I'm updating a lot faster than I originally planed, to but my incredible beta is just that fast... wow!

Thanks to Laura for looking over the medical stuff, I hope I got it right now! If not, I'm sorry!

And please leave a review guys...!

Chapter 3

Call my name and save me from the dark

"Good morning Miss Gilmore! Are you ready for the big day?" the nurse asked when she entered Lorelai's room. But she got no response. Lorelai was staring out the window beside her bed with the same blank look, she had done it the past few months she had spent in this room. She couldn't exactly see what was outside because the plastic tent around her bed made her vision blurry.

"Miss Gilmore, are you awake?" the nurse asked concerned, and walked to the opening in the tent. Lorelai didn't even look at her. In general, she gave her at least a grunt or a sigh in response.

She had never had a patient who had been so heart-broken and lonely like this woman. She never had visitors or got calls; although, unlike many older patients, she seemed to have a family. The pictures on her bedside-table proved that. She had never asked who the persons were, but because she cried herself to sleep looking at said pictures she figured Lorelai must love them a lot.

One of her colleagues had asked her once if those two were dead. It had ended with Lorelai screaming at her that her Rory was not dead. They had needed to give her something to calm her, otherwise it would have caused problems so shortly after the operation.

"Good morning Miss Gilmore!" the doctor greeted when he entered the room. He wore one of those special dresses so he could enter her tent.

"Everything looks good we can give you the bone marrow today. Thank god we found a donor. You're really lucky, you know. I will put this on your IV and then you have to do the rest of the work, okay?" he tried to get a reaction, but wasn't lucky either. With his rubber glove covered hand, he stroked over her cheek, which caused her to flinch like it caused her pain. He knew it didn't.

He did what he had to do, then left the tent and signalled the nurse to come with him.

"I just talked to the psychologist and he said that he is sure now, she resigned."

"That's what we already told you"

"But it is so important at this phase that she wants to live. When she doesn't want to, we can't do anything. It's completely up to her now."

"We tried everything, but without success. When she first came here she was so hopeful, but now she is just depressive and sad."

"Has she said anything about somebody we could call?" the doctor asked.

"No, she is not answering any questions concerning her family. One of the persons' names on the pictures must be 'Rory' though, that's what she screamed, when she was upset about Eva a while ago, right after her operation."

"We have to do something. She is too young to die like that. Try and see if you can find out anything. Maybe from the insurance. I will try and find out which colleague was her doctor maybe that will give us some clue as to where she comes from at least."

"I will try, but I can't promise anything" the nurse said and looked at Lorelai, who was still in the same position, with the last infusion of the donor's blood running into her veins.

"Miss Gilmore, the plan looks like this: We need to operate on you as soon as possible before the tumor starts spreading. It sits in the left part of your lung and we have to cut it out. The chemo-therapy and the radiation reduced its size, but it didn't destroy it. We can not wait any longer. Afterwards we can hope that we cut out everything. But to be sure you will get some more chemotherapy and then we maybe will need to find a donor to re-install your immune-system. Do you have anymore questions?"

"You told me all that a thousand times already. Why should I have more questions?"

"Maybe something you forgot to ask"

"No, I don't care. Just start so that everything will be over soon" she said and the doctor knew by the look in her eyes that she wasn't talking about her time in the hospital.

It was around noon when the last drop of the donor's blood had entered her body. She should be hopeful, that her body would accept it and start to produce antibodies of her own again, but she didn't care.

Since the day she had last looked into a mirror, she didn't care anymore.

When she had arrived in San Francisco after a week in LA and had been in the hospital for the first few days she had had the hope that once this was over she could go back home and explain to them what had happened. Luke would forgive her, Rory would be more than happy and everything would be perfect again. But the longer all the therapies took, the smaller her hope became.

And then she had taken a look into the mirror after the operation and after the start of the new chemotherapy. She was so thin, really skinny. Her skin was pale, transparent and grey-ish. Her eyes had lost every sparkle. Her cheek-bones were more prominent than ever. And her hair, her long brown, beautiful curls were completely gone. She didn't even have eyebrows anymore. Not one single hair. She knew that she once had been beautiful, but that was gone. She was nothing more than the shadow of her former self and she had needed some time to recognize and understand that it was really her who looked back at her from the mirror.

How could she do that to Rory and Luke? How could she make them look at her, when she looked like this? She had decided then, that they should remember her the way she had been and the way she had looked. She had decided she would never go back. And if she would never go back, why should she live? For what? And for whom?

TBC