Chapter 5: Feelings
Hitomi was in a bed she had never seen before. She looked around the elegant room and recognized none of it.
A door opened and Van entered. His eyes were dark and he slowly walked toward her like a predatory animal as she was sitting on the bed.
Van bent toward her and she bent back. Hitomi was almost fully on her back but her elbows were supporting her as Van loomed over her. Van kept coming closer and Hitomi lost her positioning on her elbows and her head touched the pillow. Van pinned her to the bed as he placed his hands on either side of her.
Once he was fully on top of her he lowered his head.
His mouth swooped down on hers and she responded with all the passion she felt. Hitomi's body weakened and quivered at his touch. She felt like she could never get enough of him. When he lifted his head, her arms were about his neck, her fingers entangled in his hair.
"Hitomi… I love you", he whispered.
He didn't give her time to respond as his mouth came on hers with as much force as before…
Saturday, April 13, 1912
Hitomi woke up to the sounds of funnels fuming. She felt dazed. Whoa, what a dream. She blushed and tried to get the feeling of being in Van's arms out of her head. She looked over her bunk and saw Elizabeth sitting in the other bunk looking at her intently. "Your cheeks are flushed. I'd say you have a man up there that you're not telling me about", she said with teasing jealousy.
"Oh no, it's just hot in here, that's all", Hitomi said nervously.
"Huh", was all Elizabeth said.
She smirked and spoke again, " So you've woken up at a decent time I see".
Hitomi snorted. "Yeah well I gotta wake up at some time. What time is it?"
"Almost ten. Come on, now's a time as any to have breakfast", Elizabeth said.
Hitomi sighed. "Oh alright". Hitomi looked under bunk and noticed the bed was made and unmistakably empty. "Where are Yukari and Celena?"
"Oh, Yukari wanted to wait for you but I said I would. I can last longer without food. I told her and Celena we'd meet them at the saloon"
"Okay that's fine. Just let me get ready."
Elizabeth nodded and Hitomi put on one of her dresses and brought her warm coat in case she went outside.
When she landed on the floor her and Elizabeth shut the door and went down the corridor.
Hitomi decided to start conversation. "So Elizabeth how's your trip so far?"
"It's alright. It would be better if I didn't have to take care of John. The nursery closes at different times on certain days and I have to take care of him once it closes. He can be quite a pest. This trip isn't as fun with him here."
I'll gladly take him off your hands you selfish witch! Hitomi thought. Hitomi was thinking of voicing her thoughts but she had something on her mind that was bothering her.
"Is he yours?" Hitomi asked.
"John? You mean am I his mother? Ha! I'm not so stupid to get pregnant that young. No, I was his mother's maid. His parents died in a fire a few weeks ago and he had no other relatives to take him in. All he had was me so I went to live with a friends and I brought John along. A friend of John's parents had come to me shortly after the fire offering me two tickets on the Titanic and I took them. The man said John would have a better life in America. I hope so. He may be a burden but I hope I didn't waste my time. I don't plan on going back to Europe unless I realize I prefer it there".
How kind of you, Hitomi thought sarcastically. He's the only reason you're coming to America and you're complaining. He just lost his parents and all you can think about is yourself. Hitomi started to lose her high opinion of Elizabeth.
Hitomi had a tough time trying not to say what she thought of Elizabeth but when they entered the dining saloon she saw Yukari, Celena, Mamoru and Amano at a table and she decided to keep her opinion of Elizabeth to herself. She joined them at the table.
"Hey. Did you all order yet?" Hitomi asked.
"No, we're just about to though", Mamoru replied.
"Alright", Hitomi said. Hitomi looked around to make sure Dilandau wasn't there. He's probably mugging someone right now, Hitomi thought. Thank goodness he's not here.
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After they ordered breakfast Hitomi said slyly, "So Mamoru, what do you think of Merle?"
Mamoru immediately blushed a deep shade of red. "She's nice", he said quietly.
"I'd say she's very nicefrom the way you were looking at her", Hitomi commented.
Mamoru's cheeks went even redder and he murmured, "Yeah well, I really like her. We understand each other… or at least I think we do".
Hitomi immediately changed her tone when she saw how serious Mamoru was. "Aww, Mamoru that's so sweet. Do you know if she feels the same way?" she asked. Three waiters came by and set their plates of food on the long table.
"I don't know. I hope so. I've never felt this way before. When I'm with her, it feels like I never want to leave," Mamoru answered.
Hitomi was shocked that Mamoru was confiding in her like he was. They had always had a close relationship but he never told her feelings like this. She was happy that he told her something so personal. Hitomi was also grateful that everyone else was in deep conversation so that they couldn't hear a word her or Mamoru said.
Hitomi said happily, "Mamoru, you don't need to worry. If you act like your old self Merle won't be able to resist you. And besides, I think she really likes you. The looks you were giving her mirrored her own, unless I'm blind."
Mamoru brightened. "You think so," he said softly. Everyone started eating their meals.
"Of course! I know Merle and I can tell she likes you", Hitomi said enthusiastically.
Mamoru nodded and he said, "I don't know what it is with her but it feels likes I would die without her."
Hitomi had never felt so happy for Mamoru. In the past, girls had always chased after Mamoru but she could tell that he didn't love any of them. Before Hitomi could respond Mamoru continued, "What about you and Van? Is this how you feel with Van?"
Hitomi blushed. Yes, she thought. Hitomi dreaded when the Titanic would dock in New York. Whenever she was near Van, she felt pure and that she was a flame and when Van left the flame burned out. The feelings had started last night after Van kissed her or maybe when she first met him. She wasn't sure.
Hitomi didn't even know if Van felt the same way. Maybe Merle only said that he liked her because she wanted to give Hitomi hope. Then what about the kiss? What if he's a man who goes capturing every woman's heart and then he drops them like a bombshell. Even if he did like her, Hitomi knew Van's parents would never accept her from the way Van described them. They would hate it if he were with someone with as little money as her. Van's parents would forbid them from being together and then they'd have to be together in secret. Eventually Van's parents would find out and he'd be betrothed to a beautiful, sweet-tempered, wealthy young girl and Hitomi would be out of the picture.
"Hitomi," Mamoru's voice interrupted.
"Oh! It's not the same, Mamoru. Van and I are only friends".
"Right, I'll believe that when I see it. You know, Hitomi, you inherited your sense of people's feelings from me. I can tell you and Van have feelings for each other". Hitomi chose not to respond.
After a moment Mamoru spoke again. "It's love", he declared.
"What? Look Mamoru, that is not what I feel for him".
It can't be love! Can it? Lately, every moment Hitomi was with Van, her heart fluttered. Is this love what I'm feeling? Hitomi thought. Is this what it feels like?
Oh, why did I have to fall for the one man I can't be with? Hitomi couldn't shake the feeling of sadness whenever she thought of New York.
"Mamoru, it doesn't matter. Even if we did have feelings for each other, it would never work. We live completely different lives", Hitomi said glumly.
Mamoru looked like he was about to respond but Yukari's voice rang along the table. "Everyone! What do you say we get some fresh air," she asked.
Everyone nodded and stood up. Hitomi was grateful for Yukari's interruption. She didn't want to confront some of the emotional problems that this trip had brought.
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So far, Mamoru hadn't once mentioned their earlier conversation. Hitomi thought that he would have by now. He probably forgot, Hitomi thought.
A deep voice behind them shouted, "Hitomi! Wait!"
Hitomi turned around and saw Van and Merle running toward them. Hitomi's heart rate sped up and she tried to keep calm. Van was grinning from ear to ear. This look had once annoyed Hitomi but now she realized what a beautiful smile had. His teeth were perfectly shaped and bleach white with no stains on them. His deeply tanned skin made his teeth look even whiter. Hitomi also saw the adorable dimples that appeared every time he smiled.
Hitomi realized how much she would miss Van's handsome face once they departed.
"Hitomi? Are you there," Van said quietly. He was bent down and his face was so close that their noses were almost touching. Seeing Van reminded her of the dreams she had.
Hitomi took a step back and tried to cover her reddening cheeks. "Hello Van", she said with as much calmness that she could muster.
Van stood up straight and he grinned again, which made Hitomi's heart melt. "You looked a bit out of it for a moment there", he said.
"Oh, no I'm fine. Just fine". Hitomi could tell that Van didn't believe her.
Merle said, "It's almost lunch. Could we join you all?"
"Yes! You don't even need to ask!" Yukari said cheerfully. Yukari then grinned at Mamoru and he blushed.
Merle greeted Mamoru and then she put her arm in his. She put her head on Mamoru's shoulder and they went even closer.
Everyone except Elizabeth and Celena went in the other direction. Celena said, "We'll be a few minutes after you guys. We're going to find Chesta, Dilandau and Miguel". Hitomi squirmed when she heard Dilandau's name. That's right, I haven't seen Dilandau at all since that night. Whatever it is I hope it continues. Maybe he forgot all about me. At this thought, Hitomi gave a sigh of relief. Well just in case I better eat quickly to avoid his eerie face.
"I believe they're waiting for us", Van whispered in her ear. Hitomi tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach when she felt Van's hot breath on her skin.
Hitomi nodded and took Van's arm.
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"You seem quiet, Hitomi. Is there something bothering you?" Van asked with a grin.
Just because I liked the kiss doesn't mean that that's all that I can think about you arrogant jerk, Hitomi thought. Even these thoughts seemed false to Hitomi. Okay, so all I can think about is the kiss and the dream.
"Oh no, I'm fine", Hitomi said in a cheerful tone.
Van just kept grinning and Hitomi could tell he again didn't believe her. I really should improve on my lying skills, Hitomi thought.
A waiter came by with a large rack of food as he wheeled it toward them. He placed their plates of food on the table and moved on to the next one.
Hitomi began to eat vigorously and Van smirked. "Hungry, are we?"
Hitomi stopped eating when she saw Elizabeth enter the dining saloon. Following her were Celena and the two men she saw from yesterday. She guessed they were Chesta and Miguel. Hitomi breathed a sigh of relief when there was no sign of Dilandau. This did not go unnoticed by Van.
He stared at Hitomi intently and she tried to avoid his stare. "You looked like the weight of the world just came off your shoulders", he commented.
Hitomi snorted. "You must be imagining it"
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After lunch, everyone separated to different parts of the ship. Yukari had run off with Amano and the same with Merle and Mamoru. Celena, Elizabeth, Chesta and Miguel had said that they would meet at the bow a half an hour before dinner. The only people that were still in the dining saloon were Hitomi and Van.
Hitomi hadn't said anything and Van was smirking.
After a few minutes Hitomi couldn't stand the silence. "Van! Get up! We're going outside, I need some fresh air", Hitomi said.
"Bossy, aren't we?" Van said teasingly.
"Enough of your teasing, Van". Hitomi stood up and went around the table to where Van was sitting. She grabbed his arm and tried to pull him up. He wouldn't budge no matter how much Hitomi pulled and pushed.
Van laughed and wrapped his other arm around Hitomi's waist. He pulled her down and she tried to get out of his grasp.
Van said quietly, "I rather like this than going outside, don't you?"
Hitomi could feel the blood rushing to her face. She said, "Van! C'mon, it's really hot in here. They put the temperature high and it's nice and cool outside".
"Are you sure it's the temperature that's causing the warmth?" Van whispered in Hitomi's ear.
Hitomi's cheeks went as red as a tomato and she didn't answer.
After a few moments Van gave an exaggerated sigh. He placed Hitomi off his lap and he stood up.
"You win, Hitomi. We'll go outside but if you start complaining that's it's cold outside we're going to stay outside".
Hitomi snorted and said, "You can't boss me around! I'll do what I please!"
"I won't boss you around if you don't complain and change your mind".
"Well I won't change my mind. Let's go. I can handle a bit of wind".
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After they stopped arguing they went outside. They started talking about the games they played when they were younger.
Hitomi noticed a boy playing a game that was familiar to her. She stopped and indicated toward the boy. "See that boy, Van. He's playng bull ball. Did you ever play that?"
"I can't say that I have," Van replied.
"What! It's the greatest game ever!" Hitomi started walking again. "How could you have never played it? I'll have to teach you sometime". Hitomi didn't notice that the boy playing bull ball lost his grip on the ball and it was rolling toward them quickly.
"Seriously, Van- ow!. When Hitomi took her next step her foot stepped on the ball instead of the ground and she lost her balance and fell.
"Hitomi? Are you alright?" Van asked softly. He bent down on his knees beside Hitomi.
"I'm fine, thank you", Hitomi answered. She tried to stand up but once she did a sharp pain spread in her right ankle.
"Never mind, I'm just going to sit back down", Hitomi said sheepishly.
Van looked at the boy who had been playing bull ball. Van shouted, "You! Boy. Go fetch a doctor!"
The boy stared for a few seconds and then he nodded. He ran off and out of sight.
Van said gently, "Hitomi, will you let me look at it?"
Hitomi nodded and he took off her shoe and then her sock. He touched Hitomi's ankle with such softness and gentleness that Hitomi felt like purring. Van stopped when he heard loud, quick footsteps heading in their direction. Van looked up and saw someone whom Van assumed was the doctor. The boy was behind him. When the doctor reached Van and Hitomi he bent down in the same fashion as Van.
After a few minutes of examining Hitomi's ankle, the doctor said, "It's not sprained. It's just a bit swollen, that's all. It should heal by tomorrow at the latest but if you have a flexible ankle it'll be fully healed by tonight. Put this bag of ice on it and that should stop the swelling."
Van nodded. "Thank you. I'll take care of her." The man stood up and left.
Van picked Hitomi up with one arm around her waist and the other around the back of her knees. Hitomi protested at first but then she gave up. She felt too much pain to protest. Van carried her over to the nearest bench and placed her foot in his lap.
When Van was satisfied that the swelling on Hitomi's ankle had gone down with the ice he stood up.
"Do you want me to carry you again?" he asked.
"No that's alright. You go on ahead. It hurts every time I move my ankle so I'll just sit here for a while."
Van looked at her for a while and then he stepped toward Hitomi. He picked her up in the same way as before. Hitomi didn't give up on protesting this time. "Put me down!" she yelled.
Van laughed and said, "Alright, I'll give you a piggy-back. Either way, we're not staying at the bench watching people have fun of their own."
Hitomi sighed. "Fine, I'll go with the piggy-back."
Van put Hitomi down and he bent down on his knees. Once his knees touched the floor he said, "Now climb on my back and wrap your arms around my neck." Hitomi complied and she lifted her skirts up to her knees so Van could place them around his waist.
Van stood up quickly and Hitomi stared in awe at how tall she felt. Since Van was quite tall, she could see the top of several peoples' heads as Van walked along the deck.
Van began increasing his pace and Hitomi screamed. "Van! What are you doing? Slow down!" Van only went faster till he was running.
"Van! Stop this instant!" Hitomi screamed again. Van started laughing. Van seemed to go even faster and Hitomi closed her eyes. Hitomi felt Van slow down and he unwrapped her legs around him. Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted onto his broad shoulders.
"Van! I'm going to kill you!" Hitomi clutched Van's head and bent down slightly to wrap her arms around his neck. Van continued his quick pace. He laughed again when he looked up at Hitomi's shocked face and her closed eyes.
He said quietly, "Hitomi, open your eyes."
"No", she replied.
"Trust me"
"Fine". Hitomi gave in and opened her eyes. They were at the left side of the ship and in perfect view of the setting sun. She gave a huge smile at the beauty that covered the sky. There were so many shades of colors and it was magnificent. She looked down at Van and grinned at Van. She messed his hair even more by scruffing his hair and Van stepped away from the railing, He started spinning around and instead of closing her eyes like Hitomi usually would, she laughed and stretched her arms out to feel the wind. Van started laughing as well and the two of them felt like they were on top of the world.
Hitomi stopped when she saw that Van stopped spinning and he was walking toward a wall.
"Van?" Hitomi questioned.
Van didn't reply but grasped Hitomi's waist from behind him and brought her over his head. Geez, he must be strong or I must weigh practically nothing. Hitomi thought.
He brought down on her feet but he made sure not to put her on her full weight because of her ankle. He looked down at her and when she looked at him she became lost in his deep maroon eyes. They were so overpowering and beautiful that Hitomi couldn't look away.
His head lowered and Hitomi felt her heart flutter. He's going to kiss me again! His lips touched hers and she felt powerless. His lips were insistent and yet soft. His tongue was exploring and yet not in a conquering way. Without thinking she began kissing him back.
Van raised his head and said, "Hitomi, I-"
"It's alright" She wanted to kiss him again. He lowered his head again but Yukari's voice rang through the air. They immediately stepped away from each other.
"Hitomi! We've been looking all over for you!" Yukari yelled. Her and Amano were running towards them.
Hitomi recovered from what she had been experiencing and said, "Oh well you and Amano just ran off we didn't get a chance to find out where you went."
Yukari flushed and Hitomi figured she knew exactly where and what they were doing.
Suddenly, Merle and Mamoru appeared around the corner and they went towards them.
Merle said quickly, "Van, we have to go now. Everyone will get worried and suspicious."
"Alright". Van turned towards Hitomi. "Merle and I will be back after dinner. We'll be at the General room"
Van gave Hitomi a long loving look before turning and walking away with Merle.
Hitomi was processing everything that just happened and thought about what Merle had said. Everyone will get worried and suspicious. Suspicious. Hitomi felt ten times worse when she heard that. It reminded her how she would never be with Van once this trip was over. She simply didn't belong with the people she had been with last night. She didn't have the money that 1st class people did. She didn't have the clothes that they did. All she had was her love. Maybe I just think I'm in love. Yeah that's it. It has to be that. I could never fall in love in a mere few days. When Hitomi thought of this she immediately felt like she was lying to herself.
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While Van was having dinner, Hitomi was plaguing his thoughts. He always felt at ease when he saw her or thought of her. Do I love her? If this ache in my chest isn't heartburn then is it love when I imagine her leaving me? His thoughts were interrupted when a voice spoke.
"Van! Where is that girl? Hitomi was her name, wasn't it?" Anna said in a sneer- like voice.
"Yes that's her. She stayed with her mother tonight. She couldn't bear to leave her two nights in a row," Van responded lightly.
"She must be very dedicated to her family", a man commented.
"Oh, she is. Very dedicated."
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I was going to continue on but I've been on writer's block forever! I just realized what a bitch I am, leaving you all waiting! Well no more! I'm turning over a new leaf! I completely forgot about these stories and found this on my computer. Even if only a small amount of people read my story! That doesn't matter! As long as I'm dedicated! Boo ya! I'm going to keep going with my other one!
I feel so free right now! I'm going to start writing the second chapter to my other story and then I'll get back to this!
Love you all!