"Speech" / thoughts
Chapter Seven
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Metallica – Fade to Black
After the burial of Marcellus remains they neither heard nor saw anything of Sebastian for three days. He didn't show up for training and wasn't seen by Benedict of Ophelia, nor in the tavern where he would normally eat every thing Vanora would make for him.
After the knights had already several drinks in the tavern after dinner Sebastian showed up. He was walking towards the bar dressed in his breechcloth and breastplate. He was covered with half healed cuts and dried up blood. Every person shrunk away from Sebastian even more then they usually did. Sebastian grabbed a pitcher of wine from the bar and emptied it in one go quickly grabbing a second pitcher of wine.
Everybody watched as the normally invisible scout got more and more intoxicated. None could believe what they where witnessing, so no one tried to stop him. After watching three pitchers of wine disappear Dagonet thought that Sebastian had enough and made his way over to the bar. As Sebastian reached for another pitcher, Dagonet put his hand over Sebastian's. Sebastian visibly shrunk away from the touch and glared at Dagonet.
"I think you've had enough." Dagonet said not removing his hand. Sebastian looked at the big man and then back at the large hand covering his. He tore his hand away from underneath Dagonet's and staggered out of the tavern. Dagonet tried to keep up with Sebastian but even drunk, the scout managed to slip away from him.
Returning to the tavern Dagonet searched for Tristran. Tristran had seen the entire exchange but decided not to do anything about it. Tonight he felt the urge for some company, some female company. So Tristran was currently looking at the available wenches around him when Dagonet walked up to him.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Dagonet stated. "About what?" Tristran's focus never leaving one of the young women in the tavern. "Sebastian." Dagonet sounded frustrated. Tristran's eyes focused on Dagonet, the man never sounded frustrated.
"Could you find him, I believe he is going to do something foolish." Dagonet expressed his fear hoping that Tristran would find Sebastian.
Tristran knew that if he didn't go and look for Sebastian, Dagonet would ask Lancelot, who would inform Arthur, and then Arthur would ask him to find the darned scout anyway. Silently cursing Sebastian Tristran abandoned his plan for that evening and went in search for Sebastian.
Tristran first searched the stables, but he spotted Sebastian's horse and his falcon. Odd very odd. Tristran thought. After checking the pigsty he remembered Sebastian state. Since he looked like he had bathed in blood, he would probably be by the little creek in the forest. It was one of Tristran's favourite spots for washing, nicely secluded and best of all not a lot of people knew about it.
Tristran quickly walked the distance towards the creek, along the way he found the tracks of the missing scout. Reaching the creek he saw Sebastian sitting in it, with his back turned towards Tristran.
Looks like he's praying again. Tristran moved closer, he knew he was wrong when he saw Sebastian raise his arms and he saw the dagger in Sebastian's hands aimed at Sebastian's belly.
Tristran came crashing out of the shrubs. "This is not a warrior's death" Tristran shouted Sebastian numbly turned around at the noise and took notice of Tristran. Tristran stopped his movements a few feet away from the creek, awaiting Sebastian's next move.
Sebastian got out of the water and for a drunk person he seemed to get to Tristran rather fast, stopping mere inches from Tristran's face. Looking into Sebastian's eyes Tristran saw more than a drunken gaze in the dark brown eyes. These eyes seemed to have become black as coal and where fixated on Tristran's lips, which was becoming increasingly unnerving for Tristran.
Before his brain had time to register what was happening he found himself lying on his back with Sebastian straddling his hips. Sebastian's lips where on his own and all Tristran could think of at that moment was how soft Sebastian's lips where. His brain didn't even stop his mouth from opening when Sebastian's tongue traced his bottom lip. Before getting the fog out of his brain he moaned into Sebastian's mouth and grounded his hips against Sebastian.
As soon as his brain realized that he was kissing a man Tristran tried to push Sebastian off him. Although Sebastian didn't have much weight on him Tristran failed to get him off. Sebastian only continued his attack on Tristran, succeeding in getting Tristran's coat open and pushing the shirt up.
Struggling as he might somehow Sebastian had him firmly pinned against the forest floor. Suddenly Sebastian seemed to stop the movement of his hands when they came to rest on his chest. To Tristran it seemed as if Sebastian was fascinated by his chest hair, his hand softly tracing the hairs there.
Sebastian looked up with a smile on his face, which was absolutely breath taking to Tristran. However something on Tristran's face made that smile disappear, something there made Sebastian quickly turn away from Tristran. Tristran watched as Sebastian hastily retreated in the direction of the fortress.
Dagonet watched as Sebastian rushed passed him at the entrance of the barracks, following him he only heard the bolting of Sebastian's door. Dagonet returned to the tavern in search of Tristran, who returned rather tousled looking in the tavern only to pick up one of the barmaids. On his way to the barracks Tristran bumped into Arthur as he practically dragged the girl into his room.
Arthur looked confused at his first scout dragging along a girl. He looked around the tavern and saw Dagonet watching Tristran. Hoping for a little more information as what this sudden strange behaviour had caused he walked over to Dagonet.
Arthur sat down next to Dagonet but before he could ask anything Sebastian reappeared with his cloak rapped tightly around him. He hurriedly searched the tavern for somebody, Dagonet and Arthur watched Sebastian disappear in the direction of the barracks again.
"What was that all about?" Arthur shook his head hoping to get some clearing. "I'm not sure." Dagonet now looked as confused as Arthur was feeling.
Tristran was sitting down on his cot after disarming from most of his daggers. The girl had pulled of his boots and had started on the laces of Tristran's pants while Tristran pulled his shirt over his head.
When Tristran was finally naked the girl looked at him curiously what he wanted her to do. Wanting quickly to forget what happened with Sebastian he pulled the girl close, thinking only of his needs, hoping to find his release quickly. Unknown that Sebastian was standing at his door hearing everything. Afterwards he paid the girl and sent her away, wanting to be alone.
He heard the girl open the door and gasp for air, turning on his cot he saw Sebastian glaring coldly at the girl. When Sebastian looked over the girl's shoulder into Tristran's eye he noted that beneath the coldness hurt was showing.
Before being able to do something Sebastian had pushed the girl back in and slammed the door shut. Tristran listened as he heard Sebastian stomp away, which was very unusual for Sebastian.
Just out side the tavern Sebastian bumped into Arthur, who had his attention on the papers Rome had just sent him. As Sebastian grabbed Arthur to balance him, the papers went flying around. Arthur watched Sebastian pick up the papers while wondering at the same time about the sanity of both his scouts.
"Sebastian, do you know where I can find Tristran?" Arthur was fully aware that he would find Tristran in his room. Sebastian looked at the papers and then pointed to himself.
"Actually I wanted Tristran too…" Arthur stopped his sentence as Sebastian shook his head at the name of Tristran. "Let me guess he's currently rather busy."
Arthur knew that Sebastian was just as capable of the mission as Tristran was, he had thought to go for Tristran first because a speaking person seemed more useful, not that Tristran talked that much more than Sebastian.
"Alright Sebastian you can do it." Arthur motioned for Sebastian to follow him to his private chambers, for the details of the mission. Arthur had missed the fact that Sebastian was completely drunk.
"In this bag you find 5 letters for 5 Roman families living within the vicinity of this fortress. Rome wants these letters delivered by one of my knights to those families. Rome doesn't want to risk losing one of these letters to Rome's enemies. The last letter is for a family that lives in Woad territory so I suggest you make your journey fast." Arthur paused a moment to pass the bag over to Sebastian and looking for Sebastian's sign that he understood, which followed quickly.
"I expect you to be back within two weeks. Remember that within a month Bishop Germanius will come and give you your release papers." Arthur smiled. I don't want to lose another knight. Arthur thought to himself as he watched Sebastian ride away.
The following morning the knights came to the training field for their daily routines. "That girl must have been very special. She kept Tristran away from the training field." Bors stated when they where half way through the routine and Tristran walked towards the field.
Tristran ignored Bors' statement and started randomly firing arrows at the targets set up in the distance. He hadn't been able to get much sleep after Sebastian slammed his door shut. For some reason Sebastian kissing him came popping up in every dream last night, leaving him frustrated, tired and confused.
The other knights stayed clear of Tristran when they noticed the foul mood he was in. Instead they turned towards Arthur who walked up the training field hoping to get a good work out. Realizing that he wasn't going to get it when he found four knights stare at him like something was wrong.
"What's wrong?" Arthur felt like a mother hen, when his knights, with the exception of Tristran gathered around him. "Where is Sebastian?" Galahad wondered where he had gone to this time, not that he didn't mind that the mute scout wasn't there, this way he knew there wasn't going to be much blood shedding on his side.
"He's on a mission." Arthur wondered when Galahad had become so compassioned about Sebastian. "When did he leave?" Now Dagonet's attention was caught and so was Tristran's
"Last night after I left the tavern." There was definitely something amiss here. "Why all the questions, I've only sent him on a mission." Arthur stated.
"Not alone." Tristran stared at Arthur. "You where busy." Arthur stared back.
"He was drunk." Dagonet's voice interrupted the staring contest. "Don't be ridiculous. Sebastian doesn't drink." Arthur looked confused at Dagonet.
"He drank three pitchers of wine." Gawain had counted them. "We all saw it."
The knights all agreed with Gawain, Arthur felt terrible with any luck Sebastain would not only cost him the mission, but also another knights life.
"Lighten up, he probably hasn't gotten very far and is currently enjoying a massive headache." Lancelot tried to keep Arthur from feeling guilty, but knowing Arthur he would be praying within the next couple of days.
"For how long will he be gone?" Dagonet asked. "Two weeks he has been given." Arthur kept looking at the gate as if he could find Sebastian there.
"Knowing the boy he will be back within one week. Don't worry Arthur he knows his business." Bors laughed loudly.
He's avoiding me. Tristran had wanted to talk to the young man. Somehow I don't believe that he's as young as we believe him to be. Somewhere along the two years the knights had agreed that he should be younger than Galahad, and with Galahad being twenty-two they guessed that Sebastian should be about nineteen or twenty.
During those two weeks of waiting for Sebastian to return, Tristran had enough time to think about what he was going to say to Sebastian. When the two weeks where over the knights started to worry a bit, perhaps he was staying with Benedict, but a quick journey from Gawain and Tristran there learned that they hadn't seen him at all in those two weeks.
Arthur started to fear for the worst when a full month had passed. Even now that he was waiting for the carriage of the Bishop his thoughts where with Sebastian. But of the seven men waiting there he wasn't alone with these thoughts. Tristran had seen Sebastian's falcon flying across the fortress screeching for it's master two days ago, as he tried to get it to come down the falcon had flown away from him. He turned his attention back to here and now when he heard Gawain's voice: "As promised the Bishop's carriage."
"Our freedom, Bors." Galahad glanced excitedly at the carriage. "Mmm… I can almost taste it." Bors closed his eyes for a moment. And within the blink of their eyes their passage to freedom was under attack. "WOADS!" Tristran spotted them before the others.
The knights charged into their final battle, each of the knights fighting for their freedom their own way. Tristran's mind lost all thoughts of Sebastian as he felt the weight of his blade in his hand, enjoying the feel of moving it in prises motions. After the first cut he smelt blood and revelled in it, wanting more, the blood in his veins starting to boil.
As they fought their way through the attacking Woads, they quickly got the upper hand in the battle. The fighting slowly died down and Bors decided to take a little peek into the Bishop's carriage. Together with Gawain he looked at the dead bishop in disbelief.
Pissed to find his passage to freedom dead Gawain angrily stabs his knives into the ground and notices the bishop's aide praying under the carriage. "Save your prayers boy. Your God doesn't live here."
The knights watch in disbelief as Arthur sends one of the remaining Woads back to Merlin alive. Arthur then turns his attention back towards the bishop's carriage. "Bors?" Arthur is wondering why Bors is standing still next to the carriage.
"What a bloody mess." Bors points at the bishop's carriage. "That is not the Bishop." Arthur turns back to the Roman soldiers. After finding out that the Bishop has disguised himself as a Roman soldier they make their way back to the fortress at Hadrian's wall, awaiting their freedom.
Tristran stays in the back of the group still enjoying the rush his body is in after the battle and slowly licking the blood from his fingers. "I don't kill for pleasure, unlike some." Galahad is back on Tristran's behaviour again. "Well, you should try it someday. You might get a taste for it." Tristran was suddenly very interested in the conversations the others where having.
Finding the look on Galahad's face highly amusing Gawain starts too laugh. "It's part of you. It's in your blood." Bors adds to the frustration of Galahad.
"No,no,no." Galahad says half-laughing. "As of tomorrow, this was all just a bad memory." Galahad makes a small movement with his hand to prove his point.
The bantering between the other knights continue and Tristran grows bored with it. He whistles for his hawk wondering where it had been and what she had seen.
After being welcomed back by Jols and dismounting their horses the knights clean themselves up and head for the fortress hall. They can hardly wait for their release papers, they sit together at the round table chatting about things to be and drinking wine.
Arthur stands up and raises his cup, he cannot forget to think about all the lost knights that used to sit and chat at this table: "Let us not forget that we are the fortunate ones."
The other knights follow Arthur's lead and stand up to honor their lost brothers in arms, as one, they raise the cups. "Let us raise our wine to those gallant and extra ordinary men we have lost, but who will be remembered for eternity." Arthur and the knights drink their wine.
"To freedom." Bors doesn't like all those sad thoughts as he raises his cup again and the rest follow: "To freedom." Echo's trough the fortress hall.
Tristran listens to his friends talk and drink. He smiles smugly when he hears Jols tell the bishop's aide, that the bishop can plop his holy arse wherever he chooses. He watches the bishop closely and doesn't miss the astonished look on the bishop's face when he sees the round table. To him the bishop comes of as fake, but he realizes that this hasn't come across to Arthur.
Lancelot cannot believe what he is hearing, how can Arthur be so naïve about this man. He realizes that Arthur, in his mind is already in Rome, no more blood shed for him. Lancelot looks away as the bishop continues his conversation with Arthur completely ignoring the knights present.
The knights don't believe their ears when the Bishop simply explains that Rome is leaving Briton to the Saxons. Each individual knight is wondering exactly what their lives and the lives of their fallen brothers was worth, if Rome would give up so easily.
"Gentlemen, your discharge papers with safe conduct throughout the Roman empire." The bishop points towards the box he just opened. "But first I must have a word with your commander." When the Bishop realized that the knights are not about to leave he adds: "in private." And sits back down.
"We have no secrets." Arthur looks at his knights. With a loud bang the Bishop closes the box and therefore refusing the knights their papers.
"Come. Let's leave Roman business to Romans." Lancelot takes another sip from his cup and starts to leave the hall. Dagonet pats Bors on the shoulder. "Let it go, Bors." As Bors is practically killing the Bishop with his look.
Tristran remains motionless, he then picks up the goblet in front of him. He turns it over in his hands. Then he walks after Lancelot taking the goblet the bishop had placed in front of him with him, the others follow his lead and all take the goblets. The bishop smirks at this behaviour.
Together the knights make their way into the tavern where they start to celebrate their upcoming freedom. Tristran sits a bit to the back of the tavern like he usually does and things of his future. He never thought he would make it and now that their time has come he didn't know what to do with his freedom. He had heard rumours of his tribe being extinct, but that was just a rumour. Perhaps when he felt the time was tight he would return to Sarmatian.
Tristran never like being drunk, but he had promised himself along time ago that he would celebrate when his freedom came, he also remember that he had another apple stashed his cloak. Then he thought of Sebastian, he wondered what had become of him. He didn't believe him to be dead. He fought to hard to stay alive during their time together. Although Sebastian enjoyed fighting as much as Tristran, he felt that Sebastian had something to go back to.
He returned from his state of deep thought at the sound of a dagger hitting the wooden board that was placed against the wall. He watches as Galahad easily beats Gawain by hitting the board relatively in the middle. Tristran still needed to get back at Galahad for earlier on that day and quickly let his dagger land on the hilt of Galahads dagger.
"Tristran." Galahad looks at him in frustration. "How do you do that?" Gawain honestly sounds like he wants to know Tristran's secret. "I aim for the middle." Tristran points with his apple in his hand. He doesn't understand what is so difficult about it.
Tristran leaves the two speechless knights behind as he watches Bors push Vanora into the middle of the tavern. He along with his fellow knights cheered her on hoping that she will sing.
Arthur walks in on the point when Vanora is almost finished, he cannot believe what the Bishop had ordered him and his knights to do. His knights should be free, they shouldn't be going on a suicide mission north of the wall. He nods as he is happily greeted by his knights, the guilty feeling is making his stomach turn. Looking around he notices that Lancelot is watching him sceptically, Arthur musters his courage and hopes his knights won't kill him on the spot.
"Knights. Brothers in arms. Your courage has been tested beyond all limits, but I must ask you now for one further trail." Arthur sounds braver than he feels. The knights still have those stupid drunk smiles on their faces. "We must leave on one final mission for Rome, before our freedom can be granted." As Arthur listens to the knights laughter. He knows that they think he is jesting them.
"Above the wall there lives a Roman family in need of rescue. They are trapped by Saxons. Our orders are to secure their safety." The mood changes as Arthur is being taken more serious.
"Let the Romans take care of their own." Bors still wants to believe that Arthur is jesting. "Above the wall is Woad territory." Gawain adds sounding rather drunk. "Our duty is to Rome, if it was ever a duty, it is done. Our pact with Rome is done." Galahad's words sound angry through the tavern.
Tristran stands apart and listens how this conversation is getting out of hand, he steps up to pull the attention away from Arthur. Sensing that Arthur is angry but mostly disappointed in Rome. "Yeah, yeah, we're all going to die someday. If it's death by a Saxon hand that frightens you, stay home."
"Well if you're so eager do die, you can die right here!" Galahad in his anger has forgotten that Tristran can best him any time.
Lancelot had seen this threat coming for a long time. Galahad would have never done it had he been sober. "Enough, enough…" Lancelot steps between them.
"I've got something to live for." Galahad's temper flares even more.
"The Roman's have broken their word. We have the word of Arthur. That is good enough. I'll prepare." Dagonet reminds them all that Arthur has never failed them. "Bors, you coming?" He looks over his shoulder as he walks from the tavern.
"Of course I'm coming I can't let you go on your own, you'll all get killed." Bors yells out in frustration, he watches Tristran follow Dagonet to go pack.
Arthur watches and patiently waits for his knights to make up their minds. He waits for Gawain to say something, he had been quiet during the uproar. "And you, Gawian?"
"I'm with you." Gawain sighs with a nod he then looks at Galahad. "Galahad as well." Galahad stares at Gawain in astonishment, he laughs in disbelieve. He lifts the pitcher of wine he was drinking from, tips it upside down, and smashes it with force to the ground. Turning without a word he leaves together with Gawain. Which leaves Arthur alone behind with Lancelot, Arthur turns around and leaves Lancelot behind alone.
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