers from my shyness," here Lizzy and Charlotte widened their eyes. They had been told that she was insufferable and proud, "Unfortunately, the Darcy side of the family tree, has been a shy bunch since I can remember. When it is also only the two of you for five years it only increases its power within us," he rubbed his hands together and again he looked up through his eyelashes, and Lizzy was shocked to see them wet with tears, even his voice was beginning to wobble, "the funds I had provided for him must have run out," he said, "for this last Summer I decided to take Georgiana out of school for she was having an unpleasant time, and place her in the care of a Mrs Younge, in whose character we were…"

"We?" Lizzy asked.

"My cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam and I share equal Guardianship duties for Georgiana," he explained, "We were unhappily deceived. It turns out she knew Wickham from times past and had contacted Wickham where they were holidaying in Ramsgate," he sighed and lowered his head as he tried to contain his sobs. Even Lizzy felt moved to step closer to him and rub his back, not caring one whit for impropriety, the women let him cry, and then he sniffed and said, eyes now rimmed red, "dear Georgiana, who knew so little of the world, was only glad to see an old friend of whom she used to play with at Pemberley when she was a little girl."

For some odd reason, Lizzy handed him a handkerchief with her initials on, one she had hoped to give to Mr Wickham, but now she desired for Mr Darcy to keep it. "Her tender heart was ready to receive him into its core, with a traitorous henchwoman encouraging her, Georgiana began to believe herself in love with Mr Wickham, and they were planning to elope. He would have succeeded had I not had a premonition to be at Ramsgate the day before I was supposed to," his face was now streaked with tears, "he was after her fortune, £30,000 - once I had deduced his motive, he relinquished all claims to Georgiana and fled. Then you met him, and he has begun his lies and now… what do I do? I cannot expose him without exposing my sister. Like you, everyone will want some proof."

All this information made Lizzy's heart hurt but she was more concerned for the otherwise composed and stilted Mr Darcy laying bare his emotions in front of the girl he hated the most. "The next thing I knew Bingley mentioned wanting a country estate to lease and asked me for my advice. I did not wish to be at the assembly at all, for only a month had passed by and I was worried and anxious over how my sister was with her new Guardian, Mrs Annesley," he supplied, though it was not important.

"Can you supply as proof - papers, documents, debtor notices…" Lizzy suggested. "Any documentation to support your facts?!"

"You…do…not…believe….me?"

"No, No!" Lizzy said hastily dropping to his level, trying hard to gaze into his sodden eyes, "I am thinking of the townsfolk, you have not endeared yourself here, though," she put a hand up to stop his protests, "slighting one of their own will do that."

"When?" he demanded.

"She is tolerable I suppose but not handsome enough to tempt me," Lizzy said arching an eyebrow, "I am in no humour to give consequence to ladies who are slighted by other men… once you said that and I told people… not all the money in the world can buy you out of this one. You need to show proof to back up your claims - Now Mr Wickham will not spread his, er, side of events in deference to your father…"

To this Mr Darcy laughed coldly, it was devoid of any humour, "George Wickham had been working on his charms even then, but no," he said, "I was not favoured by father for many years and not because of Wickham but my sister stole his affections and his name. I do not begrudge her that," his expression changed when he thought of his sister, dark eyes suffused with all the warmth of a hot chocolate, it was quite a shock to see such open expressions in one so usually guarded, and suddenly Lizzy wanted such a one aimed for her.

"One more question?" Lizzy asked with a cough to try and reassert her voice.

He tilted his head and sighed, "Whatever you wish."

"How old is your sister?"

"15," he answered.

Lizzy blanched, "you must warn Colonel Forster, there are many susceptible young females here of the same age and," she sighed as she too dropped to his crouched level, "I suspect, if your account is the truth, then he may have already meddled with some of them."

"But to whom do I speak to on such a delicate matter?"

"My father is a discreet man and not prone to idle gossip," Lizzy said.

"My father can also be trusted," Charlotte supplied, "now how shall we go about Wickham without raising his suspicions?"

"Don't!" Mr Darcy exclaimed, "I urge you to not put yourself in danger."

"Pardon me," Lizzy said with a slight giggle, "but we country women are made of stout stuff. You will not find me intimidated because, as you know, my courage rises with every attempt to do so."

Charlotte said, rather more sensibly. "Lizzy will play along as if she knows nothing for now and you can warn Colonel Forster," he nodded, that seemed like a good plan. Act as if nothing has changed when everything has.

"Now I have a question for both of you, as we are working upon the spirit of openness," he looked particularly at Lizzy as he said this, "I have a friend I wish to protect from fortune hunters and sycophants, he is too engaging to see through such schemes," he glanced back down at his hands now flexing together on the tips, "Bingley has never fallen in love like this before and I want to be certain, in our spirit of frankness, does the elder Miss Bennet truly love Mr Bingley or is she urged to do so by her mother?"

Lizzy saw red and was about to lose what compassion she'd had for this man before Charlotte intervened, "I understand," she said, "Eliza and I talk about this almost daily, as far as Eliza is concerned, Jane does care deeply for your friend for being the affable, amiable, generous and kind-hearted man that he is. Eliza, can you vouch for your sister's heart?"

Clenching her fists by her side, Lizzy almost snarled yes but after one glance at Charlotte's reproachful gaze Lizzy calmed down. "I am her bedfellow at night," she said, "and we share many confidences," here she lent a pointed glance at Mr Darcy, "Jane is shy, and rarely shows her true emotions to me," she explained, "but yes I have never seen her as happy as I have since she has been singled out by Bingley and she calls him the most amiable man of her acquaintance, I am well aware of what you think of us, Mr Darcy," her pert tone and her arched eyebrow caused him to blush for the first time in years, "but Jane is not a fortune hunter and neither is she acting under Mama's audacious advice. All her attention towards Bingley is genuine and when her heart is touched, it shines like the brightest of diamonds. If," she took a deep breath and gulped when she noticed how he turned his gaze away from her, "Mr Bingley, whom I too would love as a brother, offered her his hand in marriage, she would accept with effusive pleasure staying true to her own heart whilst doing so."

Mr Darcy nodded, and sighed, "Since his father died, I have taken him under my wing. Bingley is a brother in all but blood, I just did not want to see him in deepest agony," he glanced up again, a pleading red-rimmed gaze aimed particularly at Lizzy, who blushed at the way he seemed to look upon her now, "so forgive me for my personal queries into your sister's heart."

"As long as you forgive us for our curiosity concerning Mr Wickham," Charlotte responded, whilst Lizzy remained silent contemplating his gaze. For all they cared Charlotte could remain invisible for how long they continued looking at each other, she offered a polite cough, "So," she said her practicality coming to the fore, "tomorrow you are to call on our fathers to relate what you can about Mr Wickham's…" she searched for the right word, as Mr Darcy reluctantly tore his eyes away from her friends, "proclivities, and Eliza shall act as if nothing has been revealed."

"Thank you, Miss Lucas, I shall also send an express to my Lawyers to send me what they can as proof if your fathers require it also," he sighed, "I may send an express to my sister to ask her if I may tell some discreet friends her story," he smiled a little and his eyes lit up, "she would not mind my telling you Miss Elizabeth Bennet about it if it means to protect you from him."

"Let us back to the ball," Charlotte said.

"Yes, and may I ask for your hands in the next two dances?" he asked, "for as you know I only dance with those whom I am comfortable with," Lizzy was never a swooning type but at the slight dimple he exposed during a lopsided smile over his attempt at humour endeared him to her just that little more, "if you are not already occupied by another's attentions."

"We are not engaged sir," Lizzy said, her slightly husky voice giving away how affected she was by his entire being focussed on her, "At least, I am not."

After composing himself he stood up and offered his arms to both ladies, only Lizzy accepted as Charlotte had stepped forward, leaving him free to open the door and allow the ladies out first. Again, once that office was performed, Mr Darcy proffered his arm to both ladies. Miss Lucas had declined but, to his pleasure, Miss Elizabeth had accepted. When they entered it was just in time for another dance to begin. Charlotte had then turned to Mr Darcy and declined to dance now as she wanted to speak to some more of her friends. Before Lizzy could object Mr Darcy led her to the dance.

She is so beautiful it hurts, he thought. How can I attain such perfection?

All that was going through her mind was: Oh! how I misjudged him!