Next chapter already, thank my beta for reading so fast.

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Chapter 7

Breathe into me and make me real

"No."

She opened her eyes.

"No! No! No!" Luke said and shook his head, just like she had done on that day in September. Her eyes got wide when she realized that he was crying.

"No! I won´t leave you here. Not after nine months apart. Not after I haven´t slept in months because I miss you so much. Not after seeing you like this. Not to let you die! No!" he said forcefully and leaned down and grabbed her by the shoulders. It took all of his strength not to shake her. He stared at her for some seconds, then embraced her. So hard she thought he had crushed every bone in her body.

"I won´t leave you! Ever!" he mumbled against her neck. She felt his tears on her skin, where the collar ended. She wanted to cry with him and embrace him so badly, but she couldn´t. She couldn´t do this to him.

She waited until his tears subsided, then pushed him away with all the strength she had. It wasn´t much but sufficient enough that he let her go.

"You need to leave," she told him and let herself fall back against the pillow. She was too weak to fight.

"I won´t leave," he said and sat down on the chair next to her bed. She couldn´t believe it. He was there. He had seen her. He wouldn´t leave. She had left him in front of the altar. What more could she do to protect him?

She just wanted to lay in her bed and stare out the window. She did not want to talk. She did not want to see him. She did not want to eat. And she did not want to live. She only wanted to protect him.

"You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV."

"Yeah, sure."

"But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada."

"What happened? "

"I don´t love you. I never loved you. I want you to go away and leave me alone" she whispered because she was too weak to speak normally.

Luke remained silent, just sat in the chair and watched her. He knew her long enough to know what she was doing. He waited to see if she would try it again, but she didn´t have the strength to. So he sat on the chair. She lay in bed. He watched her. She ignored him.

After two hours he decided it was time for him to speak. Two hours was a long time. And he knew that her time would run out soon if he couldn´t help her.

"You know when you left me standing there in front of everyone, I really hated you. Just for a second. Then I hated myself for not realizing that you didn´t want to marry me. I thought that if I had spent more time with you, or listened more closely, then I would have seen it.

I talked with Rory after a couple of days and she told me the same thing. We blamed ourselves for not seeing it coming. But then, when I sorted through the pictures you gave me before the wedding to "get to know you better- the best and the worst" I realized that I´ve seen it all. And that I always knew. I could tell in which mood you were by the way the bell jingled when you opened the diner-door.

But this one time I was clueless. I imagined the most crazy scenarios, but they were all wrong.

But never, not for one second have I doubted that you love me. Because I know you do. And you can tell me that you hate me or despise me so often that you will believe it yourself, but I know that it´s not true.

Last night when I saw you I had trouble recognizing you, but then you wrinkled your nose and this little, stupid thing nearly made me cry. I don´t know if you can imagine how much I missed you. And then there you were. I took off my shoes and laid down next to you. And do you know what happened? You came closer. You laid your head on my chest and slung your arms around me. You slept peacefully and so did I. Because that´s the way it´s supposed to be. We´re supposed to be together. No matter what.

You did not say "I do", but I did. I promised you to be there in richer and in poorer, in sickness and health. With my "I do" I promised it, because I love you. And that´s why you can´t make me leave. Because I do!"

" I just hate that we were apart"

"Yeah, wasn't too fond of it myself"

" Well, all I can say is, you're lucky I'm back in your life, because clearly you were lost without me. I mean, it's a miracle you're even still alive. Right?"

"You bet"

He took the chair and placed it directly in front of her bed. She was still staring at the floor. She pretended that she had not listened. Inside it tore her apart. And of course he knew. He always did.

He took her hands away from the blanket she was gripping tightly and leaned over, so that his face was in front of hers.

"Look at the ring you are still wearing. I do, Lorelai. I do!" he whispered and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

When his lips touched her skin it felt like an electric-shock that ran through her body. And she felt it. She felt the sensation and the tingling on her skin. There was no pain. There was no sickness afterwards. It did not hurt like all the needles. And it didn´t make her throw up like all the medicine.

It felt good. There were butterflies in her stomach and a tingling-feeling on her skin.

That´s what broke through her shield.

His love for her.

Her breath hitched, then caught in her throat. A sob escaped. Then, finally, the tears came. They weren´t the sad and lonely tears she would cry at night. But tears of desperation and fear, hopelessness and pain. Of pretending and resignation. All emotions she had kept to herself for nine long months broke free because of a simple kiss from him.

He wrapped his arms around her and sat down on the edge of her bed. He stroked over her head, like he had done before, except he couldn´t play with her hair anymore. He softly rocked her body from side to side, showered her forehead with kisses, massaged her shoulders carefully with his left hand.

It took her long to calm down a bit, and when she did the hiccuping started.

She looked up at him with tears still running down her cheeks and tried to say something, but the hiccups did not make it possible.

"Ssshhh!" he said and lay down on the bed, with her on top of him. She was so light. She buried her face in his chest and took some deep breaths. Then she lifted her head again and looked him in the eyes.

"I do," she whispered before another hiccup could stop her and sniffled.

"I know," he gave her a little smile which she returned. Her cheek muscles trembled. She couldn´t remember the last time she had smiled.

"You want some tea?" he asked and pointed to the table the nurse had left while they had sat in silence. She nodded.

TBC Please review