At the End of the Road
Part IV
I have to remind myself each and every day
of all the things you did that drove me away
I have to tell myself I don't care that you're crying
that when I see you it doesn't feel like I'm dying
I have to keep on saying I don't love you
And then maybe someday it will be true
-Zero Hour "I Don't Love You"
Pacing before the altar, he glanced down at his watch.
Just a little bit longer now.
The pews were already starting to fill up as guests began to straggle in, mingling with the familiar faces of family and friends that had turned out to witness the wedding.
On one side of the church, the Brady family took up almost the entire space.
And on the other, Lucas found his own mismatched family members, as the Hortons filed in and his mother, ever the debunaire hostess, smiled and greeted each person to walk through the church doors.
There was a beaming smile on Kate's face today, and Lucas knew why.
His mother was celebrating. Not only was her son getting married to a woman who wasn't Sami Brady, his ex-fiance had to watch it happen.
Kate had been gloating about it ever since the engagement became public.
Not that Lucas cared, of course.
Let his mother rub his happiness in Sami's face all she wanted, it served her right after everything.
He had moved on, and if she was miserable that was her own fault.
After all, he'd been ready to give Sami everything once upon a time, to spend the rest of his life with her, and she'd been the one to throw it all away, not him.
Besides, Lucas thought bitterly. I'm sure Sir Austin is doing his best to comfort her.
It had taken him by surprise to find his brother coming out Sami's apartment that morning, but he supposed it shouldn't have. Sami had been after Austin ever since he came back into town, despite the fact that she was supposedly still pining for Lucas, and the two had been joined at the hip ever since Carrie announced that she was choosing Lucas.
But Austin had never spent the night at Sami's before now, Lucas knew that for certain.
He still kept a close eye on the apartment across from his.
Old habits died hard.
Until now, Sami and Austin, while clearly infatuated with each other, had still been just friends, they'd denied anything romantic going on between them and Lucas hadn't noticed anything.
Not until Austin walked out of Sami's apartment the morning of his wedding, anyway.
Why today? Lucas thought irritably. Why on my wedding day?
It was probably all some stupid plan of Sami's, to make him jealous.
He didn't want her anymore and she couldn't stand it, so she was trying to give him doubts about marrying Carrie by flaunting Austin in his face.
Well, it wasn't working, not in the least.
Sami could play all the little games she wanted, but very shortly Lucas was going to stand at the front of the church, listen to the pianist play that familiar tune, and watch Carrie walk down the aisle to his side.
Nothing Sami did was going to change that.
"You look nervous."
Fighting back a grimace, Lucas turned to give his half-brother a forced smile. "Not really," he said smoothly, and smothered out a childish urge to kick Austin in the shin. "Carrie and I are about to start a new life together, I can't wait." He couldn't resist rubbing it in a little and added, "In a few minutes, she'll be my wife, and we'll be together for the rest of our lives."
To his credit, Austin only swallowed hard. "Yeah."
"I was just trying to find Will," Lucas told him. "Do you have any idea where he ran off to? I saw him for about two seconds when I got here, and then he disappeared on me."
"He's probably with Sami," Austin replied with a shrug.
Lucas gritted his teeth. "Thanks."
Without waiting for Austin to reply, he turned and headed out of the congregation area and into the vestibule.
"Congratulations, Lucas," Maggie said, approaching to give him a warm hug. "I'm so happy for you and Carrie. It's going to be a lovely ceremony."
"Thanks, Aunt Maggie," Lucas replied with a smile. "Have you seen Will?"
"No, dear, I'm afraid I haven't," Maggie sighed.
"Lose your son, Lucas?" Julie inquired coyly, giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as she came up to join Maggie.
"He's around here somewhere," Lucas answered flatly.
"I'd check the bathrooms, then," Julie advised. "Boys his age tend to hide out in there when they don't want people to see how upset they are. You know how it goes."
"He's probably just talking to his mother," Lucas said stiffly. "Excuse me, I really need to find him before the wedding starts."
"Good luck," Julie called after him as he slipped past.
Lucas didn't think for a moment she was being sincere, Julie had made her opinion on his pending nuptuals crystal clear over the past few months, at every single opportunity.
Nice how my own family likes Sami better than me, Lucas grumbled.
He was about out of patience with Julie, always telling him that he was only marrying Carrie because he was mad at Sami, always warning him that this was going to be the biggest mistake of his life and that he'd never stop regretting it. It wasn't any of her business who he married, and she was clearly getting senile in her old age if she thought that he cared whatsoever about Sami Brady.
She was his son's mother, and nothing more.
Once he'd been foolish enough to believe she could have been more, than she was the one, but, well, all of Salem knew how that had turned out.
No, his mother had been right all along- Sami Brady was posion.
And as soon as he rounded the corner toward the bridal chamber, he almost plowed into her.
"Oh," Sami cried, and took a step back. "It's you."
"Trying to run me down, Sami?" Lucas asked with a smirk. "I think you forgot the car."
"Right, the car," Sami murmured, refusing to lift her eyes. "Sorry. I'll try to watch where I'm going from now on."
Lucas frowned, eyeing her suspiciously. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing," Sami replied shortly, and lifted her head to flash him a brilliant smile that was so obviously fake it was sad. "I just finished helping Carrie get ready. She looks beautiful."
"Yeah," Lucas said softly. "I bet she does."
And so do you, he thought, before he could stop himself.
It was true, though, even as he mentally cursed his brain for noticing. The navy bridesmaid dresses that Carrie picked out made Sami's blue eyes look like two sparkling sapphires. Why on earth did Carrie have to pick blue, didn't she realize the color made Sami look like a goddess?
Why couldn't Carrie have gone with neon orange or lime green?
She'd probably still manage to look good even then, his thoughts betrayed him yet again.
All of the sudden Lucas realized that Sami's lips were moving and he blinked, jerking out of his reverie. "What?"
Sami gave him a slightly annoyed look. "I said you're going to love her dress."
"Oh, the dress, right," Lucas said. "I tried to peek at it, but Carrie insisted it should be a surprise, more romantic and all."
When Carrie first banned him from seeing the gown, he'd been tempted to sneak around and take a look at it, but Carrie had entrusted the dress to Marlena until the wedding and there was no way Marlena would have let him see it, so Lucas had been reduced to imagining what Carrie would look like when she walked down the aisle.
He'd given up on that, though.
Every time he tried to picture it, Carrie was wearing the dress Sami had so carefully picked out for their failed wedding.
And that day was not one that Lucas liked to remember.
He didn't like to remember how angry he'd been when his mother exposed Sami as Stan, how disappointed he'd been in her, and in himself for ever thinking she would change.
Or how broken she'd been as she stumbled out of the church.
Most of all, he hated remembering her walking down the aisle toward him, smiling and radiant, and the way that the sight of her had sent his heart into his throat... how he'd been simaltaneously rejoicing and humbled that it was finally him she was walking to, awed that he'd been so blessed.
For a moment, his world had been perfect, they had been perfect, and he'd thought that it would never end.
But he'd been wrong, there was no happily ever after for them.
And there never would be.
His best chance at happiness, maybe his only chance, was with Carrie now.
"Well," Sami said with a weak smile. "I'm sure it will have been worth the wait. I've got to go make sure that Mimi's finished with her makeup, Carrie's almost ready."
She started to walk away, when suddenly Lucas remembered why he'd come looking for her in the first place. "Will," he cried, and Sami stopped in her tracks, turning to look back at him with raised eyebrows. "I, uh, I can't find Will. Have you seen him?"
"He came with you, not me," she said.
"Actually," Lucas muttered. "He came with Austin."
"Oh."
Sami actually had the decency to look uncomfortable. She bit her lower lip, chewing at it the way she did when she was nervous- it was an old habit, one she'd had even as a teenager.
He'd always thought it to be kind of cute.
"I take it Will knows he stayed at my place last night then?" she asked slowly.
"Most likely," Lucas replied coldly, and prepared to lambast her for her carelessness- their son was at an impressionable age, and Will wasn't happy with them to begin with right now. Seeing Austin in Sami's apartment like that, especially considering how angry he'd been when he stormed out of Lucas' living room, must have enraged Will.
"Great," Sami sighed. "Well hopefully Austin set him straight on the ride over, so he knows that nothing happened."
Those last two words reverberated around inside of Lucas' skull.
Nothing happened...
A fierce stab of joy shot through him and he felt a moment of savage relief that he couldn't stop.
Sami hadn't slept with Austin.
Austin's slimy hands hadn't been on her, touching her skin in places only he was supposed to be able to...
Carrie, Lucas shouted at himself silenltly. Think about Carrie.
"Yeah, right," he scoffed aloud, rolling his eyes. "What happened? Austin reject you? That's, what, the thousandth time?"
Instead of getting angry, as he'd expected, Sami merely shook her head. "My private life is none of your business, Lucas."
"It is if it screws up my son's head," Lucas snapped.
"I think you've done that already," Sami replied flatly, and there was just a hint of her regular fire in her eyes, but it passed quickly. "I'm sure Will knows nothing happened with Austin, or he wouldn't have ridden here with him, now would he? As mad as he is at you right now, I still doubt he'd choose to ride with Austin if he didn't know the truth."
She had a point.
There was no way Will would have gotten into a car with Austin if he thought that his uncle had slept with his mom.
At least, not without a baseball bat in hand.
"I'll find Will and straighten him out," Sami said quietly. "His behavior lately has been unacceptable. No matter what, you're still his father and he needs to show you some respect."
Surprised, and a little unnerved by the uncharacteristic maturity, Lucas could only stare after her as she walked away.
In truth, he'd been more worried about Sami making trouble than Will.
With her history, he'd been anticipating some sort of dramatic stunt to try and stall the wedding, like the bride being found tied to a chair in the bridal chamber, but clearly that wasn't going to happen this time.
Sami really wasn't going to try and stop him from marrying Carrie.
Well... good, Lucas thought in a daze.
That was a good thing, right?
So why did he feel such a strange and inexplicable sting of disappointment in his chest?
"Sami? Are you... oh!"
Lucas turned to find Carrie had stuck her head out of the bridal room, and she quickly ducked back into the room and out of view the moment she spotted him.
"You're not supposed to see me," she cried from the other side of the door. "It's bad luck!"
"I didn't see you," Lucas lied.
"I thought I heard Sami," Carrie explained softly.
"She just went to find Will," Lucas replied, shifting awkwardly. "Uh, how are you doing?"
"Oh, me?" Carrie laughed, but she must have been adjusting her dress or something because he heard a catch in her voice. "I'm fine."
"Good," Lucas said thickly. "That's good. Me, too."
There was a long moment of silence, and then Carrie's voice said weakly, "Lucas? I think you're supposed to be up on the altar."
"Right," Lucas agreed quickly, running a hand through his hair. "Right. Okay, I'm going now. I'll, uh, I'll see you out there."
"Yeah."
Swallowing, he turned and started back toward the congregation area.
Sami was inside, off the one side of the room and talking to Will, whose scowl attested to the fact that he wasn't happy to have been found. His son shot him a glare as he passed, and Lucas sighed.
With heavy feet and an equally heavy heart, he trudged up the altar steps.
The sooner they got this over with, the better.