Chapter 12: The Morning After

Ahsoka blinked and groaned, emerging out of a deep sleep. The room was dark. She blinked, felt her hand around the bed. She was alone.

She frowned. Of course she was alone, who else would be there? And yet there was a distinct sense of lack…a weight missing, a heat missing, a…

A raft of images and sounds she didn't know her throat could make, and sensations she didn't know her body could feel, came back to her and she catapulted up in the bed, lekku darkening.

Yes. That had happened.

"Barriss?" she called, tapping at the control panel next to the bed, the lights turning on in their low setting. The room was empty, but Barriss' clothes were still in the corner where she'd tossed them.

Ahsoka's tunic, however, was gone.

She frowned and turned her head. Her montrals were picking up some…vibrations. Noises from the living quarters.

She slipped out of bed and pulled over a robe, tied the sash and stepped outside into the living quarters. She could hear more clearly now, the sound of the kitchen implements being used and she walked along and rounded the corner to look in.

"Barriss?" she said, and the mirialan whirled around from the stove.

Barriss' hair was a bit of a mess, but there was a warm and content smile on her face, one Ahsoka hadn't seen in…well a very long time, if at all.

She was also wearing Ahsoka's tunic, the maroon red going well with her own yellow-green skin.

"Good morning!" Barriss called. "Did you sleep well?"

"I…I did," Ahsoka replied. "What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast." Barriss grinned at her.

"Whilst wearing my tunic?"

Barriss put her fists on her hips, looking down at the clothes. "Yup! Suits me doesn't it?" She turned back to the stove. "The HoloDramas have assured me that this is a very cute and quirky thing to do."

Ahsoka smiled softly. "Well, it is both those things."

Barriss shot her a smile over her shoulder. "Sit, sit! It'll be ready soon."

Ahsoka did so and then licked her lips, running her nails over the table. "Um…Barriss? Can we talk?"

There was the slightest stiffening of Barriss' body. Nothing that anyone who didn't know her well would have caught. But Ahsoka did know her well.

"Uh…sure, just let me um…" She turned off the stove and slid something onto a plate and placed the plate with the stack of pancakes on the table. "There," she said, seating herself. "Pancakes! Don't eat the one on the bottom, it's burnt to hell, but I needed it to make the stack look impressive." She looked across at Ahsoka, with that sort of half-smile she put on whenever she anticipated something unpleasant.

Again, nothing anyone who didn't know her well would catch.

"It looks really nice," Ahsoka said, with a smile. "Thank you."

They sat in awkward silence.

"Sooo…" Barriss began.

"About last night," Ahsoka blurted. Barriss nodded, a slightly resigned look appearing on her face. Ahsoka decided the best thing to do would be to plough on, but she didn't really know how to formulate the words. So she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and tried. "Last night was…good—great I mean!" She flapped her hands, which drew a genuinely amused smile from Barriss. Ahsoka blushed. "I-I mean I…enjoyed it and… not just for…for…well you know, but also because I felt…connected with you…at a deep level…"

"…but?" Barriss prompted.

"But…I have…a confusing mix of emotions right now and I don't have them all sorted out." She sighed. "I know this isn't what you want to hear and I feel terrible because it was me that…that initiated things but…" She shook her head. "I…I need some time to just…sort myself out. Sort out what I really feel, now that intense rush has faded and…and what would be best…" She groaned and put her face in her hands. "Is any of this making any sense?"

"It does, actually…"

Ahsoka looked at her quizzically. Barriss shrugged. "We're taught that attachment is wrong, have it drummed into us from a very early age, that it will lead to the Dark Side but…we're never given much guidance on what to do other than 'learn to let go'." She paused. "So yes, I get it. I struggled with it, until I accepted it. And then dealt with it in about the worst way possible." A wave of pain passed over her face. "And I get how that would...how all of that would..." She paused and took a breath. "…Yeah, I understand."

"Thank you, Barriss." Ahsoka thought of reaching for her hand, but held back, deciding she was giving enough confusing signals already. "I just…I do want you to know that I'm not saying 'no'. I just need time."

Barriss cast her a smile. One of her genuine, warm smiles that sent a tingle through Ahsoka. "Don't worry, this conversation has already gone about a hundred times better than my most optimistic imaginings."

"Really?" Ahsoka raised a brow. "What was the most optimistic imagining?"

Barriss gave her a shy grin. "You consented to making-out, as a ploy to keep me occupied while you summoned the temple guards."

Ahsoka couldn't stop her laugh. "Wow. Did you really have that low of an opinion of me? What did you ever see in me?"

Barriss chuckled. "In my defence, I was very depressed and self-loathing so it does say more about me than you." She reached out with her hand and lifted two smaller plates with the Force, setting down one each in front of her and Ahsoka.

They each took a pancake and ate, Ahsoka brightening. "This is really good!"

"See? See everything I offer?" Barriss swept out her hand elaborately. Then she frowned. "Wait a minute, what's that note of surprise implying?"

Ahsoka giggled. "Nothing at all."

Barriss shot her a look and then returned to her food. "So…" she said after a long moment, her cheeks darkening. "Did you ever…feel anything for me?"

"Huh?" Ahsoka looked up, confused.

Barriss' blush deepened. "Sorry, that came out wrong, I didn't mean 'was last night a pity'…" She cut herself off, composed herself. "I mean, were you consciously aware of, or did you have any sense of, well, liking me? In that way?"

"Oh…yeah okay I see what you mean." Ahsoka looked down, frowning, considering it. "I guess…I didn't know at the time," she said, slowly, feeling her way into the words. "But looking back on it…I can see it." She paused, thinking through how to put it into words. "I guess, at the time, I felt similarly about you to how I did about Lux..."

"Wow, I made Lux tier," Barriss teased.

"Shut up," Ahsoka riposted, lekku darkening. "What I mean is that...you both had a special place for me as...special friends I guess. So I suppose I knew there was something. And there was definitely a reason why I always sought you out when I got back to the Temple, or you were the one I wanted to confide in, to complain about things with, or always wanted to involve you in things or drag you into things. And I remember that I was very glad it was you there with me for that nightmare on Umbara."

Barriss winced.

"And I guess, in hindsight, demanding that you learn dual-wielding to help me practice instead of asking literally anyone else in the Order who was already an expert on it was kind of clue..." She gave her a grin.

Barriss scratched at her cheek and smiled. "Yeah, when I think about it."

"So, long way of saying, I think I knew at some level and probably ignored it, or pushed it aside because, you know, Jedi teachings and everything. But last night, when you...confessed it...all kind of bubbled up..." She paused. "I guess that's why I'm a bit stuck. I know this stuff and I feel this stuff but...I don't know how much or...Well, there is still a part of me that thinks about...what happened and..." She shook her head. "Sorry. Like I said, need some time, sort my head out."

Barriss was quiet, looking away slightly, contemplating. "Thank you," Barriss said after a moment. "For being honest. However...this...turns out, it does mean a lot."

Ahsoka gave her a small smile and then nibbled at her pancake. "Did you ever...broach the subject with anyone?" she asked. "I mean, I know you can keep virtually anything to yourself but, did you ever...I don't know, bring it up? To try and work out what you were feeling?"

"Sort of," Barriss said. "When it first...started happening, the feeling, I did...talk with Luminara about it."

"You told Luminara?" Ahsoka's eyes went wide with shock.

Barriss rolled her eyes. "No, I didn't tell her 'I have strange feelings when I think about my friend'. Credit me with some intelligence. I misdirected her."

"How?" Ahsoka frowned.

"I told her I saw some images on the HoloNet that gave me this tingling, squirming fee-"

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait," Ahsoka cut in, raising a hand, lips twitching violently. "You told Master Luminara Unduli, one of the most respectable, spiritually deep Jedi Masters in the Order that you looked at porn?"

Barriss gave her a look. "What? No, I told you, I said I saw some images on the HoloNe-" Barris cut off, her eyes widening so large it was a wonder her eyeballs didn't fall out of their sockets as the full horror of what she'd done smashed into her with the force of an exploding supernova. "Fuck the Force with a rusty vibroblade!" she shrieked. "I made Luminara think I'd looked at porn!"

Despite her friend's obvious distress, Ahsoka was no help at all being doubled up, clutching her stomach, howling with laughter.

Barriss slumped into her seat, her expression frozen into a mortified daze. "Will you excuse me," she said, weakly. "I need to get my lightsabre so I can commit ritual suicide."

"No, wait, hang on!" Ahsoka wheezed, wiping tears out of her eyes. "Before you do, you have to tell me how this finishes."

Barriss blushed. "W-well she got very flustered and...and told me that at my age it was...natural to...to have..." She cringed so hard it was a miracle her spine didn't snap. "T-then she t-took me to the l-library and got a book on...on the reproductive cycle and the...mantras to think on if...if I..." She put her face in her hands and groaned, as Ahsoka's laughter got even stronger.

"Ow..." she gasped, holding her sides as she continued giggling. "Oh...that hurts so much...I don't think I've laughed that hard since Obi-Wan accidentally accepted a proposition from a prostitute when we were working undercover on Nar Shadda..."

"I'm glad my pain amuses you!" Barriss snapped. "And thank you, by the way, for making the most embarrassing day of my life a hundred times worse."

"I'm really sorry," Ahsoka said, biting her fist to stop the giggles.

"No, you're not."

"I'm really not."

Barriss pointedly looked away, trying to keep what dignity she had in her poise, whilst her eyes twitched, clearly reliving the memory over and over again.

An idea blossomed at the back of Ahsoka's mind. A truly evil one. One worth of the cruellest of Sith Lords. A grin started to spread across her face, showing her sharp teeth. "You knowww..." she began in a sing-song tone. Barriss stiffened and then looked over at her. "If Luminara knew about those kinds of feelings, and thought they were natural then she probably had them as well..."

Barriss slapped her hands over her face, one horrified eye visible through her splayed fingers. "I don't want to think about it."

Ahsoka's shark grin grew wider, as she lounged back in her chair. "I mean nowww that I think about it, I seem to recall her casting one or two looks at Obi-Wan and his roguishly handsome looks, and maybe laughing a little too hard at one of his quips..."

"I said I don't want to think about it!" Barriss shouted as she buried her head under her arms, as one part of her brain desperately deflected unwelcome images being fired by another part of her brain.

Ahsoka leaned back, cackling again. Barriss raised one elbow, spotting a chink in the armour for a counter-attack. "And what about your precious Skyguy?" she asked, innocently. Ahsoka froze. "I mean, now that we're on the subject, all that you've told me about him and Senator Amidala...why it sounds like it might have been a bit more than just...very good childhood friends, huh?"

Ahsoka pulled a face and leant her chair back down. "All right," she said. "We'll call it a draw."

Barriss raised her head out of her arms, grinning.

Accepting the mutual truce, they both resumed eating, though Ahsoka couldn't help the occasional snicker skip out of her lips, Barriss responding with an eye twitch each time.

"I still can't believe you never managed to let it slip though," Ahsoka said, after a moment, more to distract herself from the, frankly, hilarious image of a flustered Luminiara wondering why her perfect Padawan was looking up pornography. "I know you can be inscrutable at times, but all those years and I don't ever recall you letting anything slip."

"Oh, there were a couple of times when I was sure you almost found out," Barriss said, absently, then clammed up upon realising what she'd said.

Ahsoka leant forward, intrigued. "Oh really? When?"

Barriss scratched at her cheek. "Umm...you know, I don't really recall...I guess I'm just saying that, over all that time, there must have been at least a couple of occasions where...where I might have done..."

It was one of the odder things about Barriss, that she had an absolutely incredible sabaac face, but was also a phenomenally bad liar. Ahsoka leant forward, raising a wagging finger like she was telling off a youngling for being naughty. "Barrissss...what was the incident?"

Barriss looked down and poked her index fingers at one another. "T-there was a t-time when you were complaining about, about a mission where you'd had to, had to go undercover as a slave and you described what you were made to wear and I kind of-kind of got distracted..."

Ahsoka frowned at her. Then she remembered the incident and her lekku darkened and her expression turned in a glare as she planted her hands on the table and stood. "You little schutta!" she hissed. "You told me you were ill!"

"I was!" Barriss protested, cowering. "I was mentally very unwell."

"I told you that to get sympathy not for you to fantasize!" Ahsoka shouted, hurling a pancake at Barriss.

"It wasn't my fault!" Barriss cried, diving out of the way. "It was my brain!"

They stood in the small cargo hold, before the exit. Barriss was dressed in her clothes now, the headpiece and hood back up, while Ahsoka was still in the robe she'd worn earlier. She would be changing into her proper clothes later, ahead of the mission.

"I guess this will be it, until later," Ahsoka said.

"Yeah. Calcian said he'd pick me up around mid-afternoon. So plenty of time to walk back and wait." Barriss smiled. "Thank you again."

Ahsoka returned the smile. "It was good to talk and sort things out..." Her lekku darkened. "And the other stuff..."

Barriss blushed. "Yeah...the other stuff..." She straightened up. "Well, I should be able to sneak out, without anyone being the wiser, and we can just carry on without any awkwardness."

"Until the mission is over."

"Yes." Barriss turned to hit the button to lower the ramp. She paused. "Uh...Ahsoka?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm...going to miss my shuttle because of this...so I was wondering if..."

"Yes, you can come with me."

"Really?" Barriss looked back with surprise.

"Sure. At the very least you can have the spare room." She smiled at her.

Barriss returned the smile. "Thank you." She hit the door panel and the ramp descended. She walked down it, Ahsoka following her.

And they both pulled up short.

Leorna, looking haggard, brushing her teeth and scratching her backside, wearing an oversized t-shirt and her underpants, wandered past.

"Hey Barriss, hey Ahsoka," she said, groggy.

"Hi," they both said stiffly.

Leorna carried on her way, Barriss and Ahsoka's eyes tracking her. Then she paused. Stayed still. Barriss' heart thumped. She could almost see the little processing Holocron turning above Leorna's head.

Leorna turned back around, removing the toothbrush, her eyes widening.

"I-it's not what you think-" Ahsoka began, raising a hand.

"Yes!" Leorna shouted, punching the air. "Yes! I called it, I totally called it! Hey Grotu!" she turned and took off, running towards the tent, "you owe me a hundred credits!"

"N-no it's not-!" Ahsoka called, desperately. She lowered her hand with a groan.

Barriss stayed still for a moment and then spun on her heel and stiffly walked back up the ramp, her cheeks darkening. "I'm just going to...to go back inside," she said.

"Y-yeah, you do that. I'm just going to...to clear things up..." Ahsoka replied, pointing after Leorna and then heading down the ramp, clutching the robe around her.

Ahsoka poked her head around the tent flap and saw Leorna sitting on a pillow across from Grotu. She was proudly holding out her hand, as Grotu calmly handed over credits from where she was sitting up from her bed laid out on the ground.

"Hey, guys," Ahsoka began, trying to inject her voice with cheer. They looked up at her. "I just came along to say, oh Grotu you don't need to pay her, there's just been a misunderstanding..."

"Oh? What misunderstanding?" Grotu asked. Ahsoka couldn't read rodian expressions that well, but she could definitely pick up the amusement through the Force.

Ahsoka slipped into the tent, face hot, realising that wearing a sleeping robe wasn't helping her case. "Well, basically, what happened was that...well, Barriss came to my ship last night having seen...seen how distressed I was and...she arrived and well, we had a good talk and we solved a lot of the issues between us, but...but it was a very long talk so by the time we finished we thought...well that there might be a curfew in town, or it would be a long walk back and we didn't want her to run into any Imperials...so we decided that she would sleep in my spare room and, and you don't believe a word of this do you?"

"Nope," Leorna said with a grin.

"Now that's not fair," Grotu chided. "We believe everything about the good and long talk, but not anything about the reasons why Barriss didn't go back or her sleeping in your spare room."

"Right..." Ahsoka touched her fingers together. "Is there a form of words I could use that would convince you?"

"No," Leorna and Grotu said.

Ahsoka sighed. "Give Leorna the rest of her money," she said, defeated.

"Yes!" Leorna cheered, and Grotu passed her the last of the credits. "Hey, we need to celebrate though! You popped your cherry!"

"I popped my what?" Ahsoka blurted.

"Your...this was your first time, right?"

"Of course!" Ahsoka snapped, scandalized.

"Exactly! So we need to...hey, what protection did you guys use?" She looked up at her curiously.

"Protection?" Ahsoka asked. "What do you mean, we have lightsabres?"

Leorna pulled a horrified expression. "No, I meant...against babies."

Ahsoka gave her a baleful look. "Leorna, I am not that ignorant. I am well aware there is no way Barriss and I could have conceived a child."

"Aww...you're no fun..." Leorna pouted.

"Interesting, though," Grotu said, tapping at her cheek. "I thought they, that is the Jedi Order, would keep you away from all indications of that stuff. Too much temptation."

Ahsoka's lekku darkened. "Well, they didn't teach all of us..." she muttered, remembering when she and others of a similar biological make-up had had to attend a mortifying special lesson taught by a very embarrassed Ayala Secura.

Leorna crossed her arms and huffed. "Oh right, so the usual 'people with vaginas' have to learn it all but everyone else gets to run around in ignorance."

"Still, that must have been a hell of a place to be in," Grotu added. "All those hormonal teenagers running around, in confined spaces, and no way to blow off steam."

"Well, we are very disciplined and learn to control our-" Ahsoka began.

"That's a question I've always had," Leorna cut in. "They say attachment is wrong right, but if you were just fuck buddies that wouldn't matter, right?"

Ahsoka blinked. Once. Several times. "What is a...fuck...?"

"Someone you sleep with but have no emotional attachment to," Grotu explained.

Ahsoka blinked again. "How does that...?"

"Well imagine the person was just like one of your lightsabres and you used that to-" Leorna began.

"I will not discuss this!" Ahsoka shouted, face burning, clutching the folds of her robe tightly, spotting the trap a heartbeat too late to prevent the parade of images from marching through her head.

Grotu gave the cackling Lerona a look. "That would be exceedingly dangerous you know," she said.

"Huh? Oh come on, don't tell me you've not even thought about it." She paused, seeing Grotu's expression. "No? I am just the weirdo...?" Leorna pondered, looking introspective.

Ahsoka decided to get a grip on the conversation before it spiralled into even more horrifying terrain. "Look, guys, sorry," she began, drawing their attention. "I know this is all a really funny joke at my expense but, can I ask that you...don't discuss it anymore, and definitely don't let Calcian and Bahslar know?"

"How come?" Leorna asked.

"I just..." Ahsoka dropped her hands to her sides and looked away slightly. "I'm still...not sure about Barriss...and about us...and where we're going or...whatever...so I don't...I don't want her to feel pressured or...awkward..."

Grotu and Leorna exchanged a look. "Should we show mercy?" Leorna asked.

"I suppose we should do..." she said.

"Okay, we won't let anyone know or let it slip," Leorna said.

"Thank you-" Ahsoka began.

"On one condition," Leorna continued.

"Here we go..."

"After the mission is finished, tonight, you have to give us the details on what happened."

"Details?" Ahsoka nearly shrieked. "W-why, what details-?"

"Everything," Leorna said.

"Cultural universal," Grotu put in. "You always have to share with your girlfriends afterwards."

"I-but...fine, okay, fine." Ahsoka knew when she was beaten.

"It's settled then," Leorna said with a smile, as she stood up. "I am going to be looking forward to this." She helped Grotu up.

"Hang on, before you guys go, can you help me come up with a plausible story?" Ahsoka asked. "To tell Calcian if it somehow comes up?"

Leorna and Grotu exchanged a look and then Leorna shrugged. "Just tell him the same nonsense you told us."

Ahsoka blinked. She was doing that a lot today. "That would work?" she asked, disbelieving.

"Sure," Grotu said. "Another cultural universal: boys are gormless when it comes to this stuff."

Ahsoka's mind drifted to one boy in particular. "Yeah...I can believe that..."

"Right, I'm going to get cleaned up," Grotu said, walking for the exit. As she passed she put a hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and looked up at her. "We are happy for you," she said, sincerely. "However things work out with Barriss."

"Thanks," Ahsoka replied, equally sincere.

"If you should decide to get together, though, and you'd like to some advice or...suggestions...don't be afraid to ask." Grotu winked at her and left, and Leorna sauntered past, raising her eyebrows twice at Ahsoka before heading out.

Ahsoka watched them leave, with a tight smile. "Okay...this has officially replaced the talk with Maul on Mandalore as the most horrifying conversation of my life..."

Barriss looked up from the table as a shell-shocked Ahsoka strode into the quarters. "How did it go?" she asked.

Ahsoka slumped down in her seat. "I need a drink," she said.

Barriss winced. "That bad?"

"I'm possibly underselling it." Ahsoka groaned and put her head in her hands.

"So...does everyone know?" Barriss asked.

"No, just Leorna and Grotu. And they've promised not to say anything."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"I'm not finished. They've promised not to say anything, provided I tell them the details later."

Barriss looked at her horrified. "Details?!" she shrieked. "What details?!"

"Everything. Apparently, it's a cultural universal."

"B-b-but...what is there to s-say...we...we kissed each other and we...k-kissed body p-parts and we..."

"I know what happened, I was there!"

Barriss' mind raced. Surely they didn't need to know all the details? Not the embarrassing missteps, that could be left out...but then they wouldn't find that believable! So they would have to say everything but...but...

"Wait, do they want me there as well?" Barriss squeaked, a new horror occurring to her.

"I don't care, you're coming," Ahsoka growled.

"No! I won't!"

"I will take you there at lightsabre point if I have to!" Ahsoka glared at her until Barriss' defiant expression broke into her meekly sinking into her seat.

"How do normal people manage to deal with this..." she muttered. She got up from her seat a moment later and started for the cargo hold.

"Where are you going?" Ahsoka asked.

"Outside," Barriss replied. "I need...I need to get some fresh air."

She descended the still open ramp and took in a deep breath as she made it out of the ship. It was calming, relaxing, helped to steady herself after-

"Hey, Barriss!"

She stiffened and opened her eyes, seeing Calcian walking towards her with a puzzled expression. "Aren't you supposed to be in town?" he asked.

"Oh! Well! Actually, last night, seeing Ahsoka's distress, I came here to talk to her about it and...and we had a very good talk, solving a lot of issues between us, but it did go on for a very long time. And we decided that it would be best, for safety reasons if I stayed the night with Ahsoka-on Ahsoka's ship! In her spare room! Definitely in there!"

Calcian frowned at her. Then he shrugged. "Cool," he said, brightly. "Saves me a trip into town." He turned around. "Well, get a breather and then get ready. Won't be too long until we're shipping out for this attack."

"I will do!" Barriss called, slapping on a grin and giving him a thumbs-up. The pose didn't get within a parsec of looking natural. She dropped it after a moment with a sigh.

Ahsoka poked her head out. "Hey!" she called, prompting Barriss to turn. "What did you do? Did you mind-trick him?"

"No! I just...told him that story," she said, flapping a hand.

Ahsoka blinked. "Huh...they weren't kidding..." she muttered.

Yes, Leorna, I am afraid you are the weirdo...

Welcome one and all, and I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter! I realise this one is a bit sillier and fluffier in its last half but...well, it's almost like we're in the eye of a storm or something (coughs). Originally it was just going to consist of Barriss and Ahsoka's discussion, but then I kind of realized that I couldn't let them get away without some other members of the crew causing great embarrassment so, here we are!

The number of times Ahsoka ends up going undercover as a slave (across tie-in media I think the count is 3) is quite astonishing for a 13-17-year-old. A major failure of responsibility with the Jedi Order, if you ask me.

Guest: Hands down best fic I've read in months. Really nailing the characters and the humor, keep it up! :)

Le055Li0n: Really well written, good luck!

Thank you both for the kind words! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and I hope I've managed to keep the good form going!

Thanks for reading everyone! There probably won't be another update this week, as the next chapter will be a longer one, but it should all be ready to go for the Monday slot. See you then!