Chapter 8: Senrion

Barriss emerged from the shower and towelled her hair. She glanced into the corner of the room where she'd stripped off her unitard and pulled a face at the state of it.

Wherever we're going, I really hope they have a place where I can get a change of clothes, she thought.

Ignoring her own clothes, she pulled out a gown from one of the cupboards and slipped into it. It was light, not much protection from the cold of the ship, but it was comfy and certainly better than slipping back on her own dirty, sewer and sweat-drenched costume. She tied the sash and then knelt down on the floor, closing her eyes to try and meditate and reach for the Force for what seemed like the first time in a long while.

She took a deep breath in through her nose, held it a moment, and then let it out through her mouth. She repeated the pattern for a while until she felt her body steadying and a calmness suffusing her.

"I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me," she said. She took in a few more breaths and then settled herself with her next mantra. "I must not fear. Fear closes all the paths except anger. And the path to anger leads to hatred, and the path to hatred leads to the Dark Side. I will let the fear pass, and when it does, all paths will be open to me."

She settled herself, let the words reach through her until it suffused all of her being. Then, when she was ready, she reached out to the Force, to let it swirl around her and let it move into her body and let her feel its presence, let her feel her way through the present and the future and connect with herself and everything around her.

She felt nothing.

Not even the glimmer of a connection.

She rolled her shoulders, twisted her head one way and then the other, settled herself again.

She reached out. She could feel her lightsabres on the floor, where she'd left them and she felt them through the Force, felt the cold metal of them and the pulse of the kyber crystals within. She imagined them rising from the floor and coming to circle around her, floating as if in zero gravity, and she felt the twinge through the Force, like a tug on strings and she knew that it was so. That without opening her eyes she knew that they would be floating around her.

She breathed in through her nose, held the breath, and let it out through her mouth.

She tried again. She felt her way along the connection to the lightsabres. Used that bridge to ease into the wider Living Force, using the connection to connect herself.

It was like throwing herself out of an airlock.

Just floating in a vast coldness and emptiness with nothing to orientate herself with or anchor herself to.

She twisted her head getting frustrated, and tried to orientate herself again.

"I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. I must not fear. Fear closes all the paths except anger-"

There was the flash of something, a chill settling on her body, but a different chill, the frosty chill of burial, except for on her hand where there was a warmth, a warmth from another hand that held hers tightly-

"...no..."

Another chill, freezing, the cold of the ruptured coolant system, and the echoing, desperate, pleading, whisper 'kill me', met with a wall of determination, refusing-

"No."

A coldness inside her, as she watched from the top of the factory, watched as they dragged her stunned body away and she collapsed to her knees and wept, wept with relief-

"Stop it!" Barriss screamed and clutched at her head, snapping her connection with the Force, and hearing the thud and clatter as her lightsabres fell to the floor and rolled.

She sat there, panting, holding her head. Tears dribbled from her eyes, rolled along her cheeks and were pulled by the artificial gravity to patter onto the floor. She slumped back on her haunches and pulled her hands over her eyes and sobbed as she returned to the question that had haunted her for many years now.

"What is wrong with me...?"

Ahsoka sat in the pilot's seat, one foot up on the console, and stared out at the hyperspace lanes. She found them calming, almost like a form of meditation.

She was starting to realize that the reason she found them so calming was because they represented the time between 'preparing for war' and 'fighting a war'. When there was nothing to do. Just...hanging in the ether.

Quiet. Calmness.

She breathed and her mind drifted back to the conversation with Barriss. Was that all there was to it? Was it just the same as what she'd been doing?

She refused to believe that. She could accept that civilians could get injured, but there was a difference between intending to hit civilians and it being a by-product. The intent of the action did matter, as did the willingness to try and limit the damage as much as possible and only hit combatant targets. She wasn't sure that the people she worked with, and the others, had done their best at this, but she knew she had and would use what influence she could to ensure it did.

But, then again, Barriss would likely agree and argue the Jedi Temple had been a military target.

And drawing the line wasn't always easy...

She pulled her thoughts away from the direction it was going. From that. She had learned her lesson and had sworn that she would never do so again. She liked to think she had done her best to uphold it.

She sighed and rubbed at her temple, and briefly fantasized about what her life would have been like if the Clone Wars hadn't broken out if she'd been able to train as a Jedi and become a Knight in normal times. What would she be doing now? Would she have a Padawan beside her, as they roamed out into the galaxy settling disputes?

If such a time had ever really existed?

Ahsoka was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of an object thumping into the co-pilot's seat. She looked across and saw Barriss, dressed again in her unitard, in the seat keeping her focus determinedly ahead. Her face was grave, and her eyes were puffy. It was obvious she'd been crying about something. Ahsoka bit back on several remarks that welled to her mind and decided that tact would be the better thing to do right now, and put a seal on the box in her mind marked 'Snips'.

"We'll be dropping out of hyperspace soon," she said, after a moment, dropping her foot from the console and moving her chair forward.

"Where are we headed?" Barriss asked.

"Senrion. It's a mostly agri-world, though there are a few military bases and armament factories about." She paused, waiting for Barriss to make a remark, but the mirialan said nothing. "It's on the Outer Rim, but there's a transport shuttle that heads into the Mid-Rim once a week, so you won't have to wait long before you can go. A few days at most."

"Okay."

They sunk into silence. Barriss turned her head to look out the side viewport and Ahsoka glanced across at her. There was something that was still troubling her, a part of the story Barriss had told. She debated on whether to ask, and then decided that she likely wouldn't see her again so might as well take the opportunity.

"So you all ate the nanodroids?" she asked.

Barriss snapped her head around, startled by the question. But she nodded. "Yes," she replied. "The plan was that if any of us got caught we'd blow ourselves up to avoid revealing the other. And it was also a gesture of solidarity with Jackar."

"But Letta didn't?"

"No. She was supposed to. The truth was that we never thought you'd actually trace things back to her, I mean who would suspect the wife? We figured I was the one more likely to get caught." She shrugged. "I guess when the time came she just...couldn't actually go through with it. Or maybe it was something else. Either way, she didn't, and when she called you in I panicked and...well, you know the rest."

"And you didn't blow yourself up either?"

"Oh well, you have 'Skyguy' to thank for that. He had the wherewithal to have me scanned and deactivate the droids with a pulse before they brought me to the Hall of Justice. Otherwise, I would have blown myself up there." She paused and then chuckled. "Ironically, if I'd done that I might have killed Palpatine and brought an end to all of it. So in the end, the Chosen One saved the Sith Lord."

Ahsoka raised a weak smile. "And you would have killed me," she said quietly.

Barriss glanced over at her and then looked away. "Yeah, well...shit happens..."

Ahsoka looked over at her, studying her. She licked her lips, finding they were dry. There was one more question, but she didn't dare ask it. She was afraid of what the answer might be. But the chance was there, and it might not come around again. She'd managed to stop herself from asking it, buried it, in the knowledge that Barriss was dead and would never be able to answer it. But now she was here, and alive, and she knew it. She couldn't not take the chance.

She wet her lips again, started to open her mouth-

The console beeped and broke the moment.

They both looked at the console and then Ahsoka reached forward and pulled back on the hyperspace lever. The hyperspace lanes shortened and then resolved into stars and the beige looking world, dotted with large lakes and rivers and covered by shifting clouds, filled the viewscreen. Ahsoka tapped at some buttons and transmitted the access codes and the fleet of ships patrolling around the planet sent back the approval codes.

The shadow of the cruisers crossed over the ship as they passed beneath them and shot towards the planet, passing into the exosphere.

"We'll be landing on the outskirts of a settlement," Ahsoka said. "That's where the resistance group, the Red Sparrow, are. You're welcome to keep using my spare room to stay, or you can get a place in the settlement if you prefer."

Barriss shrugged. "Thanks for the offer. I've got some credits on me if I can access my accounts in town. Might use your room for the day and then see what I can sort out." She paused. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

They sat in silence as they continued into the atmosphere and through the clouds.

They flew in over the settlement, a fairly large town with an array of buildings. In the distance, they could see the large river that passed by a factory, huge plumes of smoke billowing out from it. The ship crossed over a field a short way and Ahsoka set the ship down, a little away from some other similar ships that were settled there, within sight of the settlement but a good walk away. As soon as she made the touchdown, a figure started walking towards the ship. Ahsoka grimaced as she saw him through the cockpit.

"Who's that?" Barriss asked, picking up on her facial expression.

"Calcian Dash," she replied. "Leader of the group. Probably wants to know how things went with Sentarou."

Barriss snorted. "Do you want me to explain things to him?"

"No, you don't have to," she said with a sigh. "I can do it in a more subtle way." She looked over at the smirk that was forming on Barriss' face. "You're going to do it aren't you?" she deadpanned.

"And miss the opportunity to embarrass you in front of your friends? I think not."

Calcian Dash waited at the base of Ahsoka's ship as the landing ramp made its slow descent. He was a handsome man, well-built, brown skin with grey hair he'd put streaks of pink through. A scar settled across one cheek and he had a blaster slung on his hip and wore loose clothing. He stood with an easy grace that hid the anxiety he was feeling inside.

He'd had no communication from Ahsoka regarding the meeting with Sentarou and that did not bode well.

What boded even less well was seeing Ahsoka descending the ramp with a mirialan woman in tow, who definitely had not been part of the mission.

"Ahsoka!" Calcian called. Then blinked and wrinkled his nose as the smell hit him.

Ahsoka smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, we were running through a sewer and haven't had a chance to change clothes."

"I suspect I don't want to know, but I'm going to have to know. What happened with Sentarou?"

"It...didn't go to plan."

"And how not according to plan did it go?"

"He's dead."

"That would be my bad!" the mirialan spoke up, raising her hand with a grin.

Calcian leaned out to observe her and then turned back to Ahsoka. "So, she's the one responsible for him being dead and she's also not in binder cuffs. So she's not been brought here for interrogation and execution."

"No. She hasn't."

"So this would be...?" He gestured at her.

Ahsoka turned to her. "This is Barriss. She's..." She weighed her words. "A colleague from my days at the Jedi Temple."

Barriss winced and shook her hand as if she'd burnt her finger. "Oof...gonna need a bacta tank for that one..."

"Right. So she's also a Jedi?"

"Sort of. Like me."

Calcian put his thumb and middle finger to his temple and rubbed at it. He could feel the migraine building. "I take we didn't acquire the explosives and weapons then?" he asked.

"No."

He sighed. "Well, at least we didn't transfer the credits for them."

"Calcian, can I talk to you? In private?"

"Sure, sure..." He waved towards his ship. "Let's go. Hey, Leorna!" he called out to a human woman, lithe with raven black hair, cleaning a rifle. "Look after Barriss here, make sure she doesn't get into trouble."

"Hey, I'm not looking to cause-" Barriss objected.

"You already have!" Calcian called without turning around.

Barriss huffed but said nothing more.

"Inquisitors were involved?" Calcian rubbed his fingers over his nose and down his chin. Ahsoka had just given him a recap on events, though she'd left out some of the more complicated aspects of her relationship with Barriss. "That's worrisome..."

They were on Calcian's ship, The Wing Raised, and were sat in what was the meeting room, a soundproofed room with an oval table and a set of chairs, and a holoprojector in the middle. Calcian stood at one end and Ahsoka was leaning on the table at the other.

"Yes, though I don't think they'll be bothering us anymore. We weren't tracked. But there's something else I want to raise with you," Ahsoka said.

Calcian looked over, and her eyes burned into him. "What?" he asked a touch nervously.

"Did you know? About Sentarou?"

"Know what about Sentarou?"

Ahsoka raised a brow, one of her white markings rising. "Did you know that he delighted in seeing his weapons used on people?"

Calcian let out a long, suffering sigh and sat down. He drummed his fingers on the table and then nodded. "Yes I knew," he admitted.

Ahsoka closed her eyes. She'd expected the answer, had known what was coming, but it still stung. "Why would you work with someone like that?"

"Because, believe it or not, arms dealers willing to sell to resistance groups are in short supply. The ones that are tend to be the ones most motivated by profit and the least motivated by principle. And as a whole, arms dealers tend not to have a lot of morals and principles to begin with." He narrowed his eyes at her. "We don't have many options where acquisition of weapons are concerned. So yes, Sentarou was a piece of shit and I knew it. But he was a piece of shit willing to give us weapons, weapons the people here could use to liberate themselves and weapons and explosives we could use to damage the Empire." He sat back. "If it makes you feel better, in my book of things I will do when the Empire is gone, I had him marked down under the category 'To Be Shot, After a Fair Trial'."

Ahsoka shook her head at him. "That is supposed to make me feel better?"

"Hey, you're the one hanging out with an assassin."

"An assassin presumably hired by victims of Sentarou."

"Or a rival." Calcian shook his head this time. "It's a dirty business we're in here Ahsoka, all the way through."

"And what of our business? Have we minimised civilian casualties?"

Calican looked away, drumming his fingers again. "I've tried my best."

"It's do or do-"

Calican held up an angry finger. "If I hear that quote one more time, I will shove my blaster up your ass and pull the trigger until the power pack runs out." Empty threat though it was, Ahsoka looked legitimately startled. Calcian twizzled in his seat so he looked directly at Ahsoka. "Look I have tried, but it can't always be avoided. So no I can't promise you that there have been no civilian casualties, but within reason, I have tried my best." He rubbed at his hair. "Hell, you fought in a war. You can't be so naïve about the difficulties around this stuff!"

"No. I'm not. But I do have the right to choose who I give help to." Ahsoka looked sternly at him. "So, I will help you with this next job you've got planned, but after that, I'm leaving."

"For crying out loud!" Calcian banged his fist on the table, making Ahsoka jump. He glared at her and pointed his finger. "Don't you dare take that high moral attitude with me! The only reason I'm doing this is because of your people's failings! Thanks to you and the Jedi Order's incompetence we're all living under the Empire now, and before that there was an intergalactic war. And If you like I can tell you all about the horrors that Separatists and the Republic visited on worlds just like this one, that was no doubt hidden from your precious echolocation." Ahsoka's lekku darkened and her cheeks burnt. Calcian growled and shook his head in disgust, standing up and striding around the table. "Honestly, what sort of Jedi let a fucking Sith Lord take over right under their own noses!"

He punched the control for the door and stormed out of the room. The door slid shut behind him.

Ahsoka slumped down into her seat and rested her elbow on the table, putting her forehead on her hand.

"The kind that aren't very good at what they're doing..." she said quietly.

And now we meet the resistance gang! Or at least two of them, they'll be getting fleshed out a bit more over the coming chapters. It seems Barriss still has one last secret she's not been telling and Ahsoka's got one last question torturing her mind...

As ever, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!