As an interlude, 5 chapters close to the end, here is a sweet sad moment for my readers.
Two weeks after Jack left, 1967
Ennis leaned back in his truck seat, took a break on the 3 hour drive to the ranch where he worked. He knew that the heifers would be calving, he shouldn't stop, but he would fall asleep at the wheel, stars twinkling overhead if he didn't pull over soon.
He clicked the radio stations, looking for something calmer than what he was listening to.
Secret heart
What are you made of
What are you so afraid of
Could it be
Three simple words
Or the fear of being overheard
What's wrong
Ennis frowned. It felt like this female singer was pulling thoughts out of his head, words from his mouth, weaknesses from his stomach.
Let her in on your secret heart
He thought of Jack in the motel room, two very long weeks ago. Since Jack had left time had trickled by, clocks ticked slower, the sun stopped rising. He could never say the words Jack wanted to hear.
Secret Heart
Why so mysterious
Why so sacred
Why so serious
Maybe you're
Just acting tough
Maybe you're just not man enough
What's wrong
This writer, this singer, they had to know him. His secrets were being blasted on the radio for everyone to hear. He tried to block out the song, for some reason, was just unable to reach over and turn the dial, change the station.
Let her in on your secret heart
He would never, could never tell Jack those three words he longed to hear. Ennis wanted to hear them too, but couldn't admit it to himself, that he wanted so badly for Jack to say he loved him.
This very secret
That you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one
You're dying to reveal
Go tell her how you feel
"I can't!" Ennis screamed at the smooth voice coming out of the radio, mocking him. He couldn't imagine just walking up to Jack and telling the man, "I love you." He couldn't do it...he wasn't like that. He'd only said to Alma a couple of times, he felt so guilty for lying to her.
Secret heart come out and share it
This loneliness, few can bear it
Could it have something to do with
Admitting that you just can't go through it alone
"Shut up!" He stared at the moon through tears, smacked the steering wheel, but still could not reach the small distance to the dial and take away his own pain. He forced himself to let the song come to an end.
Let her in on your secret heart
This very secret
That you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one
That you're dying to reveal
Go tell her how you feel
This very secret
Go out and share it
This very secret
The song finished and left Ennis weeping. He put his face on his fist, letting tears fall on the green pleather. "I do...I do love you Jack." He whispered to the wind, the stars, the moon, hoped somehow they would deliver the simple message to the man miles away.
A/N: This is the song "Secret Heart" by Feist, you really ought to download it if you can, it's a fabulous song, and I think of Ennis every time I hear it!